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(Onion AV Club)   The worst possible songs to have playing when you're having sex. Is there any better mood killer than Harry Chapin's Cat's in the Cradle or The Carpenters' Superstar?   (avclub.com) divider line 276
    More: Silly, Harry Chapin, Steve Albini, Cinemax, comedy album, Risky Business, no sex, Big Black  
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3014 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 20 Sep 2013 at 9:53 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



276 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-09-20 11:30:30 AM  
Simply haaaaaving a wonderful Christmas time!!!
 
2013-09-20 11:30:58 AM  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvoBAeNhNZk

This one never goes over well during foreplay, but I can't stop singing it.
 
2013-09-20 11:36:22 AM  
[CSB]
Cuddling with the GF, so many years ago, had Floyd playing quietly in the background at the time, with several albums in a CD changer. We were all snuggled in enjoying the afterglow and drifting off to sleep when one of us leaned on the remote and turned the volume up. No problem, right? Pink Floyd's pretty mellow. The last few notes of 'On the Run' faded and then the room exploded with the bells at the beginning of 'Time'.
The two of us bolted out of bed thinking there was a fire or some other catastrophe, tripping over each other, tangled in the sheets, and naked as jaybirds. She raced to the door, I raced for the window to see if we needed a different escape, before we realized it was the next song on the album.
[/CSB]
 
2013-09-20 11:41:05 AM  

Saiga410: Wait when did someone cover Ugly Kid Joes Cats in the Cradle


I actually LOL'd
 
2013-09-20 11:47:40 AM  
"Just Because You Sleep Next To Me Doesn't Mean You're Safe" by Gallows.

Pour some petrol
Through your letter box
Put all my memories
In an envelope
Then set it on fire
Then send it straight to you
When you get it
The least you could do
Is choke on the smoke
And let me breathe again
I know I never want to farking see you again
I watched you burning
With the keys in my hand
You were screaming 'farking let me go'
As you were turning black
The crowd go wild
And they signal applause
Well done for getting this far
Don't expect an encore when you
Choke on the smoke
Let me breathe again
Because I know I never want to farking see you again
Goodnight sweetheart
Can you hear what I say?
I broke both your legs
You broke my heart today
You're lying in this bed
With your eyes tight shut
I'm lying next to you
Thank god I just woke up
 
mhd
2013-09-20 11:48:09 AM  
Still waiting for my saviour,
storms tear me limb from limb;
my fingers feel like seaweed...
I'm so far out I'm too far in.
I am a lonely man, my solitude is true
my eyes have borne stark witness
and now my nights are numbered, too.
I've seen the smiles on dead hands,
the stars shine, but they're not for me.

I prophesy disaster and then I count the cost...
I shine but, shining, dying,
I know that I am almost lost.
On the table lies blank paper
'and my tower is built on stone
I only have blunt scissors,
I only have the bluntest home...
I've been the witness, and the seal of death
lingers in the molten wax that is my head.

When you see the skeletons
of sailing-ship spars sinking low
You'll begin to wonder if the points
of all the ancients myths
are solemnly directed straight at you...
 
2013-09-20 11:49:06 AM  

offacue: It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.


Came to say this.
 
2013-09-20 11:49:08 AM  

wxboy: 1812 Overture.


No farking way, that would be the absolute best song to have an angry grudge fark to.
 
2013-09-20 11:53:04 AM  
If you could read my mind, love,
What a tale my thoughts could tell.
Just like an old time movie,
'Bout a ghost from a wishing well.
In a castle dark or a fortress strong.
With chains upon my feet.
But stories always end,
And if you read between the lines,
You'd know that I'm just tryin' to understand
The feelin's that you lack.
I never thought I could feel this way
And I've got to say that I just don't get it.
I don't know where we went wrong,
But the feelin's gone
And I just can't get it back!
 
2013-09-20 11:55:07 AM  
Goodbye, my friend, it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that the spring is in the air
Pretty girls are everywhere
Think of me and I'll be there

We had joy, we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed were just seasons
Out of time
 
2013-09-20 11:55:13 AM  
See, I don't know why I liked you so much
I gave you all, of my trust
I told you, I loved you, now that's all down the drain
You put me through pain, I wanna let you know how I feel

Fark what I said it don't mean shiat now
Fark the presents might as well throw 'em out
Fark all those kisses, they didn't mean jack
Fark you, you hoe, I don't want you back
 
2013-09-20 11:56:05 AM  
It's alright to tell me what you think about me
I won't try to argue or hold it against you
I know that you're leaving you must have your reasons
The season is calling and your pictures are falling down
The steps that I retrace the sad look on your face
The timing and structure did you hear he farked her?
A day late a buck short I'm writing the report
On losing and failing when I move I'm flailing now
And it's happened once again
I'll turn to a friend
Someone that understands
Sees through the master plan
But everybody's gone
And I've been here for too long
To face this on my own
Well I guess this is growing up
Well I guess this is growing up
And maybe I'll see you at a movie sneak preview
You'll show up and walk by on the arm of that guy
And I'll smile and you'll wave we'll pretend it's okay
The charade it won't last when he's gone I won't come back
And it'll happen once again
You'll turn to a friend
Someone that understands
And sees through the master plan
But everybody's gone
And you've been there for too long
To face this on your own
Well I guess this is growing up
 
2013-09-20 11:56:22 AM  

Special J: bump: Special J

Terry Jacks ftw!!

/well done Sir

Haha, yeah, I was surprised this thread got that long without that one.


I just posted it thinking I was the first.  Good job, sir, I bow to you.
 
2013-09-20 11:57:42 AM  
Photographs and memories
Christmas cards you sent to me
All that I have are these to remember you

Memories that come at night
Take me to another time
Back to a happier day, when I called you mine

But we sure had a good time
When we started way back when
Morning walks and bedroom talks
Oh, how I loved you then

Summer skies and lullabies
Nights we couldn't say goodbye
And of all of the things that we knew
Not a dream survived

Photographs and memories
All the love you gave to me
Somehow it just can't be true
It's all I've left of you

But we sure had a good time
When we started way back when
Morning walks and bedroom talks
Oh, how I loved you then
 
2013-09-20 11:58:47 AM  
Cause I dug my key into the side
of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats...
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.
 
2013-09-20 12:01:02 PM  
When you lie, kiss your baby bye bye bye
And if you're true, the whole wide world will laugh with you
When we see nothing's wrong with you and me
Time will tell, it might even ring a wedding bell

If you think that I'm a loser
Well you suck, 'cause you know I ain't nothin' but a user
Of your love I can't get enough
Girl it's true, the whole wide world is smiling with you

Push th' little daisies and make 'em come up
 
2013-09-20 12:02:29 PM  
"It's raining men.....hallelujah"
 
2013-09-20 12:02:41 PM  

gglibertine: baka-san: Actually, Yackty Sax would make it much like the sex scene in Clockwork Orange (movie, not book)

I had a roommate who used to play Spike Jones records when he was having sex. He used to say, "If you can't fall out of opposite sides of the bed laughing uncontrollably, you're doing it wrong."

/Wisdom for the ages


Yakety Sax would make it sound like a Benny Hill skit.
 
2013-09-20 12:04:00 PM  
One more...

You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear
Gotta start with the right material, to generate a useful idea
In other words, you can't turn a ho into a housewife
Try it, the biatch'll make you sock her in her mouth twice
It started out beautiful, but you was playin possum
To me, you was just a f*ck, but our relationship blossomed
Got attached to your kids, I loved 'em like my own
Referred to your daughter as my daughter, your son as my son
Called you my wife, even if it was common law
Never saw a better creature in my life,
How could the one who stole my heart, make me reach for my knife
(Why you reachin for your knife?) Cause I'ma stab that biatch
(What if they take your freedom Bill?) They can have that shiat
 
2013-09-20 12:09:52 PM  
Look at her butt
It is so big. She looks like
One of those rap guys' girlfriends
But, y'know, who understands those rap guys?
They only talk to her, because
She looks like a total prostitute, 'kay?
I mean, her butt, is just so big
I can't believe it's just so round, it's like
Out there, I mean - gross. Look!
She's just so ... black!
 
2013-09-20 12:11:07 PM  
i lost my virginity 20 years ago this year to a live version of Abacab by Genesis.  truly the unsexiest band playing a decidedly unsexy song, yet it didn't stop me.
 
2013-09-20 12:12:18 PM  
 
2013-09-20 12:16:26 PM  
I cum blood from cannibal corpse. Really anything from cannibal corpse
 
2013-09-20 12:17:26 PM  
45 Grave - Party Time  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuzL-Tr0ifk
 
2013-09-20 12:18:17 PM  
Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant,
Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant,
Lay your body down and get you pregnant,
Knock you up, pregnant, Knock you up
 
Ab3
2013-09-20 12:33:19 PM  
 
2013-09-20 12:36:12 PM  
anything by Cannibal Corpse
 
2013-09-20 12:37:20 PM  
Skidamarink a dink a dink.
Skidamarink a doo.
I love you.

Skidamarink a dink a dink.
Skidamarink a doo.
I love you.
 
2013-09-20 12:40:51 PM  
"Powerhouse" by Raymond Scott.
Actually, I should try that one.
 
2013-09-20 12:45:39 PM  
I can see
By the look on your face
That you've got ringworm.
I'm very sorry but,
I have to tell you that
You've got ringworm.
It's a very common disease.
Actually, you're very luck to have
Ringworm
'cause you may have
Had somethin' else.
Oooh, aaahhh...
Uuunnnhhhaaahhnnn...
You've got ringworm.
Oooh-oooh, oooh, oooh-oooh, oooh, oooh-oooh...
 
2013-09-20 12:46:33 PM  
I remember, we were flying along,
And hit something in the air...

Laying here, looking at the ceiling,
Someone lays a sheet across my chest.
Something warm is flowing down my fingers
Pain is flowing all through my back.

I try to move my arm and there's no feeling
And when I look, I see there's nothing there.
The face beside me stopped bleeding
The girl I knew has such a distant stare.

I remember, we were flying along,
And hit something in the air.

Then I look straight at the attendant,
His face is pale as it can be.
He bends and whispers something softly,
He says there's no chance for me.

I remember, we were flying along,
And hit something in the air.

Life is flowing out my body,
Pain is flowing out with my blood.
The sheets are red and moist where I'm lying.
God in Heaven, teach me how to die.

I remember, we were flying along,
And hit something in the air.
 
2013-09-20 12:49:04 PM  
Papa Don't Preach, Madonna.  Closer to Fine, Indigo Girls.  Russians, Sting.  Suffer Little Children, The Smiths.
 
2013-09-20 12:49:24 PM  
 
2013-09-20 12:53:22 PM  
...First you crawl, then walk
Scat, then you talk.
Hear the cool, then feel the heat
Of the offbeat of avenues.
 
2013-09-20 12:55:36 PM  
Walk for Two, 10,000 maniacs, anything from Rush
 
2013-09-20 12:55:37 PM  

moulding god: "Powerhouse" by Raymond Scott.
Actually, I should try that one.


It would make sex a Rube Goldberg contraption.
 
2013-09-20 12:56:28 PM  
oh m'darlin oh m'darlin OH M'DARLIN CLEMENTIIIINE
 
2013-09-20 12:57:13 PM  
Ticks are parasites creepy and small
Scourge of the northwoods Spring through Fall
Their step is light you never know they're there
'til they pitch a tent in your underwear

Look at the moon it's a beautiful sight
don't share your body with a parasite
Let's get naked its the safe thing to do
you check me and I'll check you ...
for wood ticks

You might have been fishing or leaning on a tree
That's when I find them crawling on me
Even now one could be creeping up a limb
Looking for a warm spot he can slip in

Look at that moon ...

It's for your own welfare what you wanna do
Would you rather have a parasite sucking on you?
Your buttons are the locks and my fingers are the keys
To saving us both from Lyme's disease

Look at that moon ...

Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever
Hack the little suckers with a heavy meat cleaver
Come on, Honey, what the heck
It ain't nothing but a wood tick check

By now you're starting to squirm and twitch
Like a newly wed couple with the honeymoon itch
Ticks are like men at a singles dance
Give them half a chance they'll get in your pants

As a public service I sing this song
If we don't pull together
We won't last long
If you ever find yourself in a fix
Better let me check for ticks
(that's right, baby)
Better let me check you for ticks
 
2013-09-20 12:58:46 PM  
Can't see YouTube links at work so this may have been posted already, but Stutter by Elastica.
 
2013-09-20 12:59:39 PM  
TDTF by those Dead Kennedys
 
2013-09-20 01:01:41 PM  
Old Man, Neil Young
I would do anything for love, Meat Loaf
Landslide, Fleetwood Mac
 
2013-09-20 01:03:52 PM  
I clicked on this thread hoping for a chuckle or two and now I just want to cry.

Thanks Fark!

/oblig. Welcome to Fark jpeg.
 
2013-09-20 01:04:28 PM  
I'm the one who killed your precious cat
and stuffed him in your farking mailbox
If i would'nt have cut my hair
I'd choke you with my farkin dreadlocks...
 
2013-09-20 01:04:34 PM  
No Lola?
 
2013-09-20 01:08:08 PM  
Big Yellow Taxi, Joni Mitchell
I've seen fire and rain, James Taylor
Anything by Gary Glitter
 
2013-09-20 01:09:03 PM  
Mama Told me not to cumm, 3 dog night
 
2013-09-20 01:09:47 PM  

Uchiha_Cycliste: Nirvana, Rape Me.


Came for this, leaving satisfied.
 
2013-09-20 01:12:04 PM  
just jumped in to say, that's easy!

sentimental journey-   pere ubu's the modern dance
 
2013-09-20 01:15:51 PM  
I've had a fine time with interesting women to very unromantic music.
 
2013-09-20 01:16:16 PM  

garandman1a: Uchiha_Cycliste: Nirvana, Rape Me.

Came for this, leaving satisfied.


Ah hem... *phrasing*  =/
 
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