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(Onion AV Club)   The worst possible songs to have playing when you're having sex. Is there any better mood killer than Harry Chapin's Cat's in the Cradle or The Carpenters' Superstar?   (avclub.com) divider line 276
    More: Silly, Harry Chapin, Steve Albini, Cinemax, comedy album, Risky Business, no sex, Big Black  
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3014 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 20 Sep 2013 at 9:53 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



276 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-09-20 01:20:04 PM  
Sunday Bloody Sunday, U2
 
2013-09-20 01:21:07 PM  
Oh good, don't know any of those.
Of course, don't get to have sex either so it doesn't matter.
 
2013-09-20 01:26:50 PM  
Frankie teardrop
Twenty year old Frankie
He's married he's got a kid
And he's working in a factory

He's working from seven to five
He's just trying to survive
Well lets hear it for Frankie
Frankie Frankie

Well Frankie can't make it
'Cause things are just too hard
Frankie can't make enough money
Frankie can't buy enough food
 
2013-09-20 01:29:37 PM  
Luka, Susan Vega
 
2013-09-20 01:39:38 PM  
My good gal's trying to make a fool out of me
Lord my gal's trying to make a fool out of me
Trying to make me believe I ain't got that old TB
I've got the TB blues
When it rained down sorrow it rained all over me
When it rained down sorrow it rained all over me
Cause my body rattles like a train on that old SP
I've got the TB blues
I've got that old TB I can't eat a bite
Got that old TB I can't eat a bite
Got me worried so I can't even sleep at night
I've got the TB blues
I've been fightin' like a lion looks like I'm going to lose
I've been fightin' like a lion looks like I'm going to lose
Cause there ain't nobody ever whipped the TB blues
I've got the TB blues
Gee but that graveyard is a lonesome place
Lord but that graveyard is a lonesome place
They put you on your back throw that mud down in your face
I've got the TB blues
 
2013-09-20 01:42:12 PM  
I won't shiver in the cold
I won't let the shadows take their toll
I won't cover my head in the dark
And I won't forget you when we part

Collapse the light into earth

I won't heal given time
I won't try to change your mind
I won't feel better in the cold light of day
But I wouldn't stop you if you wanted to stay

Collapse the light into earth
 
2013-09-20 01:43:05 PM  

Donnchadha: Anything "Kidz Bop"


Well, that depends entirely on how old your girlfriend is...
 
2013-09-20 01:46:32 PM  
"son of a preacher man"

//so sorry..
 
2013-09-20 01:53:04 PM  
What is this "having sex" of which you speak?
 
2013-09-20 01:53:45 PM  

mongbiohazard: Donnchadha: Anything "Kidz Bop"

Well, that depends entirely on how old your girlfriend is...


tabletheory.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-09-20 01:54:35 PM  
 
2013-09-20 01:57:27 PM  
He stopped loving her today
They placed a wreath upon his door
And soon they'll carry him away
He stopped loving her today
 
2013-09-20 01:58:14 PM  
...
All the pigs are all lined up
I give you all that you want
Take the skin and peel it back
Now doesn't that make you feel better?

Shove it up inside surprise! Lies
Stains like blood on your teeth
Bite chew suck away the tender parts
I want to break it up I want to smash it up I want to fark it up
...
 
2013-09-20 02:03:57 PM  
Five thousand, one hundred, ten days
Is a short period of time a mere fourteen years
On this precious mother earth, you see Tisha had issues
And her decision making skills were still in its early stages
You know what I'm talking about
Therefore she could not properly handle a blessing in which
She thought to be an obstacle in her path to adulthood
Pause, Just like a brother with a thousand pauses
Should I, shouldn't I, I can't, I have to, mama will never see me the same
Daddy and Big Mama I know all of them gonna be ashamed of me
Are just a few thoughts racing through her cranium
As she sits on top of the pale,
cold porcelain seat in the rear of the house
The unthinkable moments away from becoming reality, sadly with no clue
And no way of expressing her feeling
to her mam or anybody else in her life
Tisha done came to the crossroads and now she got to choose
Fatality, fatality, fatality, fatality
 
2013-09-20 02:08:40 PM  
And then you meet me and your whole world changes
Because everything I say is everything you've ever wanted to hear
So you drop all you defenses, and you drop all your fears
I'm perfect in every way
'Cause I make you feel so strong and so powerfull inside
You feel so lucky
But your ego obscures reality but you never bothered to
Wonder why things are going so well
You want to know why?
 
2013-09-20 02:16:14 PM  

Special J: What in the world is that thing?
Do you need some tweezers to put that little thing away
That has got to be the smallest dick
I've ever seen in my whole life
I have ever seen in my whole life
Get the fark outta here
Iny weeny teeny weeny
Shriveled little short dick man
Don't want don't want don't want don't want
Don't want don't want don't want don't want


Hahah, first thing I thought of and started scanning the tread to see if anyone brought it up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrlxvO4YxSE  Gotta love the '90s.
 
2013-09-20 02:17:33 PM  
Tied between:

Adagio for Strings by Samuel Barber.

and this one:

Four o'clock in the afternoon 
and I didn't feel like very much. 
I said to myself, "Where are you golden boy, 
where is your famous golden touch?" 
I thought you knew where 
all of the elephants lie down, 
I thought you were the crown prince 
of all the wheels in Ivory Town. 
Just take a look at your body now, 
there's nothing much to save 
and a bitter voice in the mirror cries, 
"Hey, Prince, you need a shave." 
Now if you can manage to get 
your trembling fingers to behave, 
why don't you try unwrapping 
a stainless steel razor blade? 
That's right, it's come to this, 
yes it's come to this, 
and wasn't it a long way down, 
wasn't it a strange way down?

There's no hot water 
and the cold is running thin. 
Well, what do you expect from 
the kind of places you've been living in? 
Don't drink from that cup, 
it's all caked and cracked along the rim. 
That's not the electric light, my friend, 
that is your vision growing dim. 
Cover up your face with soap, there, 
now you're Santa Claus. 
And you've got a gift for anyone 
who will give you his applause. 
I thought you were a racing man, 
ah, but you couldn't take the pace. 
That's a funeral in the mirror 
and it's stopping at your face. 
That's right, it's come to this, 
yes it's come to this, 
and wasn't it a long way down, 
ah wasn't it a strange way down? 

Once there was a path 
and a girl with chestnut hair, 
and you passed the summers 
picking all of the berries that grew there; 
there were times she was a woman, 
oh, there were times she was just a child, 
and you held her in the shadows 
where the raspberries grow wild. 
And you climbed the twilight mountains 
and you sang about the view, 
and everywhere that you wandered 
love seemed to go along with you. 
That's a hard one to remember, 
yes it makes you clench your fist. 
And then the veins stand out like highways, 
all along your wrist. 
And yes it's come to this, 
it's come to this, 
and wasn't it a long way down, 
wasn't it a strange way down? 

You can still find a job, 
go out and talk to a friend. 
On the back of every magazine 
there are those coupons you can send. 
Why don't you join the Rosicrucians, 
they can give you back your hope, 
you can find your love with diagrams 
on a plain brown envelope. 
But you've used up all your coupons 
except the one that seems 
to be written on your wrist 
along with several thousand dreams.
 
2013-09-20 02:19:48 PM  
My last post got cut for length but there should be enough there for you to get the idea.

I also nominated that song in an earlier Fark thread about the worst song to hear at a strip club.
 
2013-09-20 02:20:16 PM  
great green gobs of greasy-grimey gopher-guts...
 
2013-09-20 02:21:40 PM  

Rev. Skarekroe: Fish heads, fish heads, roly-poly fish heads
Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up, yum!


Ask a fish head anything you want to.
They won't answer, they can't talk.
 
2013-09-20 02:27:32 PM  
 
2013-09-20 02:27:51 PM  
Hello Muddah...Hello Faddah
 
2013-09-20 02:36:34 PM  
Pablo Fransisco bit (NSFW Language)
 
2013-09-20 02:46:44 PM  

Special J: Goodbye to you, my trusted friend.
We've known each other since we're nine or ten.


And here's the b-side to "Seasons in the Sun", called "Put the Bone In":

Put the bone in
She yelled at the store
'Cause my doggie's been hit by a car
And I do want to bring him home something
Put the bone in
She yelled out once more
Because the meat from the pork is so sweet
And the bone from the pork give to me
Put the bone in she begged him
As she paced across the floor
Put the bone in she yelled out once more

Put the bone in
She yelled at the store
Cause my doggie's been hit by a car
And I do want to bring him home something
Put the bone in
She yelled out once more ...
 
2013-09-20 02:48:38 PM  
mmmm-Bop
 
2013-09-20 02:49:00 PM  
Holly came from Miami, F.L.A.
Hitch-hiked her way across the U.S.A.
Plucked her eyebrows on the way
Shaved her legs and then he was a she
She says, "Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side"
He said, "Hey honey, take a walk on the wild side"
 
2013-09-20 02:52:18 PM  
Is "Back Door Man" a bad option, or just foreshadowing?
 
2013-09-20 02:55:09 PM  
Inflammation of the foreskin reminds me of your smile
I've had ballanital chancroids for quite a little while
I gave my heart to NSU, that lovely night in June
I ache for you my darling and I hope you'll get well soon

My penile warts your herpes, my syphilitic sores
Your moenelial infection, how I miss you more and more
Your dobie's itch, my scrumpox, our lovely gonorrhea
At least we both were lying, when we said that we were clear

I clapped out genitalia is not so bad for me
As the complete and utter failure, every time I try to pee
I'm dying from your love my love, I'm your spirochaetal clown
I've left my body to science, but I'm afraid they've turned it down

Gonococcal urethritis, streptococcal ballinitis
Meningo myelitis, diplococcal cephalitis
Epididymitis, interstitial keratitis
Syphilitic choroiditis and anterior uveitis
 
2013-09-20 02:55:17 PM  
It was late and I'd been thru all my money
Couldn't buy me that pretty little girl
Good night bum was the lousy line she threw to me
Called me honey right before she blew my load
Now ain't that treatin' me bad, ain't it reason to kill?

 Ladies and gentlement, that's the way it was
My head it ran with fuzz
I took it as reason to kill

She asked me if I'd like to have a good time
Double shots was her order of the night
Ran her hand higher up against my left thigh
Blew it all then she found another guy
Now ain't that treating me bad, ain't it reason to kill?

 Ladies and gentlement, that's the way it was
My head it ran with fuzz
I saw it as reason to kill


So I waited to hear her say "I'm sorry"
And I mooched me another drink or two
On her windshield I left her my remembrance
So she messed up my face with her shoe
Now ain't that treating me bad, ain't it reason to kill?
 
2013-09-20 02:55:28 PM  
But for someone with a musical education, anything with a weird time signature like Pink Floyd's "Money" or Led Zeppelin's "Fool in the Rain" make it tough to find your rhythm. And R.E.M.'s "End of the World" or Joe Jackson's "Time" will kill you trying to keep up..

On the positive side, if you choose a concert album, every five or ten minutes you get a standing ovation.
 
2013-09-20 02:57:57 PM  
On the sofa she weeps
BOO HOO HOO HOO
She weeps and she weeps
BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
She weeps and she peeps
Through the curtain

He just got in his car
But the battery's dead
So he asked to use the phone
And she gives him some head
And that's the end of the story

Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Man!
 
2013-09-20 03:08:12 PM  
My love for you is ticking clock
BERZERKER
Would you like to suck my c**k
BERZERKER
Would you like to makee f**k
BERZERKER
 
2013-09-20 03:12:29 PM  
Saw that Yakety Sax was mentioned in TFA.

I'll add a few of obscure (even for fark) ones, because I'm a farking hipster...

John Trubee & The Ugly Janitors of America - A Blind Man's Penis
Al Mader (aka The Minimalist Jug Band) - Lousy Lover
Royal Grand Prix - (My Baby's Got) Scabies
 
2013-09-20 03:16:10 PM  
And from 70's, Todd Rundgren's "You Left Me Sore"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTpHLUy7zcE

Love is infectious and I was a victim
The worst case you'd ever see
But still I know no doctor or nurse
Could cure what you gave to me
'Cause you really, you left me sore
(You left me sore)
You really left me sore now baby
(You left me sore)
You messed me up for sure and I don't mean maybe
'Cause you really left me sore
You didn't tell me and I didn't ask
So there's nobody left to blame
But still I know no place I can go
That helps to relieve the pain
'Cause you really, you left me sore
(You left me sore)
You really left me sore now baby
(You left me sore)
You messed me up for sure and I don't mean maybe
'Cause you really left me sore
But now I know no good ever comes
From love on a one night stand
'Cause you really, you left me sore
(You left me sore)
You really left me sore now baby
(You left me sore)
You messed me up for sure and I don't mean maybe
'Cause you really left me sore
You really, you left me sore
(You left me sore)
You really left me sore now baby
(You left me sore)
You messed me up for sure and I don't mean maybe
'Cause you really left me sore
 
2013-09-20 03:25:31 PM  
Am I really the first person to suggest Gilbert O'Sullivan's Alone Again (Naturally)?
 
2013-09-20 03:30:47 PM  
Tooling for Anus

-the Meatmen
 
2013-09-20 03:31:03 PM  
It was the town that made America famous. 
The churches full and the kids all gone to hell. 
Six traffic lights and seven cops and all the streets kept clean. 
The supermarket and the drug store and the bars all doing well
 
2013-09-20 03:34:58 PM  
Yub nub, eee chop yub nub;
Ah toe meet toe peechee keene,
G'noop dock fling oh ah.
 
2013-09-20 03:37:43 PM  
one from my wife... and gotta agree...
Tiptoe through the Tulips - Tiny Tim
 
2013-09-20 03:39:33 PM  

FeedTheCollapse: Big Black - Jordan Minnesota


I've had this happen.

Plowed through anyway.

This is Jordan, we do what we like!
 
2013-09-20 03:44:20 PM  
 
2013-09-20 03:46:37 PM  
Anything by Barney - sure I'm happy to be getting lucky but the old dinosaur isn't exactly revving the engines...if you know what I mean and I think you do!
 
2013-09-20 03:47:42 PM  
Pretty much anything off of "Electro-Shock Blues" by the Eels.
 
2013-09-20 03:52:23 PM  
She lives in this house over there
Has her world outside it
Scrapples in the earth with her fingers and her mouth
She's five years old

Thread worms on a string
Keeps spiders in her pocket
Collects fly wings in a jar
Scrubs horse flies
And pinches them on a line
Ohhh...

She has one friend, he lives next door
They're listenening to the weather
He knows how many freckles she's got
She scratches his beard

She's painting huge books
And glues them together
They saw a big raven
It glided down the sky
She touched it
Ohh...

Today is a birthday
They're smoking cigars
He's got a chain of flowers
And sows a bird in her knickers
Ohhh...

They're smoking cigars
They lie in the bathtub
A chain of ... flowers
 
2013-09-20 03:55:04 PM  
I would say any type of electronical/dance that has a bass beat that cycles at about 60-120 bpm.
 
2013-09-20 04:01:41 PM  
The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they called 'Gitche Gumee'
The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead
When the skies of November turn gloomy
With a load of iron ore twenty-six thousand tons more
Than the Edmund Fitzgerald weighed empty.
That good ship and crew was a bone to be chewed
When the gales of November came early.

The ship was the pride of the American side
Coming back from some mill in Wisconsin
As the big freighters go, it was bigger than most
With a crew and good captain well seasoned
Concluding some terms with a couple of steel firms
When they left fully loaded for Cleveland
And later that night when the ship's bell rang
Could it be the north wind they'd been feelin'?

The wind in the wires made a tattle-tale sound
And a wave broke over the railing
And every man knew, as the captain did too,
T'was the witch of November come stealin'.
The dawn came late and the breakfast had to wait
When the Gales of November came slashin'.
When afternoon came it was freezin' rain
In the face of a hurricane west wind.

When suppertime came, the old cook came on deck sayin'.
Fellas, it's too rough to feed ya.
At Seven P.M. a main hatchway caved in, he said
Fellas, it's been good t'know ya
The captain wired in he had water comin' in
And the good ship and crew was in peril.
And later that night when his lights went outta sight
Came the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

Does any one know where the love of God goes
When the waves turn the minutes to hours?
The searchers all say they'd have made Whitefish Bay
If they'd put fifteen more miles behind her.
They might have split up or they might have capsized;
May have broke deep and took water.
And all that remains is the faces and the names
Of the wives and the sons and the daughters.

Lake Huron rolls, Superior sings
In the rooms of her ice-water mansion.
Old Michigan steams like a young man's dreams;
The islands and bays are for sportsmen.
And farther below Lake Ontario
Takes in what Lake Erie can send her,
And the iron boats go as the mariners all know
With the Gales of November remembered.

In a musty old hall in Detroit they prayed,
In the Maritime Sailors' Cathedral.
The church bell chimed till it rang twenty-nine times
For each man on the Edmund Fitzgerald.
The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they call 'Gitche Gumee'.
Superior, they said, never gives up her dead
When the gales of November come early!
 
2013-09-20 04:03:29 PM  

DragonIV: It was the town that made America famous. 
The churches full and the kids all gone to hell. 
Six traffic lights and seven cops and all the streets kept clean. 
The supermarket and the drug store and the bars all doing well


Harry just wasn't romantic.
 
2013-09-20 04:08:16 PM  
Eminem's "Kim."
 
2013-09-20 04:12:33 PM  
Hot Pants, by the Hal Lovejoy Circus
 
2013-09-20 04:25:09 PM  

Donnchadha: minoridiot: Turns them on everytime....

In case you don't have that queued up, it also works to tell your partner "Say my name!" and when they say something, just say "I can't hear you!" in the appropriate pirate voice. If the answer is not changed to "Spongebob Squarepants", kick them out of bed and go watch cartoons.


I once started singing "the Happy Happy, Joy Joy song" from Ren and Stimpy. She just started laughing. Eventually I married this one.
 
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