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(NBC News)   Apple fixes iPhone lock-screen glitch to block hackers. Relax, your nipple prints will still work   (nbcnews.com) divider line 38
    More: Interesting, iPhone, iOS, hackers, prints  
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1793 clicks; posted to Geek » on 26 Sep 2013 at 11:16 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



38 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-09-26 09:12:19 PM  
You will need a wireless connection to download the update.

/Will knock this off when I get home.
 
2013-09-26 09:12:52 PM  
I am thinking of getting a 5S when my contract comes up for removal

I want to see if I can unlock my phone with my dick head being pressed upon the ID sensor.

I will never clean the damn thing, letting everyone become exposed to my lovely germs
 
2013-09-26 09:27:49 PM  

cman: I am thinking of getting a 5S when my contract comes up for removal

I want to see if I can unlock my phone with my dick head being pressed upon the ID sensor.

I will never clean the damn thing, letting everyone become exposed to my lovely germs


you can, but not the tip of your penis; it doesnt like the hole. if you use the top side of the helmet, it works. i've also tried: nipples, tongue, earlobe, ass cheek, toe, shaved testicle, and nose. with the exception of ass cheek, they all pretty much worked; but i suspect the ass cheek problem was due to me not being able to see exactly which spot i was supposed to place it on over and over again.
 
2013-09-26 09:35:04 PM  

Livingroom: you can, but not the tip of your penis; it doesnt like the hole. if you use the top side of the helmet, it works. i've also tried: nipples, tongue, earlobe, ass cheek, toe, shaved testicle, and nose. with the exception of ass cheek, they all pretty much worked; but i suspect the ass cheek problem was due to me not being able to see exactly which spot i was supposed to place it on over and over again.


Fark: Serious science
 
2013-09-26 09:38:09 PM  

the_sidewinder: Livingroom: you can, but not the tip of your penis; it doesnt like the hole. if you use the top side of the helmet, it works. i've also tried: nipples, tongue, earlobe, ass cheek, toe, shaved testicle, and nose. with the exception of ass cheek, they all pretty much worked; but i suspect the ass cheek problem was due to me not being able to see exactly which spot i was supposed to place it on over and over again.

Fark: Serious science


well, when the android assholes come out and are all like "PFFT TEH FINGARPRENT SCANNAR SUX0RS"  i just whip out my dick and log in.

/its a new field
//PENILE BIOMETRICS
 
2013-09-26 09:53:21 PM  
scontent-b-sea.xx.fbcdn.net

/oblig
 
2013-09-26 09:55:00 PM  

cman: I am thinking of getting a 5S when my contract comes up for renewal

I want to see if I can unlock my phone with my dick head being pressed upon the ID sensor.

I will never clean the damn thing, letting everyone become exposed to my lovely germs


Autocorrect own me?
 
2013-09-26 10:50:21 PM  

Livingroom: cman: I am thinking of getting a 5S when my contract comes up for removal

I want to see if I can unlock my phone with my dick head being pressed upon the ID sensor.

I will never clean the damn thing, letting everyone become exposed to my lovely germs

you can, but not the tip of your penis; it doesnt like the hole. if you use the top side of the helmet, it works. i've also tried: nipples, tongue, earlobe, ass cheek, toe, shaved testicle, and nose. with the exception of ass cheek, they all pretty much worked; but i suspect the ass cheek problem was due to me not being able to see exactly which spot i was supposed to place it on over and over again.


I like how someone on Fark has not only tried all this, but narrowed down that the tip of the penis doesn't work "because of the hole."
 
2013-09-26 11:00:56 PM  

Lsherm: Livingroom: cman: I am thinking of getting a 5S when my contract comes up for removal

I want to see if I can unlock my phone with my dick head being pressed upon the ID sensor.

I will never clean the damn thing, letting everyone become exposed to my lovely germs

you can, but not the tip of your penis; it doesnt like the hole. if you use the top side of the helmet, it works. i've also tried: nipples, tongue, earlobe, ass cheek, toe, shaved testicle, and nose. with the exception of ass cheek, they all pretty much worked; but i suspect the ass cheek problem was due to me not being able to see exactly which spot i was supposed to place it on over and over again.

I like how someone on Fark has not only tried all this, but narrowed down that the tip of the penis doesn't work "because of the hole."


i determined the "hole" was the problem by placing a simulated hole in the middle of my finger and attempting to scan. wont work if there's a hole in your fingerprint, or your dick.
 
2013-09-26 11:19:32 PM  
Jap's eye
 
2013-09-26 11:55:33 PM  
so i made a video (FOR SCIENCE!) showing how one can use one's schlong but its very NSFW. does anyone want to see it?
 
2013-09-27 12:00:08 AM  
Nipples? Yeah right.

img1.fark.net
 
2013-09-27 12:06:52 AM  

Livingroom: Lsherm: Livingroom: cman: I am thinking of getting a 5S when my contract comes up for removal

I want to see if I can unlock my phone with my dick head being pressed upon the ID sensor.

I will never clean the damn thing, letting everyone become exposed to my lovely germs

you can, but not the tip of your penis; it doesnt like the hole. if you use the top side of the helmet, it works. i've also tried: nipples, tongue, earlobe, ass cheek, toe, shaved testicle, and nose. with the exception of ass cheek, they all pretty much worked; but i suspect the ass cheek problem was due to me not being able to see exactly which spot i was supposed to place it on over and over again.

I like how someone on Fark has not only tried all this, but narrowed down that the tip of the penis doesn't work "because of the hole."

i determined the "hole" was the problem by placing a simulated hole in the middle of my finger and attempting to scan. wont work if there's a hole in your fingerprint, or your dick.


Let's try your asshole, next.  I'll get the lipstick.
 
2013-09-27 12:36:33 AM  

Livingroom: cman: I am thinking of getting a 5S when my contract comes up for removal

I want to see if I can unlock my phone with my dick head being pressed upon the ID sensor.

I will never clean the damn thing, letting everyone become exposed to my lovely germs

you can, but not the tip of your penis; it doesnt like the hole. if you use the top side of the helmet, it works. i've also tried: nipples, tongue, earlobe, ass cheek, toe, shaved testicle, and nose. with the exception of ass cheek, they all pretty much worked; but i suspect the ass cheek problem was due to me not being Soable to see exactly which spot i was supposed to place it on over and over again.


So you're saying that any orifice is unusable. How then is this feature of any use to me?
 
2013-09-27 12:46:06 AM  
This update is 1.3GB. How big of a glitch WAS it?
 
2013-09-27 12:51:53 AM  

cameroncrazy1984: This update is 1.3GB. How big of a glitch WAS it?


You tell me, big boy.

images3.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2013-09-27 12:59:11 AM  
Has Apple fixed their shiatty keyboard or deliberately, insultingly awful security model yet?
 
2013-09-27 01:21:13 AM  
It would be nice if they would fix the sound issues.  Half the time I don't get a notification when I get a tex (using a custom tone) and about 75% of the time I don't get the correct sound when I get an email.  It's defaulting to the "classic" ding, but I changed it to one of the newer tones.

I know, first world problems and all that.
 
2013-09-27 02:09:40 AM  
Authenticate me.

My mushroom stamp is my passport.
 
2013-09-27 02:40:12 AM  
I have a great idea that will fix this problem:

Don't be a dumbass and let someone steal your iPhone.
 
2013-09-27 02:54:32 AM  

turdfergusonn: I have a great idea that will fix this problem:

Don't be a dumbass and let someone steal your iPhone.


"Let"?

"Oh no, I'm not supposed to let you steal my phone, I'm sure you understand, Mr Pointing a Gun At Me"
 
2013-09-27 03:08:02 AM  

StopLurkListen: turdfergusonn: I have a great idea that will fix this problem:

Don't be a dumbass and let someone steal your iPhone.

"Let"?

"Oh no, I'm not supposed to let you steal my phone, I'm sure you understand, Mr Pointing a Gun At Me"


What the hell do I know? I live in Nebraska and don't get myself into stupid situations.

Common Sense: so rare it's a superpower.
 
2013-09-27 03:13:43 AM  

turdfergusonn: StopLurkListen: turdfergusonn: I have a great idea that will fix this problem:

Don't be a dumbass and let someone steal your iPhone.

"Let"?

"Oh no, I'm not supposed to let you steal my phone, I'm sure you understand, Mr Pointing a Gun At Me"

What the hell do I know? I live in Nebraska and don't get myself into stupid situations.

Common Sense: so rare it's a superpower.


And here I thought people from "the heartland" were nice ... my mistake
 
2013-09-27 03:21:59 AM  

StopLurkListen: turdfergusonn: StopLurkListen: turdfergusonn: I have a great idea that will fix this problem:

Don't be a dumbass and let someone steal your iPhone.

"Let"?

"Oh no, I'm not supposed to let you steal my phone, I'm sure you understand, Mr Pointing a Gun At Me"

What the hell do I know? I live in Nebraska and don't get myself into stupid situations.

Common Sense: so rare it's a superpower.

And here I thought people from "the heartland" were nice ... my mistake


You ever find yourself in Omaha, we'll go out and have a few beers and a hell of a time. In a non-threatening, non-redneck, damn that was fun kind of way.
 
2013-09-27 04:34:17 AM  
I know I need to root it, but my Galaxy S3 isn't great at being a phone. Barely can perform daily tasks without becoming almost unusable or needing to be put on a charger.

My only iPhone (4) wasn't any better.

I have been toying with Android since the original Motorola Droid. Rooted, custom ROMs, etc.

Are the Windows phones any better? Not going back to Apple, but tired of bloated Android releases...
 
2013-09-27 04:48:05 AM  

The Angry Hand of God: I know I need to root it, but my Galaxy S3 isn't great at being a phone. Barely can perform daily tasks without becoming almost unusable or needing to be put on a charger.

My only iPhone (4) wasn't any better.

I have been toying with Android since the original Motorola Droid. Rooted, custom ROMs, etc.

Are the Windows phones any better? Not going back to Apple, but tired of bloated Android releases...


Honestly, once you try a clean Google nexus you will be quite happy. The nexus 5 is coming soon I would go for that if I were you. I love my nexus 4.
 
2013-09-27 04:48:43 AM  
Make sure you don't buy it through a carrier just get it from Google play store directly.
 
2013-09-27 05:29:08 AM  

The Angry Hand of God: I know I need to root it, but my Galaxy S3 isn't great at being a phone. Barely can perform daily tasks without becoming almost unusable or needing to be put on a charger.

My only iPhone (4) wasn't any better.

I have been toying with Android since the original Motorola Droid. Rooted, custom ROMs, etc.

Are the Windows phones any better? Not going back to Apple, but tired of bloated Android releases...


So... two of the most popular (brands? breeds? strains?) of smartphones, and they both could barely perform daily tasks?

What exactly are these 'daily tasks' you using them to do.... medical tricorders? Processing all of SETI's data to find galactic intelligence??
 
2013-09-27 08:12:50 AM  

The Angry Hand of God: I know I need to root it, but my Galaxy S3 isn't great at being a phone. Barely can perform daily tasks without becoming almost unusable or needing to be put on a charger.

My only iPhone (4) wasn't any better.

I have been toying with Android since the original Motorola Droid. Rooted, custom ROMs, etc.

Are the Windows phones any better? Not going back to Apple, but tired of bloated Android releases...


Both of those phones are very reliable how can they not work for you?  What are you installing on the S3?  Then you say custom ROMs so you must be rooting it and playing with it.  My vanilla S3 from AT&T rocks, no need of a ROM.
 
2013-09-27 08:59:43 AM  

Livingroom: cman: I am thinking of getting a 5S when my contract comes up for removal

I want to see if I can unlock my phone with my dick head being pressed upon the ID sensor.

I will never clean the damn thing, letting everyone become exposed to my lovely germs

you can, but not the tip of your penis; it doesnt like the hole. if you use the top side of the helmet, it works. i've also tried: nipples, tongue, earlobe, ass cheek, toe, shaved testicle, and nose. with the exception of ass cheek, they all pretty much worked; but i suspect the ass cheek problem was due to me not being able to see exactly which spot i was supposed to place it on over and over again.


Shaved testicle?
 
2013-09-27 09:19:50 AM  

turdfergusonn: StopLurkListen: turdfergusonn: I have a great idea that will fix this problem:

Don't be a dumbass and let someone steal your iPhone.

"Let"?

"Oh no, I'm not supposed to let you steal my phone, I'm sure you understand, Mr Pointing a Gun At Me"

What the hell do I know? I live in Nebraska and don't get myself into stupid situations.

Common Sense: so rare it's a superpower.


Gee, it's almost like when you don't live near anyone or anything you don't get into any situations.
 
2013-09-27 09:34:07 AM  

TNel: The Angry Hand of God: I know I need to root it, but my Galaxy S3 isn't great at being a phone. Barely can perform daily tasks without becoming almost unusable or needing to be put on a charger.

My only iPhone (4) wasn't any better.

I have been toying with Android since the original Motorola Droid. Rooted, custom ROMs, etc.

Are the Windows phones any better? Not going back to Apple, but tired of bloated Android releases...

Both of those phones are very reliable how can they not work for you?  What are you installing on the S3?  Then you say custom ROMs so you must be rooting it and playing with it.  My vanilla S3 from AT&T rocks, no need of a ROM.


Mine is on MetroPCS, which is part of the problem. The stock apps they have are horrendous too.
 
2013-09-27 09:36:34 AM  

The Angry Hand of God: TNel: The Angry Hand of God: I know I need to root it, but my Galaxy S3 isn't great at being a phone. Barely can perform daily tasks without becoming almost unusable or needing to be put on a charger.

My only iPhone (4) wasn't any better.

I have been toying with Android since the original Motorola Droid. Rooted, custom ROMs, etc.

Are the Windows phones any better? Not going back to Apple, but tired of bloated Android releases...

Both of those phones are very reliable how can they not work for you?  What are you installing on the S3?  Then you say custom ROMs so you must be rooting it and playing with it.  My vanilla S3 from AT&T rocks, no need of a ROM.

Mine is on MetroPCS, which is part of the problem. The stock apps they have are horrendous too.


With both the iPhone and Android, I have had issues with Exchange synchronization. Both have also had force closing and freezing issues. Maybe I have been unlucky. My Droid X2 was actually reliable.
 
2013-09-27 10:19:56 AM  

The Angry Hand of God: The Angry Hand of God: TNel: The Angry Hand of God: I know I need to root it, but my Galaxy S3 isn't great at being a phone. Barely can perform daily tasks without becoming almost unusable or needing to be put on a charger.

My only iPhone (4) wasn't any better.

I have been toying with Android since the original Motorola Droid. Rooted, custom ROMs, etc.

Are the Windows phones any better? Not going back to Apple, but tired of bloated Android releases...

Both of those phones are very reliable how can they not work for you?  What are you installing on the S3?  Then you say custom ROMs so you must be rooting it and playing with it.  My vanilla S3 from AT&T rocks, no need of a ROM.

Mine is on MetroPCS, which is part of the problem. The stock apps they have are horrendous too.

With both the iPhone and Android, I have had issues with Exchange synchronization. Both have also had force closing and freezing issues. Maybe I have been unlucky. My Droid X2 was actually reliable.


The iOS Exchange library is written by MS, if I'm not mistaken. My guess is either your Exchange server or phone config were setup by someone that didn't know WTF they were doing. That, or your network is a POS.
 
2013-09-27 10:22:59 AM  

turdfergusonn: StopLurkListen: turdfergusonn: I have a great idea that will fix this problem:

Don't be a dumbass and let someone steal your iPhone.

"Let"?

"Oh no, I'm not supposed to let you steal my phone, I'm sure you understand, Mr Pointing a Gun At Me"

What the hell do I know? I live in Nebraska and don't get myself into stupid situations.

Common Sense: so rare it's a superpower.


Don't get yourself raped either.
 
2013-09-27 12:28:42 PM  

The Angry Hand of God: TNel: The Angry Hand of God: I know I need to root it, but my Galaxy S3 isn't great at being a phone. Barely can perform daily tasks without becoming almost unusable or needing to be put on a charger.

My only iPhone (4) wasn't any better.

I have been toying with Android since the original Motorola Droid. Rooted, custom ROMs, etc.

Are the Windows phones any better? Not going back to Apple, but tired of bloated Android releases...

Both of those phones are very reliable how can they not work for you?  What are you installing on the S3?  Then you say custom ROMs so you must be rooting it and playing with it.  My vanilla S3 from AT&T rocks, no need of a ROM.

Mine is on MetroPCS, which is part of the problem. The stock apps they have are horrendous too.


So, you're tech savvy enough to root your phone and install a custom ROM, but you can't find the "disable" button in Application Manager for stock apps you don't like?

Sounds to me like your network blows.
 
2013-09-27 01:09:40 PM  
Livingroom:  i've also tried: nipples, tongue, earlobe, ass cheek, toe, shaved testicle, and nose.

In that particular order?
 
2013-09-27 02:57:21 PM  

likefunbutnot: Has Apple fixed their shiatty keyboard or deliberately, insultingly awful security model yet?


I'd just like to point out that, 14 hours later, I'm the first person to reply to your lame troll. I'm betting most people have you on ignore by now. Give it up. Get a life.
 
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