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(Lapham's Quarterly)   Last meals of the condemned: elaborate feasts shared with your judges, a drink with the man who'll behead you, stopping at the pub for a "great bowl of ale," a slice of pecan pie you'll "save for later"--or a hearty stew made from your mortal remains   (laphamsquarterly.org ) divider line
    More: Strange, last meals, John the Baptist, Day of the Dead, ceramic plates, town square, race riots, last supper, Silent Night  
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6639 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Sep 2013 at 6:28 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



27 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-09-20 02:05:12 PM  
Lapham's is always good for some interesting reading. Thanks, subby.
 
2013-09-20 06:39:36 PM  
I'd like to say I'd request a Big Mac and Filet O Fish so that my ending moments were a raging torrent of skunky onion-filled diarrhea.

But I'd probably just request a rib-eye.
 
2013-09-20 07:02:11 PM  

naughtyrev: Lapham's is always good for some interesting reading. Thanks, subby.


Yeah, one of the few really good magazines left. No "six ways to slimmer abs" crap with these folks...
 
2013-09-20 07:03:21 PM  
I'd get the biggest, greasiest, spiciest Mexican meal I could dream up.  Let those bastards clean up the projectile diarrhea after I'm done.
 
2013-09-20 07:08:56 PM  
Let's try a last meal of nothing.
 
2013-09-20 07:15:43 PM  

AverageAmericanGuy: I'd like to say I'd request a Big Mac and Filet O Fish so that my ending moments were a raging torrent of skunky onion-filled diarrhea.

But I'd probably just request a rib-eye.


Representative of the unwashed masses: I'd get the biggest, greasiest, spiciest Mexican meal I could dream up.  Let those bastards clean up the projectile diarrhea after I'm done.


 You two do realize that your last meal will barely get in your stomach good, much less be processed into shiat/intestinal gasses, right?.  You need to ask for those at least a day in advance.
 
2013-09-20 07:17:13 PM  
Food has always played a vital role in Life's rituals. The breaking of bread, the last meal of the condemned man, and now... this meal. However informal it might appear, you can be sure that there was to be little bonhomie.
filmdope.com
Where is your farking neck?
 
Ant
2013-09-20 07:29:19 PM  
I'd want one last small taste of all my favorites:
Dungeness crab legs
Lobster tail
Seared diver scallops
Clams
Mussels
A bowl of pho
Some Vietnamese lemongrass pork
Panang curry
Lamb rogan josh
Chicken in dark mole sauce

and for dessert
Baklava
Vanilla Haagen Daas
 
2013-09-20 07:31:14 PM  
Hurry it up, you Hoosier bastard! I could hang a dozen men while you're screwing around!
i44.tinypic.com
 
2013-09-20 07:51:58 PM  
mmmmm... prime rib and more prime rib.
 
2013-09-20 08:07:24 PM  
Lapham is a sharp old dude.  IIRC, "The Farm," a documentary film on Louisiana's Angola Prison, spends some time on a prisoner's last meal.
 
2013-09-20 08:39:24 PM  
Vegetarian and meat grape leaves.
Samosas.
Mashed potatoes.
Meat pies.
Beef Wellington.
Spinach pies.
Chicken soup.
 
2013-09-20 08:41:18 PM  
And like, 25 lbs of crawdads.
 
2013-09-20 08:50:20 PM  
A 75-course meal, with the finest bourbons known to man between each course. It should take 'till tomorrow to finish it, at least.
 
2013-09-20 08:56:28 PM  
Four hyper-vodkas. Last time I wound-up in bed with both of my executioners....
 
2013-09-20 09:13:37 PM  
One human heart*, lightly braised.

* preferably the Governor's

/jk
 
2013-09-20 09:22:48 PM  

TheWhoppah: Food has always played a vital role in Life's rituals. The breaking of bread, the last meal of the condemned man, and now... this meal. However informal it might appear, you can be sure that there was to be little bonhomie.
[filmdope.com image 320x240]
Where is your farking neck?


That man has no farkin' neck!
 
2013-09-20 10:04:21 PM  

Ant: I'd want one last small taste of all my favorites:
Dungeness crab legs
Lobster tail
Seared diver scallops
Clams
Mussels
A bowl of pho
Some Vietnamese lemongrass pork
Panang curry
Lamb rogan josh
Chicken in dark mole sauce

and for dessert
Baklava
Vanilla Haagen Daas


Mmmmmmmm.

Waiter, I'll have what s/he's having.

Yummy.
 
2013-09-20 10:08:44 PM  
IDK. Probably whatever is on the menu that day or nothing.
 
2013-09-20 11:11:16 PM  
Anything my Mom made.
 
2013-09-21 12:35:56 AM  
Pizza Hut must have been pissed when the Tombstone Pizza commercial with the guy facing a firing squad stating he wanted pepperoni and sausage on his Tombstone.

I heard a different twist on the human flesh stew done in war in ancient Mayan culture.  The captured soldiers were killed, cooked in a stew then force fed to their wives and children.
 
2013-09-21 01:05:21 AM  
Shrimp in garlic butter, filet with a twice-baked potato, corn on the cob, sauteed broccoli in gruyere and garlic sauce, garlic bread, and Chunky Monkey.
 
2013-09-21 01:13:40 AM  
Okay, I just had a quarter pounder with cheese and a filet o fish. Lets see how long it takes to reach terminal liquid velocity.

I believe it should be possible to evacuate before the needle is inserted (45 minutes)
 
2013-09-21 01:45:39 AM  
And so it came to pass in Texas in 2011 that the state stopped offering special last meals, after Lawrence Russell Brewer ordered two chicken-fried steaks, one pound of barbecued meat, a triple-patty bacon cheeseburger, a meat-lover's pizza, three fajitas, an omelet, a bowl of okra, one pint of Blue Bell Ice Cream, some peanut-butter fudge with crushed peanuts, and three root beers-and ended up not eating anything. This prompted an outraged state senator to threaten to outlaw the last meal if the department of corrections didn't end the practice.

I understand the knee-jerk outrage about wasted food, but it boggles the mind that this would be the one abuse of the system worthy of swift policy change. I mean, would the food have been any less wasted if the prisoner had eaten it? What about the meal before that? Of all the problems in the world, of all the waste in government spending, $45 worth of last meal food gone to slop is the atrocity that spurs immediate action. Jebus. Considering the low number of executions carried outcompared with the current death row population, they could probably take up a voluntary collection fromother inmates to continue the practice. Skip a meal or a cigarette to pay for the other guy's farewell party. Next time it'll be you. How hard would that be? Or, we could, you know, quit worrying about the small stuff and be rational for once.
 
2013-09-21 02:03:09 AM  
Last meal?

Hell, they'll never take me in.

/not a criminal.
 
2013-09-21 02:17:06 AM  
Oh god. Oh no.

- Gandhi
 
2013-09-21 07:05:26 AM  
I recall that there was a website that recorded all of prisoners last meals in Texas, and one inmate requested "the love of Christ". I bet he got pizza.
 
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