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(WTSP)   Florida's elusive Mystery Monkey now has a girlfriend, who truly accepts him, even though he lives in a cage, has the herp   (wtsp.com) divider line 16
    More: Followup, The Tampa Tribune, bottle cage, Dade City, Florida  
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3220 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Sep 2013 at 10:28 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



16 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-09-27 10:29:09 AM
Does she speak 3 languages?
 
2013-09-27 10:39:02 AM
Everybody's got something to hide except for me and my monkey.
 
2013-09-27 10:40:43 AM
4.bp.blogspot.com

He's missing the point.
 
2013-09-27 10:53:10 AM
As does the majority of people in FL
 
2013-09-27 10:58:42 AM
The Tampa Bay Times reports Cornelius might be neutered to prevent him passing the virus to any potential offspring.

So he's getting a girlfriend but having his junk altered? What heinous crime did he commit to deserve this? Even if we had caught Hitler, the Hague wouldn't have allowed this. "Adolph Hilter, er Hitler, for crimes against humanity, we sentence you to be confined to a small villa with Eva for the remainder of your life. And we're cutting your junk off."

Can you just shoot me and get it over with?

No.

All I did was start a world war and knock the population down a bit. This is pretty mean. Even by my standards.

Gavel says it's so (Bang)

Can I have a rope to hang myself with?

No ropes. Seize his belt and shoe laces.

Gotferdangitohsomuch. I wouldn't have tried to enslave the world if I thought there would be a chance that I'd wind up junkless listening to her prattle on about her day, her friends and that Lifetime movie she watched.
 
2013-09-27 11:00:11 AM

Harry Freakstorm: So he's getting a girlfriend but having his junk altered? What heinous crime did he commit to deserve this? Even if we had caught Hitler, the Hague wouldn't have allowed this.


You sound concerned.
 
2013-09-27 11:00:58 AM
One possible complication is that Cornelius is infected with herpes B, a virus common in macaques

Maybe yourcaques, buddy, but certainly not mine.
 
2013-09-27 11:06:00 AM
thedroidyourelookingfor.files.wordpress.com

This is what the guy will look like after his fixin'. "Oh gawd. She's going on about the cage. She wants to move to another cage with a better view. I told her 'I don't decide about cages, lady. They tossed me in here just like they did you." So this gets her spun up. "Maybe if you were a real monkey, you could convince them to move us to that cage over there. You know, us sign language, throw some poo. But no. You just sit around, scratching that monkey butt of yours waiting for a banana. Can't even do a real monkey's job in the bedroom either." She's always got to bring that up. "Wasn't my idea, lady. The hairless asses gave me a shot and when I woke up, nothing worked. Although, having met you, spent time with you and have gotten to know you, I GLAD THEY DID IT! Saved me a bunch of trouble!"
 
2013-09-27 11:07:42 AM
She's probably crazy, like those women who mail marriage proposals to incarcerated men they've never met.
 
2013-09-27 11:15:06 AM

cgraves67: She's probably crazy, like those women who mail marriage proposals to incarcerated men they've never met.


Yeah, but they're dynamite in the sack during the conjugal visits.
 
2013-09-27 11:19:12 AM
i42.tinypic.com

Darwin, the Ikea monkey laughs at his predicament.
 
2013-09-27 11:20:52 AM
FTA: "Cornelius might be neutered to prevent him passing the virus to any potential offspring."

"Good morning, Cornelius!"

"Morning"

"I have good news and bad news"

"What's the good news?"

"You're getting a mate"

"Awesome!!! And the bad news?"

"We're cutting your balls off"
 
2013-09-27 11:27:59 AM

sulco: [4.bp.blogspot.com image 527x393]

He's missing the point.


(aside to wife) "No. I'm okay. I'll clean that up as soon as I quit laughing .."
 
2013-09-27 11:58:29 AM
You guys check out the BONUS "prostitution" roundup mugshots?   Not planning on going to Tampa for that!!!
 
2013-09-27 12:10:40 PM

Amos Quito: FTA: "Cornelius might be neutered to prevent him passing the virus to any potential offspring."

"Good morning, Cornelius!"

"Morning"

"I have good news and bad news"

"What's the good news?"

"You're getting a mate"

"Awesome!!! And the bad news?"

"We're cutting your balls off"


Wasn't this in Revenge of the Planet of the Apes?
 
2013-09-27 01:51:18 PM
There's a lot of herp in Florida.
 
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