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(Kotaku)   Where is your digital God now?   (kotaku.com ) divider line
    More: Cool, gods, Sarbanes-Oxley, personal bankruptcy  
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5347 clicks; posted to Geek » on 26 Sep 2013 at 12:10 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



44 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-09-26 10:34:28 AM  
He's gone, subby.  We were left behind because we did not have faith in His Prophet's profits.
 
2013-09-26 10:37:33 AM  
I always preferred analog gods

/fuller sound
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-09-26 11:02:40 AM  
Onward all you crystal soldiers
Touch tomorrow - energize
Digital dreams
And you're the next correction
Man's a mistake so we'll fix it, yeah
 
2013-09-26 11:45:37 AM  
The omissiah is not amused.
 
2013-09-26 12:02:00 PM  
Never trust a "Christian" businessman, anyone who wears their religion on their sleeve is a crook.
 
2013-09-26 12:08:56 PM  

Weaver95: The ohmissiah is not amused.

 
2013-09-26 12:09:54 PM  
Yes all those Christians in the government of this nation that is overwhelming Christians are coming out of you because you are Christian.
 
2013-09-26 12:12:45 PM  

comhcinc: Yes all those Christians in the government of this nation that is overwhelming Christians are coming out of you because you are Christian.


Okay Christians is coming out now
 
2013-09-26 12:14:48 PM  
Look at the age we live in. Christ, everybody is coming out in some way.
 
2013-09-26 12:16:24 PM  

kittyhas1000legs: comhcinc: Yes all those Christians in the government of this nation that is overwhelming Christians are coming out of you because you are Christian.

Okay Christians is coming out now



I have fail.
 
2013-09-26 12:17:51 PM  
He's having a bit of a byte.
 
2013-09-26 12:21:11 PM  
If you don't believe in my religion, you will be eternally tormented.  I am only afraid of this because I believe in my religion.  This causes no issues in my head.
 
2013-09-26 12:22:24 PM  
Christians are just one god away from being atheist.
 
2013-09-26 12:25:04 PM  
My digital god is Kibo.

He still posts occasionally on Fark.
 
2013-09-26 12:25:33 PM  

EvilEgg: Never trust a "Christian" businessman, anyone who wears their religion on their sleeve is a crook.


Eh, Christian businessmen are fine, just watch out for people claiming their product itself is Christian.  At best it's demographic pandering to move an inferior product, and more likely it's a deliberate scam exploiting an obvious point of psychological vulnerability.
 
2013-09-26 12:28:55 PM  
images4.wikia.nocookie.net

I have been to the pits of Hades.  I have sat among the thrones of Mount Olympus.  I wield the power of eternal judgment.  Troy of Lyndon, I hereby declare you a dick who makes lousy games driven by an agenda completely contradictory to the teachings of your Lord.

Greed is forgivable, Troy of Lyndon.  Hypocrisy is not.  Enjoy your extended stay in the foulest of pits reserved for lying thieves such as you - financial ruin at the hands of secular bureaucrats.  Make sure to bring sunscreen.
 
2013-09-26 12:33:15 PM  
www.dariawiki.org

"Because I am a Christian, I will not strike you. But because I am a businessman, I will personally see to it that you boys walk a mile for every dollar you pledged."

/"Uh huh huh huh... Sock-o's got a hand up his butt."
 
2013-09-26 12:42:34 PM  
Right here...

z.enha.kr
 
2013-09-26 12:42:39 PM  
I have to confess I was somewhat intrigued by the RTS game.  Never purchased it but the thought of joining up with Carpathia seemed fun.

The books were poorly written.  I still sometimes consider writing my own series of end of the world books because I know no matter how poorly written they are there will be a substantial segment of the population who will rabidly consume them.
 
2013-09-26 12:43:27 PM  

Snatch Bandergrip: [images4.wikia.nocookie.net image 754x792]

I have been to the pits of Hades.  I have sat among the thrones of Mount Olympus.  I wield the power of eternal judgment.  Troy of Lyndon, I hereby declare you a dick who makes lousy games driven by an agenda completely contradictory to the teachings of your Lord.

Greed is forgivable, Troy of Lyndon.  Hypocrisy is not.  Enjoy your extended stay in the foulest of pits reserved for lying thieves such as you - financial ruin at the hands of secular bureaucrats.  Make sure to bring sunscreen.


Well the 8th Circle of Hell is reserved specifically for guys like this
 
2013-09-26 12:58:30 PM  
What does God need with a video game?
 
2013-09-26 12:59:39 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: I always preferred analog gods

/fuller sound


Hellfire always sounds better with a bit of a hiss, doesn't it?
 
2013-09-26 12:59:48 PM  
Present day, present time! HAHAHAHAHAHA.


/No matter where you go, everyone is connected.
 
2013-09-26 01:02:23 PM  

Wade_Wilson: MaudlinMutantMollusk: I always preferred analog gods

/fuller sound

Hellfire always sounds better with a bit of a hiss, doesn't it?


Damned right
 
2013-09-26 01:09:19 PM  
On kind of a related note I saw a play/review of Godus yesterday. It appears Molyneux has created another masterpiece of crap.They've taken all of the micromanaging from Black and White that you hated and made it into a facebook style game.
 
2013-09-26 01:11:49 PM  
Don't know, Harold let it go wandering off somewhere.
 
2013-09-26 01:17:37 PM  
OK, wait a minute here. In a Left Behind video game, presumably most if not all of the action takes place after people have been Left Behind. So....all of the Righteous have been taken to Heaven with Jesus and God, leaving all the unrighteous sinners to war amongst themselves and/or the forces of Satan.

So....they want you to play as one of these sinners that was left behind? To what end in the game? Somehow win God's favor back?

Or is it just assumed that your character was a Buddist or Muslim, and since now you can clearly see that you backed the wrong horse, you have to...go become a Christian and repent?

I almost want to go play this game just to see what kind of shiat-pile mess of a story it has.
 
2013-09-26 01:18:45 PM  

To The Escape Zeppelin!: On kind of a related note I saw a play/review of Godus yesterday. It appears Molyneux has created another masterpiece of crap.They've taken all of the micromanaging from Black and White that you hated and made it into a facebook style game.


You kind of had a feeling for that after they thought they needed to do that whole "What's in the Cube" thing just to get people interested.
 
2013-09-26 01:21:29 PM  

Weaver95: The omissiah is not amused.


does he have a farm?
 
2013-09-26 01:22:57 PM  
Their god is, was, and always will be money.
 
2013-09-26 01:23:30 PM  

jayhawk88: OK, wait a minute here. In a Left Behind video game, presumably most if not all of the action takes place after people have been Left Behind. So....all of the Righteous have been taken to Heaven with Jesus and God, leaving all the unrighteous sinners to war amongst themselves and/or the forces of Satan.

So....they want you to play as one of these sinners that was left behind? To what end in the game? Somehow win God's favor back?

Or is it just assumed that your character was a Buddist or Muslim, and since now you can clearly see that you backed the wrong horse, you have to...go become a Christian and repent?

I almost want to go play this game just to see what kind of shiat-pile mess of a story it has.


Yes, you play as a group who's eyes are opened after the Rapture and they realize it's the beginning of Armageddon.

Apparently your goal is to convert as many non-believers and neutral people as possible while battling against the Antichrist's forces (using lethal force when necessary). Seriously, it sounds hilarious.
 
2013-09-26 01:26:01 PM  
FTA: "We are now at a point in time in which the SEC's budget has increased by 444% in 15 years, resulting in a record number of lawsuits. Instead of helping hard-working CEO's remain good corporate citizens, the SEC's goal is to file as many lawsuits as possible without recognizing how such litigation has contributed to the loss of thousands, virtually half of America's public companies," he complained.

OMG, you guys, someone actually said this! Holy fark.
 
2013-09-26 01:28:00 PM  

jayhawk88: OK, wait a minute here. In a Left Behind video game, presumably most if not all of the action takes place after people have been Left Behind. So....all of the Righteous have been taken to Heaven with Jesus and God, leaving all the unrighteous sinners to war amongst themselves and/or the forces of Satan.

So....they want you to play as one of these sinners that was left behind? To what end in the game? Somehow win God's favor back?

Or is it just assumed that your character was a Buddist or Muslim, and since now you can clearly see that you backed the wrong horse, you have to...go become a Christian and repent?

I almost want to go play this game just to see what kind of shiat-pile mess of a story it has.


Oh, see, I assumed it took place BEFORE the rapture, so the gameplay consisted of hitting the "pray" button whenever you encounter a puzzle/boss/challenge.
 
2013-09-26 01:33:36 PM  

i253.photobucket.com

I AM THE GREAT KON-TIKI OF A HOTEL OF MONTAUK. APPARENTLY MY DOMAIN HAS BEEN RENOVATED. I HOPE I AMS TILL HERE NEXT SUMMER. BOW BEFORE ME, YOUR CONCRETE GOD. I WILL SMASH YOUR DIGITAL GOD, THAT IS AGAIN IF I HAVEN'T BEEN TORN DOWN DURING RENO. I CAN'T PROMISE EVERYTHING. WHAT ABOUT MY NEEDS?
 
2013-09-26 01:43:11 PM  
static.giantbomb.com

This is the best Christian game of all time.  Of ALL TIME!
 
2013-09-26 01:48:34 PM  

jayhawk88: Or is it just assumed that your character was a Buddist or Muslim, and since now you can clearly see that you backed the wrong horse, you have to...go become a Christian and repent?


In dominionist theology, there's some number (typically 144000, aka a thousand gross) of people that are already virtuous/faithful enough to enter heaven without further review.  Their ascent is the primary first sign that judgement day is coming.  Judgement, depending on the sect, takes anywhere from seven (the most common) to a thousand years, during which period the grey-area people have the opportunity to shape the fark up, reaffirm their faith, and make it into the kingdom of heaven by signing on with warlord-Jesus during his kung-fu battle with the antichrist, who is either an aspect of satan or just an atheist secular politician depending on which sect you're asking.

If you're wondering  why this is so farking weird and comic-book-esque, or why it doesn't really have anything to do with the bible, it's because dominionism is basically numerology plus King James Bible fan-fiction written by people specifically trying to form doomsday cults.  Basically, imagine a Doctor Who fanfic but with the doctor literally being Jesus instead of just continually referencing him like a broken record.
 
2013-09-26 01:56:44 PM  

0100010: [static.giantbomb.com image 320x281]

This is the best Christian game of all time.  Of ALL TIME!


That game was somewhat fun (not great, but not terrible either).  The best part about it was the various punishments (based on the seven deadly sins):

Highway to Hell:  Stuck in an endless traffic jam in a junk car with no A/C, no radio, and the windows don't roll down (in Hells infernal heat no less).  Through the "magic of Hell" the other lanes always seem to be moving while yours is standing still.  You can switch lanes, but as soon as you do, your new lane stops and your previous lane starts moving.
 
2013-09-26 02:23:42 PM  

Burr: 0100010: [static.giantbomb.com image 320x281]

This is the best Christian game of all time.  Of ALL TIME!

That game was somewhat fun (not great, but not terrible either).  The best part about it was the various punishments (based on the seven deadly sins):

Highway to Hell:  Stuck in an endless traffic jam in a junk car with no A/C, no radio, and the windows don't roll down (in Hells infernal heat no less).  Through the "magic of Hell" the other lanes always seem to be moving while yours is standing still.  You can switch lanes, but as soon as you do, your new lane stops and your previous lane starts moving.


Any game that has Disco Inferno locked in is golden.  Add the fact that half of it inverted Sim City and goodness ensues.  The game needs a graphic update.  This is why Lucas Arts needs to be reborn or sold off to someone.
 
2013-09-26 02:53:54 PM  
U.S. regulators just sued the company's founder, saying that he and a friend artificially inflated the firm's revenue figures through a stock kickback scheme. The founder says the government is discriminating against him.P

encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com


Also, here's my digital god:

/I killed it.
 
2013-09-26 02:57:48 PM  

kungfu jesus with a side of lime: Weaver95: The omissiah is not amused.

does he have a farm?


Thanks E I E I Obama
 
2013-09-26 04:35:27 PM  

doremifaq: Oh, see, I assumed it took place BEFORE the rapture, so the gameplay consisted of hitting the "pray" button whenever you encounter a puzzle/boss/challenge.


Good thing this is my backup keyboard

i516.photobucket.com
 
2013-09-26 05:34:58 PM  
I'd like to buy $1 worth of shares.  That would give me 10,000.  Just for the sake of knowing that a degenerate has 10,000 of their shares.
 
2013-09-26 05:54:19 PM  
FTA: In 2010, Left Behind Games said it pulled in $210,000 in revenue...

Ouch. No wonder they resorted to investment scams to stay in business.
 
2013-09-26 06:12:18 PM  

jayhawk88: You kind of had a feeling for that after they thought they needed to do that whole "What's in the Cube" thing just to get people interested.


Was it Gwyneth Paltrow's head?
 
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