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(Bay News 9)   Florida to allow Floridians to buy real fireworks. What could possibly go wrong?   (baynews9.com) divider line 75
    More: Florida, bottle rockets, florida  
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3195 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Sep 2013 at 12:49 PM (47 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-09-26 10:44:48 AM
in my area, people buy pretty much whatever they want. not a farm within 50 miles. sellers don't seem to be having any problems - stores are packed around 7/4.
 
2013-09-26 11:46:52 AM

Cewley: in my area, people buy pretty much whatever they want. not a farm within 50 miles. sellers don't seem to be having any problems - stores are packed around 7/4.


Same here, I had no clue they were technically illegal.  There are plenty of people shooting off every manner of fireworks, including those that explode in the air, around 4th of July, New Years, Memorial Day, Labor Day, and any other holiday you might think to launch explosive into the sky.
 
2013-09-26 11:58:47 AM
It's not eugenics in the strict sense of the term.  But the end result is largely the same.
 
2013-09-26 12:50:06 PM

What could possibly go wrong?


Rampant overuse of the nickname "Stumpy"?
 
2013-09-26 12:50:31 PM
If the Florida tag were publicly traded, news like this would make me buy stock.
 
2013-09-26 12:50:42 PM
Jeeezus. Those people have enough trouble figuring out how to vote as it is. How do you expect them to pull a lever, punch a chad, or poke a touch screen with no fingers?

Wait a minute, maybe that's not actually such a bad thing...
 
2013-09-26 12:51:13 PM
Better than the fake firecrackers.
 
2013-09-26 12:51:15 PM
Stand on any street in florida and you will see that the ban on fireworks has been about as successful as banning drugs.
 
2013-09-26 12:52:03 PM
...on July 4th that is.
 
2013-09-26 12:53:30 PM
www.jeffmeyerdesign.com
 
2013-09-26 12:53:45 PM
I personally want to extend my heartfelt thanks to the gov't of Florida for ensuring the continuation and prosperity of Fark by providing the denizens of said web site what appears to be yet another new and apparently never ending stream of stories and tales to delight and inflame.

Huzzah and all that.
 
2013-09-26 12:55:25 PM
I especially like the first line FTA:

Right now there are literally fireworks over a proposed bill in Tallahassee. A lawmaker is working to change a law that would make it legal to buy fireworks that explode in the air.

And by "literally", we of course mean figuratively.

/though it IS Florida, so I suppose I could be wrong.
 
2013-09-26 12:55:30 PM
farm3.staticflickr.com

/hot like a Roman candle
 
2013-09-26 12:56:58 PM
I'm convinced that Fark sent representatives to the state assembly for this restriction, specifically to have lots of fodder for the entire month of July, at a minimum.
 
2013-09-26 12:57:11 PM
This has always been a joke in the panhandle, where you're never further than an hour's drive from legal fireworks. Coincidentally the panhandle contains the highest concentration of Fla's Republicans, yet Darwin hasn't gotten around to reducing their numbers significantly.
 
2013-09-26 12:57:20 PM
to lift the restriction, rather
 
2013-09-26 12:57:21 PM
media.cmgdigital.com

this, subby, this will be the result
 
2013-09-26 12:58:07 PM
Probably the same thing that happened when they legalized fireworks in Arizona: nothing.

People said blood would run in the streets and hordes of children would be immolated in wild fires the moment the first packet of fireworks was sold.

Strangely enough nothing happened.

Now, this is Florida we're talking about, so I'm certain there's going to be no shortage of people with "bottle rocket in the ass" burns and whatnot.
 
2013-09-26 12:58:28 PM
I drive by 2 fireworks stores during my commute everyday. Outside on an M-80 I don't think there isn't much I couldn't buy from either business because of the huge loopholes in the fireworks ban.
 
2013-09-26 12:59:43 PM
They already can. wasn't the deal all you had to do was sign a form saying you wouldn't set them off in Florida? Kind of like in NH where you sign something saying you won't take them to somewhere illegal/use them in an illegal manner. Too bad more fun/dangerous/illegal things aren't like that. Smart people would have fun. Stupid people would hopefully be removed from the pool and not take anyone with them.
 
2013-09-26 12:59:55 PM

BEER_ME_in_CT: [www.jeffmeyerdesign.com image 300x500]


The wait is over. Linky.
 
2013-09-26 01:00:25 PM
There are huge retail fireworks superstores all over Florida, and you can get virtually anything you want here short of surface-to-air missiles by simply signing a form that states the purchase is for agricultural use. Nobody ever checks up on the forms. Most of these stores are in heavily urbanized areas. I'm failing to see the point of legalizing them.
 
2013-09-26 01:00:49 PM
Florida's ban on firework never bothered anyone selling, or buying them. I have been in West Palm Beach for several holidays, and we've had mortars to launch. Nice PVC tube, and a round that looked like a cupcake, basically. I never got my hands on any of those types of heavy artillery anywhere else I've been.

I still have 10 fingers, too. (you might have guessed, I blew the spares off and went from having 14 fingers down to 10 fingers, due to short fuses, mainly. The exception to that trend was the last accident when the airplane glue I was sniffing, and applying liberally to a 1/4 stick of dynamite got too tacky, and wouldn't come off my hand when I tried to throw it at some ugly little youngster who kept stealing my cigarettes. Oh well, still have 10 fingers left, so it's all good)
 
2013-09-26 01:02:43 PM
That's ok, we had too many humans anyway. So the fireworks will kill all the humans, then we'll send in the global warming to flood the fires out. Then when winter comes the water will simply freeze to death.
 
2013-09-26 01:02:59 PM
Oh goody. The asshats that lit a full fireworks/cracker display in our apartment lot a week ago for no reason whatsoever can do it again with upgrades.
 
2013-09-26 01:04:04 PM
Let the cull begin.
 
2013-09-26 01:05:49 PM

Deathray187: Probably the same thing that happened when they legalized fireworks in Arizona: nothing.

People said blood would run in the streets and hordes of children would be immolated in wild fires the moment the first packet of fireworks was sold.

Strangely enough nothing happened.

Now, this is Florida we're talking about, so I'm certain there's going to be no shortage of people with "bottle rocket in the ass" burns and whatnot.


We have crappy fireworks in AZ though.

There may be blood running in the streets if we ever get roman candles and shells. I wish we could buy the fun ones though.
 
2013-09-26 01:07:10 PM
Think of all the problems it could solve!
 
2013-09-26 01:07:46 PM
Blowing themselves up is one thing, but isn't the entire state a waterlogged swamp? They're only going to hurt themselves.

California, on the other hand, is made of flammable explodium...
 
2013-09-26 01:08:18 PM
This is really good news for organ transplant candidates.
 
2013-09-26 01:09:56 PM
I hope this doesn't blow up in their faces.
 
2013-09-26 01:10:53 PM

StopLurkListen: Blowing themselves up is one thing, but isn't the entire state a waterlogged swamp? They're only going to hurt themselves.

California, on the other hand, is made of flammable explodium...


Parts of it, yes, but not everywhere. Florida is actually quite beautiful in some spots.
 
GBB [TotalFark]
2013-09-26 01:11:01 PM

TuteTibiImperes: Cewley: in my area, people buy pretty much whatever they want. not a farm within 50 miles. sellers don't seem to be having any problems - stores are packed around 7/4.

Same here, I had no clue they were technically illegal.  There are plenty of people shooting off every manner of fireworks, including those that explode in the air, around 4th of July, New Years, Memorial Day, Labor Day, and any other holiday you might think to launch explosive into the sky.


I knew they were illegal.  Good luck finding law enforcement that will do anything about it.
 
2013-09-26 01:13:20 PM
Good, stupidity should be punishable by death.
 
2013-09-26 01:13:28 PM
More videos of guys grabbing water, while ranting about bootleg fireworks?
 
2013-09-26 01:14:26 PM

Cewley: in my area, people buy pretty much whatever they want. not a farm within 50 miles. sellers don't seem to be having any problems - stores are packed around 7/4.


Yeah, this. We buy what we want every year. We even have a fireworks store that's open all year.
 
2013-09-26 01:16:40 PM

phenn: StopLurkListen: Blowing themselves up is one thing, but isn't the entire state a waterlogged swamp? They're only going to hurt themselves.

California, on the other hand, is made of flammable explodium...

Parts of it, yes, but not everywhere. Florida is actually quite beautiful in some spots.


i'm not from florida, but i think the swamps can be extremely beautiful.  centuries old trees, spanish moss, vegetation everywhere, beautiful fauna.  i think swamps are majestic... a little uncomfortable in the summer, but nonetheless awesome.
 
2013-09-26 01:18:29 PM
I like to rag on Floriduh as much as the next Farker, but any state in the union is full of idiots who can barely walk and chew gum at the same time, I'm guessing Floriduh's fireworks injury rate is no higher per capita than any other state's.

On the other hand, I'd bet their "panicky white guys shooting black people" and "shiatty drivers" stats are through the roof compared to other states.
 
2013-09-26 01:18:36 PM

pute kisses like a man: phenn: StopLurkListen: Blowing themselves up is one thing, but isn't the entire state a waterlogged swamp? They're only going to hurt themselves.

California, on the other hand, is made of flammable explodium...

Parts of it, yes, but not everywhere. Florida is actually quite beautiful in some spots.

i'm not from florida, but i think the swamps can be extremely beautiful.  centuries old trees, spanish moss, vegetation everywhere, beautiful fauna.  i think swamps are majestic... a little uncomfortable in the summer, but nonetheless awesome.


I apologize, I was going for humorous exaggeration, I was hoping that would be clear by my description of California...
 
2013-09-26 01:20:27 PM

maltedmothball: [media.cmgdigital.com image 480x360]

this, subby, this will be the result


Those silly Floridians, trying to re-enact "The Apple".
daisydownunder.com
 
2013-09-26 01:24:05 PM

StopLurkListen: pute kisses like a man: phenn: StopLurkListen: Blowing themselves up is one thing, but isn't the entire state a waterlogged swamp? They're only going to hurt themselves.

California, on the other hand, is made of flammable explodium...

Parts of it, yes, but not everywhere. Florida is actually quite beautiful in some spots.

i'm not from florida, but i think the swamps can be extremely beautiful.  centuries old trees, spanish moss, vegetation everywhere, beautiful fauna.  i think swamps are majestic... a little uncomfortable in the summer, but nonetheless awesome.

I apologize, I was going for humorous exaggeration, I was hoping that would be clear by my description of California...


i was digressing.  or taking serious something that was not serious.  like debbie downer after a joke.

but, lot's of people condemn swamps like something bad.  i just wanted to offer a counterpoint that was not asked for
 
2013-09-26 01:26:39 PM
We intend to don our wifebeaters and cowboy hats, sit on a cooler full of Budweiser, on the swamp buggy, light them, and shoot at them with AR-15s.

What's yer point, bub?
 
2013-09-26 01:29:49 PM
Blow up the entire state and start over??
 
2013-09-26 01:32:18 PM
Fireworks don't kill people,...
 
2013-09-26 01:32:20 PM
That Darwin is such a cheeky monkey!
 
2013-09-26 01:32:30 PM
Fire! Fire! Fire! Heh heh, heh heh heh.
 
2013-09-26 01:34:21 PM
In Wyoming and Idaho people can buy mortars.
 
2013-09-26 01:34:43 PM
A Progressive State like Massachusetts would Ban Everything (including sparklers and snakes) and enjoy Complete Success.
 
2013-09-26 01:36:00 PM
I liked PA where you could only buy fireworks with an out of state ID. I used my FL license to make lots of runs for coworkers and friends and always got an assload of what I wanted for free.
 
2013-09-26 01:43:37 PM
 
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