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(io9)   10 things you probably didn't know about Star Wars: Return of the Jedi   (io9.com) divider line 104
    More: Obvious, Return of the Jedi, Star Wars, Jedi, Anthony Daniels, David Prowse, Ian McDiarmid, Ralph McQuarrie, Billy Dee Williams  
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15056 clicks; posted to Geek » on 25 Sep 2013 at 10:20 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-09-25 09:36:21 PM  
That list should have been named "Ten Really Dumb Things Lucas Almost Did".
 
2013-09-25 09:38:56 PM  
The number one thing that virtually nobody knows about ROTJ:

Those little bears on Endor? You know what they're called, right? Of course, Ewoks. How did you know? They are not named in the movie. Not even a single time.

The Ewoks are George Lucas' biggest sellout, even more so than Jar-Jar Binks. They were created for the sole purpose of selling toys.
 
2013-09-25 09:52:30 PM  

Adolf Oliver Nipples: The number one thing that virtually nobody knows about ROTJ:

Those little bears on Endor? You know what they're called, right? Of course, Ewoks. How did you know? They are not named in the movie. Not even a single time.

The Ewoks are George Lucas' biggest sellout, even more so than Jar-Jar Binks. They were created for the sole purpose of selling toys.


They were originally supposed to be Wookiees, iirc.
 
2013-09-25 10:28:47 PM  
See, back then people weren't afraid to challenge Lucas on some of his stupid ideas. When it came time to make the prequels, he wasn't going to listen to anyone, and well . . . we got the pile of shiat.

Come on J.J., we're counting on your. (Please no lens flare though.)
 
2013-09-25 10:30:49 PM  

fusillade762: Adolf Oliver Nipples: The number one thing that virtually nobody knows about ROTJ:

Those little bears on Endor? You know what they're called, right? Of course, Ewoks. How did you know? They are not named in the movie. Not even a single time.

The Ewoks are George Lucas' biggest sellout, even more so than Jar-Jar Binks. They were created for the sole purpose of selling toys.

They were originally supposed to be Wookiees, iirc.


Lucas couldn't reconcile at the time how a primitive race could produce someone like Chewbacca, who was so tech-savvy
 
2013-09-25 10:33:36 PM  
Luke becoming Vader would have been....dumb. And out of nowhere.
 
2013-09-25 10:35:20 PM  
ArkAngel:

Lucas couldn't reconcile at the time how a primitive race could produce someone like Chewbacca, who was so tech-savvy

Hell, even I could handwave that.

Their culture is old and enlightened, and they value the simpler things in life.  They aren't primitive because they don't understand tech, they're primitive because they don't value it.

Okay, now whip that up into a five page long treatise with a bunch of invented terms and shiat.
 
2013-09-25 10:36:44 PM  

VTGremlin: Luke becoming Vader would have been....dumb. And out of nowhere.


Out of nowhere?  No...what about when Luke faces his own fear on Dagobah during his first round of Jedi training with Yoda?  He cuts off Vader's head and (spoiler alert!) it's Luke!  There was always that undertone of Luke possibly turning to the darkside throughout the movies...and it was explored in greater detail in the books.

Out of those 10, I actually thought that idea would have been really awesome.  And killing off Han Solo probably could have worked out pretty cool, too.
 
2013-09-25 10:37:42 PM  
upload.wikimedia.org

That this extended music number never existed in the original.  You know, because an entire generation cannot see the originals, and they wouldn't know.

So much stupid BS with the added scenes.
 
2013-09-25 10:37:43 PM  
Lucas: ..."he's a teacher, not a real Jedi." And Yoda is like a Guru, who "doesn't go out and fight anybody." And Yoda wouldn't be any good in a fight, against someone like Darth Vader...

Oh George. Next you'll be telling me going back and changing movies years after they've been around is bad or that too much CG is a distraction and not be used as a substitute for plot.
 
2013-09-25 10:39:43 PM  

Adolf Oliver Nipples: They were created for the sole purpose of selling toys.


Could you please explain exactly what part of the entirety of Star Wars that sentence doesn't apply to?

Also, Jar Jar was not selling out - unless the definition of selling out is "I will now spend an absurdist amount of time shoving a minstrel show down people's throats for no goddamn reason."  Most of use call that being a racist farktard, not selling out.
 
2013-09-25 10:41:53 PM  
"No, Luke. I am your mother."
 
2013-09-25 10:45:42 PM  
Everyone knows that only those with high levels of midichlorians in their blood can use the Force.

That religious mumbo jumbo that Obi Wan used to explain the Force to Luke in A New Hope? That's just what it was: religious mumbo jumbo.
 
2013-09-25 10:45:48 PM  
Lucas worried that the reveal of a known actor would distract people, who "wouldn't take it seriously," said no George Lucas ever in his entire career.
 
2013-09-25 10:49:11 PM  

Lor M. Ipsum: VTGremlin: Luke becoming Vader would have been....dumb. And out of nowhere.

Out of nowhere?  No...what about when Luke faces his own fear on Dagobah during his first round of Jedi training with Yoda?  He cuts off Vader's head and (spoiler alert!) it's Luke!  There was always that undertone of Luke possibly turning to the darkside throughout the movies...and it was explored in greater detail in the books.

Out of those 10, I actually thought that idea would have been really awesome.  And killing off Han Solo probably could have worked out pretty cool, too.


What?  You mean Episode 3 all over again?  From protecting the Jedi to killing kids in 10 minutes?

How about no?
 
2013-09-25 10:50:25 PM  
One thing some of you probably knew: Femi Taylor (Oola aka Jabba's dancer that ends up Rancor lunch) was able to reprise her role for the 1997 Special Edition new scenes.

One thing you probably didn't know: she was hot in '83, she was still hot in '97, and she remains hot now.  No birth date available, but you have to figure she's in her 50's by now.  I'd still hit that like a Star Destroyer on a collision course.

/If only...
 
2013-09-25 10:53:25 PM  

fusillade762: That list should have been named "Ten Really Dumb Things Lucas Almost Did".


Well, number three is blatantly trolling us with the midi-chlorian/lightsaber yoda retcons, so it's more about a really dumb thing that Lucas actually did do.
 
2013-09-25 10:54:37 PM  

Mister Peejay: ArkAngel:

Lucas couldn't reconcile at the time how a primitive race could produce someone like Chewbacca, who was so tech-savvy

Hell, even I could handwave that.

Their culture is old and enlightened, and they value the simpler things in life.  They aren't primitive because they don't understand tech, they're primitive because they don't value it.

Okay, now whip that up into a five page long treatise with a bunch of invented terms and shiat.


How about: Chewbacca was a genetic experiment to try to make a race of super-warriors from teddy bears. Would that work?
 
2013-09-25 10:55:39 PM  
Yeah, yeah. And in the first draft of Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indy was supposed to fight a Nazi with a cybernetic arm.
True story.
 
2013-09-25 10:56:03 PM  

Mister Peejay: ArkAngel:

Lucas couldn't reconcile at the time how a primitive race could produce someone like Chewbacca, who was so tech-savvy

Hell, even I could handwave that.

Their culture is old and enlightened, and they value the simpler things in life.  They aren't primitive because they don't understand tech, they're primitive because they don't value it.

Okay, now whip that up into a five page long treatise with a bunch of invented terms and shiat.


Also the Empire enslaved Wookies and if I remember correctly Chewie was a slave Han freed which would account for getting familiar with tech.

Anyone feel that?  I think that was my virginity coming back....
 
2013-09-25 10:56:31 PM  
I was linked to I09, and saw this link earlier.  If I'd known I could get a green just buy submitting it without any change to the article's headline...

/angry
//probably would have tried the tried and true "misspelling" headline or something
///would have come out like "10 thinks you probably didn't know about SWROJ"
////or "10 things you pro-babby didn't know about SWROJ" and peeple would have thought it was about orange juice or something
 
2013-09-25 11:00:11 PM  
fta "this is for kids."

[Leia_Metal_Bikini.jpg]
 
2013-09-25 11:03:12 PM  

VTGremlin: Luke becoming Vader would have been....dumb. And out of nowhere.


Honestly, something like that might have been doable if Luke had taken Vader's offer in the second film to try and know his father and in the 3rd film explored luke struggling with morality of resisting the allure of power and mitigate the tyranny of the emperor.  Sort of like the emperor reborn saga but with Vader still around and the father son relationship more developed.
 
2013-09-25 11:04:30 PM  
The end of Jedi could have been worse. It could have been a Grease style song and dance with Han and Leia flying off in a souped up Landspeeder.
 
2013-09-25 11:05:21 PM  

Adolf Oliver Nipples: The number one thing that virtually nobody knows about ROTJ:

Those little bears on Endor? You know what they're called, right? Of course, Ewoks. How did you know? They are not named in the movie. Not even a single time.

The Ewoks are George Lucas' biggest sellout, even more so than Jar-Jar Binks. They were created for the sole purpose of selling toys.


Even at 15 years old I went from sitting there being totally blown away by the speeder bikes and that whole killer chase sequence to being disgusted at the appearance of those absurd little cheese-ball characters. It was like, am I suddenly watching the muppet show? Lucas deserves a boot in the nuts for the Ewoks and Jar Jar Binks.
 
2013-09-25 11:07:06 PM  

blue_2501: [upload.wikimedia.org image 440x229]

That this extended music number never existed in the original.  You know, because an entire generation cannot see the originals, and they wouldn't know.

So much stupid BS with the added scenes.


Which is why I have kept our VHS and VHS tapes of Star Wars for many years now- because I refuse to pay for the "new" versions of the movies which didn't change anything that would have made an improvement.
 
2013-09-25 11:08:56 PM  
I've played through some of the SW games, seen the movies, read a few of the books, and the whole 'turn to the dark side' thing has always pestered me.

Now, I get that untrained Force people can easily turn to the dark side and go evil.   Hell, they can't help it, they're not trained or anything...

But, for the love of god, why does every Jedi that go evil do a complete swap from Lawful Good to Chaotic Evil in less than 5 minutes?  Why?  It's completely unbelievable.  You've trained all your life to resist the temptation of the dark side and suddenly, after giving in ONE TIME, you become a Hannibal Lector or Pol Pot faster than shiat?  lol wat

And when you do, you suddenly become best friends with the people that were trying to kill you 90 seconds ago?  You agree to work for them?  Serve them?  What?  You might as well rename yourself Darth Snidely.
 
2013-09-25 11:10:47 PM  

bborchar: blue_2501: [upload.wikimedia.org image 440x229]

That this extended music number never existed in the original.  You know, because an entire generation cannot see the originals, and they wouldn't know.

So much stupid BS with the added scenes.

Which is why I have kept our VHS and VHS tapes of Star Wars for many years now- because I refuse to pay for the "new" versions of the movies which didn't change anything that would have made an improvement.


There's a set of DVDs that has the original, unedited cut on them, just in case your tapes ever wear out.

/it'd be nice if they'd simply remaster those and release them
//maybe Disney'll see the light
 
2013-09-25 11:18:43 PM  

Clutch2013: One thing some of you probably knew: Femi Taylor (Oola aka Jabba's dancer that ends up Rancor lunch) was able to reprise her role for the 1997 Special Edition new scenes.


Another thing you probably know is she has the only nudity in any SW movie.
 
2013-09-25 11:20:22 PM  

Zombie DJ: Yeah, yeah. And in the first draft of Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indy was supposed to fight a Nazi with a cybernetic arm.
True story.


What! That would have been farking rad!
 
2013-09-25 11:22:15 PM  

Infernalist: But, for the love of god, why does every Jedi that go evil do a complete swap from Lawful Good to Chaotic Evil in less than 5 minutes?


For the movies one has to accept that Lucas is a crappy writer but there is also the constraints of time involved.

For the books, I am not entirely certain about when Jacen Solo was set on the path to the darkside.  Hints of it came out during the Yuuzhan Vong war as Jacen started concluding that the ends justified the means and the later story line of him taking over the galactic alliance carried that over as he used ends justified the means for pretty much anything.  It may not be as quick a change as one would think based on the Lucas films.  Jacen was morphing into a dark jedi prior to actually taking on a the sith mantle.
 
2013-09-25 11:22:27 PM  

Mister Peejay: ArkAngel:

Lucas couldn't reconcile at the time how a primitive race could produce someone like Chewbacca, who was so tech-savvy

Hell, even I could handwave that.

Their culture is old and enlightened, and they value the simpler things in life.  They aren't primitive because they don't understand tech, they're primitive because they don't value it.

Okay, now whip that up into a five page long treatise with a bunch of invented terms and shiat.


I think you just described  Star Trek: Insurrection. You just need some aliens who's faces are falling off and an evil Star Fleet admiral.
 
2013-09-25 11:24:21 PM  

rdu_voyager: I think you just described Star Trek: Insurrection.


Oh God, I had almost forgotten about that movie.  Why did you have to remind me?
 
2013-09-25 11:25:27 PM  

fusillade762: That list should have been named "Ten Really Dumb Things Lucas Almost Did will eventually incorporate into the diamond release ".


FTFY
 
2013-09-25 11:31:11 PM  

AbiNormal: fusillade762: That list should have been named "Ten Really Dumb Things Lucas Almost Did will eventually incorporate into the diamond release ".

FTFY


Lucas no longer owns, nor has the ability to do anything else to Star Wars.
 
2013-09-25 11:34:02 PM  

Gergesa: rdu_voyager: I think you just described Star Trek: Insurrection.

Oh God, I had almost forgotten about that movie.  Why did you have to remind me?


images3.wikia.nocookie.net

That storyline is a bit older than Insurrection.
 
2013-09-25 11:39:09 PM  

fusillade762: That list should have been named "Ten Really Dumb Things Lucas Almost Did".


And we're done. Lucas was like a retard playing with a jigsaw version of The Hero with a Thousand Faces. He would assemble something recognizable and appealing only to randomly chuck his shiat at it.
 
2013-09-25 11:43:02 PM  

blue_2501: [upload.wikimedia.org image 440x229]

That this extended music number never existed in the original.  You know, because an entire generation cannot see the originals, and they wouldn't know.

So much stupid BS with the added scenes.


You can buy DVDs of the originals, they're just really expensive:  http://www.amazon.com/Star-Wars-Complete-Episodes-Blu-ray/dp/B003ZSJ2 1 2/dp/B001EN71DG

My four year old daughter has only seen the original , 1977 release of Episode IV (although, it's titled simply "Star Wars" in the crawl because it's the 1977 release).  When she's old enough to get the "OMG" moment of Vader being Luke's father, I'll show her the original release of Empire.
 
2013-09-25 11:43:56 PM  

doctor wu: Lucas deserves a boot in the nuts for the Ewoks and Jar Jar Binks.


Have you seen Lucas? To boot him in the nuts, you'd need to stand in a ditch. Clearly, the furry dwarves are representative of himself. His ego accounts for their excessive number.
 
2013-09-25 11:49:15 PM  

timujin: bborchar: blue_2501: [upload.wikimedia.org image 440x229]

That this extended music number never existed in the original.  You know, because an entire generation cannot see the originals, and they wouldn't know.

So much stupid BS with the added scenes.

Which is why I have kept our VHS and VHS tapes of Star Wars for many years now- because I refuse to pay for the "new" versions of the movies which didn't change anything that would have made an improvement.

There's a set of DVDs that has the original, unedited cut on them, just in case your tapes ever wear out.

/it'd be nice if they'd simply remaster those and release them
//maybe Disney'll see the light


The DVDs were kind of a crap release, a total middle finger to fans that wanted to at least have good quality transfers of both versions. They are widescreen, but non-anamorphic so the actual picture resolution is something like 240p if you take out the black bars, so it looks like rubbish if you put it up on a HDTV and zoom it to fill the screen.

I'm hoping that now that Disney owns the rights to the movies, they'll do a proper Blu-Ray release with the special editions plus a restored edition of the theatrical release. Robert Harris has already said he could probably put together a Godfather-quality restoration from the surviving film stock, intermediates, and good quality prints if Lucasfilm would just put him on the job. Hopefully someone at Disney will realize the money that is being left on the table and give the old school fans what they want by the time the new Trilogy hits screens.
 
2013-09-25 11:51:35 PM  

blue_2501: That this extended music number never existed in the original.  You know, because an entire generation cannot see the originals, and they wouldn't know.

So much stupid BS with the added scenes.


The originals were put out on SvD a long while ago. They probably will be again.
 
2013-09-25 11:52:59 PM  
I just don't care.

And, yes, I came in here to state this.
 
2013-09-25 11:57:49 PM  

meanmutton: My four year old daughter has only seen the original , 1977 release of Episode IV (although, it's titled simply "Star Wars" in the crawl because it's the 1977 release).  When she's old enough to get the "OMG" moment of Vader being Luke's father, I'll show her the original release of Empire.


Has she called you out on caring way too much about absurd things and told you to put Dora the Explorer back on yet?

//I mean, I grabbed the one DVD release of the original cuts when it was available too, but c'mon, seriously?  At the end of the day it's just a pulp-derivative action movie like half the output of Hollywood in the two decades bracketing it.  All she's going to get out of it is going to be "people in the 70s and 80s sure loved their corny dialogue" anyhow, no need to obsess.
 
2013-09-25 11:59:29 PM  

Mad_Radhu: timujin: bborchar: blue_2501: [upload.wikimedia.org image 440x229]

That this extended music number never existed in the original.  You know, because an entire generation cannot see the originals, and they wouldn't know.

So much stupid BS with the added scenes.

Which is why I have kept our VHS and VHS tapes of Star Wars for many years now- because I refuse to pay for the "new" versions of the movies which didn't change anything that would have made an improvement.

There's a set of DVDs that has the original, unedited cut on them, just in case your tapes ever wear out.

/it'd be nice if they'd simply remaster those and release them
//maybe Disney'll see the light

The DVDs were kind of a crap release, a total middle finger to fans that wanted to at least have good quality transfers of both versions. They are widescreen, but non-anamorphic so the actual picture resolution is something like 240p if you take out the black bars, so it looks like rubbish if you put it up on a HDTV and zoom it to fill the screen.

I'm hoping that now that Disney owns the rights to the movies, they'll do a proper Blu-Ray release with the special editions plus a restored edition of the theatrical release. Robert Harris has already said he could probably put together a Godfather-quality restoration from the surviving film stock, intermediates, and good quality prints if Lucasfilm would just put him on the job. Hopefully someone at Disney will realize the money that is being left on the table and give the old school fans what they want by the time the new Trilogy hits screens.


That's what I've been waiting for for many years now.  I heard really bad things about the DVD version, so I kept waiting for an HD version.  I hope Disney would give the people what they want because it would be an easy way to make a buck for all of the people who want an HD version of the original.
 
2013-09-26 12:13:03 AM  
11. The sand on Tatooine was actually cocaine, and Carrie Fisher snorted it ALL.
 
2013-09-26 12:16:20 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: Everyone knows that only those with high levels of midichlorians in their blood can use the Force.

That religious mumbo jumbo that Obi Wan used to explain the Force to Luke in A New Hope? That's just what it was: religious mumbo jumbo.


Well, that certainly explains why the Admiral was so dismissive of Vader. If men of science know that the "force" is nothing more than dogmatic religious mumbo jumbo some cultist made up to explain side-effects of being infected by space bacteria; then those who would continue to believe that being Sith/Jedi is necessary to harnessing the power would probably be looked upon poorly. They'd be intelligent design preachers of the Star Wars universe.
 
2013-09-26 12:21:05 AM  

Nina_Hartley's_Ass: "No, Luke. I am your mother."


Oh, dont go there.
unrealitymag.bcmediagroup.netdna-cdn.com

/or do you?
 
2013-09-26 12:25:15 AM  

ArkAngel: Lucas couldn't reconcile at the time how a primitive race could produce someone like Chewbacca, who was so tech-savvy


Easy.

Luke: But I don't understand!

Han Solo: Shut up you whiny hick.
 
2013-09-26 12:31:53 AM  

Korzine: AverageAmericanGuy: Everyone knows that only those with high levels of midichlorians in their blood can use the Force.

That religious mumbo jumbo that Obi Wan used to explain the Force to Luke in A New Hope? That's just what it was: religious mumbo jumbo.

Well, that certainly explains why the Admiral was so dismissive of Vader. If men of science know that the "force" is nothing more than dogmatic religious mumbo jumbo some cultist made up to explain side-effects of being infected by space bacteria; then those who would continue to believe that being Sith/Jedi is necessary to harnessing the power would probably be looked upon poorly. They'd be intelligent design preachers of the Star Wars universe.


It's not "infected" nor is it space bacteria.  They make it VERY clear throughout the OT that the Force is INHERITED. It's strong in your family... Your father, your sister... blah blah blah. There's never a doubt that the ability to detect and control the Force, in the final versions of the films (not the SE, but the original theatrical), is a genetic trait that Luke is likely to have because his father was strong in the Force.

And I still say the idea that Shmi was impregnated by midichlorians is silly; It's clear what happened. She was impregnated by Sidious or Plagueis (the old fashioned way), who used the Force to wipe her memory of the event... The goal was the creation of Vader and/or Luke. Bringing about the prophecy to "bring balance" to the Force, which if you look at the score at the time (Jedi: 10,000, Sith: 2) meant killing a lot of Jedi.

And the Jedi were too mired in their red tape and tradition to interpret the prophecy that way. Their downfall was their arrogance and loss of connection to the living Force. Qui Gon knew this.
 
2013-09-26 12:35:36 AM  

meanmutton: blue_2501: [upload.wikimedia.org image 440x229]

That this extended music number never existed in the original.  You know, because an entire generation cannot see the originals, and they wouldn't know.

So much stupid BS with the added scenes.

You can buy DVDs of the originals, they're just really expensive:  http://www.amazon.com/Star-Wars-Complete-Episodes-Blu-ray/dp/B003ZSJ2 1 2/dp/B001EN71DG

My four year old daughter has only seen the original , 1977 release of Episode IV (although, it's titled simply "Star Wars" in the crawl because it's the 1977 release).  When she's old enough to get the "OMG" moment of Vader being Luke's father, I'll show her the original release of Empire.



If you actually care about surprising her with that twist, keep in mind that she will find out about it much sooner than you realize (especially if she's interested in Star Wars at all).
 
2013-09-26 12:42:28 AM  
30 years later and you ladies are still biatching.
 
2013-09-26 12:49:22 AM  

ArkAngel: fusillade762: Adolf Oliver Nipples: The number one thing that virtually nobody knows about ROTJ:

Those little bears on Endor? You know what they're called, right? Of course, Ewoks. How did you know? They are not named in the movie. Not even a single time.

The Ewoks are George Lucas' biggest sellout, even more so than Jar-Jar Binks. They were created for the sole purpose of selling toys.

They were originally supposed to be Wookiees, iirc.

Lucas couldn't reconcile at the time how a primitive race could produce someone like Chewbacca, who was so tech-savvy


www.dearmrlevy.com

Ewoks, little teddy bears.
Chewbacca, a large teddy bear.
But the Ewoks chose C3P0 as their god.

Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, that does not make sense.
 
2013-09-26 12:51:26 AM  

Fallout Boy: Nina_Hartley's_Ass: "No, Luke. I am your mother."

Oh, dont go there.
[unrealitymag.bcmediagroup.netdna-cdn.com image 600x510]

/or do you?


The potential sexiness is kind of killed by the pose making it looks like she has to pee really bad.
 
2013-09-26 01:02:59 AM  
One fan rumor that Mark Hamill really liked: Han Solo and Darth Vader were somehow "fused," so that Luke couldn't kill Vader without also killing Han.

I don't know why but this cracked me up.
 
2013-09-26 01:04:38 AM  
Han feels up Leia.
 
2013-09-26 01:12:07 AM  

Mad_Radhu: Robert Harris has already said he could probably put together a Godfather-quality restoration from the surviving film stock, intermediates, and good quality prints if Lucasfilm would just put him on the job. Hopefully someone at Disney will realize the money that is being left on the table and give the old school fans what they want by the time the new Trilogy hits screens.


I could see them waiting till 2160p Blu-ray discs start hitting the market, then selling it at a premium as a showcase for the new format.


/my Laserdisc of ROTJ is slowly starting to suffer from disc rot
//would be nice to replace it someday
 
2013-09-26 01:35:07 AM  

bborchar: Mad_Radhu: timujin: bborchar: blue_2501: [upload.wikimedia.org image 440x229]

That this extended music number never existed in the original.  You know, because an entire generation cannot see the originals, and they wouldn't know.

So much stupid BS with the added scenes.

Which is why I have kept our VHS and VHS tapes of Star Wars for many years now- because I refuse to pay for the "new" versions of the movies which didn't change anything that would have made an improvement.

There's a set of DVDs that has the original, unedited cut on them, just in case your tapes ever wear out.

/it'd be nice if they'd simply remaster those and release them
//maybe Disney'll see the light

The DVDs were kind of a crap release, a total middle finger to fans that wanted to at least have good quality transfers of both versions. They are widescreen, but non-anamorphic so the actual picture resolution is something like 240p if you take out the black bars, so it looks like rubbish if you put it up on a HDTV and zoom it to fill the screen.

I'm hoping that now that Disney owns the rights to the movies, they'll do a proper Blu-Ray release with the special editions plus a restored edition of the theatrical release. Robert Harris has already said he could probably put together a Godfather-quality restoration from the surviving film stock, intermediates, and good quality prints if Lucasfilm would just put him on the job. Hopefully someone at Disney will realize the money that is being left on the table and give the old school fans what they want by the time the new Trilogy hits screens.

That's what I've been waiting for for many years now.  I heard really bad things about the DVD version, so I kept waiting for an HD version.  I hope Disney would give the people what they want because it would be an easy way to make a buck for all of the people who want an HD version of the original.


It's true, they do suck...
 
2013-09-26 01:36:04 AM  
11.  Luke and Leia have a retard baby with Rainman-like Jedi abilities.
12.  Han and Chewie get married (ya know, cuz Hans is into bears).
13.  Lando Calrissian becomes Intergalactic President and Admiral Akbar is his VP.
 
2013-09-26 01:36:58 AM  

timujin: bborchar: blue_2501: [upload.wikimedia.org image 440x229]

That this extended music number never existed in the original.  You know, because an entire generation cannot see the originals, and they wouldn't know.

So much stupid BS with the added scenes.

Which is why I have kept our VHS and VHS tapes of Star Wars for many years now- because I refuse to pay for the "new" versions of the movies which didn't change anything that would have made an improvement.

There's a set of DVDs that has the original, unedited cut on them, just in case your tapes ever wear out.

/it'd be nice if they'd simply remaster those and release them
//maybe Disney'll see the light


I have that set.  I was lucky in that I was working retail when they came out, and managed to make sure I got them.
 
2013-09-26 01:44:21 AM  

chewielouie: Come on J.J., we're counting on your. (Please no lens flare though.)


cdn.uproxx.com

Where is your god now?
 
2013-09-26 01:56:07 AM  

bhcompy: chewielouie: Come on J.J., we're counting on your. (Please no lens flare though.)



Where is your god now?


You go stand in the corner and think about what you've done!
 
2013-09-26 02:07:51 AM  
Neither Justin Bieber nor Bob Newheart appear in any of the SW films.
 
2013-09-26 02:30:46 AM  
Luke putting on the Vader helm and wiping out the Rebel fleet would have been dark indeed.. and one or more movies after that would have been required, because you can't leave it hanging like that for 20 years.
 
2013-09-26 02:40:36 AM  

Gergesa: Infernalist: But, for the love of god, why does every Jedi that go evil do a complete swap from Lawful Good to Chaotic Evil in less than 5 minutes?

For the movies one has to accept that Lucas is a crappy writer but there is also the constraints of time involved.

For the books, I am not entirely certain about when Jacen Solo was set on the path to the darkside.  Hints of it came out during the Yuuzhan Vong war as Jacen started concluding that the ends justified the means and the later story line of him taking over the galactic alliance carried that over as he used ends justified the means for pretty much anything.  It may not be as quick a change as one would think based on the Lucas films.  Jacen was morphing into a dark jedi prior to actually taking on a the sith mantle.


I stopped reading after he perished. They took my favorite EU character and did that...

I did like his descent however.
 
2013-09-26 02:44:05 AM  
I didn't finish the Yuuzah Vong stuff.. too dark.  Too many worlds getting snuffed the fark out.
 
2013-09-26 02:44:20 AM  

phalamir: Adolf Oliver Nipples: They were created for the sole purpose of selling toys.

Could you please explain exactly what part of the entirety of Star Wars that sentence doesn't apply to?

Also, Jar Jar was not selling out - unless the definition of selling out is "I will now spend an absurdist amount of time shoving a minstrel show down people's throats for no goddamn reason."  Most of use call that being a racist farktard, not selling out.


Yeah, but Jar Jar Binks makes the Ewoks look like... farking Shaft!
 
2013-09-26 02:47:44 AM  
The Vong suck.
 
2013-09-26 02:50:49 AM  

Gergesa: For the books, I am not entirely certain about when Jacen Solo was set on the path to the darkside.  Hints of it came out during the Yuuzhan Vong war as Jacen started concluding that the ends justified the means


How gradual and believable the transition is depends heavily on the writer... and unfortunately in most of the EU the writers are hamstrung by Lucas making incredibly stupid demands, many of which boil down to "the Jedi have to be unambiguously good" and "the sith have to be unabiguously evil at all times".

This is why most of the really interesting characters in the EU have not been force users.  The original grey-vs-grey SW character, General Thrawn, was so well fleshed-out and characterized that he's pretty much the only element of the EU that's known to general science fiction audiences and not just SW fanatics pretty much entirely because Lucas never actually put any thought into the actual workings of the Empire so Zhan could do what he wanted with imperial officials.

//The best actual light-side/dark-side switch is probably going Dark in KotOR 1.  Even if you play a straight-up bastard all the way through you go from the reasonably loyal guy who's still doing the standard princess-rescue mission and helping people out, but occasionally cheats on his taxes, to a guy that gobbles down the souls of innocent prisoners on life support for a temporary boost in the final boss battle.  Even the grey Jedi gradually getting tired of your shiat was handled very well.
 
2013-09-26 04:03:42 AM  

Daraymann: Han feels up Leia.


C3PO has a massive metal cock.

img.fark.net
 
2013-09-26 04:13:38 AM  
Midichlorians are not part of the force, but are attracted to it like metal shavings to a magnet. That is why they test for them.
 
2013-09-26 04:38:01 AM  

VTGremlin: Luke becoming Vader would have been....dumb. And out of nowhere.


As it was, Vader's redemption was out of nowhere.  There was no hint whatsoever in the first two movies that Vader had any good in him.  Even his mild reluctance to fight his own son boils down more to, you know, not wanting to fight your own son.  When they did finally fight, and Vader failed to freeze Luke in the chamber, he just about killed him anyway.  I remember as I watched Jedi for the first time, when they started to hint that Vader really could have some good in him, I sat there going, "Oh come on...really?"  Very much against character.

Return Of The Jedi is a necessary conclusion to the original trilogy, but it really wasn't the best that it could have been.  Endlessly recycled dialogue, reckless pacing (the first 30 minutes feels like an entirely different movie), and a linear, uncreative plot makes it a B-movie in comparison to the first two.  For the longest time, I thought that they could hardly have done worse.  Then 1999 and The Phantom Menace rolled around, and boy was I wrong.
 
2013-09-26 04:41:49 AM  

meanmutton: blue_2501: [upload.wikimedia.org image 440x229]

That this extended music number never existed in the original.  You know, because an entire generation cannot see the originals, and they wouldn't know.

So much stupid BS with the added scenes.

You can buy DVDs of the originals, they're just really expensive:  http://www.amazon.com/Star-Wars-Complete-Episodes-Blu-ray/dp/B003ZSJ2 1 2/dp/B001EN71DG

My four year old daughter has only seen the original , 1977 release of Episode IV (although, it's titled simply "Star Wars" in the crawl because it's the 1977 release).  When she's old enough to get the "OMG" moment of Vader being Luke's father, I'll show her the original release of Empire.


Don't buy these sub-par, non-anamorphic releases.  Find yourselves some Harmy's Despecialized editions instead.  One of the best things I've ever found on the internet.  :-)  If you're an absolute purist, no, they're not the actual originals.  But you'll be hard-pressed to tell the difference.
 
2013-09-26 06:31:33 AM  
*scans FTA for any mention of the old "David Lynch almost directed ROTJ" nugget. None found, leaving satisfied.

/I swear, if I see one more list treating this as some forgotten secret...
 
2013-09-26 06:34:07 AM  

clintster: *scans FTA for any mention of the old "David Lynch almost directed ROTJ" nugget. None found, leaving satisfied.

/I swear, if I see one more list treating this as some forgotten secret...


It's mentioned, but not one of the ten.
 
2013-09-26 06:36:28 AM  
img.gawkerassets.com

Then
.
.
.
.
i47.photobucket.com

Now

/there will be a reckoning... when the pendulum of time swings back, movies of the future will advertise "no digital effects" as an audience draw
 
2013-09-26 06:43:06 AM  

American Decency Association: /there will be a reckoning... when the pendulum of time swings back, movies of the future will advertise "no digital effects" as an audience draw


They'll be going with holograms by then?
 
2013-09-26 07:05:20 AM  
#11: I fapped to Carrie Fisher.

/wait
//you probably knew that
 
2013-09-26 07:09:15 AM  
The Flexecutioner:
13. Lando Calrissian becomes Intergalactic President and Admiral Akbar is his VP.

Sounds okay to me.  Lando is a doer, not an idealist, so he'd be a great galactic president.  And Akbar is there to watch his ass and make sure he doesn't gamble away whole planets in a game of Sabacc: "Don't up the ante Mister President, it's a trap!".
 
2013-09-26 08:16:33 AM  

zoidbergsghost: Midichlorians are not part of the force, but are attracted to it like metal shavings to a magnet. That is why they test for them.


That was always my SAN-check retcon in my head. I figured the midis couldn't possibly survive by "normal" chemistry, so their prescence meant they were exploiting the force "aura" or bleed of the user. Or something. Better than what was provided in TPM.
 
2013-09-26 08:45:20 AM  

Clutch2013: One thing some of you probably knew: Femi Taylor (Oola aka Jabba's dancer that ends up Rancor lunch) was able to reprise her role for the 1997 Special Edition new scenes.

One thing you probably didn't know: she was hot in '83, she was still hot in '97, and she remains hot now.  No birth date available, but you have to figure she's in her 50's by now.  I'd still hit that like a Star Destroyer on a collision course.

/If only...


DAMN! You ain't kidding.
 
2013-09-26 08:51:42 AM  

Kittypie070: The Vong suck.


But it did give us the book "Traitor," which in my mind, was one of the best EU books released.
 
2013-09-26 08:58:44 AM  
The Flexecutioner:
13.  Lando Calrissian becomes Intergalactic President and Admiral Akbar is his VP.

Its been tried before:

images51.fotki.com
 
2013-09-26 10:00:22 AM  
Luke putting on Vader's helmet and saying "I am Vader now.  I will kill the rebels and rule the universe!"  This would have been pants-on-head retarded.

A better idea would have been for Luke to make some dark comments at the end of the film, something about carrying on his father's legacy.  Luke would have been left as a hero, but the dark side would still be there, tugging at him.
 
2013-09-26 10:42:33 AM  

chuggernaught: Luke putting on Vader's helmet and saying "I am Vader now.  I will kill the rebels and rule the universe!"  This would have been pants-on-head retarded.

A better idea would have been for Luke to make some dark comments at the end of the film, something about carrying on his father's legacy.  Luke would have been left as a hero, but the dark side would still be there, tugging at him.


This would also allow for him to remain a Jedi as his father's legacy could be that of a Jedi as well, the prefall Anakin. So it could of worked both ways.
 
2013-09-26 11:07:47 AM  

karmachameleon: For the longest time, I thought that they could hardly have done worse. Then 1999 and The Phantom Menace rolled around, and boy was I wrong.


It wasn't a bad movie.  It actually had plenty of good moments. It just wasn't a very good movie. Could hardly have done worse would seem a bit hyperbolic, even without the prequels to compare them to
 
2013-09-26 12:30:50 PM  

Infernalist: I've played through some of the SW games, seen the movies, read a few of the books, and the whole 'turn to the dark side' thing has always pestered me.

Now, I get that untrained Force people can easily turn to the dark side and go evil.   Hell, they can't help it, they're not trained or anything...

But, for the love of god, why does every Jedi that go evil do a complete swap from Lawful Good to Chaotic Evil in less than 5 minutes?  Why?  It's completely unbelievable.  You've trained all your life to resist the temptation of the dark side and suddenly, after giving in ONE TIME, you become a Hannibal Lector or Pol Pot faster than shiat?  lol wat


I can see a rational for it...a thin one but I think there may be examples.

First, you're not really a good person. You are a closet sadist but you've a kid and you've got this huge power within you. An order of revered warrior monks come along and say "You're one of us". So they whisk you of to magic school and teach you how to use these powers...but they must only be used a certain way. Problem is, you know there is more out there and you know that you could be so much more but you are being held back. One day that dam breaks and you feel a rush of power..and apparently a large does of "evil heroin mojo". It overwhelms and consumes everything that was holding you back....so off to kill the Ewoks!
 
2013-09-26 12:52:36 PM  

fusillade762: Adolf Oliver Nipples: The number one thing that virtually nobody knows about ROTJ:

Those little bears on Endor? You know what they're called, right? Of course, Ewoks. How did you know? They are not named in the movie. Not even a single time.

The Ewoks are George Lucas' biggest sellout, even more so than Jar-Jar Binks. They were created for the sole purpose of selling toys.

They were originally supposed to be Wookiees, iirc.


Ewok, or E-Wok, and Wookiee, or Wok-E.
 
2013-09-26 01:10:36 PM  

VTGremlin: Luke becoming Vader would have been....dumb. And out of nowhere.


David Lynch was his first choice in director... maybe Lucas was writing to Lynch's sensibilities.

/twin peaks ending
 
2013-09-26 02:07:45 PM  
You guys know a lot more about this than I can figure out...is there NO Blu-ray/proper HD version of the original, non-Lucas-shiat on trilogy? Are the Laserdic versions the best?

I keep trying to download the trilogy in HD (through completely legal means) and everything's either a hi-res re-encode of a DVD or the new crap with the extended garbage and the stupid extra effects.
 
2013-09-26 02:17:35 PM  

Scrotastic Method: You guys know a lot more about this than I can figure out...is there NO Blu-ray/proper HD version of the original, non-Lucas-shiat on trilogy? Are the Laserdic versions the best?

I keep trying to download the trilogy in HD (through completely legal means) and everything's either a hi-res re-encode of a DVD or the new crap with the extended garbage and the stupid extra effects.


No, there is no HD version of the original versions.  Closest you get are the DVDs that were released in 2004 containing the Special editions, as well as the original.  I believe the originals in that version were pulled off of laser discs, and are non-anamorphic widescreen.
http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Original_unaltered_trilogy_%28DVD%29
 
2013-09-26 02:18:48 PM  

The Flexecutioner: 11.  Luke and Leia have a retard baby with Rainman-like Jedi abilities.
12.  Han and Chewie get married (ya know, cuz Hans is into bears).
13.  Lando Calrissian becomes Intergalactic President and Admiral Akbar is his VP.



www.inpapasbasement.com

"Murrhuaha! *cough* *hack* *spelch*  Thank you for the ideas, talking pile of expendable income...I shall store them in my throat sack for later."
 
2013-09-26 02:45:16 PM  

Primitive Screwhead: Clutch2013: One thing some of you probably knew: Femi Taylor (Oola aka Jabba's dancer that ends up Rancor lunch) was able to reprise her role for the 1997 Special Edition new scenes.

One thing you probably didn't know: she was hot in '83, she was still hot in '97, and she remains hot now.  No birth date available, but you have to figure she's in her 50's by now.  I'd still hit that like a Star Destroyer on a collision course.

/If only...

DAMN! You ain't kidding.


Yeah, I credit her as having a strong influence on my preferences in women.

/exotic women of any type = +500 boner modifier
//put another way, I'd turn into the Horny Coyote from the Tex Avery cartoons if I could
 
2013-09-26 04:46:10 PM  

Arson: fusillade762: Adolf Oliver Nipples: The number one thing that virtually nobody knows about ROTJ:

Those little bears on Endor? You know what they're called, right? Of course, Ewoks. How did you know? They are not named in the movie. Not even a single time.

The Ewoks are George Lucas' biggest sellout, even more so than Jar-Jar Binks. They were created for the sole purpose of selling toys.

They were originally supposed to be Wookiees, iirc.

Ewok, or E-Wok, and Wookiee, or Wok-E.


The more I think about Star Wars the less creative it seems to be
Hero is Luke = Lucas, George
Vader = Vater German for father (SPOILER ALERT, SORRY)
Now E-Wok / Wok-E
 
2013-09-26 05:39:55 PM  

American Decency Association: [img.gawkerassets.com image 640x426]

Then
.
.
.
.
[i47.photobucket.com image 640x433]

Now

/there will be a reckoning... when the pendulum of time swings back, movies of the future will advertise "no digital effects" as an audience draw


There were plenty of full and partial sets for the prequels, hyberbolic fanboy.
 
2013-09-26 05:40:47 PM  

peterthx: American Decency Association: [img.gawkerassets.com image 640x426]

Then
.
.
.
.
[i47.photobucket.com image 640x433]

Now

/there will be a reckoning... when the pendulum of time swings back, movies of the future will advertise "no digital effects" as an audience draw

There were plenty of full and partial sets for the prequels, hyperbolic fanboy.


Goddamn phone.

Hyperbolic.

/Jobs rot in hell along with your autocorrect
 
2013-09-26 05:42:25 PM  

blue_2501: [upload.wikimedia.org image 440x229]

That this extended music number never existed in the original.  You know, because an entire generation cannot see the originals, and they wouldn't know.

So much stupid BS butthurt with the added scenes.


FIFY

/saw ROTJ about 15 times in the theater
//back then dollar theaters were pretty good
 
2013-09-26 06:29:18 PM  

peterthx: American Decency Association: [img.gawkerassets.com image 640x426]

Then
.
.
.
.
[i47.photobucket.com image 640x433]

Now

/there will be a reckoning... when the pendulum of time swings back, movies of the future will advertise "no digital effects" as an audience draw

There were plenty of full and partial sets for the prequels, hyberbolic fanboy.


It was just a general comment, not really interested in SW.

That first shot is nothing but a beautiful f*cking set.

Beautiful f*cking sets are a dying race.

I have nothing inherently against green screen.  Sci-fi especially would be very hard without digital effects, but the ease with which something is done cheapens the final product.
 
2013-09-26 07:27:28 PM  
American Decency Association:

That first shot is nothing but a beautiful f*cking set.

Beautiful f*cking sets are a dying race.

I have nothing inherently against green screen.  Sci-fi especially would be very hard without digital effects, but the ease with which something is done cheapens the final product.


What's the difference though if the audience can't tell?

Sets are made of wood or paint on glass or pixels. If they look real it's good enough.
 
2013-09-26 09:05:43 PM  

The Flexecutioner: 12.  Han and Chewie get married (ya know, cuz Hans is into bears).



"Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bjy79pPLVOU
 
2013-09-26 09:35:47 PM  

AverageAmericanGuy: Everyone knows that only those with high levels of midichlorians in their blood can use the Force.

That religious mumbo jumbo that Obi Wan used to explain the Force to Luke in A New Hope? That's just what it was: religious mumbo jumbo.


Luke: "What's the Force?"
Obi-Wan: "Definately NOT some lameass blood infection. Space magic, kid."
 
2013-09-26 10:17:41 PM  

bhcompy: karmachameleon: For the longest time, I thought that they could hardly have done worse. Then 1999 and The Phantom Menace rolled around, and boy was I wrong.

It wasn't a bad movie.  It actually had plenty of good moments. It just wasn't a very good movie. Could hardly have done worse would seem a bit hyperbolic, even without the prequels to compare them to


You're right, it's not bad, it's just not good.  At the time that seemed a big disappointment.  I never imagined it could sink to the depths of the prequel trilogy.  In hindsight, Jedi seems like a masterpiece in comparison, and it would have been fine with me if they'd just left it there.
 
2013-09-26 10:22:30 PM  

peterthx: American Decency Association:

That first shot is nothing but a beautiful f*cking set.

Beautiful f*cking sets are a dying race.

I have nothing inherently against green screen.  Sci-fi especially would be very hard without digital effects, but the ease with which something is done cheapens the final product.

What's the difference though if the audience can't tell?

Sets are made of wood or paint on glass or pixels. If they look real it's good enough.


You're right.  Too bad most of the digital sets used in the prequels don't look real.
 
2013-09-26 10:26:55 PM  
peterthx: blue_2501: [upload.wikimedia.org image 440x229]

That this extended music number never existed in the original.  You know, because an entire generation cannot see the originals, and they wouldn't know.

So much stupid BS butthurt with the added scenes.

FIFY


Use of the word "butthurt" is a cop-out dismissal.  No thought involved.  Making significant changes to seminal films isn't an activity to be taken lightly or encouraged.  It violates the integrity of the original work, to put it simply.  Going further to actually withhold the originals from distribution simply borders on malevolence, and reveals a deep disrespect both for the original work and the audience that loves it.  In my opinion, George Lucas entered truly dark territory as a filmmaker by going down this path, a path you'll note is more or less unprecedented in all the rest of the film world.  If you disagree, so be it, but make a cogent argument supporting your position rather than throwing a cliched word around as if it actually means something.
 
2013-09-27 01:20:43 AM  

karmachameleon: You're right.  Too bad most of the digital sets used in the prequels don't look real.


You do realize a lot of the sets were real with extensions, along with models. There is very little actual CG-rendered locations. People who think such-and-such is CG in the prequels always get it wrong.

Use of the word "butthurt" is a cop-out dismissal.  No thought involved.

Because the biatching and arguments are over 15 years old now. The thoughts pro-and-con have been argued to death, except certain people are still biatching on the internet. Get over it.
It's not a terrorist attack, or the loss of loved ones or your life savings. It's a movie. Move on.
 
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