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(Mirror.co.uk)   Man takes the term 'wine snob' to a whole new level after calling emergency services from bar to complain that his wine was corked   (mirror.co.uk) divider line 91
    More: Dumbass, snob, stray dogs  
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5295 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Sep 2013 at 5:03 PM (41 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-09-23 03:50:31 PM
Stupid TFA isn't even clear whether the wine had bits of cork floating in it (man up nancy) or was corked - ie contaminated with trichloroanisole (any reputable place will replace/refund).
 
2013-09-23 03:52:57 PM
Corked his whine is more like it, amirite?
 
2013-09-23 04:06:33 PM
"Man skips out on wine bill, is arrested"

/which is the other headline if he didn't pay
 
2013-09-23 04:07:19 PM

FrancoFile: Stupid TFA isn't even clear whether the wine had bits of cork floating in it (man up nancy) or was corked - ie contaminated with trichloroanisole (any reputable place will replace/refund).


well, if it's actually "corked," it will smell like a damp, musty basement.

the bits of cork thing is annoying but it doesn't mean that the wine is "corked."
 
2013-09-23 04:08:55 PM

FrancoFile: Stupid TFA isn't even clear whether the wine had bits of cork floating in it (man up nancy) or was corked - ie contaminated with trichloroanisole (any reputable place will replace/refund).


actually, upon further reading, they did:

Insp Phil Spurgeon said "He said he was having a dispute with staff because they would not give him a refund because his wine had bits of cork in it.

translation: the customer was being a douche.
 
2013-09-23 04:25:06 PM
They should cork his fork while they're at it.

/Not mother?
 
2013-09-23 04:28:16 PM
Christ, what an asshole.
 
2013-09-23 04:37:06 PM

scottydoesntknow: They should cork his fork while they're at it.

/Not mother?


Heh!
 
2013-09-23 04:37:39 PM
Remember when all the snob-noses looked down on you for buying wine with a screw-top?
 
2013-09-23 05:07:45 PM
I apparently can't smell TCA, which is good because I really like wine.
 
2013-09-23 05:09:06 PM
Wine is for ponces anyhow. Real mean drink scotch.
 
2013-09-23 05:11:29 PM

jaylectricity: Remember when all the snob-noses looked down on you for buying wine with a screw-top?


Yes, but that was back when screw-top meant Wild Irish Rose and other variations of fortified bum juice.
 
WGJ
2013-09-23 05:13:56 PM
FTFA:  One woman rang to complain about maggots in her bin

Is that what they call it over there?
 
2013-09-23 05:15:47 PM

Quantum Apostrophe: Wine is for ponces anyhow. Real mean drink scotch.


I'll drink both. For you.

I'm basically a philanthropist.
 
2013-09-23 05:17:12 PM
Not much of a wine snob if he doesn't understand the correct meaning of "corked".
 
2013-09-23 05:17:45 PM
Timewaster calls 999 to complain his wine was CORKED in bar

What's the big deal?  It's not like he called 911 or anything.
 
2013-09-23 05:18:12 PM
Should have called 0118 999 881 999 119 7253
 
2013-09-23 05:19:41 PM

FlashHarry: FrancoFile: Stupid TFA isn't even clear whether the wine had bits of cork floating in it (man up nancy) or was corked - ie contaminated with trichloroanisole (any reputable place will replace/refund).

actually, upon further reading, they did:

Insp Phil Spurgeon said "He said he was having a dispute with staff because they would not give him a refund because his wine had bits of cork in it.

translation: the customer was being a douche.


Is there a better name for that? When I see corked I think of the contaminated wine. Bits of cork can be remedied with a spoon or careful sipping.
 
2013-09-23 05:20:37 PM
CSB time:

So a month and a half ago I cut my hand quite badly with a very large knife. What's weird is that the entire time (even while I was midway through my hand with the knife) I was calm as a Hindu cow. I just looked at my hand and thought something like "Well, this needs serious medical attention." and dialed 911, (999 equivalent). The operator made sure I stayed on the line until the ambulance got there. She's trying to talk me through covering the wound and applying pressure and I'm just like "It's alright, I've had first aid training, I just needed the ambulance..."

Then again, I painted my sidewalk polkadot before I managed to staunch the bleeding.
 
2013-09-23 05:22:13 PM
Sounds like someone needs to be beaten to death with a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20.

/Grape flavor.
 
2013-09-23 05:22:16 PM

Quantum Apostrophe: Wine is for ponces anyhow. Real mean drink scotch.


A real man drinks what he wants and doesn't associate his masculinity with what other people think of him.
 
2013-09-23 05:22:21 PM
They should have smacked him on the head with his obligatory Macbook.
 
2013-09-23 05:23:17 PM
Sorry, Farkers only outrage at skunked beer. Move along.
 
2013-09-23 05:24:25 PM

kwame: Quantum Apostrophe: Wine is for ponces anyhow. Real mean drink scotch.

A real man drinks what he wants and doesn't associate his masculinity with what other people think of him.


Also real men whistle while they heel their beef down the drain
 
2013-09-23 05:25:33 PM
Real wine comes in a box.
 
2013-09-23 05:27:37 PM
I'd like to slap the boxed wine just before he goes to fill his cup....just to see his reaction.
 
2013-09-23 05:28:18 PM
What a horribly mismanaged situation.

"We'll get you a replacement right away sir"

*goes in the back and runs wine through a coffee filter*
 
2013-09-23 05:28:50 PM
Ha! It's 911, not 999. Stupid Brits.
 
2013-09-23 05:29:07 PM
Kwame:

Quantum Apostrophe
:   Wine is for ponces anyhow. Real mean drink scotch.

A real man drinks what he wants and doesn't associate his masculinity with what other people think of him.

Well yes, except it's sort of hard to look manly drinking cosmopolitans.
 
2013-09-23 05:29:54 PM

WGJ: FTFA:  One woman rang to complain about maggots in her bin

Is that what they call it over there?


it's more likely than you think, chum
 
2013-09-23 05:29:57 PM
But the cork is the best part of British wine!
 
2013-09-23 05:30:09 PM

Alonjar: What a horribly mismanaged situation.

"We'll get you a replacement right away sir"

*goes in the back and runs wine through a coffee filter*


Of course with that said, a lot of establishments have an actual cork strainer around....
 
2013-09-23 05:31:43 PM

uncleacid: Real wine comes in a box.


same as  real men

/and we leave in a box too
 
2013-09-23 05:31:52 PM
highway29.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-09-23 05:33:15 PM

jaylectricity: Remember when all the snob-noses looked down on you for buying wine with a screw-top?



once i had a screw cap wine go bad.  it was a bit of a mystery.  i bought the bottle, poured a glass, and thought, this is undrinkable.  i went to the bartender and said, this wine smells and tastes like something went wrong... i would say corked, but it was a screw cap... he said, it can't be corked.  i said, yeah, that's what i said.

he gave me a look like i was being an asshole.  so, i said, look, pour yourself a glass, and taste it.  tell me if you think it's drinkable or supposed to taste like this.  if you can honestly say that the wine is supposed to taste like this, i'll just say sorry, looks like i ordered poorly.

he poured a little into a glass, smelt it, and had a look of revulsion, and said, i wouldn't drink that.  he tossed the wine and the bottle like it was poison.

got another bottle of the same stuff, it was good.  so, something can go wrong with screw caps too.

/ after realizing i tasted that crap, the bartender no longer thought i was an asshole, or he did, but was at least apologetic.  not his fault, he got a good tip for remedying the process, and my perpetual guilt to overtip people whenever there's trouble.
 
2013-09-23 05:34:09 PM
 
2013-09-23 05:37:25 PM

FrancoFile: Stupid TFA isn't even clear whether the wine had bits of cork floating in it (man up nancy) or was corked - ie contaminated with trichloroanisole (any reputable place will replace/refund).


Regardless, it's hardly a job for emergency services.
 
2013-09-23 05:38:03 PM
Quick, what's the non-emergency line to the local police where you live?

Don't know it, do you?

I've said it before and I'll say it again - we (global) need a non-emergency line with a short number (822 for the states, 888 elsewhere maybe) that goes to your local constabulary.  It seems like half these 911/999 calls are made because people only know that number for the police.
 
2013-09-23 05:38:39 PM

SirEattonHogg: Kwame:

Quantum Apostrophe:   Wine is for ponces anyhow. Real mean drink scotch.

A real man drinks what he wants and doesn't associate his masculinity with what other people think of him.

Well yes, except it's sort of hard to look manly drinking cosmopolitans.


make it with gin.  you may look the same, but you'll have that secret knowledge that you're drinking a gin drink.

/ personally, i think a cosmopolitan should be made like a martini.  just replace vermouth with that fruit stuff (in about the same proportion) and use gin.  it can be a nice drink, if you have cheap gin.  otherwise, just make a martini.  plus, this will keep the color a little paler.
 
2013-09-23 05:39:35 PM

Quantum Apostrophe: Wine is for ponces anyhow. Real mean drink scotch.


i40.tinypic.com
 
2013-09-23 05:40:16 PM

SirEattonHogg: Kwame:

Quantum Apostrophe:   Wine is for ponces anyhow. Real mean drink scotch.

A real man drinks what he wants and doesn't associate his masculinity with what other people think of him.

Well yes, except it's sort of hard to look manly drinking cosmopolitans.


The trick is to dress in a way that clearly shows off your masculinity, try a mini skirt.
 
2013-09-23 05:46:10 PM
Fawlty Towers, simple is best-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLqwRiNJtCw&t=4m47s">http://www.youtu be.com/watch?v=JLqwRiNJtCw&t=4m47s

"Yes, I just uncorked it- didn't you see me?  That's how I got it out of the bottle... into your glass..."
 
2013-09-23 05:46:42 PM

pute kisses like a man: jaylectricity: Remember when all the snob-noses looked down on you for buying wine with a screw-top?


once i had a screw cap wine go bad.  it was a bit of a mystery.  i bought the bottle, poured a glass, and thought, this is undrinkable.  i went to the bartender and said, this wine smells and tastes like something went wrong... i would say corked, but it was a screw cap... he said, it can't be corked.  i said, yeah, that's what i said.

he gave me a look like i was being an asshole.  so, i said, look, pour yourself a glass, and taste it.  tell me if you think it's drinkable or supposed to taste like this.  if you can honestly say that the wine is supposed to taste like this, i'll just say sorry, looks like i ordered poorly.

he poured a little into a glass, smelt it, and had a look of revulsion, and said, i wouldn't drink that.  he tossed the wine and the bottle like it was poison.

got another bottle of the same stuff, it was good.  so, something can go wrong with screw caps too.

/ after realizing i tasted that crap, the bartender no longer thought i was an asshole, or he did, but was at least apologetic.  not his fault, he got a good tip for remedying the process, and my perpetual guilt to overtip people whenever there's trouble.


There are a half-dozen faults that occur in wine.  TCA contamination is only one of them.

And it's possible to get TCA contamination in screwcap wine, if the winery itself has the organism responsible living in the facility somewhere.
 
2013-09-23 05:47:21 PM

DontMakeMeComeBackThere: Quick, what's the non-emergency line to the local police where you live?

Don't know it, do you?

I've said it before and I'll say it again - we (global) need a non-emergency line with a short number (822 for the states, 888 elsewhere maybe) that goes to your local constabulary.  It seems like half these 911/999 calls are made because people only know that number for the police.


We already have one.  It's called "call 411 and ask for the number for the local police department".
 
2013-09-23 05:50:05 PM
Sorry, this is 912.
 
2013-09-23 05:50:16 PM
Diane Grandidge, GMP's business lead for call-handling, said at the time: "Apart from potentially putting somebody's life at risk, misusing the 999 system is a criminal offence and we have the power to prosecute people for making hoax calls.
"Each day we receive dozens of calls about issues that the police are not responsible for such as noise nuisance, stray dogs and abandoned cars."


If the police aren't responsible for those, then how come they keep issuing tickets for loud parties and abandoned cars and shooting feral dogs? Just for funsies?
 
2013-09-23 05:53:02 PM
Why do women always leave me? Why do they dump me for men who wear turtle neck sweaters and smoke a pipe? I mean natural yoghurt eaters. "Reliable", "sensible", "dependable", and lots of others words that end in "-ible". They're obsessed with house prices and spends half his life at antique fairs looking for bargains and drinking wine. It's never beer is it, it's always wine. 'What do you want on your cornflakes darling', 'oh I'll 'ave some wine please'.

/got nuthin'
 
2013-09-23 05:57:26 PM

megarian: Quantum Apostrophe: Wine is for ponces anyhow. Real mean drink scotch.

I'll drink both. For you.

I'm basically a philanthropist.


A proper meal would include beer, wine and scotch

/and I'm talkin' breakfast
 
2013-09-23 05:57:37 PM
I am certain that if it weren't for British tabloids, Drew would be operating a forklift in a Walmart warehouse somewhere.
 
2013-09-23 05:59:46 PM

99.998er: I am certain that if it weren't for British tabloids, Drew would be operating a forklift in a Walmart warehouse somewhere.


It's not Drew's, it's Forklift.com.
 
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