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(Onion AV Club)   The worst possible songs to have playing when you're having sex. Is there any better mood killer than Harry Chapin's Cat's in the Cradle or The Carpenters' Superstar?   (avclub.com ) divider line 276
    More: Silly, Harry Chapin, Steve Albini, Cinemax, comedy album, Risky Business, no sex, Big Black  
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3019 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 20 Sep 2013 at 9:53 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
 
2013-09-20 08:18:27 AM  
They might have split up or they might have capsized;
they may have broke deep and took water.
And all that remains is the faces and the names
of the wives and the sons and the daughters.
 
2013-09-20 08:26:36 AM  
Don't take your love away from me
Don't you leave my heart in misery
If you go then I'll be blue
'Cause breaking up his hard to do
Remember when you held me tight
And you kissed me all through the night
Think of all that we've been through
Breaking up is hard to do
 
2013-09-20 08:27:50 AM  
I leaned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear-skinned smiles
Who married young and then retired
The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
Were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth
 
2013-09-20 08:28:36 AM  
You've painted up your lips
And rolled and curled your tinted hair
Ruby are you contemplating
Going out somewhere
The shadow on the wall
Tells me the sun is going down
Oh Ruby
Don't take your love to town
 
2013-09-20 08:28:51 AM  
The Christmas Shoes
 
2013-09-20 08:29:16 AM  
"Brick" by Ben Folds Five
 
2013-09-20 08:30:13 AM  
Well I hope I don't die too soon
I pray the lord my soul to save
Oh I'll be a good boy, Im trying so hard to behave
Because there's one thing I know, I'd like to live
Long enough to savour
That's when they finally put you in the ground
Ill stand on your grave and tramp the dirt down
 
2013-09-20 08:30:35 AM  
Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my mama, please
It's Christmas eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry, sir, daddy says there's not much time
You see she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes would make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful, if mama meets Jesus tonight
 
2013-09-20 08:30:36 AM  
The need inside you...I see it showin'
The seed inside you....Baby, do you feel it growin'
Are you happy you know it?
That you're havin' my baby.
 
2013-09-20 08:30:37 AM  
I was tired of my lady, we'd been together too long
Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed
And in the personals column, there was this letter I read
"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape
I'm the lady you've looked for, write to me, and escape"
 
jbc [TotalFark]
2013-09-20 08:30:52 AM  
Mama tries hard to pretend
Things will get better again
Somehow she's keeping it all inside her

But finally the tears fill our eyes
And I know that somewhere tonight
She knows how much we really miss her

Shannon is gone I hope she's drifting out to sea
She always loved to swim away
Maybe she'll find an island with a shady tree
Just like the one in our backyard
 
2013-09-20 08:32:33 AM  
Teddy sniffing glue, he was 12 years old
Fell from the roof on East Two-nine
Cathy was 11 when she pulled the plug
On 26 reds and a bottle of wine
Bobby got leukemia, 14 years old
He looked like 65 when he died
He was a friend of mine

Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died
 
2013-09-20 08:33:58 AM  
My name is Luka
I live on the second floor
I live upstairs from you
Yes, I think you've seen me before
If you hear something late at night
Some kind of trouble, some kind of fight
Just don't ask me what it was
 
2013-09-20 08:34:35 AM  

BunkoSquad: Teddy sniffing glue, he was 12 years old
Fell from the roof on East Two-nine
Cathy was 11 when she pulled the plug
On 26 reds and a bottle of wine
Bobby got leukemia, 14 years old
He looked like 65 when he died
He was a friend of mine

Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died


DiCaprio was boss in that.
/Yeah, I know who Jimmy was.
 
2013-09-20 08:36:23 AM  
There was a worst song/track thread a few days ago, and I have to give the answer I gave to that. Guns N' Roses - My World.
 
2013-09-20 08:37:10 AM  
Sit in your corner 'til I summon you here
You'll have a black and blue Christmas
If you don't shut your mouth
Just keep it up and the only creature stirring 'round here will be me and not the cookie jar mouse
 
2013-09-20 08:37:49 AM  
I was on the outskirts of a little southern town
Trying to reach my destination before the sun went down
The old CB was blarin' away on Channel 1-9
When there came a little boy's voice on the radio line
And he said breaker 1-9 is anyone there
Come on back truckers and talk to Teddy Bear
I keyed the mike and I said you got it Teddy Bear
And the little boy's voice came back on the air
Appreciate the breaker who we got on that end
I told him my handle and then he began
Though I'm not supposed to bother you fellows out there
Mom says you're busy and for me to stay off the air
But you see I get lonely and it helps to talk
Cause that's about all I can do I'm crippled and I can't walk
I came back and told him to fire up that mike
And I'd talk to him as long as he'd liked
This was my dad's radio the little boy said
But I guess it's mine and mom's now cause my daddy's dead
 
2013-09-20 08:38:39 AM  
One day while I was not at home
While she was there and all alone
The angels came
Now all I have is memories of Honey
And I wake up nights and call her name
Now my life's an empty stage
Where Honey lived and Honey played
And love grew up
And a small cloud passes overhead
And cries down on the flower bed
That Honey loved

And honey, I miss you
And I'm bein' good
And I'd love to be with you
If only I could
 
2013-09-20 08:39:39 AM  
I clocked the jizz from a friend
Of yours named Vanessa Bet
She said u told her a fantasy
That got her all wet
Something about a little box with a
Mirror and a tongue inside
What she told me then got me so hot
I knew that we could slide
 
2013-09-20 08:41:21 AM  
Want some whiskey in your water?
Sugar in your tea?
What's all these crazy questions they're askin' me?
This is the craziest party that could ever be
Don't turn on the lights 'cause I don't wanna see
Mama told me not to come
Mama told me not to come
That ain't the way to have fun, no
 
2013-09-20 08:42:29 AM  
Last kiss
 Leader of the pack
I want my baby back.
 
2013-09-20 08:43:46 AM  
Phantom 309

Teddy bear

Too drunk to fark.
 
2013-09-20 08:54:10 AM  
I'm the Scatman
sibby dibby di yon do do do
yon do do do
sibby dibby di yon do do do
yon do do do
I'm the Scatman
sibby dibby di yon do do do
yon do do do
sibby dibby di yon do do do
yon do do do
ba daba daba wee don don do do do
wee don don do do do ....


/ew
 
2013-09-20 09:00:50 AM  
Ray Stephen's "Mississippi Squirrel."
 
2013-09-20 09:01:47 AM  
The weather is here I wish you were beautiful
My thoughts aren't too clear but don't run away
My girlfriends a bore, my job is too dutiful
Hell nobody's perfect would you like to play?
I feel together today
 
2013-09-20 09:10:18 AM  
It's Friday!
Friday!
 
2013-09-20 09:11:23 AM  
All of a sudden I began to change
I was on the dance floor acting strange
Flapping my arms I began to cluck
Look at me..
I'm the disco duck
 
2013-09-20 09:15:54 AM  
I'm an old cowhand from the Rio Grande
But my legs ain't bowed
And my cheeks ain't tanned
I'm a cowboy who never saw a cow
Never roped a steer 'cause I don't know how
And I sure ain't fixin' to start in now
Yippie yi yo ki yay
 
2013-09-20 09:22:56 AM  
Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch, gave the transformer a spin and slid on into The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.
There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb", when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton. Well, my heart just dropped.
So, I decided to do what any good Christian would. You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice and polish the
One-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler. I never thought missing children could be so sexy. Did I say that out loud?
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying
 
2013-09-20 09:24:38 AM  
I saw the light on the night that I passed by her window
I saw the flickering shadows of love on her blind
She was my woman
As she deceived me I watched and went out of my mind
My, my, my, Delilah
Why, why, why, Delilah
I could see that girl was no good for me
But I was lost like a slave that no man could free
At break of day when that man drove away, I was waiting
I cross the street to her house and she opened the door
She stood there laughing
I felt the knife in my hand and she laughed no more
 
2013-09-20 09:25:26 AM  
Basically the whole GG Allin songbook.  His fecal micropeened presentation didn't actually do much to crank up the "moist" either.
 
2013-09-20 09:35:25 AM  
You know what Stuart? I like you. You're not like the other people here
in the trailer park. Oh no, don't get me wrong, they're fine people, good
Americans. But they're content to sit back, maybe watch a little Mork and
Mindy on channel 57. Maybe kick back a cool Coors 16-ouncer. They're
good fine people, Stuart. But they don't know what the queers are doing
to the soil.
 
2013-09-20 09:36:03 AM  

Sybarite: They might have split up or they might have capsized;
they may have broke deep and took water.
And all that remains is the faces and the names
of the wives and the sons and the daughters.


Dammit I showed up too late once again.....
 
2013-09-20 09:37:29 AM  
every night the scene is set
I've got to drink to forget
I cannot incur this debt
where's the gun?
here's my head!

let's go to the hongkong
breaking glass at madame wong's.
let's go buy a pint of booze
getting drunk getting loose

I just want some skank!
I just want some skank!
I just want some skank!
I just want some skank!
 
2013-09-20 09:38:27 AM  
Now that the smoke's gone
And the air is all clear
Those who were right there
Got a new kind of fear
You'd fight and you were right
But they were just to strong
They'd stick it in your face
And let you smell what they consider wrong
That's why I say hey man nice, nice shot
 
2013-09-20 09:39:57 AM  
(with a nasal voice)

At the loveless motel and restaurant out on highway 33
The matchbook says call for reservations
Country ham and biscuits, delicious steaks
I met a woman there one night
No moon, just, just diesel trucks
She kissed me like she was hungry so we got a room
In the morning she looked like a horse
Smoking little cigars
Playing these tapes of her husband
She says "Doesn't he sound like Elvis?"
She makes champagne out of 7-Up and cheap wine
Like a chemist
Next to one of those insect electric chairs
Her skin gleaming blue everytime a fly died
I read in the funnies, I laughed anyway
"Something's burning somewhere" I said
"Yeah, it's us" she says
"You both want coffee?" the waitress says
Yes, two, two coffees
That's perfect on this cold, dim, fluorescent morning
And a couple of those donuts over there, right Doris?
Right Doris?
*snaps fingers*
Earth to Doris....Earth to Doris

/MIL is named Doris, she's a wonderful person
 
2013-09-20 09:40:38 AM  
Meet me in the crowd, people, people
Throw your love around, love me, love me
Take it into town, happy, happy
Put it in the ground where the flowers grow
Gold and silver shine
 
2013-09-20 09:40:58 AM  
Fish heads, fish heads, roly-poly fish heads
Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up, yum!
 
2013-09-20 09:43:31 AM  
We all stood up,
And Obie stood up with the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy
Pictures, and the judge walked in sat down with a seeing eye dog, and he
Sat down, we sat down. Obie looked at the seeing eye dog, and then at the
Twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows
And a paragraph on the back of each one, and looked at the seeing eye dog.
And then at twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles
And arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one and began to cry,
'cause Obie came to the realization that it was a typical case of American
Blind justice, and there wasn't nothing he could do about it, and the
Judge wasn't going to look at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy
Pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each
One explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. And
We was fined $50 and had to pick up the garbage in the snow, but that's not
What I came to tell you about.
 
2013-09-20 09:45:28 AM  
Anything "Kidz Bop"
 
2013-09-20 09:45:37 AM  
We was huntin' bear in our rockin' chair out on I-40
Dodgin' bumps in pick-up trucks in west New Mexico
It was a cloudy day and me and ole Jay just about bored to tears
But we come awake when a C.B. breaker come a ringin' loud and clear
We heard this voice that we ain't never heard before sayin'
(Break 19, I'm C.B Savage, Hi all you 18 wheelers
Anyone seen any smokey bears,
How about some bears smoking, aha C.B. Savage here come-on)
 
2013-09-20 09:47:14 AM  
Actually, Yackty Sax would make it much like the sex scene in Clockwork Orange (movie, not book)
 
2013-09-20 09:50:38 AM  
I was born and raised down in Alabama
On a farm way back up in the woods
I was so ragged that folks used to call me Patches
Papa used to tease me about it
'Cause deep down inside he was hurt
'Cause he'd done all he could
 
2013-09-20 09:50:42 AM  
Take a letter, Maria.
 
2013-09-20 09:53:54 AM  
Turns them on everytime....

Are you ready kids?
Aye-aye captain.
I can't hear you...
Aye-aye captain!
Oh! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
SpongeBob SquarePants!
Absorbant and yellow and porous is he!
SpongeBob SquarePants!
If nautical nonsense is something you wish...
SpongeBob SquarePants!
Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!
SpongeBob Squarepants!
Ready?
SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob Squarepants!
SpongeBob... SquarePants!
 
2013-09-20 09:55:48 AM  
Any song playing in the background is the worst song to be playing during sex.  You're supposed to be focused on that other person and what you're doing to them and what they're doing to you, not worried about what caterwauling is coming out of your stereo.
 
2013-09-20 09:59:02 AM  
Family Tree by Megadeth
 
2013-09-20 09:59:37 AM  
"Why Does It Hurt When I Pee" - Frank Zappa
"Social Disease" - Elton John

/won't copy-pasta lyrics
 
2013-09-20 10:00:03 AM  
Fat Bottomed Girls
 
2013-09-20 10:00:13 AM  

minoridiot: Turns them on everytime....


In case you don't have that queued up, it also works to tell your partner "Say my name!" and when they say something, just say "I can't hear you!" in the appropriate pirate voice. If the answer is not changed to "Spongebob Squarepants", kick them out of bed and go watch cartoons.
 
2013-09-20 10:00:21 AM  
I don't know...back in the '80s I got laid plenty of times to luther vandross' rendition of Superstar.
 
2013-09-20 10:01:02 AM  
Goodbye to you, my trusted friend.
We've known each other since we're nine or ten.
Together we climbed hills or trees.
Learned of love and ABC's,
skinned our hearts and skinned our knees.
Goodbye my friend, it's hard to die,
when all the birds are singing in the sky,
Now that the spring is in the air.
Pretty girls are everywhere.
When you see them I'll be there.
We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun.
But the hills that we climbed
were just seasons out of time.
 
2013-09-20 10:02:50 AM  
This has to be better than the mariachi music that started playing randomly (Austin City Limits Pandora station) one night while my wife and I were getting down. One minute, it's soft acoustic music, the next it's a bunch of horns and violins. It was actually funny as hell. Maybe she'll let me wear a sombrero to bed next time.
 
2013-09-20 10:03:20 AM  
mood killer...
People Who've Died - Jim Carroll Band

honourable mentions...
50 Ways to Leave Your Lover - Paul Simon
The Legend of Billy Jack - Coven
Detachable Penis - King Missle

participation awards...
Mother or Good Bye Blue Sky - Pink Floyd
Radar Love - Golden Earring
Jeremy - Pearl Jam
 
2013-09-20 10:04:57 AM  

Coco LaFemme: Any song playing in the background is the worst song to be playing during sex. You're supposed to be focused on that other person and what you're doing to them and what they're doing to you, not worried about what caterwauling is coming out of your stereo.



Those lyrics are unfamiliar. Hint?
 
2013-09-20 10:05:17 AM  
Thank Heaven For Little Girls was probably the worst random shuffle incident I ever experienced.
 
2013-09-20 10:06:04 AM  
So you decide to take a holiday
You got your tape deck and your brand new Chevrolet
Ah, there ain't no place to go anyway
What for?

So you got everything, ah, but nothing's cool
They just found your father in the swimming pool
And you guess you won't be going back to school
Anymore.

Read more: Billy Joel - Captain Jack Lyrics | MetroLyrics
 
2013-09-20 10:07:34 AM  
Randy Newman's "Short People"
 
2013-09-20 10:09:14 AM  
Two cigarettes in the ashtray
 
2013-09-20 10:09:36 AM  
And there won't be snow in Aaaafrica this Christmas time...
 
2013-09-20 10:10:02 AM  

RickN99: Randy Newman's "Short People"


Especially if the Filipino spinner you hired understands much english
 
2013-09-20 10:10:06 AM  
I saw her standin on her front lawn just twirlin her baton

Me and her went for a ride sir and ten innocent people died

From the town of lincoln nebraska with a sawed-off .410 on my lap

Through to the badlands of wyoming I killed everything in my path

I can't say that Im sorry for the things that we done

At least for a little while sir me and her we had us some fun

The jury brought in a guilty verdict and the judge he sentenced me to death

Midnight in a prison storeroom with leather straps across my chest

Sheriff when the man pulls that switch sir and snaps my poor neck back

You make sure my pretty baby is sittin right there on my lap

They declared me unfit to live said into that great void my soul  be hurled

They wanted to know why I did what I did
Well sir I guess there's just a meanness in this world
 
2013-09-20 10:10:16 AM  
Back through the years
I go wonderin once again
Back to the seasons of my youth
I recall a box of rags that someone gave us
And how my momma put the rags to use

There were rags of many colors
Every piece was small
And I didn't have a coat
And it was way down in the fall
Momma sewed the rags together
Sewin every piece with love
She made my coat of many colors
That I was so proud of
As she sewed, she told a story
From the bible, she had read
About a coat of many colors
Joseph wore and then she said

Perhaps this coat will bring you
Good luck and happiness
And I just couldnt wait to wear it
And momma blessed it with a kiss

Chorus:
My coat of many colors
That my momma made for me
Made only from rags
But I wore it so proudly
Although we had no money
I was rich as I could be
In my coat of many colors
My momma made for me

So with patches on my britches
Holes in both my shoes
In my coat of many colors
I hurried off to school
Just to find the others laughing
And making fun of me
In my coat of many colors
My momma made for me

And oh I couldnt understand it
For I felt I was rich
And I told them of the love
My momma sewed in every stitch
And I told em all the story
Momma told me while she sewed
And how my coat of many colors
Was worth more than all their clothes

But they didn't understand it
And I tried to make them see
That one is only poor
Only if they choose to be
Now I know we had no money
But I was rich as I could be
In my coat of many colors
My momma made for me
Made just for me
 
2013-09-20 10:10:22 AM  
Special J

Terry Jacks ftw!!

/well done Sir
 
2013-09-20 10:12:22 AM  
What in the world is that thing?
Do you need some tweezers to put that little thing away
That has got to be the smallest dick
I've ever seen in my whole life
I have ever seen in my whole life
Get the fark outta here
Iny weeny teeny weeny
Shriveled little short dick man
Don't want don't want don't want don't want
Don't want don't want don't want don't want
 
2013-09-20 10:13:52 AM  
Dear kindly Sergeant Krupke, you gotta understand
It's just our bringin' upke that gets us out of hand
Our mothers all are junkies, our fathers all are drunks
Golly Moses, naturally we're punks
Gee, Officer Krupke, we're very upset
We never had the love that every child oughta get
We ain't no delinquents, we're misunderstood
Deep down inside us there is good
There is good
There is good, there is good
There is untapped good
Like inside, the worst of us is good

Dear kindly Judge, Your Honor, my parents treat me rough
With all their marijuana, they won't give me a puff
They didn't wanna have me but somehow I was had
Leapin' lizards, that's why I'm so bad
Right, Officer Krupke, you're really a square
This boy don't need a judge, he needs an analyst's care
It's just his neurosis that oughta be curbed
He's psychologically disturbed
I'm disturbed
We're disturbed, we're disturbed
We're the most disturbed
Like we're psychologically disturbed

My father is a bastard, my mas an S.O.B.
My grandpas always plastered, my grandma pushes tea
My sisters wears a mustache, my brother wears a dress
Goodness gracious, that's why I'm a mess
Yes, Officer Krupke, youre really a slob
This boy don't need a doctor, just a good honest job
Society's played him a terrible trick
And sociologically he's sick
I am sick
We are sick, we are sick
We are sick, sick, sick
Like we're sociologically sick

Dear kindly social worker, they say youll earn a buck
Like be a soda jerker, which means like be a schmuck
It's not I'm antisocial, I'm only anti-work
Glory Osky, that's why I'm a jerk
Eek, Officer Krupke, you've done it again
This boy don't need a job, he needs a year in the pen
It ain't just a question of misunderstood
Deep down inside him, he's no good
I'm no good
We're no good, we're no good
We're no earthly good
Like the best of us is no damn good

The trouble is he's crazy, the trouble is he drinks
The trouble is he's lazy, the trouble is he stinks
The trouble is he's growing, the trouble is he's grown
Krupke, we've got troubles of our own
Gee, Officer Krupke
We're down on our knees
'Cause no one wants a fella
With a social disease
Gee, Officer Krupke
What are we to do?
Gee, Officer Krupke
Krup you!
 
2013-09-20 10:15:40 AM  
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think I can take it
Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe agaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin, oh nooooooooooooooooooooooooo
 
2013-09-20 10:15:57 AM  

bump: Special J

Terry Jacks ftw!!

/well done Sir


Haha, yeah, I was surprised this thread got that long without that one.
 
2013-09-20 10:17:02 AM  
The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald
 
2013-09-20 10:17:16 AM  

Coco LaFemme: Any song playing in the background is the worst song to be playing during sex.  You're supposed to be focused on that other person and what you're doing to them and what they're doing to you, not worried about what caterwauling is coming out of your stereo.


Not if your partner sounds like Monica Seles wrestling a duck.
 
2013-09-20 10:17:35 AM  
Doctor Demento's Funny Twenty-Five, any year during the 80s and 90s.

I dare you to find an appropriate song for lovemaking.
 
2013-09-20 10:18:07 AM  
"You spend all your time waiting..."  *WAAAAAAHHHHH!*
 
2013-09-20 10:18:23 AM  
To really wreck things you want to segue some Butthole Surfers into some old Genesis.

--

I'm soiled
Soil me
Soil all
All All
Oh... my... God...
I have come ten million miles
And traveled on your Earth
And with his hands
The fiery beast may consummate my birth

--

I'm counting out time, reaction none too happy,
Please don't slap me
 
2013-09-20 10:18:24 AM  
Drop kick me Jesus through the Goal Posts of Life Link
 
2013-09-20 10:20:07 AM  
Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Comin' home from our house Christmas eve
Now, you might think there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe
 
2013-09-20 10:20:14 AM  
Wondering what I'm doing tonight I've been in the closet and feel all right
Ran out of Carbona Mom threw out the glue
Ran out of paint and roach spray too It's TV's fault why I am this way
Mom and pop wanna put me away
From the early morning movie to the late late show
After it's over nowhere to go And I'm not sorry for the things I do
My brain is stuck from shooting glue I'm not sorry for the things I do
Carbona not glue
 
2013-09-20 10:20:15 AM  
It took so long to remember just what happened.
I was so young and vestal then,
you know it hurt me,
but I'm breathing so I guess I'm still alive
even if signs seem to tell me otherwise.
I've got my hands bound,
my head down , my eyes closed,
and my throat wide open
 
2013-09-20 10:20:44 AM  
Unless you and your partner are high and intent on having emotionally broken, but highly tactile sex, almost anything by Elliott Smith.
 
2013-09-20 10:21:56 AM  
Dear Mr. Jesus
I just had to write to you
something really scared me when I saw it on the news
a story bout a little girl
beaten black and blue
Jesus thought I'd send this right to you
dear Mr. Jesus
I don't understand
why they took her mom and dad away
I know that they don't mean to hit
with wild and angry hands
show them just how big they are i pray

(Chorus)
please don't let them hurt your children
we need love and shelter from the storm
please don't let them hurt your children
won't you keep us safe and warm
 
2013-09-20 10:22:00 AM  
"Alice's Restaurant" doesn't do much for me.
 
2013-09-20 10:22:33 AM  
 
2013-09-20 10:22:48 AM  
In a little while from now
If I'm not feeling any less sour
I promise myself to treat myself
And visit a nearby tower
And climbing to the top
Will throw myself off
In an effort to
Make it clear to whoever
Wants to know what it's like
When you're shattered
Left standing in the lurch at a church
Were people are saying, My God, that's tough
She stood him up
No point in us remaining
We may as well go home
As I did on my own
Alone again, naturally

/CSB: I personally have ruined Dueling Banjoes for someone by matching my pace to the song's.
 
2013-09-20 10:22:58 AM  
Ice ice baby

Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum

Vanilla Ice ice baby.....
 
2013-09-20 10:23:51 AM  
Everyone has AIDS! AIDS AIDS AIDS!
 
2013-09-20 10:24:56 AM  
The song played during unprotected sex:

eil.com
 
2013-09-20 10:27:31 AM  
"Me And A Gun" by Tori Amos?

Just about anything by Tori Amos is a boner killer for me...Alanis Morissette, also.
 
2013-09-20 10:28:10 AM  
Little girl sleeping in dreams of peace
Mommy been gone a long time
Daddy comes home and she still sleeps
Waiting for the world worst crime
And he comes up the stairs like he always does
And he never turns on the  light
And she's wide awake, scared to death
She smells his lust and she smells his sweat
Curled in a ball she holds her breath
Praying to a God that she's never met
Don't let Daddy kiss me, don't let Daddy kiss me
Goodnight
Little girl lies by her Daddy's side
And she listens to him breathe
She knows there's something awful wrong
That she's far too young to see
And she knows she can't tell anyone
She's too full of guilt and shame
And if she tells she'll be all alone
They'd steal her Daddy and they'd steal her home
And it's not so bad when Daddy leaves her alone
Praying to her God with his heart of stone
Don't let Daddy kiss me, don't let Daddy kiss me
Goodnight
Why, tell me why,
The worst crime, in the world
And so Daddy lies by his daughter's side
And he sleeps deep and well
No nightmares come to him tonight
Though his daughter lives in hell
For his  seed is sown where it should not be
But the beast in his mind don't care
And the only sound are tears that fell
Little girl turns her face to the wall
She knows that no-one hears her call
But it seems that God hears nothing at all
Don't let Daddy kiss me, don't let Daddy kiss me
Goodnight
 
2013-09-20 10:28:23 AM  

vudukungfu: I leaned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear-skinned smiles
Who married young and then retired
The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
Were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth


I wonder how many suicides were attempted while listening to that song?
 
2013-09-20 10:30:45 AM  
like a rhinestone cowboy
riding high on a horse
in a star-spangled rodeo....
like a rhinestone cowboy
getting cards and letters
from losers I don't even know
and offers coming over the phone
 
2013-09-20 10:31:38 AM  
So now I'm praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
'Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
I don't think that I can really survive
I'll never break my promise or forget my vow
But God only knows what I can do right now
I'm praying for the end of time
It's all that I can do
Praying for the end of time,
So I can end my time with you!!
 
2013-09-20 10:31:42 AM  
Dude looks like a lady.
 
2013-09-20 10:33:15 AM  
And now I'm wondering what it would be like to spread and plow to slipknot's wait and bleed.

Interesting day.
 
2013-09-20 10:33:34 AM  
With a drink in her hand
She will stop her car and then
Seal herself for good in the garage
She's never leaving

There were times to be sure
It was so pure you might choke
But it's too late in the garage
The falling ceiling

And all the walls will fade to black
Could she be thinking of another now
Take my hand, pull me through
There's so much I left undone

But it's too late now in the garage
And all the walls will fade to black
Could she be thinking of another

They found her car still running
In the garage
She'd come so far to end her life
By the rusty mower and chicken wire
By the chicken wire and studded tire
By the rusty mower and chicken wire

"Chicken Wire", Pernice Brothers.  Joe won't even sing that one in concert anymore, it's too depressing for even him!
 
2013-09-20 10:35:44 AM  

bearded clamorer: Not if your partner sounds like Monica Seles wrestling a duck.


I came.
 
2013-09-20 10:36:23 AM  
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.
 
2013-09-20 10:37:29 AM  
I'm your wicked Uncle Ernie
I'm glad you won't see or hear me
As I fiddle about
Fiddle about
Fiddle about !

Your mother left me here to mind you
Now I'm doing what I want to
Fiddling about
Fiddling about
Fiddle about!

Down with the bedclothes
Up with your nightshirt!
Fiddle about
Fiddle about
Fiddle about !

Fiddle about
Fiddle about
Fiddle about !

You won't shout as I fiddle about
Fiddle about
Fiddle about
Fiddle about !
Fiddle about
Fiddle about
Fiddle about !
Fiddle about
Fiddle about
Fiddle about !
Fiddle about
Fiddle about
Fiddle about !
Fiddle, fiddle, fiddle.
Fiddle, fiddle, fiddle.
Fiddle, fiddle, fiddle.
Fiddle, fiddle, fiddle...FIDDLE!
 
2013-09-20 10:38:05 AM  
Little Betty ate a pound of aspirin she got them from the shelf upon the wall
Betty's mommy wasn't there to save her she didn't even hear her little baby call
Dead babies can't take care of themselves dead babies can't take things off the shelf
Well we didn't want you anyway lalalalalalalalalalala
Daddy is an agrophile in Texas mommy's on the bar most every night
Little Betty's sleeping in the graveyard living there in burgundy and white
Dead babies can't take care of themselves dead babies can't take things off the shelf
Well we didn't love you anyway lalalalalalalalalalala
Goodbye little Betty goodbye little Betty so long little Betty so long little Betty Betty so long
Dead babies can't take care of themselves dead babies can't take things off the shelf
Well we didn't need you anyway lalalalalalalalalalala goodbye little Betty

Can't beat old Alice for setting the mood.
 
2013-09-20 10:38:08 AM  
4'33"
 
2013-09-20 10:38:36 AM  
I will go with either the first song on Huell Waits or

My heart is very tender
Though my parts are awful raw
You might have been infected
But you never were a bore
I'm dying of your love my love
I'm your spirochaetal clown
I've left my body to science
But I'm afraid they've turned it down.
 
2013-09-20 10:38:43 AM  
All right stop, Collaborate and listen
Ice is back with my brand new invention
Something grabs a hold of me tightly
Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly
Will it ever stop? Yo - I don't know
Turn off the lights and I'll glow
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle
 
2013-09-20 10:39:01 AM  
For dads in particular, or anybody who's dating a single mom:

Alison Krauss' "Jacob's Dream" will not only kill the mood with your wife/girlfriend, she will insist on getting up to check on the kids, all the while sobbing, and you ain't gettin' none until the next weekend at the earliest.

For long-lasting effects, there's nothing more deadly.
 
2013-09-20 10:40:01 AM  
 
2013-09-20 10:40:47 AM  
Roly Poly eatin' corn and taters
He's hungry every minute of the day
Roly Poly gnawin' on a biscuit
And as long as he can chew it, it's okay

He can eat an apple pie, never even bat his eye
He likes everything from a soup to hay
Roly Poly daddy's little fatty
I'll bet he's gonna be a man someday
 
2013-09-20 10:41:10 AM  
you people are crazzy
 
2013-09-20 10:41:17 AM  

baka-san: Actually, Yackty Sax would make it much like the sex scene in Clockwork Orange (movie, not book)


I had a roommate who used to play Spike Jones records when he was having sex. He used to say, "If you can't fall out of opposite sides of the bed laughing uncontrollably, you're doing it wrong."

/Wisdom for the ages
 
2013-09-20 10:41:18 AM  

offacue: It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.


<SNIP>
You bastard.
 
2013-09-20 10:43:30 AM  
Nirvana, Rape Me.
 
2013-09-20 10:44:38 AM  
Let the bodies hit the floor
let the bodies hit the floor
let the bodies hit the floor
let the bodies hit the floor
 
2013-09-20 10:45:33 AM  
Daddy says, come and sit on my knee
Daddy says, you're the only girl for me
cos amelia, you're daddy's favourite girl
Amelia, daddy loves his little girl

Daddy comes, in the dark of night
Daddy says, don't be scared, it'll be alright
Amelia, daddy hates to see you cry
Amelia, you're the apple of daddy's eye

Daddy says, dry your tears and give me a smile
Daddy says, if you're good Ill hold you awhile
cos amelia, you're daddy's precious girl
Amelia, daddy loves to love his little girl

daddy, tell me daddy,
Is this really love?

Daddy says, don't tell mama what I do to you
Daddy says, if you do I'll beat you black and blue
cos amelia, you make daddy feel like a man
Amelia, daddy loves you more than mummy can

daddy, tell me, daddy,
How can you call this love?
 
2013-09-20 10:46:27 AM  
Big Black - Jordan Minnesota
 
2013-09-20 10:46:55 AM  
Adrian Munsey's lost sheep.
 
2013-09-20 10:46:58 AM  
Whole Lotta Rosie
 
2013-09-20 10:47:09 AM  
 
2013-09-20 10:50:38 AM  
When I was 17 (20 years ago) I had sex with my girlfriend to some portion of the debut "House of Pain" album.  I feel like I should call her and apologize for that.
 
2013-09-20 10:50:43 AM  
I'm a patient man you know I am
But you're pushing me to the limit
Imagine a picture of me and you
Only you're not in it

You've been on my back for a trillion years
I can't take another minute
Imagine a picture of me and you
Only you're not in it

Imagine a picture of me in a Cadillac
Speeding out of town
Imagine a picture of our happy home
Burning to the ground

It's an endless fight -- I'm wrong you're right
There's no way I can win it
Imagine a picture of me and you
Only you're not in it

http://grooveshark.com/s/Imagine+A+Picture/3xLa2A?src=5
 
2013-09-20 10:55:34 AM  
Penicillin Penny she's the queen of the sunset strip
If she ever gives you any then you better see your doctor real quick
From the back seat of Cadillac cars, to the floor of men's room bars
She's Penicillin Penny and her future's written in the stars

She's Penicillin Penny and ever since the day she came and came
They say she's had so many, she gives 'em all numbers not names
I always call her Hun' but she calls me 1001
And Penicillin Penny starts to boogie when the day is done

/even better since Shel Silverstein wrote the lyrics
 
2013-09-20 10:57:28 AM  

Vash's Apprentice: GWAR-Slap U Around  (Needless to say this is NSFW)


While that's pretty offensive one I'd have to go with this one (NSFW).
 
2013-09-20 10:57:54 AM  
I think I'm going to vacate this thread now. Too many child abuse songs I never knew existed before today. I think I'll dig out some early 1950's bebop jazz...it's peppy and has no words...thankfully.
 
2013-09-20 10:58:45 AM  
Perhaps Cold Ethyl?
 
2013-09-20 10:59:34 AM  
Bobby Goldsboro -  Honey
 
2013-09-20 11:00:16 AM  
I've had sex to the sound of Monty Python's "Every sperm is sacred."

Dark Carnival or Dark Cabaret would probably be uniform hard-offs. The first because you're crying, the second because you're laughing at stuff that should make you cry.
 
2013-09-20 11:00:23 AM  
I remember all my life
Raining down as cold as ice
A shadow of a man
A face through a window
Crying in the night
The night goes into

Morning, just another day
Happy people pass my way
Looking in their eyes
I see a memory
I never realized
How happy you made me, oh Mandy

Well you came and you gave without taking
And I sent you away, oh Mandy
And you kissed me and stopped me from shaking
And I need you today, oh Mandy
 
2013-09-20 11:01:04 AM  
This list fails for lack of Poisoning Pigeons in the Park.
 
2013-09-20 11:01:15 AM  
1812 Overture.
 
2013-09-20 11:02:06 AM  
The Hamster Dance?
 
2013-09-20 11:02:07 AM  
It's a great big universeAnd we're all really puny.We're just tiny little specksAbout the size of Mickey Rooney.It's big and black and inkyAnd we are small and dinkyIt's a big universe and we're not.
 
2013-09-20 11:02:52 AM  
Good times for a change
see, the luck I've had
can make a good man turn bad
So please please please
let me, let me, let me
let me get what I want this time
Haven't had a dream in a long time
see, the life I've had
can make a good man bad
So for once in my life
let me get what I want
Lord knows it would be the first time
Lord knows it would be the first time
 
2013-09-20 11:03:26 AM  
Yo Ho, Yo Ho , a pirate's life for meeee...
 
2013-09-20 11:03:40 AM  
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
 
2013-09-20 11:03:48 AM  
Obama's Song?
 
2013-09-20 11:03:49 AM  
I love you You love me
We're a happy family
With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you.
Won't you say you love me too
I love you You love me
We're best friends like friends should be
With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you.
Won't you say you love me too
I love you You love me
We're a happy family
With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you.
Won't you say you love me too
I love you You love me
We're best friends like friends should be
With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you.
Won't you say you love me too
 
2013-09-20 11:04:31 AM  
Alice Cooper's  Cold Ethyl
 
2013-09-20 11:08:49 AM  
Whatever that stupid song is that my toddlers crib toy plays, she has become a major league cock block.
 
2013-09-20 11:10:59 AM  
WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!

/Green Jelly?  Green Jello.  sigh...
 
2013-09-20 11:11:35 AM  
 

Sybarite: They might have split up or they might have capsized;
they may have broke deep and took water.
And all that remains is the faces and the names
of the wives and the sons and the daughters.


Just what I had thought when I read the title

since that one is taken, I'll say the Loituma Clock song
 
2013-09-20 11:14:00 AM  
Well the telephone is ringing,
Is that my mother on the phone?
Telephone is ringing,
Is that my mother on the phone?
The telephone is screaming,
Won't she leave me alone?
The telephone is ringing,
Is that my mother on the phone?

Well every girl that I go out with
Becomes my mother in the end.
Every girl I go out with
Becomes my mother in the end.
Well I hear my mother calling,
But I don't need her as a friend.
Well every girl I go out with
Becomes my mother in the end.

Oh, oh mother
Oh mother dear please listen
And don't devour me.
Oh mother dear please listen
Don't devour me.
Oh women please have mercy
Let this poor boy be.
Oh mother dear please listen
And don't devour me.
Oh mother

Well the telephone is ringing
Is that my mother on the phone?
Telephone is ringing
Is that my mother on the phone?
The telephone is screaming,
Won't she leave me alone?
The telephone is ringing,
Is that my mother on the phone?

Ohhhh....mother
 
Ant
2013-09-20 11:14:19 AM  
Lost my virginity to this:


I met you on somebody's island
You thought you had known me before
I brought you a crate of papaya
They waited all night by your door
You probably wouldn't remember
I probably couldn't forget
Jungle love in the surf in the pouring rain
Everything's better when wet

Jungle love it's drivin' me mad It's makin' me crazy
Jungle love it's drivin' me mad It's makin' me crazy
 
2013-09-20 11:15:53 AM  
Bury me softly in this womb
I kept this part of me from you
Sand rains down and here I sit
Holding rare flowers
In a tomb... in bloom
Down in a hole and I don't know if I can be saved
See my heart I decorate it like a grave
Well you don't understand who they
Thought I was supposed to be
Look at me now I'm a man
Who won't let himself be
Down in a hole, feelin so small
Down in a hole, losin my soul
I'd like to fly,
But my wings have been so denied
 
2013-09-20 11:19:45 AM  
Remember when you ran away and I got on my knees and begged you not to leave because I'd go berzerk?
Well, you left me anyhow and the days got worse and worse and now you see I've gone completely out of my mind.
And
They're coming to take me away Ha Ha
They're coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha
to the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time, and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats
and they're coming to take me away ha ha

You thought it was joke and so you laughed, you laughed when I had said that losing you would make me flip my lid, right?
You know you laughed, I heard you laugh, you laughed, you laughed and laughed and then you left, but now you know I'm utterly mad.

And
they're coming to take me away Ha Ha
They're coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha
To the happy home with trees and flowers and chirping birds and basket weavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes
They're coming to take me away ha ha...

I cooked your food, I cleaned your house, and this is how you paid me back for all my kind unselfish loving deeds. Huh?
Well you just wait they'll find you yet, and when they do they'll put you in the ASPCA you mangy mutt.

And
They're coming to take me away Ha Ha
They're coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha
To the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be happy to see those nice men in their clean white coats
They're coming to take me away Ha Ha
To the happy home with trees and flowers and chirping birds and basket weavers who sit and smile and twiddle thier thumbs and toes
They're coming to take me away Ha Ha
 
2013-09-20 11:20:41 AM  
Young girl, get out of my mind
My love for you is way out of line
Better run, girl
You're much too young, girl
 
2013-09-20 11:21:38 AM  
I used to love her
But I had to kill her
I used to love her, Mm, yeah
But I had to kill her
I had to put her six feet under
And I can still hear her complain
 
2013-09-20 11:22:12 AM  
In the year 4545
Ain't gonna need your teeth, won't need your eyes
You won't find a thing to chew
Nobody's gonna look at you
 
2013-09-20 11:22:34 AM  
Sam & Dave

http://youtu.be/AREppyQf5uw

/because it only lasts for two minutes
 
2013-09-20 11:22:44 AM  
Long distance information, give me Memphis Tennessee
help me find the party tryin´ to get in touch with me.
She could not leave her number but I know who placed the call
my uncle took the message and he wrote it on the wall.
 
2013-09-20 11:23:53 AM  

Ghost Roach: Sam & Dave

http://youtu.be/AREppyQf5uw

/because it only lasts for two minutes


Tighten Up could be worse
 
2013-09-20 11:25:10 AM  
Wait when did someone cover Ugly Kid Joes Cats in the Cradle
 
2013-09-20 11:28:44 AM  
 
2013-09-20 11:29:33 AM  

JerseyTim: "Brick" by Ben Folds Five


Came to say this. Incredible song, but it will tear your heart out
 
2013-09-20 11:30:14 AM  
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo,
I've got a perfect puzzle for you.
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-dee,
If you are wise you'll listen to me.
What do you get when you guzzle down sweets?
Eating as much as an elephant eats.
What are you at getting terribly fat?
What do you think will come of that?
I don't like the look of it
Oompa Loompa do-ba-dee-da,
Given good manners you will go far.
You will live in happiness too,
Like the oompa loompa do-ba-dee-doo.
Do-ba-dee-doo
 
2013-09-20 11:30:16 AM  
i235.photobucket.com
We celebrate a day of peace,
a day of harmony,
a day of joy we all can share,
together joyously;

a day that takes us through the darkness,
a day that leads us into might,
a day that makes us want to celebrate,
the liiiiight...

a day that brings the promise
that one day we'll be free...
to live, to laugh,
to dream, to grow,
to trust, to love,
to be!
 
2013-09-20 11:30:30 AM  
Simply haaaaaving a wonderful Christmas time!!!
 
2013-09-20 11:30:58 AM  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvoBAeNhNZk

This one never goes over well during foreplay, but I can't stop singing it.
 
2013-09-20 11:36:22 AM  
[CSB]
Cuddling with the GF, so many years ago, had Floyd playing quietly in the background at the time, with several albums in a CD changer. We were all snuggled in enjoying the afterglow and drifting off to sleep when one of us leaned on the remote and turned the volume up. No problem, right? Pink Floyd's pretty mellow. The last few notes of 'On the Run' faded and then the room exploded with the bells at the beginning of 'Time'.
The two of us bolted out of bed thinking there was a fire or some other catastrophe, tripping over each other, tangled in the sheets, and naked as jaybirds. She raced to the door, I raced for the window to see if we needed a different escape, before we realized it was the next song on the album.
[/CSB]
 
2013-09-20 11:41:05 AM  

Saiga410: Wait when did someone cover Ugly Kid Joes Cats in the Cradle


I actually LOL'd
 
2013-09-20 11:47:40 AM  
"Just Because You Sleep Next To Me Doesn't Mean You're Safe" by Gallows.

Pour some petrol
Through your letter box
Put all my memories
In an envelope
Then set it on fire
Then send it straight to you
When you get it
The least you could do
Is choke on the smoke
And let me breathe again
I know I never want to farking see you again
I watched you burning
With the keys in my hand
You were screaming 'farking let me go'
As you were turning black
The crowd go wild
And they signal applause
Well done for getting this far
Don't expect an encore when you
Choke on the smoke
Let me breathe again
Because I know I never want to farking see you again
Goodnight sweetheart
Can you hear what I say?
I broke both your legs
You broke my heart today
You're lying in this bed
With your eyes tight shut
I'm lying next to you
Thank god I just woke up
 
mhd
2013-09-20 11:48:09 AM  
Still waiting for my saviour,
storms tear me limb from limb;
my fingers feel like seaweed...
I'm so far out I'm too far in.
I am a lonely man, my solitude is true
my eyes have borne stark witness
and now my nights are numbered, too.
I've seen the smiles on dead hands,
the stars shine, but they're not for me.

I prophesy disaster and then I count the cost...
I shine but, shining, dying,
I know that I am almost lost.
On the table lies blank paper
'and my tower is built on stone
I only have blunt scissors,
I only have the bluntest home...
I've been the witness, and the seal of death
lingers in the molten wax that is my head.

When you see the skeletons
of sailing-ship spars sinking low
You'll begin to wonder if the points
of all the ancients myths
are solemnly directed straight at you...
 
2013-09-20 11:49:06 AM  

offacue: It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It;s a small, small, world.


Came to say this.
 
2013-09-20 11:49:08 AM  

wxboy: 1812 Overture.


No farking way, that would be the absolute best song to have an angry grudge fark to.
 
2013-09-20 11:53:04 AM  
If you could read my mind, love,
What a tale my thoughts could tell.
Just like an old time movie,
'Bout a ghost from a wishing well.
In a castle dark or a fortress strong.
With chains upon my feet.
But stories always end,
And if you read between the lines,
You'd know that I'm just tryin' to understand
The feelin's that you lack.
I never thought I could feel this way
And I've got to say that I just don't get it.
I don't know where we went wrong,
But the feelin's gone
And I just can't get it back!
 
2013-09-20 11:55:07 AM  
Goodbye, my friend, it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that the spring is in the air
Pretty girls are everywhere
Think of me and I'll be there

We had joy, we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed were just seasons
Out of time
 
2013-09-20 11:55:13 AM  
See, I don't know why I liked you so much
I gave you all, of my trust
I told you, I loved you, now that's all down the drain
You put me through pain, I wanna let you know how I feel

Fark what I said it don't mean shiat now
Fark the presents might as well throw 'em out
Fark all those kisses, they didn't mean jack
Fark you, you hoe, I don't want you back
 
2013-09-20 11:56:05 AM  
It's alright to tell me what you think about me
I won't try to argue or hold it against you
I know that you're leaving you must have your reasons
The season is calling and your pictures are falling down
The steps that I retrace the sad look on your face
The timing and structure did you hear he farked her?
A day late a buck short I'm writing the report
On losing and failing when I move I'm flailing now
And it's happened once again
I'll turn to a friend
Someone that understands
Sees through the master plan
But everybody's gone
And I've been here for too long
To face this on my own
Well I guess this is growing up
Well I guess this is growing up
And maybe I'll see you at a movie sneak preview
You'll show up and walk by on the arm of that guy
And I'll smile and you'll wave we'll pretend it's okay
The charade it won't last when he's gone I won't come back
And it'll happen once again
You'll turn to a friend
Someone that understands
And sees through the master plan
But everybody's gone
And you've been there for too long
To face this on your own
Well I guess this is growing up
 
2013-09-20 11:56:22 AM  

Special J: bump: Special J

Terry Jacks ftw!!

/well done Sir

Haha, yeah, I was surprised this thread got that long without that one.


I just posted it thinking I was the first.  Good job, sir, I bow to you.
 
2013-09-20 11:57:42 AM  
Photographs and memories
Christmas cards you sent to me
All that I have are these to remember you

Memories that come at night
Take me to another time
Back to a happier day, when I called you mine

But we sure had a good time
When we started way back when
Morning walks and bedroom talks
Oh, how I loved you then

Summer skies and lullabies
Nights we couldn't say goodbye
And of all of the things that we knew
Not a dream survived

Photographs and memories
All the love you gave to me
Somehow it just can't be true
It's all I've left of you

But we sure had a good time
When we started way back when
Morning walks and bedroom talks
Oh, how I loved you then
 
2013-09-20 11:58:47 AM  
Cause I dug my key into the side
of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats...
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.
 
2013-09-20 12:01:02 PM  
When you lie, kiss your baby bye bye bye
And if you're true, the whole wide world will laugh with you
When we see nothing's wrong with you and me
Time will tell, it might even ring a wedding bell

If you think that I'm a loser
Well you suck, 'cause you know I ain't nothin' but a user
Of your love I can't get enough
Girl it's true, the whole wide world is smiling with you

Push th' little daisies and make 'em come up
 
2013-09-20 12:02:29 PM  
"It's raining men.....hallelujah"
 
2013-09-20 12:02:41 PM  

gglibertine: baka-san: Actually, Yackty Sax would make it much like the sex scene in Clockwork Orange (movie, not book)

I had a roommate who used to play Spike Jones records when he was having sex. He used to say, "If you can't fall out of opposite sides of the bed laughing uncontrollably, you're doing it wrong."

/Wisdom for the ages


Yakety Sax would make it sound like a Benny Hill skit.
 
2013-09-20 12:04:00 PM  
One more...

You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear
Gotta start with the right material, to generate a useful idea
In other words, you can't turn a ho into a housewife
Try it, the biatch'll make you sock her in her mouth twice
It started out beautiful, but you was playin possum
To me, you was just a f*ck, but our relationship blossomed
Got attached to your kids, I loved 'em like my own
Referred to your daughter as my daughter, your son as my son
Called you my wife, even if it was common law
Never saw a better creature in my life,
How could the one who stole my heart, make me reach for my knife
(Why you reachin for your knife?) Cause I'ma stab that biatch
(What if they take your freedom Bill?) They can have that shiat
 
2013-09-20 12:09:52 PM  
Look at her butt
It is so big. She looks like
One of those rap guys' girlfriends
But, y'know, who understands those rap guys?
They only talk to her, because
She looks like a total prostitute, 'kay?
I mean, her butt, is just so big
I can't believe it's just so round, it's like
Out there, I mean - gross. Look!
She's just so ... black!
 
2013-09-20 12:11:07 PM  
i lost my virginity 20 years ago this year to a live version of Abacab by Genesis.  truly the unsexiest band playing a decidedly unsexy song, yet it didn't stop me.
 
2013-09-20 12:12:18 PM  
 
2013-09-20 12:16:26 PM  
I cum blood from cannibal corpse. Really anything from cannibal corpse
 
2013-09-20 12:17:26 PM  
45 Grave - Party Time  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuzL-Tr0ifk
 
2013-09-20 12:18:17 PM  
Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant,
Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant,
Lay your body down and get you pregnant,
Knock you up, pregnant, Knock you up
 
Ab3
2013-09-20 12:33:19 PM  
 
2013-09-20 12:36:12 PM  
anything by Cannibal Corpse
 
2013-09-20 12:37:20 PM  
Skidamarink a dink a dink.
Skidamarink a doo.
I love you.

Skidamarink a dink a dink.
Skidamarink a doo.
I love you.
 
2013-09-20 12:40:51 PM  
"Powerhouse" by Raymond Scott.
Actually, I should try that one.
 
2013-09-20 12:45:39 PM  
I can see
By the look on your face
That you've got ringworm.
I'm very sorry but,
I have to tell you that
You've got ringworm.
It's a very common disease.
Actually, you're very luck to have
Ringworm
'cause you may have
Had somethin' else.
Oooh, aaahhh...
Uuunnnhhhaaahhnnn...
You've got ringworm.
Oooh-oooh, oooh, oooh-oooh, oooh, oooh-oooh...
 
2013-09-20 12:46:33 PM  
I remember, we were flying along,
And hit something in the air...

Laying here, looking at the ceiling,
Someone lays a sheet across my chest.
Something warm is flowing down my fingers
Pain is flowing all through my back.

I try to move my arm and there's no feeling
And when I look, I see there's nothing there.
The face beside me stopped bleeding
The girl I knew has such a distant stare.

I remember, we were flying along,
And hit something in the air.

Then I look straight at the attendant,
His face is pale as it can be.
He bends and whispers something softly,
He says there's no chance for me.

I remember, we were flying along,
And hit something in the air.

Life is flowing out my body,
Pain is flowing out with my blood.
The sheets are red and moist where I'm lying.
God in Heaven, teach me how to die.

I remember, we were flying along,
And hit something in the air.
 
2013-09-20 12:49:04 PM  
Papa Don't Preach, Madonna.  Closer to Fine, Indigo Girls.  Russians, Sting.  Suffer Little Children, The Smiths.
 
2013-09-20 12:49:24 PM  
 
2013-09-20 12:53:22 PM  
...First you crawl, then walk
Scat, then you talk.
Hear the cool, then feel the heat
Of the offbeat of avenues.
 
2013-09-20 12:55:36 PM  
Walk for Two, 10,000 maniacs, anything from Rush
 
2013-09-20 12:55:37 PM  

moulding god: "Powerhouse" by Raymond Scott.
Actually, I should try that one.


It would make sex a Rube Goldberg contraption.
 
2013-09-20 12:56:28 PM  
oh m'darlin oh m'darlin OH M'DARLIN CLEMENTIIIINE
 
2013-09-20 12:57:13 PM  
Ticks are parasites creepy and small
Scourge of the northwoods Spring through Fall
Their step is light you never know they're there
'til they pitch a tent in your underwear

Look at the moon it's a beautiful sight
don't share your body with a parasite
Let's get naked its the safe thing to do
you check me and I'll check you ...
for wood ticks

You might have been fishing or leaning on a tree
That's when I find them crawling on me
Even now one could be creeping up a limb
Looking for a warm spot he can slip in

Look at that moon ...

It's for your own welfare what you wanna do
Would you rather have a parasite sucking on you?
Your buttons are the locks and my fingers are the keys
To saving us both from Lyme's disease

Look at that moon ...

Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever
Hack the little suckers with a heavy meat cleaver
Come on, Honey, what the heck
It ain't nothing but a wood tick check

By now you're starting to squirm and twitch
Like a newly wed couple with the honeymoon itch
Ticks are like men at a singles dance
Give them half a chance they'll get in your pants

As a public service I sing this song
If we don't pull together
We won't last long
If you ever find yourself in a fix
Better let me check for ticks
(that's right, baby)
Better let me check you for ticks
 
2013-09-20 12:58:46 PM  
Can't see YouTube links at work so this may have been posted already, but Stutter by Elastica.
 
2013-09-20 12:59:39 PM  
TDTF by those Dead Kennedys
 
2013-09-20 01:01:41 PM  
Old Man, Neil Young
I would do anything for love, Meat Loaf
Landslide, Fleetwood Mac
 
2013-09-20 01:03:52 PM  
I clicked on this thread hoping for a chuckle or two and now I just want to cry.

Thanks Fark!

/oblig. Welcome to Fark jpeg.
 
2013-09-20 01:04:28 PM  
I'm the one who killed your precious cat
and stuffed him in your farking mailbox
If i would'nt have cut my hair
I'd choke you with my farkin dreadlocks...
 
2013-09-20 01:04:34 PM  
No Lola?
 
2013-09-20 01:08:08 PM  
Big Yellow Taxi, Joni Mitchell
I've seen fire and rain, James Taylor
Anything by Gary Glitter
 
2013-09-20 01:09:03 PM  
Mama Told me not to cumm, 3 dog night
 
2013-09-20 01:09:47 PM  

Uchiha_Cycliste: Nirvana, Rape Me.


Came for this, leaving satisfied.
 
2013-09-20 01:12:04 PM  
just jumped in to say, that's easy!

sentimental journey-   pere ubu's the modern dance
 
2013-09-20 01:15:51 PM  
I've had a fine time with interesting women to very unromantic music.
 
2013-09-20 01:16:16 PM  

garandman1a: Uchiha_Cycliste: Nirvana, Rape Me.

Came for this, leaving satisfied.


Ah hem... *phrasing*  =/
 
2013-09-20 01:20:04 PM  
Sunday Bloody Sunday, U2
 
2013-09-20 01:21:07 PM  
Oh good, don't know any of those.
Of course, don't get to have sex either so it doesn't matter.
 
2013-09-20 01:26:50 PM  
Frankie teardrop
Twenty year old Frankie
He's married he's got a kid
And he's working in a factory

He's working from seven to five
He's just trying to survive
Well lets hear it for Frankie
Frankie Frankie

Well Frankie can't make it
'Cause things are just too hard
Frankie can't make enough money
Frankie can't buy enough food
 
2013-09-20 01:29:37 PM  
Luka, Susan Vega
 
2013-09-20 01:39:38 PM  
My good gal's trying to make a fool out of me
Lord my gal's trying to make a fool out of me
Trying to make me believe I ain't got that old TB
I've got the TB blues
When it rained down sorrow it rained all over me
When it rained down sorrow it rained all over me
Cause my body rattles like a train on that old SP
I've got the TB blues
I've got that old TB I can't eat a bite
Got that old TB I can't eat a bite
Got me worried so I can't even sleep at night
I've got the TB blues
I've been fightin' like a lion looks like I'm going to lose
I've been fightin' like a lion looks like I'm going to lose
Cause there ain't nobody ever whipped the TB blues
I've got the TB blues
Gee but that graveyard is a lonesome place
Lord but that graveyard is a lonesome place
They put you on your back throw that mud down in your face
I've got the TB blues
 
2013-09-20 01:42:12 PM  
I won't shiver in the cold
I won't let the shadows take their toll
I won't cover my head in the dark
And I won't forget you when we part

Collapse the light into earth

I won't heal given time
I won't try to change your mind
I won't feel better in the cold light of day
But I wouldn't stop you if you wanted to stay

Collapse the light into earth
 
2013-09-20 01:43:05 PM  

Donnchadha: Anything "Kidz Bop"


Well, that depends entirely on how old your girlfriend is...
 
2013-09-20 01:46:32 PM  
"son of a preacher man"

//so sorry..
 
2013-09-20 01:53:04 PM  
What is this "having sex" of which you speak?
 
2013-09-20 01:53:45 PM  

mongbiohazard: Donnchadha: Anything "Kidz Bop"

Well, that depends entirely on how old your girlfriend is...


tabletheory.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-09-20 01:54:35 PM  
 
2013-09-20 01:57:27 PM  
He stopped loving her today
They placed a wreath upon his door
And soon they'll carry him away
He stopped loving her today
 
2013-09-20 01:58:14 PM  
...
All the pigs are all lined up
I give you all that you want
Take the skin and peel it back
Now doesn't that make you feel better?

Shove it up inside surprise! Lies
Stains like blood on your teeth
Bite chew suck away the tender parts
I want to break it up I want to smash it up I want to fark it up
...
 
2013-09-20 02:03:57 PM  
Five thousand, one hundred, ten days
Is a short period of time a mere fourteen years
On this precious mother earth, you see Tisha had issues
And her decision making skills were still in its early stages
You know what I'm talking about
Therefore she could not properly handle a blessing in which
She thought to be an obstacle in her path to adulthood
Pause, Just like a brother with a thousand pauses
Should I, shouldn't I, I can't, I have to, mama will never see me the same
Daddy and Big Mama I know all of them gonna be ashamed of me
Are just a few thoughts racing through her cranium
As she sits on top of the pale,
cold porcelain seat in the rear of the house
The unthinkable moments away from becoming reality, sadly with no clue
And no way of expressing her feeling
to her mam or anybody else in her life
Tisha done came to the crossroads and now she got to choose
Fatality, fatality, fatality, fatality
 
2013-09-20 02:08:40 PM  
And then you meet me and your whole world changes
Because everything I say is everything you've ever wanted to hear
So you drop all you defenses, and you drop all your fears
I'm perfect in every way
'Cause I make you feel so strong and so powerfull inside
You feel so lucky
But your ego obscures reality but you never bothered to
Wonder why things are going so well
You want to know why?
 
2013-09-20 02:16:14 PM  

Special J: What in the world is that thing?
Do you need some tweezers to put that little thing away
That has got to be the smallest dick
I've ever seen in my whole life
I have ever seen in my whole life
Get the fark outta here
Iny weeny teeny weeny
Shriveled little short dick man
Don't want don't want don't want don't want
Don't want don't want don't want don't want


Hahah, first thing I thought of and started scanning the tread to see if anyone brought it up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrlxvO4YxSE  Gotta love the '90s.
 
2013-09-20 02:17:33 PM  
Tied between:

Adagio for Strings by Samuel Barber.

and this one:

Four o'clock in the afternoon 
and I didn't feel like very much. 
I said to myself, "Where are you golden boy, 
where is your famous golden touch?" 
I thought you knew where 
all of the elephants lie down, 
I thought you were the crown prince 
of all the wheels in Ivory Town. 
Just take a look at your body now, 
there's nothing much to save 
and a bitter voice in the mirror cries, 
"Hey, Prince, you need a shave." 
Now if you can manage to get 
your trembling fingers to behave, 
why don't you try unwrapping 
a stainless steel razor blade? 
That's right, it's come to this, 
yes it's come to this, 
and wasn't it a long way down, 
wasn't it a strange way down?

There's no hot water 
and the cold is running thin. 
Well, what do you expect from 
the kind of places you've been living in? 
Don't drink from that cup, 
it's all caked and cracked along the rim. 
That's not the electric light, my friend, 
that is your vision growing dim. 
Cover up your face with soap, there, 
now you're Santa Claus. 
And you've got a gift for anyone 
who will give you his applause. 
I thought you were a racing man, 
ah, but you couldn't take the pace. 
That's a funeral in the mirror 
and it's stopping at your face. 
That's right, it's come to this, 
yes it's come to this, 
and wasn't it a long way down, 
ah wasn't it a strange way down? 

Once there was a path 
and a girl with chestnut hair, 
and you passed the summers 
picking all of the berries that grew there; 
there were times she was a woman, 
oh, there were times she was just a child, 
and you held her in the shadows 
where the raspberries grow wild. 
And you climbed the twilight mountains 
and you sang about the view, 
and everywhere that you wandered 
love seemed to go along with you. 
That's a hard one to remember, 
yes it makes you clench your fist. 
And then the veins stand out like highways, 
all along your wrist. 
And yes it's come to this, 
it's come to this, 
and wasn't it a long way down, 
wasn't it a strange way down? 

You can still find a job, 
go out and talk to a friend. 
On the back of every magazine 
there are those coupons you can send. 
Why don't you join the Rosicrucians, 
they can give you back your hope, 
you can find your love with diagrams 
on a plain brown envelope. 
But you've used up all your coupons 
except the one that seems 
to be written on your wrist 
along with several thousand dreams.
 
2013-09-20 02:19:48 PM  
My last post got cut for length but there should be enough there for you to get the idea.

I also nominated that song in an earlier Fark thread about the worst song to hear at a strip club.
 
2013-09-20 02:20:16 PM  
great green gobs of greasy-grimey gopher-guts...
 
2013-09-20 02:21:40 PM  

Rev. Skarekroe: Fish heads, fish heads, roly-poly fish heads
Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up, yum!


Ask a fish head anything you want to.
They won't answer, they can't talk.
 
2013-09-20 02:27:32 PM  
 
2013-09-20 02:27:51 PM  
Hello Muddah...Hello Faddah
 
2013-09-20 02:36:34 PM  
Pablo Fransisco bit (NSFW Language)
 
2013-09-20 02:46:44 PM  

Special J: Goodbye to you, my trusted friend.
We've known each other since we're nine or ten.


And here's the b-side to "Seasons in the Sun", called "Put the Bone In":

Put the bone in
She yelled at the store
'Cause my doggie's been hit by a car
And I do want to bring him home something
Put the bone in
She yelled out once more
Because the meat from the pork is so sweet
And the bone from the pork give to me
Put the bone in she begged him
As she paced across the floor
Put the bone in she yelled out once more

Put the bone in
She yelled at the store
Cause my doggie's been hit by a car
And I do want to bring him home something
Put the bone in
She yelled out once more ...
 
2013-09-20 02:48:38 PM  
mmmm-Bop
 
2013-09-20 02:49:00 PM  
Holly came from Miami, F.L.A.
Hitch-hiked her way across the U.S.A.
Plucked her eyebrows on the way
Shaved her legs and then he was a she
She says, "Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side"
He said, "Hey honey, take a walk on the wild side"
 
2013-09-20 02:52:18 PM  
Is "Back Door Man" a bad option, or just foreshadowing?
 
2013-09-20 02:55:09 PM  
Inflammation of the foreskin reminds me of your smile
I've had ballanital chancroids for quite a little while
I gave my heart to NSU, that lovely night in June
I ache for you my darling and I hope you'll get well soon

My penile warts your herpes, my syphilitic sores
Your moenelial infection, how I miss you more and more
Your dobie's itch, my scrumpox, our lovely gonorrhea
At least we both were lying, when we said that we were clear

I clapped out genitalia is not so bad for me
As the complete and utter failure, every time I try to pee
I'm dying from your love my love, I'm your spirochaetal clown
I've left my body to science, but I'm afraid they've turned it down

Gonococcal urethritis, streptococcal ballinitis
Meningo myelitis, diplococcal cephalitis
Epididymitis, interstitial keratitis
Syphilitic choroiditis and anterior uveitis
 
2013-09-20 02:55:17 PM  
It was late and I'd been thru all my money
Couldn't buy me that pretty little girl
Good night bum was the lousy line she threw to me
Called me honey right before she blew my load
Now ain't that treatin' me bad, ain't it reason to kill?

 Ladies and gentlement, that's the way it was
My head it ran with fuzz
I took it as reason to kill

She asked me if I'd like to have a good time
Double shots was her order of the night
Ran her hand higher up against my left thigh
Blew it all then she found another guy
Now ain't that treating me bad, ain't it reason to kill?

 Ladies and gentlement, that's the way it was
My head it ran with fuzz
I saw it as reason to kill


So I waited to hear her say "I'm sorry"
And I mooched me another drink or two
On her windshield I left her my remembrance
So she messed up my face with her shoe
Now ain't that treating me bad, ain't it reason to kill?
 
2013-09-20 02:55:28 PM  
But for someone with a musical education, anything with a weird time signature like Pink Floyd's "Money" or Led Zeppelin's "Fool in the Rain" make it tough to find your rhythm. And R.E.M.'s "End of the World" or Joe Jackson's "Time" will kill you trying to keep up..

On the positive side, if you choose a concert album, every five or ten minutes you get a standing ovation.
 
2013-09-20 02:57:57 PM  
On the sofa she weeps
BOO HOO HOO HOO
She weeps and she weeps
BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
She weeps and she peeps
Through the curtain

He just got in his car
But the battery's dead
So he asked to use the phone
And she gives him some head
And that's the end of the story

Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Baby don't you want a
Man!
 
2013-09-20 03:08:12 PM  
My love for you is ticking clock
BERZERKER
Would you like to suck my c**k
BERZERKER
Would you like to makee f**k
BERZERKER
 
2013-09-20 03:12:29 PM  
Saw that Yakety Sax was mentioned in TFA.

I'll add a few of obscure (even for fark) ones, because I'm a farking hipster...

John Trubee & The Ugly Janitors of America - A Blind Man's Penis
Al Mader (aka The Minimalist Jug Band) - Lousy Lover
Royal Grand Prix - (My Baby's Got) Scabies
 
2013-09-20 03:16:10 PM  
And from 70's, Todd Rundgren's "You Left Me Sore"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTpHLUy7zcE

Love is infectious and I was a victim
The worst case you'd ever see
But still I know no doctor or nurse
Could cure what you gave to me
'Cause you really, you left me sore
(You left me sore)
You really left me sore now baby
(You left me sore)
You messed me up for sure and I don't mean maybe
'Cause you really left me sore
You didn't tell me and I didn't ask
So there's nobody left to blame
But still I know no place I can go
That helps to relieve the pain
'Cause you really, you left me sore
(You left me sore)
You really left me sore now baby
(You left me sore)
You messed me up for sure and I don't mean maybe
'Cause you really left me sore
But now I know no good ever comes
From love on a one night stand
'Cause you really, you left me sore
(You left me sore)
You really left me sore now baby
(You left me sore)
You messed me up for sure and I don't mean maybe
'Cause you really left me sore
You really, you left me sore
(You left me sore)
You really left me sore now baby
(You left me sore)
You messed me up for sure and I don't mean maybe
'Cause you really left me sore
 
2013-09-20 03:25:31 PM  
Am I really the first person to suggest Gilbert O'Sullivan's Alone Again (Naturally)?
 
2013-09-20 03:30:47 PM  
Tooling for Anus

-the Meatmen
 
2013-09-20 03:31:03 PM  
It was the town that made America famous. 
The churches full and the kids all gone to hell. 
Six traffic lights and seven cops and all the streets kept clean. 
The supermarket and the drug store and the bars all doing well
 
2013-09-20 03:34:58 PM  
Yub nub, eee chop yub nub;
Ah toe meet toe peechee keene,
G'noop dock fling oh ah.
 
2013-09-20 03:37:43 PM  
one from my wife... and gotta agree...
Tiptoe through the Tulips - Tiny Tim
 
2013-09-20 03:39:33 PM  

FeedTheCollapse: Big Black - Jordan Minnesota


I've had this happen.

Plowed through anyway.

This is Jordan, we do what we like!
 
2013-09-20 03:44:20 PM  
 
2013-09-20 03:46:37 PM  
Anything by Barney - sure I'm happy to be getting lucky but the old dinosaur isn't exactly revving the engines...if you know what I mean and I think you do!
 
2013-09-20 03:47:42 PM  
Pretty much anything off of "Electro-Shock Blues" by the Eels.
 
2013-09-20 03:52:23 PM  
She lives in this house over there
Has her world outside it
Scrapples in the earth with her fingers and her mouth
She's five years old

Thread worms on a string
Keeps spiders in her pocket
Collects fly wings in a jar
Scrubs horse flies
And pinches them on a line
Ohhh...

She has one friend, he lives next door
They're listenening to the weather
He knows how many freckles she's got
She scratches his beard

She's painting huge books
And glues them together
They saw a big raven
It glided down the sky
She touched it
Ohh...

Today is a birthday
They're smoking cigars
He's got a chain of flowers
And sows a bird in her knickers
Ohhh...

They're smoking cigars
They lie in the bathtub
A chain of ... flowers
 
2013-09-20 03:55:04 PM  
I would say any type of electronical/dance that has a bass beat that cycles at about 60-120 bpm.
 
2013-09-20 04:01:41 PM  
The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they called 'Gitche Gumee'
The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead
When the skies of November turn gloomy
With a load of iron ore twenty-six thousand tons more
Than the Edmund Fitzgerald weighed empty.
That good ship and crew was a bone to be chewed
When the gales of November came early.

The ship was the pride of the American side
Coming back from some mill in Wisconsin
As the big freighters go, it was bigger than most
With a crew and good captain well seasoned
Concluding some terms with a couple of steel firms
When they left fully loaded for Cleveland
And later that night when the ship's bell rang
Could it be the north wind they'd been feelin'?

The wind in the wires made a tattle-tale sound
And a wave broke over the railing
And every man knew, as the captain did too,
T'was the witch of November come stealin'.
The dawn came late and the breakfast had to wait
When the Gales of November came slashin'.
When afternoon came it was freezin' rain
In the face of a hurricane west wind.

When suppertime came, the old cook came on deck sayin'.
Fellas, it's too rough to feed ya.
At Seven P.M. a main hatchway caved in, he said
Fellas, it's been good t'know ya
The captain wired in he had water comin' in
And the good ship and crew was in peril.
And later that night when his lights went outta sight
Came the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

Does any one know where the love of God goes
When the waves turn the minutes to hours?
The searchers all say they'd have made Whitefish Bay
If they'd put fifteen more miles behind her.
They might have split up or they might have capsized;
May have broke deep and took water.
And all that remains is the faces and the names
Of the wives and the sons and the daughters.

Lake Huron rolls, Superior sings
In the rooms of her ice-water mansion.
Old Michigan steams like a young man's dreams;
The islands and bays are for sportsmen.
And farther below Lake Ontario
Takes in what Lake Erie can send her,
And the iron boats go as the mariners all know
With the Gales of November remembered.

In a musty old hall in Detroit they prayed,
In the Maritime Sailors' Cathedral.
The church bell chimed till it rang twenty-nine times
For each man on the Edmund Fitzgerald.
The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they call 'Gitche Gumee'.
Superior, they said, never gives up her dead
When the gales of November come early!
 
2013-09-20 04:03:29 PM  

DragonIV: It was the town that made America famous. 
The churches full and the kids all gone to hell. 
Six traffic lights and seven cops and all the streets kept clean. 
The supermarket and the drug store and the bars all doing well


Harry just wasn't romantic.
 
2013-09-20 04:08:16 PM  
Eminem's "Kim."
 
2013-09-20 04:12:33 PM  
Hot Pants, by the Hal Lovejoy Circus
 
2013-09-20 04:25:09 PM  

Donnchadha: minoridiot: Turns them on everytime....

In case you don't have that queued up, it also works to tell your partner "Say my name!" and when they say something, just say "I can't hear you!" in the appropriate pirate voice. If the answer is not changed to "Spongebob Squarepants", kick them out of bed and go watch cartoons.


I once started singing "the Happy Happy, Joy Joy song" from Ren and Stimpy. She just started laughing. Eventually I married this one.
 
2013-09-20 04:35:41 PM  
How many times do I have to tell you? Dude, you're doin' it all wrong.
Ya gotta do it like this:
Kick her in the face, in the jaw.
Kick that biatch 'til ya can't kick no more.
Then ya do a little jig like this.
Duane:
Like this?
Michael Crane:
Then ya hit her in the mouth with ya fist.
Duane:
With my fist
Michael Crane:
Awww shiiiat.
 
Boe
2013-09-20 04:36:07 PM  
The first song that came to mind was "The Curly Shuffle" but after skimming through the songs already posted...holy cats!  There are some sick farking songs I didn't need to be aware of.
 
2013-09-20 04:53:30 PM  
The Muppets "12 Days of Christmas" is a sex buzz-kill, especially when Beaker sings.
 
2013-09-20 05:23:27 PM  
I was driving down a lonely road on a dark and stormy night
When a little girl by the road side showed up in my head lights
I stopped and she got in the back and in a shaky tone
She said my name is Mary please won't you take me home

She must have been so frightened all alone there in the night
There was something strange about her cause her face was deathly white
She sat so pale and quiet there in the back seat all alone
I never will forget that night I took Mary home

I pulled into the driveway where she told me to go
Got out to help her from the car and opened up the door
But I just could not believe my eyes the back seat was bare
I looked all around the car but Mary wasn't there

A light shown from the porch someone opened up the door
I asked about the little girl that I was looking for
Then the lady gently smiled and brushed a tear away
She said it sure was nice of you to go out of your way

But thirteen years ago today in a wreck just down the road
Our darling Mary lost her life and we miss her so
So thank you for your trouble and the kindness you have shown
You're the thirteenth one who's been here bringing Mary home
 
2013-09-20 05:48:10 PM  
Handsome Family- "Snow White Diner"

I am eating hash browns in the snow white diner
Outside cars are honking, flashing lights on the bridge.
They're pulling a car from the bottom of the frozen lake.

A woman drove her Saturn into the black water
Killed herself and her two kids,
Strapped in the back seat,
She'd lost her job and she didn't want her kids
To be poor.

The diner it is noisy,
Black coffee and sugar, baskets of dinner rolls.

Outside the crowd is growing, waiting by the drawbridge,
Hoping to see the dead woman's face.

In the booth next to me, there are two elderly women,
Eating liver and onions,
And they're laughing too loud and banging the table top.

Then I see that they're deaf
And I don't know why they are laughing
Maybe the world's better when you can't hear the cars.

They make me feel better
Like I'm drunk on an airplane
And have forgotten that I'm afraid to fly.
 
2013-09-20 06:08:04 PM  
Hubby made me change songs mid-act because 'Beautiful' by Loudon Wainwright III came on.  :)
 
2013-09-20 06:51:55 PM  
First time ever in a strip club they played "We Are the World" and I wondered if the starving people in Ethiopia were getting tip money.
 
2013-09-20 07:02:50 PM  

Ant: Lost my virginity to this:


Heh. I lost mine to Peter Gabriel's "Big Time".

♫I'm on my way I'm making it...♫
 
2013-09-20 07:09:30 PM  
24.media.tumblr.com

Especially side 3.  Hey listen I love it.  But as far as sexy time music goes, not so much.
 
2013-09-20 07:31:04 PM  
I prefer the cheesy music from '70's porno films as my background music.


/I keed
 
2013-09-20 08:15:17 PM  

OtherLittleGuy: Doctor Demento's Funny Twenty-Five, any year during the 80s and 90s.

I dare you to find an appropriate song for lovemaking.


Challenge accepted.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCLQbd1YNMY
 
2013-09-20 08:18:48 PM  

Close2TheEdge: [24.media.tumblr.com image 500x500]

Especially side 3.  Hey listen I love it.  But as far as sexy time music goes, not so much.



Tales From Topographic Arby's???
 
2013-09-20 08:34:08 PM  

Ginnungagap42: Close2TheEdge: [24.media.tumblr.com image 500x500]

Especially side 3.  Hey listen I love it.  But as far as sexy time music goes, not so much.


Tales From Topographic Arby's???


31.media.tumblr.com (possibly some nsfw images)

Never underestimate the ability of the internet to deliver the weird.
 
2013-09-20 08:55:45 PM  
Way too many posts to go through to figure out if these have been mentioned or not, but here's my choices:

A lap dance is better when the stripper is crying.

The Crying Game

Dude looks like a Lady.

This Love

Some may contain NSFW lyrics.
 
2013-09-20 09:10:34 PM  
Eddie Murphy Boogie In Your Butt?

Well step aside my friend
I been doing it for years
I say, sit on down, open your eyes
And open up your ears
Say, put a tree in your butt
Put a, a bumblebee in your butt
Put a clock in your butt
Put a big rock in your butt
Say, put some fleas in your butt
Say, start to sneeze in your butt
Say, put a tin can in your butt
Put a little tiny man in your butt
Say, put a light in your butt
Say, make it bright in your butt
Say, put a TV in your butt
Say, put me in your butt
 
2013-09-20 09:18:00 PM  
Connie Francis - If It Takes Forever, I Will Wait For You (Futurama song)
and this one...


Late one cold and stormy night I heard a dog a' barkin'
Then I thought I heard somebody at my door a' knockin'
I wondered who could be outside in such an awful storm
Then I saw a little girl with a puppy in her arms
Before I could say a word she said, 'My name is Sandy
And this here is my puppy dog, it's name is little Andy'
Standing in the bitter cold in just a ragged dress
Then I asked her to come in and this is what she said
Ain't ya got no gingerbread
Ain't ya got no candy
Ain't ya got an extra bed for me and little Andy
Patty cake and bakersman
My mommy ran away again
And we was all alone and didn't know what else to do
I wonder if you'll let us stay with you
Giddy up trotty horse, going to the mill
Can we stay all night
If you don't love us no one will
I promise we won't cry
London bridge is fallin' down
My daddy's drunk again in town
And we was all alone and didn't what we could do
I wonder if you'll let us stay with you
She was just a little girl, not more than six or seven
But that night as they slept the angels took them both to heaven
God knew little Andy would be lonesome with her gone
Now Sandy and her puppy dog won't ever be alone
Ain't ya got no gingerbread
Ain't ya got no candy
Ain't ya got an extra bed for me and little (whispers) Andy - Dolly Parton
 
2013-09-20 09:36:51 PM  
From the 1930s:
Sunday is gloomy, my hours are slumberless
Dearest, the shadows I live with are numberless
Little white flowers will never awaken you
Not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you
Angels have no thoughts of ever returning you
Wouldn't they be angry if I thought of joining you?
Gloomy Sunday
Gloomy is Sunday, with shadows I spend it all
My heart and I have decided to end it all
Soon there'll be candles and prayers that are said I know
But let them not weep, let them know that I'm glad to go
Death is no dream, for in death I'm caressin' you
With the last breath of my soul, I'll be blessin' you
Gloomy Sunday
Dreaming, I was only dreaming
I wake and I find you asleep in the deep of my heart here
Darling I hope that my dream never haunted you
My heart is tellin' you how much I wanted you
Gloomy Sunday
 
2013-09-20 11:15:53 PM  
elvira
 
2013-09-20 11:43:42 PM  
"Why Does it Hurt When I Pee?" - Frank Zappa
 
2013-09-20 11:59:25 PM  
Not quite a song, but this has to be about the worst.  For sheer "JESUS CHRIST!" whiplash factor, though, you just can't beat Where the Wild Roses Grow.  The first one can be good for a laugh, but if the second one doesn't kill the mood, guy or girl doesn't matter, run.  Run your ass off.
 
2013-09-21 12:36:19 AM  
Flight of the bumble bee
 
2013-09-21 12:48:02 AM  

Paris1127: From the 1930s:
Sunday is gloomy, my hours are slumberless
Dearest, the shadows I live with are numberless
Little white flowers will never awaken you
Not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you
Angels have no thoughts of ever returning you
Wouldn't they be angry if I thought of joining you?
Gloomy Sunday
Gloomy is Sunday, with shadows I spend it all
My heart and I have decided to end it all
Soon there'll be candles and prayers that are said I know
But let them not weep, let them know that I'm glad to go
Death is no dream, for in death I'm caressin' you
With the last breath of my soul, I'll be blessin' you
Gloomy Sunday
Dreaming, I was only dreaming
I wake and I find you asleep in the deep of my heart here
Darling I hope that my dream never haunted you
My heart is tellin' you how much I wanted you
Gloomy Sunday


You fool! Now everybody who read those lyrics is gonna kill themselves!
 
2013-09-21 01:14:12 AM  

brap: Basically the whole GG Allin songbook.  His fecal micropeened presentation didn't actually do much to crank up the "moist" either.


Fecal Micropeened is a hell of a band name.

Also:

sitting in the boardroom
the I'm-so-bored room
listening to the suits
talk about their world
they can make straight lines
out of almost anything
except for the line
of my upper lip when it curls
dressed in my best greasy skin
and squinty eyes
I'm the only part of summer here
that made it inside
in the air-conditioned building
decorated with coporate flair
I wonder
can these boys smell me bleeding
though my underwear

Rock it, girlfriend...but maybe toward the end of the week, hey?
 
2013-09-21 01:14:49 AM  
When i was in college I had a "mix tape" playing during, uh, an intercourse session and Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here" came on.  She stopped me briefly and said "my dad touched me once when this song was playing."

Needless to say, it was incredibly difficult to finish after that.  We powered through, but that was the last time we were together.  I think she thought I was intentionally trying to mindfark her.  How would I know something like that?
 
2013-09-21 03:07:31 AM  

Disgruntled Goat: Paris1127: From the 1930s:
Sunday is gloomy, my hours are slumberless
Dearest, the shadows I live with are numberless
Little white flowers will never awaken you
Not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you
Angels have no thoughts of ever returning you
Wouldn't they be angry if I thought of joining you?
Gloomy Sunday
Gloomy is Sunday, with shadows I spend it all
My heart and I have decided to end it all
Soon there'll be candles and prayers that are said I know
But let them not weep, let them know that I'm glad to go
Death is no dream, for in death I'm caressin' you
With the last breath of my soul, I'll be blessin' you
Gloomy Sunday
Dreaming, I was only dreaming
I wake and I find you asleep in the deep of my heart here
Darling I hope that my dream never haunted you
My heart is tellin' you how much I wanted you
Gloomy Sunday

You fool! Now everybody who read those lyrics is gonna kill themselves!


www.heavyblogisheavy.com

/I think the song's supposed to be deadlier in the original Hungarian
//besides, why have  la petite mort when you can have  la grande mort
///
Ősz van és peregnek a sárgult levelek
Meghalt a földön az emberi szeretet
Bánatos könnyekkel zokog az öszi szél
Szívem már új tavaszt nem vár és nem remél
Hiába sírok és hiába szenvedek
Szívtelen rosszak és kapzsik az emberek...

Meghalt a szeretet!

Vége a világnak, vége a reménynek
Városok pusztulnak, srapnelek zenélnek
Emberek vérétől piros a tarka rét
Halottak fekszenek az úton szerteszét
Még egyszer elmondom csendben az imámat:
Uram, az emberek gyarlók és hibáznak...

Vége a világnak!
 
2013-09-21 02:01:01 PM  
Run Joey Run - David Geddes
http://www.youtube.com/w atch?v=cUVZsu36SW4

or Gary Glitter
 
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