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(KGW Portland)   A man has to draw the line somewhere. In this case, the line was an overtightened ketchup lid   (kgw.com) divider line 54
    More: Dumbass  
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6269 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Sep 2013 at 6:14 AM (44 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-09-20 11:51:47 PM
He shot her once in the neck and then again in the head in what he described to investigators as a "kill shot" to make sure she was dead, Anderson told jurors.

How many years of pent up frustration with that woman do you think were contained in that final shot?
 
2013-09-21 12:06:24 AM
RED LINE! DAMMIT! RED! LINE!
 
2013-09-21 12:55:01 AM

SurfaceTension: He shot her once in the neck and then again in the head in what he described to investigators as a "kill shot" to make sure she was dead, Anderson told jurors.

How many years of pent up frustration with that woman do you think were contained in that final shot?


None. That was just to make sure she didn't come back as a zombie.
 
2013-09-21 01:03:34 AM
Jeez, if you've got a gun just shoot the top off the ketchup bottle.
 
2013-09-21 06:01:00 AM

fusillade762: Jeez, if you've got a gun just shoot the top off the ketchup bottle.


No, she had to learn. It's the principle of the matter. She won't make that mistake again.
 
2013-09-21 06:18:36 AM

ArcadianRefugee: SurfaceTension: He shot her once in the neck and then again in the head in what he described to investigators as a "kill shot" to make sure she was dead, Anderson told jurors.

How many years of pent up frustration with that woman do you think were contained in that final shot?

None. That was just to make sure she didn't come back as a zombie.


You'd think that would be basic knowledge by now.
 
2013-09-21 06:22:14 AM
My tipping point will involve people leaving doors open.

JUST SHUT THE FARKING DOOR!!!!! HOW FARKING HARD IS IT TO DO???
 
2013-09-21 06:27:05 AM
If you are 83 years old, why not just use the plastic squeeze bottles that probably make up 99% of the market share?
 
2013-09-21 06:38:06 AM
I'm OK with the ketchup cap being a little tight but you had better reset that microwave timer back to zero.  Reason. To. Kill.
 
2013-09-21 06:44:14 AM
Is there any point in even sending this guy to prison? It looks like a stiff breeze could kill him at this point.
 
2013-09-21 06:46:38 AM

Yes this is dog: If you are 83 years old, why not just use the plastic squeeze bottles that probably make up 99% of the market share?


Because when those were invented, he was already on social security?

offacue: I'm OK with the ketchup cap being a little tight but you had better reset that microwave timer back to zero.  Reason. To. Kill.


Glad I'm not the only one with this pet peeve.  All this time I thought I was crazy or something.
 
2013-09-21 06:47:26 AM

SurfaceTension: He shot her once in the neck and then again in the head in what he described to investigators as a "kill shot" to make sure she was dead, Anderson told jurors.

How many years of pent up frustration with that woman do you think were contained in that final shot?


You sound married.
 
2013-09-21 06:59:06 AM
well his attorney is using that old rational..." he didn't know what he was doing"

I call BS on that defense ; he's just an ornery cuss who can't control his temper and deserves a first degree murder charge
 
2013-09-21 07:04:33 AM

Yes this is dog: If you are 83 years old, why not just use the plastic squeeze bottles that probably make up 99% of the market share?


Is ketchup available in the glass bottles with screw caps any more?  I don't think it is anywhere around here.  But it's been a long time since I've bought ketchup and I don't often grocery shop anymore so I could be wrong.

If you want to frustrate an old guy like this one, give him ketchup in nothing but the little fast food packets.
 
2013-09-21 07:13:14 AM
"biatch set me up!"

/got nothing
 
2013-09-21 07:15:54 AM
I find the fact that there was a Carl's Jr. ad plastered over that article somewhat ironic.
 
2013-09-21 07:17:12 AM
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."  ~ William Gibson

Mortimer Snerd gets free room, board, and medical care for the rest of his life.
 
2013-09-21 07:28:19 AM
What the hell?
Who would shoot someone over an over-tightened ketchup bottle?!
What has happened to society?!

I mean, if it was an uncapped ketchup bottle, sure...crap dries up around the bottleneck...but over-tightened?!

Jeez!
 
2013-09-21 07:37:30 AM

log_jammin: My tipping point will involve people leaving doors open.

JUST SHUT THE FARKING DOOR!!!!! HOW FARKING HARD IS IT TO DO???

Very hard for these guys:

cinemaknifefight.files.wordpress.com
/hotter than a zombie's skin
 
2013-09-21 07:43:55 AM
Open this, you crazy old fart!

www.catsupbottle.com
 
2013-09-21 07:50:58 AM

Radak: Yes this is dog: If you are 83 years old, why not just use the plastic squeeze bottles that probably make up 99% of the market share?

Because when those were invented, he was already on social security?

offacue: I'm OK with the ketchup cap being a little tight but you had better reset that microwave timer back to zero.  Reason. To. Kill.

Glad I'm not the only one with this pet peeve.  All this time I thought I was crazy or something.


Microwaves are so eighties. They've gone by the wayside with televisions. Get rid of them, and your frustrations.
 
2013-09-21 07:51:31 AM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: RED LINE! DAMMIT! RED! LINE!


Too bad they couldn't have come to some compromise beforehand. like moving all the ketchup to one of those squeeze bottles, or simply having a bunch of ketchup packets instead of one big bottle.
 
2013-09-21 07:54:43 AM
crap like this is exactly why it's not necessarily a bad thing to stick elderly people in homes.

Just think - these are the same crazed old coots that say "they are fine to drive" and don't want mandatory testing every year to ensure the safety of normal drivers. *cue up old man killing multiple people driving through farmers market*

The only good thing about this case is tax payers won't have to support him long until he dies. Still a waste of a bed, food, and medical care for this murderer though.

In a case a clean cut as this - over something so damn stupid.  Give him a choice of either being hanged or firing squad.  Why spend thousands on incarceration for someone who WILL die in prison, when you can just shortcut and save everyone a lot of time/money/trouble.


Oh that's right -- the government is running the show so it's going to be slow and inefficient to the highest degree.
 
2013-09-21 08:14:46 AM
img.fark.net24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-09-21 08:15:50 AM

Resident Muslim: What the hell?
Who would shoot someone over an over-tightened ketchup bottle?!
What has happened to society?!

I mean, if it was an uncapped ketchup bottle, sure...crap dries up around the bottleneck...but over-tightened?!

Jeez!


Ordinarily I'd agree with you but it turns out his stepdaughter didn't wish him happy birthday.
 
2013-09-21 08:28:12 AM
Compliments not condiments!
 
2013-09-21 08:42:25 AM

offacue: I'm OK with the ketchup cap being a little tight but you had better reset that microwave timer back to zero.  Reason. To. Kill.


I just hit start every time I see its not at zero and she's in the kitchen.
 
2013-09-21 08:42:27 AM
My 11th green and a bit close to home because I'm getting married tomorrow morning...
 
2013-09-21 08:47:13 AM

offacue: I'm OK with the ketchup cap being a little tight but you had better reset that microwave timer back to zero.  Reason. To. Kill.


Still don't know how to set the clock?  It's not a VCR for FSM's sake.
 
2013-09-21 08:53:03 AM

Chabash: My 11th green and a bit close to home because I'm getting married tomorrow morning...


make sure you stick with the squeeze bottles w/ flip tops, ok?
 
2013-09-21 08:56:55 AM
Who still buys ketchup bottles with caps or lids?
We've had squirt lids for years now.

/Oh. It's Oregon. I see.
 
2013-09-21 09:04:13 AM

accelerus: crap like this is exactly why it's not necessarily a bad thing to stick elderly people in homes.

Just think - these are the same crazed old coots that say "they are fine to drive" and don't want mandatory testing every year to ensure the safety of normal drivers. *cue up old man killing multiple people driving through farmers market*

The only good thing about this case is tax payers won't have to support him long until he dies. Still a waste of a bed, food, and medical care for this murderer though.

In a case a clean cut as this - over something so damn stupid.  Give him a choice of either being hanged or firing squad.  Why spend thousands on incarceration for someone who WILL die in prison, when you can just shortcut and save everyone a lot of time/money/trouble.


Oh that's right -- the government is running the show so it's going to be slow and inefficient to the highest degree.


Yes. The same government that gave you the public infrastructure, public roads, bridges, water systems, police and fire and military protection, a stable environment for commerce, public health programs, schools, libraries, weather forecasting, building codes to keep you alive, and in may places subsidized EMT and emergency transport services, social security, Medicare, Medicaid, free elections, and the internet, you mean that terrible terrible government?
Is that the government you mean?
 
2013-09-21 09:09:01 AM

Chabash: My 11th green and a bit close to home because I'm getting married tomorrow morning...


Headline fail for not referencing Obama or a "red line."
 
2013-09-21 09:14:27 AM

walkerhound: Chabash: My 11th green and a bit close to home because I'm getting married tomorrow morning...

Headline fail for not referencing Obama or a "red line."


It happened in Bend, a fair portion of the residents there would probably blame Obama for this somehow.
 
2013-09-21 09:37:00 AM
He'd say you've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything
 
2013-09-21 09:42:32 AM
Old people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!
An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a  jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 83-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man  explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried  with my right hand, but nothing.  Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.  'Then I asked my wife for help.  She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.  She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'
 
gja [TotalFark]
2013-09-21 09:57:56 AM

scrumpox: Old people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!
An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a  jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 83-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man  explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried  with my right hand, but nothing.  Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.  'Then I asked my wife for help.  She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.  She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'


OK, that was good for a little larf.
 
2013-09-21 10:02:29 AM

HotIgneous Intruder: accelerus: crap like this is exactly why it's not necessarily a bad thing to stick elderly people in homes.

Just think - these are the same crazed old coots that say "they are fine to drive" and don't want mandatory testing every year to ensure the safety of normal drivers. *cue up old man killing multiple people driving through farmers market*

The only good thing about this case is tax payers won't have to support him long until he dies. Still a waste of a bed, food, and medical care for this murderer though.

In a case a clean cut as this - over something so damn stupid.  Give him a choice of either being hanged or firing squad.  Why spend thousands on incarceration for someone who WILL die in prison, when you can just shortcut and save everyone a lot of time/money/trouble.


Oh that's right -- the government is running the show so it's going to be slow and inefficient to the highest degree.

Yes. The same government that gave you the public infrastructure, public roads, bridges, water systems, police and fire and military protection, a stable environment for commerce, public health programs, schools, libraries, weather forecasting, building codes to keep you alive, and in may places subsidized EMT and emergency transport services, social security, Medicare, Medicaid, free elections, and the internet, you mean that terrible terrible government?
Is that the government you mean?



i651.photobucket.com
// No, THIS GOVERNMENT

// (Not a Teabagger/Libertard program)
 
2013-09-21 10:17:02 AM
SurfaceTension

He shot her once in the neck and then again in the head in what he described to investigators as a "kill shot" to make sure she was dead, Anderson told jurors.

Previously referred to as "Telling her twice"
 
2013-09-21 10:32:14 AM

HotIgneous Intruder: accelerus: crap like this is exactly why it's not necessarily a bad thing to stick elderly people in homes.

Just think - these are the same crazed old coots that say "they are fine to drive" and don't want mandatory testing every year to ensure the safety of normal drivers. *cue up old man killing multiple people driving through farmers market*

The only good thing about this case is tax payers won't have to support him long until he dies. Still a waste of a bed, food, and medical care for this murderer though.

In a case a clean cut as this - over something so damn stupid.  Give him a choice of either being hanged or firing squad.  Why spend thousands on incarceration for someone who WILL die in prison, when you can just shortcut and save everyone a lot of time/money/trouble.


Oh that's right -- the government is running the show so it's going to be slow and inefficient to the highest degree.

Yes. The same government that gave you the public infrastructure, public roads, bridges, water systems, police and fire and military protection, a stable environment for commerce, public health programs, schools, libraries, weather forecasting, building codes to keep you alive, and in may places subsidized EMT and emergency transport services, social security, Medicare, Medicaid, free elections, and the internet, you mean that terrible terrible government?
Is that the government you mean?


I imagine Somalia is his sort of paradise.
 
2013-09-21 10:35:28 AM

Nuclear Monk: Chabash: My 11th green and a bit close to home because I'm getting married tomorrow morning...
make sure you stick with the squeeze bottles w/ flip tops, ok?


And CLEAN THE GODDAMNED LID ONCE IN A WHILE, WHAT IS IT WITH THE DRIED KETCHUP SPLOOGE ON THE TOP, IT IS DISGUSTINARGGHGHGHGBLAMBLAMBLAM
 
2013-09-21 10:37:55 AM

HotIgneous Intruder: accelerus: crap like this is exactly why it's not necessarily a bad thing to stick elderly people in homes.

Just think - these are the same crazed old coots that say "they are fine to drive" and don't want mandatory testing every year to ensure the safety of normal drivers. *cue up old man killing multiple people driving through farmers market*

The only good thing about this case is tax payers won't have to support him long until he dies. Still a waste of a bed, food, and medical care for this murderer though.

In a case a clean cut as this - over something so damn stupid.  Give him a choice of either being hanged or firing squad.  Why spend thousands on incarceration for someone who WILL die in prison, when you can just shortcut and save everyone a lot of time/money/trouble.


Oh that's right -- the government is running the show so it's going to be slow and inefficient to the highest degree.

Yes. The same government that gave you the public infrastructure, public roads, bridges, water systems, police and fire and military protection, a stable environment for commerce, public health programs, schools, libraries, weather forecasting, building codes to keep you alive, and in may places subsidized EMT and emergency transport services, social security, Medicare, Medicaid, free elections, and the internet, you mean that terrible terrible government?
Is that the government you mean?


Do you patrol Fark, looking for posts like this?  Do you see it as your duty, to set things straight?  I've worked for the Federal government for 33 years, and efficient it ain't, buddy. I believe the man said, "Lighten up, Francis."
 
2013-09-21 10:47:08 AM

HotIgneous Intruder: Who still buys ketchup bottles with caps or lids?
We've had squirt lids for years now.

/Oh. It's Oregon. I see.


The old cuss probably made his wife wash and refill the bottle with the stolen packets from McDonalds.  It was suppose to be a murder-suicide, but he couldn't afford a second bullet thanks to Obama.

/and he left behind a six figure balance in savings.
 
2013-09-21 10:50:20 AM

Chabash: My 11th green and a bit close to home because I'm getting married tomorrow morning...


Congratulations!
 
pla
2013-09-21 11:19:07 AM
Oh, come on!  Totally unbelievable story - Everyone knows women can't even <I>open</I> the damned things, much less over-tighten them.

She must have cheated on him with some young 70YO stud and he felt too embarrassed to admit why he really did it.
 
2013-09-21 11:20:43 AM
Remind me to stay the hell off of HIS lawn.
 
2013-09-21 11:51:08 AM

HotIgneous Intruder: Who still buys ketchup bottles with caps or lids?
We've had squirt lids for years now.

/Oh. It's Oregon. I see.


Hey! We has had indoor plumin an everythin round these parts fer a while now. We has the Walmarts where we can get them fancy squirt bottles of katchup AND mustard!
 
2013-09-21 11:53:42 AM
"Shake and shake
The catsup bottle
First none'll come
And then a lot'll."
  - Richard Armour

"Where's... my cake? I... want... my... cake! Where's my cake, Bedelia? Where's my Father's Day cake? I want my cake you dirty BIATCH! I'm going to have it!" - Nathan Grantham, from the movie Creepshow (1982).

i.imgur.com
 
2013-09-21 11:57:44 AM

Chabash: My 11th green and a bit close to home because I'm getting married tomorrow morning...


Awesome, congratulations! Just make sure to set up the ketchup boundaries before things get hairy.
 
2013-09-21 12:21:11 PM
You can get ketchup in bottles outside of trashy diners?
 
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