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(UPI)   There once was a man from Gigante / Who wished to be hung like a donkey / Alas, the blue pill / It made him quite ill / So finally they cut off his penis   (upi.com) divider line 98
    More: Scary, blue pills, Viagra, Cory Monteith, overdose  
•       •       •

11804 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Sep 2013 at 1:44 AM (30 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



98 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-09-21 11:05:27 PM
Don't lose your head.
 
2013-09-21 11:34:25 PM
All gods are cultural constructs, creations of mankind and its need to explain the world through myth. Though the ideas of specific deities have their own power through shared cultural experience and societal mores, a "god", as such, is not a real entity as we understand the concept.

All except one.

The One True God, as it turns out, is Ribaldius, the Lord of Limericks. From his secret temple in Nantucket, he alone exercises the divine powers that humans seldom witness and even more seldom understand.

Submitter, you're in for a long and unpleasant afterlife.
 
2013-09-22 12:34:46 AM
So did Darwin get this one or not?
 
2013-09-22 12:45:21 AM
Burma shave!
 
2013-09-22 01:00:56 AM
He was getting gangrene. In his penis.

So, he basically killed it, then it had to be amputated.

fusillade762: So did Darwin get this one or not?


If he already reproduced, then no. Technically, you have to take yourself out of the evolutionary cycle to "win"


*shudder*
 
2013-09-22 01:12:10 AM
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE
 
2013-09-22 01:23:19 AM
Took a couple pills...yada, yada, yada...looking into eunuch jobs.
 
2013-09-22 01:43:59 AM
So now singing bass is the wrong key.

/doesn't quite work, but close.
 
2013-09-22 01:47:01 AM
DIck move....
 
2013-09-22 01:48:01 AM
There once was a lady from Glasgow/ Who liked to be touched on the AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
/Obscure?
 
2013-09-22 01:48:09 AM
OOPS!
 
2013-09-22 01:50:44 AM
He overdosed on Viagra to impress his new girlfriend and had to have his penis amputated. So was she impressed?
 
2013-09-22 01:53:32 AM
I've made some mistakes in my life....nothing like this though
 
2013-09-22 01:54:04 AM

fusillade762: So did Darwin get this one or not?


Honorable mention, perhaps.
 
2013-09-22 01:54:39 AM
Priapism: When they say four hours, they MEAN four hours.
 
2013-09-22 01:58:41 AM
Jesus Christ. Was there ever an article made more for Fark?
 
2013-09-22 01:59:22 AM
The doctors said he was doing well. I am thinking the patient may disagree.
 
2013-09-22 02:02:54 AM
Fractured? According to Mayo Clinic, it's possible: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/penis-fracture/AN01217

Damn.
 
2013-09-22 02:08:11 AM
Headline best read in Norm McDonald's voice...
 
2013-09-22 02:08:19 AM
King missile foresaw this in the farking 80s.
 
2013-09-22 02:09:53 AM
'Nobody sits like this rock sits.You rock, rock. The rock just sits and is. You show us how to just sit here and that's what we need.'

♫ Like a rock...♫

♪ Rock steady...♪

♫ Detach...Oh right.
 
2013-09-22 02:10:52 AM
That headline is irritating in its imperfection.
 
2013-09-22 02:11:10 AM

johnnieconnie: He was getting gangrene. In his penis.

So, he basically killed it, then it had to be amputated.

fusillade762: So did Darwin get this one or not?

If he already reproduced, then no. Technically, you have to take yourself out of the evolutionary cycle to "win"

*shudder*


But he still has his testicles, so there's a chance he could reproduce in the future, isn't there?
 
2013-09-22 02:17:18 AM
Limp limerick...
 
2013-09-22 02:19:27 AM
"And I think it's gonna be a long long time!"
 
2013-09-22 02:21:02 AM
I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my penis was missing again.
This happens all the time.
It's detachable.

[background singing begins: "detachable penis" over and over]
This comes in handy a lot of the time.
I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble,
or I can rent it out, when I don't need it.
But now and then I go to a party, get drunk,
and the next morning I can't for the life of me
remember what I did with it.
First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it.
So I called up the place where the party was,
they hadn't seen it either.
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet
'cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes
But not this time.
So I told them if it pops up to let me know.
I called a few people who were at the party,
but they were no help either.
I was starting to get desperate.
I really don't like being without my penis for too long.
It makes me feel like less of a man,
and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.
After a few hours of searching the house,
and calling everyone I could think of,
I was starting to get very depressed,
so I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast.
Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place,
where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street,
I saw my penis lying on a blanket
next to a broken toaster oven.
Some guy was selling it.
I had to buy it off him.
He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen.
I took it home, washed it off,
and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.
People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached,
but I don't know.
Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass,
I like having a detachable penis.
[background voices continue to sing "detachable penis" for
a while, then out]
 
2013-09-22 02:21:58 AM
Cut off in my prime
surrounded by beautiful women all the time
A eunuch's life is hard
A eunuch's life is hard
A eunuch's life is haaaaaaaard
and nothing else
 
2013-09-22 02:22:29 AM
Maybe he should have taken one of the orange pills?
 
2013-09-22 02:23:35 AM

HoratioGates: Don't lose your head.


What an enormous cock-up. Or cock-off, I guess.
 
2013-09-22 02:26:01 AM
So, a friend once took a pill from an "eastern medicine" shop. His girl was happy for about 5 hours, but he still had the raging wood for several hours afterward, so much so that he called another friend. A pharmacy owning friend looked at the remaining pills and them fixed my idiot friend with a stare for about 15 seconds. Turns out it was counterfeit Viagra. Might have killed him. Heart condition our not, that stuff had enough uppers in it to take out a small horse. The only thing that saved him was the 5 hours of sex.

i am known by my girl to be able to just keep going for a long as she wants. A past girlfriend enjoyed our copulation for about 9 hours one time. She couldn't walk much after, but she loved every second of it.. Also the last time I date a younger woman. Current fiancée has just one thing to say about marathon sessions in the bedroom: "Don't hurt yourself"

/getting too old to do that anymore, anyhow.
 
2013-09-22 02:26:11 AM

fusillade762: So did Darwin get this one or not?


Depends on what genes you think did this.

If he helps his relations' pass theirs on, then no darwin did not get this one.

It takes many many generations.
 
2013-09-22 02:34:23 AM

fusillade762: johnnieconnie: He was getting gangrene. In his penis.

So, he basically killed it, then it had to be amputated.

fusillade762: So did Darwin get this one or not?

If he already reproduced, then no. Technically, you have to take yourself out of the evolutionary cycle to "win"

*shudder*

But he still has his testicles, so there's a chance he could reproduce in the future, isn't there?


If they still work after all the damage that area has sustained. those are sensitive bits, literally and metabolically.
 
2013-09-22 02:39:31 AM
Well, I bet he wont do that again.


/that man was an idiot
 
2013-09-22 02:41:16 AM
My favorite limerick,

On the chest of a barmaid at Yale,
Were tattooed the prices of ale
And on her behind
For the sake of the blind
Was the same information in braille
 
2013-09-22 03:02:27 AM

Trance354: So, a friend once took a pill from an "eastern medicine" shop. His girl was happy for about 5 hours, but he still had the raging wood for several hours afterward, so much so that he called another friend. A pharmacy owning friend looked at the remaining pills and them fixed my idiot friend with a stare for about 15 seconds. Turns out it was counterfeit Viagra. Might have killed him. Heart condition our not, that stuff had enough uppers in it to take out a small horse. The only thing that saved him was the 5 hours of sex.

i am known by my girl to be able to just keep going for a long as she wants. A past girlfriend enjoyed our copulation for about 9 hours one time. She couldn't walk much after, but she loved every second of it.. Also the last time I date a younger woman. Current fiancée has just one thing to say about marathon sessions in the bedroom: "Don't hurt yourself"

/getting too old to do that anymore, anyhow.


I believe neither tall tale. Did you expect people would?
 
2013-09-22 03:03:51 AM
cs523406.vk.me

Did he get a Doberman?
 
2013-09-22 03:04:47 AM
FTFA:  The 66-year-old man from Gigante, whose name has not been released, told a local newspaper that he intentionally overdosed on Viagra to impress his new girlfriend

Doctors in Gigante referred the man to a medical facility in Neiva, where doctors noted that the man's penis was inflamed, fractured and showed signs of gangrene, and opted to amputate to prevent the inflammation and gangrene from spreading to other parts of his body


Not sure about the girlfriend, but...

s11.postimg.org

...I'm impressed.
 
2013-09-22 03:09:48 AM

Smackledorfer: Trance354: So, a friend once took a pill from an "eastern medicine" shop. His girl was happy for about 5 hours, but he still had the raging wood for several hours afterward, so much so that he called another friend. A pharmacy owning friend looked at the remaining pills and them fixed my idiot friend with a stare for about 15 seconds. Turns out it was counterfeit Viagra. Might have killed him. Heart condition our not, that stuff had enough uppers in it to take out a small horse. The only thing that saved him was the 5 hours of sex.

i am known by my girl to be able to just keep going for a long as she wants. A past girlfriend enjoyed our copulation for about 9 hours one time. She couldn't walk much after, but she loved every second of it.. Also the last time I date a younger woman. Current fiancée has just one thing to say about marathon sessions in the bedroom: "Don't hurt yourself"

/getting too old to do that anymore, anyhow.

I believe neither tall tale. Did you expect people would?


You forgot something.
s11.postimg.org
 
2013-09-22 03:11:57 AM
i62.photobucket.com
 
433 [TotalFark]
2013-09-22 03:18:01 AM
moviesmedia.ign.com
 
2013-09-22 03:20:40 AM
Sabado Gigante!
 
2013-09-22 03:21:29 AM

Smackledorfer: Trance354: So, a friend once took a pill from an "eastern medicine" shop. His girl was happy for about 5 hours, but he still had the raging wood for several hours afterward, so much so that he called another friend. A pharmacy owning friend looked at the remaining pills and them fixed my idiot friend with a stare for about 15 seconds. Turns out it was counterfeit Viagra. Might have killed him. Heart condition our not, that stuff had enough uppers in it to take out a small horse. The only thing that saved him was the 5 hours of sex.

i am known by my girl to be able to just keep going for a long as she wants. A past girlfriend enjoyed our copulation for about 9 hours one time. She couldn't walk much after, but she loved every second of it.. Also the last time I date a younger woman. Current fiancée has just one thing to say about marathon sessions in the bedroom: "Don't hurt yourself"

/getting too old to do that anymore, anyhow.

I believe neither tall tale. Did you expect people would?


I was about to comment that neither of those things happened - specifically the sex "saving" the friend and the personal 9 hour sessions. Decided to read the rest of the thread and was glad someone beat me to it.
 
433 [TotalFark]
2013-09-22 03:23:02 AM
There once was a man who felt sick

When he took a quick look at is prick

As too many pills

had made him quite ill

It's true, this man has no dick.


 
2013-09-22 03:29:27 AM
There once was a man from Gigante
who ate Viagra as if it were candy
it was a sight to be seen
that lost to gangrene
he now wears a favorite panty
 
2013-09-22 03:30:31 AM

433: [moviesmedia.ign.com image 480x288]


Ha ha catering to the Fark demographic of geezer geeks who saw GB1
 
2013-09-22 03:31:42 AM

fusillade762: johnnieconnie: He was getting gangrene. In his penis.

So, he basically killed it, then it had to be amputated.

fusillade762: So did Darwin get this one or not?

If he already reproduced, then no. Technically, you have to take yourself out of the evolutionary cycle to "win"

*shudder*

But he still has his testicles, so there's a chance he could reproduce in the future, isn't there?


That's just mean, taking the penis and leaving the balls. What is he going to do with balls but no penis?
 
2013-09-22 03:34:44 AM
My only contribution to this intelligent debate would be to cite the old proverb "All's swell that ends swell"
 
2013-09-22 03:53:21 AM

mcmnky: fusillade762: johnnieconnie: He was getting gangrene. In his penis.

So, he basically killed it, then it had to be amputated.

fusillade762: So did Darwin get this one or not?

If he already reproduced, then no. Technically, you have to take yourself out of the evolutionary cycle to "win"

*shudder*

But he still has his testicles, so there's a chance he could reproduce in the future, isn't there?

That's just mean, taking the penis and leaving the balls. What is he going to do with balls but no penis?


Well if he got a funnel and a prostate stimulator...
 
2013-09-22 04:03:43 AM

Danger Avoid Death: He overdosed on Viagra to impress his new girlfriend and had to have his penis amputated. So was she impressed?


Temporarily.
 
2013-09-22 04:11:15 AM
www.reactiongifs.com
 
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