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(Onion AV Club)   The worst possible songs to have playing when you're having sex. Is there any better mood killer than Harry Chapin's Cat's in the Cradle or The Carpenters' Superstar?   (avclub.com) divider line 276
    More: Silly, Harry Chapin, Steve Albini, Cinemax, comedy album, Risky Business, no sex, Big Black  
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3017 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 20 Sep 2013 at 9:53 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



276 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-09-20 10:39:01 AM  
For dads in particular, or anybody who's dating a single mom:

Alison Krauss' "Jacob's Dream" will not only kill the mood with your wife/girlfriend, she will insist on getting up to check on the kids, all the while sobbing, and you ain't gettin' none until the next weekend at the earliest.

For long-lasting effects, there's nothing more deadly.
 
2013-09-20 10:40:01 AM  
 
2013-09-20 10:40:47 AM  
Roly Poly eatin' corn and taters
He's hungry every minute of the day
Roly Poly gnawin' on a biscuit
And as long as he can chew it, it's okay

He can eat an apple pie, never even bat his eye
He likes everything from a soup to hay
Roly Poly daddy's little fatty
I'll bet he's gonna be a man someday
 
2013-09-20 10:41:10 AM  
you people are crazzy
 
2013-09-20 10:41:17 AM  

baka-san: Actually, Yackty Sax would make it much like the sex scene in Clockwork Orange (movie, not book)


I had a roommate who used to play Spike Jones records when he was having sex. He used to say, "If you can't fall out of opposite sides of the bed laughing uncontrollably, you're doing it wrong."

/Wisdom for the ages
 
2013-09-20 10:41:18 AM  

offacue: It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.


<SNIP>
You bastard.
 
2013-09-20 10:43:30 AM  
Nirvana, Rape Me.
 
2013-09-20 10:44:38 AM  
Let the bodies hit the floor
let the bodies hit the floor
let the bodies hit the floor
let the bodies hit the floor
 
2013-09-20 10:45:33 AM  
Daddy says, come and sit on my knee
Daddy says, you're the only girl for me
cos amelia, you're daddy's favourite girl
Amelia, daddy loves his little girl

Daddy comes, in the dark of night
Daddy says, don't be scared, it'll be alright
Amelia, daddy hates to see you cry
Amelia, you're the apple of daddy's eye

Daddy says, dry your tears and give me a smile
Daddy says, if you're good Ill hold you awhile
cos amelia, you're daddy's precious girl
Amelia, daddy loves to love his little girl

daddy, tell me daddy,
Is this really love?

Daddy says, don't tell mama what I do to you
Daddy says, if you do I'll beat you black and blue
cos amelia, you make daddy feel like a man
Amelia, daddy loves you more than mummy can

daddy, tell me, daddy,
How can you call this love?
 
2013-09-20 10:46:27 AM  
Big Black - Jordan Minnesota
 
2013-09-20 10:46:55 AM  
Adrian Munsey's lost sheep.
 
2013-09-20 10:46:58 AM  
Whole Lotta Rosie
 
2013-09-20 10:47:09 AM  
 
2013-09-20 10:50:38 AM  
When I was 17 (20 years ago) I had sex with my girlfriend to some portion of the debut "House of Pain" album.  I feel like I should call her and apologize for that.
 
2013-09-20 10:50:43 AM  
I'm a patient man you know I am
But you're pushing me to the limit
Imagine a picture of me and you
Only you're not in it

You've been on my back for a trillion years
I can't take another minute
Imagine a picture of me and you
Only you're not in it

Imagine a picture of me in a Cadillac
Speeding out of town
Imagine a picture of our happy home
Burning to the ground

It's an endless fight -- I'm wrong you're right
There's no way I can win it
Imagine a picture of me and you
Only you're not in it

http://grooveshark.com/s/Imagine+A+Picture/3xLa2A?src=5
 
2013-09-20 10:55:34 AM  
Penicillin Penny she's the queen of the sunset strip
If she ever gives you any then you better see your doctor real quick
From the back seat of Cadillac cars, to the floor of men's room bars
She's Penicillin Penny and her future's written in the stars

She's Penicillin Penny and ever since the day she came and came
They say she's had so many, she gives 'em all numbers not names
I always call her Hun' but she calls me 1001
And Penicillin Penny starts to boogie when the day is done

/even better since Shel Silverstein wrote the lyrics
 
2013-09-20 10:57:28 AM  

Vash's Apprentice: GWAR-Slap U Around  (Needless to say this is NSFW)


While that's pretty offensive one I'd have to go with this one (NSFW).
 
2013-09-20 10:57:54 AM  
I think I'm going to vacate this thread now. Too many child abuse songs I never knew existed before today. I think I'll dig out some early 1950's bebop jazz...it's peppy and has no words...thankfully.
 
2013-09-20 10:58:45 AM  
Perhaps Cold Ethyl?
 
2013-09-20 10:59:34 AM  
Bobby Goldsboro -  Honey
 
2013-09-20 11:00:16 AM  
I've had sex to the sound of Monty Python's "Every sperm is sacred."

Dark Carnival or Dark Cabaret would probably be uniform hard-offs. The first because you're crying, the second because you're laughing at stuff that should make you cry.
 
2013-09-20 11:00:23 AM  
I remember all my life
Raining down as cold as ice
A shadow of a man
A face through a window
Crying in the night
The night goes into

Morning, just another day
Happy people pass my way
Looking in their eyes
I see a memory
I never realized
How happy you made me, oh Mandy

Well you came and you gave without taking
And I sent you away, oh Mandy
And you kissed me and stopped me from shaking
And I need you today, oh Mandy
 
2013-09-20 11:01:04 AM  
This list fails for lack of Poisoning Pigeons in the Park.
 
2013-09-20 11:01:15 AM  
1812 Overture.
 
2013-09-20 11:02:06 AM  
The Hamster Dance?
 
2013-09-20 11:02:07 AM  
It's a great big universeAnd we're all really puny.We're just tiny little specksAbout the size of Mickey Rooney.It's big and black and inkyAnd we are small and dinkyIt's a big universe and we're not.
 
2013-09-20 11:02:52 AM  
Good times for a change
see, the luck I've had
can make a good man turn bad
So please please please
let me, let me, let me
let me get what I want this time
Haven't had a dream in a long time
see, the life I've had
can make a good man bad
So for once in my life
let me get what I want
Lord knows it would be the first time
Lord knows it would be the first time
 
2013-09-20 11:03:26 AM  
Yo Ho, Yo Ho , a pirate's life for meeee...
 
2013-09-20 11:03:40 AM  
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
 
2013-09-20 11:03:48 AM  
Obama's Song?
 
2013-09-20 11:03:49 AM  
I love you You love me
We're a happy family
With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you.
Won't you say you love me too
I love you You love me
We're best friends like friends should be
With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you.
Won't you say you love me too
I love you You love me
We're a happy family
With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you.
Won't you say you love me too
I love you You love me
We're best friends like friends should be
With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you.
Won't you say you love me too
 
2013-09-20 11:04:31 AM  
Alice Cooper's  Cold Ethyl
 
2013-09-20 11:08:49 AM  
Whatever that stupid song is that my toddlers crib toy plays, she has become a major league cock block.
 
2013-09-20 11:10:59 AM  
WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!

/Green Jelly?  Green Jello.  sigh...
 
2013-09-20 11:11:35 AM  
 

Sybarite: They might have split up or they might have capsized;
they may have broke deep and took water.
And all that remains is the faces and the names
of the wives and the sons and the daughters.


Just what I had thought when I read the title

since that one is taken, I'll say the Loituma Clock song
 
2013-09-20 11:14:00 AM  
Well the telephone is ringing,
Is that my mother on the phone?
Telephone is ringing,
Is that my mother on the phone?
The telephone is screaming,
Won't she leave me alone?
The telephone is ringing,
Is that my mother on the phone?

Well every girl that I go out with
Becomes my mother in the end.
Every girl I go out with
Becomes my mother in the end.
Well I hear my mother calling,
But I don't need her as a friend.
Well every girl I go out with
Becomes my mother in the end.

Oh, oh mother
Oh mother dear please listen
And don't devour me.
Oh mother dear please listen
Don't devour me.
Oh women please have mercy
Let this poor boy be.
Oh mother dear please listen
And don't devour me.
Oh mother

Well the telephone is ringing
Is that my mother on the phone?
Telephone is ringing
Is that my mother on the phone?
The telephone is screaming,
Won't she leave me alone?
The telephone is ringing,
Is that my mother on the phone?

Ohhhh....mother
 
Ant
2013-09-20 11:14:19 AM  
Lost my virginity to this:


I met you on somebody's island
You thought you had known me before
I brought you a crate of papaya
They waited all night by your door
You probably wouldn't remember
I probably couldn't forget
Jungle love in the surf in the pouring rain
Everything's better when wet

Jungle love it's drivin' me mad It's makin' me crazy
Jungle love it's drivin' me mad It's makin' me crazy
 
2013-09-20 11:15:53 AM  
Bury me softly in this womb
I kept this part of me from you
Sand rains down and here I sit
Holding rare flowers
In a tomb... in bloom
Down in a hole and I don't know if I can be saved
See my heart I decorate it like a grave
Well you don't understand who they
Thought I was supposed to be
Look at me now I'm a man
Who won't let himself be
Down in a hole, feelin so small
Down in a hole, losin my soul
I'd like to fly,
But my wings have been so denied
 
2013-09-20 11:19:45 AM  
Remember when you ran away and I got on my knees and begged you not to leave because I'd go berzerk?
Well, you left me anyhow and the days got worse and worse and now you see I've gone completely out of my mind.
And
They're coming to take me away Ha Ha
They're coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha
to the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time, and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats
and they're coming to take me away ha ha

You thought it was joke and so you laughed, you laughed when I had said that losing you would make me flip my lid, right?
You know you laughed, I heard you laugh, you laughed, you laughed and laughed and then you left, but now you know I'm utterly mad.

And
they're coming to take me away Ha Ha
They're coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha
To the happy home with trees and flowers and chirping birds and basket weavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes
They're coming to take me away ha ha...

I cooked your food, I cleaned your house, and this is how you paid me back for all my kind unselfish loving deeds. Huh?
Well you just wait they'll find you yet, and when they do they'll put you in the ASPCA you mangy mutt.

And
They're coming to take me away Ha Ha
They're coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha
To the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be happy to see those nice men in their clean white coats
They're coming to take me away Ha Ha
To the happy home with trees and flowers and chirping birds and basket weavers who sit and smile and twiddle thier thumbs and toes
They're coming to take me away Ha Ha
 
2013-09-20 11:20:41 AM  
Young girl, get out of my mind
My love for you is way out of line
Better run, girl
You're much too young, girl
 
2013-09-20 11:21:38 AM  
I used to love her
But I had to kill her
I used to love her, Mm, yeah
But I had to kill her
I had to put her six feet under
And I can still hear her complain
 
2013-09-20 11:22:12 AM  
In the year 4545
Ain't gonna need your teeth, won't need your eyes
You won't find a thing to chew
Nobody's gonna look at you
 
2013-09-20 11:22:34 AM  
Sam & Dave

http://youtu.be/AREppyQf5uw

/because it only lasts for two minutes
 
2013-09-20 11:22:44 AM  
Long distance information, give me Memphis Tennessee
help me find the party tryin´ to get in touch with me.
She could not leave her number but I know who placed the call
my uncle took the message and he wrote it on the wall.
 
2013-09-20 11:23:53 AM  

Ghost Roach: Sam & Dave

http://youtu.be/AREppyQf5uw

/because it only lasts for two minutes


Tighten Up could be worse
 
2013-09-20 11:25:10 AM  
Wait when did someone cover Ugly Kid Joes Cats in the Cradle
 
2013-09-20 11:28:44 AM  
 
2013-09-20 11:29:33 AM  

JerseyTim: "Brick" by Ben Folds Five


Came to say this. Incredible song, but it will tear your heart out
 
2013-09-20 11:30:14 AM  
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo,
I've got a perfect puzzle for you.
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-dee,
If you are wise you'll listen to me.
What do you get when you guzzle down sweets?
Eating as much as an elephant eats.
What are you at getting terribly fat?
What do you think will come of that?
I don't like the look of it
Oompa Loompa do-ba-dee-da,
Given good manners you will go far.
You will live in happiness too,
Like the oompa loompa do-ba-dee-doo.
Do-ba-dee-doo
 
2013-09-20 11:30:16 AM  
i235.photobucket.com
We celebrate a day of peace,
a day of harmony,
a day of joy we all can share,
together joyously;

a day that takes us through the darkness,
a day that leads us into might,
a day that makes us want to celebrate,
the liiiiight...

a day that brings the promise
that one day we'll be free...
to live, to laugh,
to dream, to grow,
to trust, to love,
to be!
 
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