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(Celebslam)   Remember when Jessica Simpson's management team signed that huge, $3 million deal with Weight Watchers? Um, did they actually tell her about it?   (celebslam.celebuzz.com) divider line 95
    More: Interesting, Jessica Simpson, Weight Watchers, management team  
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12192 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 19 Sep 2013 at 2:07 PM (41 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



95 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-09-19 12:21:28 PM
I'm shocked! Shocked to learn that a woman getting into her 30s is gaining weight.
 
2013-09-19 12:25:31 PM
Remember when Jessica Simpson's management team signed that huge, $3 million deal with Weight Watchers?

No, I don't.

Then again, I don't spend much time at the salon yakking it up with the gals, womanmitter.
 
2013-09-19 12:35:35 PM
I assumed Weight Watchers needed spokespeople that could act as aspirational cheerleaders. You know, skinny enough to be envied by the prospective customer but not so skinny that they just say "Oh f*ck it, I'll never get there."
 
2013-09-19 12:47:28 PM
To be fair, she is watching her weight. She ain't doing shiat about it, but she is watching it.
 
2013-09-19 01:13:27 PM
I'm more fascinated with her meat-eating technique.
 
2013-09-19 01:34:06 PM
I'd hit that until your dick hurt Smitty.
 
2013-09-19 01:56:03 PM
I think I still would.......
 
2013-09-19 02:14:42 PM
I'd still hit it hard enough that she's sweat butter
 
2013-09-19 02:15:21 PM

UrukHaiGuyz: I assumed Weight Watchers needed spokespeople that could act as aspirational cheerleaders. You know, skinny enough to be envied by the prospective customer but not so skinny that they just say "Oh f*ck it, I'll never get there."


So, basically fat milestones?
 
2013-09-19 02:16:12 PM
Nothing wrong with her in those shots.  Just puts a little more jiggle in the wiggle.
 
2013-09-19 02:19:49 PM

Dancin_In_Anson: I'd hit that until your dick hurt Smitty.


www.reactiongifs.com
 
2013-09-19 02:22:16 PM
Big old farmgirl, snap my weenis clean off. She's built like a tank. I wouldn't last a millisecond, but I can look.
 
2013-09-19 02:28:06 PM
They already shot the "after" photo.  Now she needs to become "before".
 
2013-09-19 02:29:23 PM
celebslam.celebuzz.com

I'd still hit that so hard, that the future King of England would have to pull me out of her.
 
2013-09-19 02:37:24 PM
Submitted headline -  Remember when Jessica Simpson's management team signed that huge, $3 million deal with Weight Watchers? Um, did they actually tell her about it?

ENTIRE GODDAMN ARTICLE - Remember when Jessica Simpson's management team signed that huge, $3 million deal with Weight Watchers? Um, did they actually tell her about it?
 
2013-09-19 02:41:32 PM
She just had her second kid in 13 months a couple of months ago dummies.
 
2013-09-19 02:45:08 PM

sigdiamond2000: Remember when Jessica Simpson's management team signed that huge, $3 million deal with Weight Watchers?

No, I don't.

Then again, I don't spend much time at the salon yakking it up with the gals, womanmitter.


A woman submitting to Fark? Scandalous!
 
2013-09-19 02:46:24 PM
I'd let her pull a MOAB on me...
 
2013-09-19 02:51:31 PM
If Jessica Simpson plops her fat ass down on your toilet, you better get the plunger ready. She BEEFS. She'll drop 5 or 6 forearm-sized logs in there with no flushes in between. Rumor has it that on the set of "Dukes of Hazzard" she used to shiat in the shower and heel it down the drain to save time.
 
2013-09-19 02:53:05 PM
Gunderson:  img.fark.net

You and Rosie are pretty tight eh?
 
2013-09-19 02:54:37 PM

SurfaceTension: I'm shocked! Shocked to learn that a woman getting into her 30s is gaining weight.


There's a difference between gaining normal, healthy weight as you age and unleashing your inner cow.
 
2013-09-19 02:56:12 PM
Britney's trainers etc. have been pretty successful at keeping her on the wagon ever since her divorce/flip out, right? Not a fan of Spears or Simpsons' "music" but at least Britney is nice eye candy these days.
 
2013-09-19 02:58:24 PM

SurfaceTension: I'm shocked! Shocked to learn that a woman getting into her 30s is gaining weight.


To be fair, in this case at least people are complaining about someone that's actually straight-up obese, rather than someone just going hollywood fat (i.e. normal healthy weight).
 
2013-09-19 02:58:57 PM

Dogfacedgod: If Jessica Simpson plops her fat ass down on your toilet, you better get the plunger ready. She BEEFS. She'll drop 5 or 6 forearm-sized logs in there with no flushes in between. Rumor has it that on the set of "Dukes of Hazzard" she used to shiat in the shower and heel it down the drain to save time.


This makes me chuckle every time.
 
2013-09-19 03:03:32 PM

Dogfacedgod: If Jessica Simpson plops her fat ass down on your toilet, you better get the plunger ready. She BEEFS. She'll drop 5 or 6 forearm-sized logs in there with no flushes in between. Rumor has it that on the set of "Dukes of Hazzard" she used to shiat in the shower and heel it down the drain to save time.


Now we are talking news-worthy material right there.
Pics?
 
2013-09-19 03:04:19 PM
I'd still like to nibble on her giblets.
 
2013-09-19 03:04:33 PM

Quantum Apostrophe: Big old farmgirl, snap my weenis clean off. She's built like a tank. I wouldn't last a millisecond, but I can look.


You don't know the half of it when it comes to horny farmgirls.
 
2013-09-19 03:05:02 PM
FTA: Remember when Jessica Simpson's management team signed that huge, $3 million deal with Weight Watchers? Um, did they actually tell her about it?

Very creative subby.
 
2013-09-19 03:08:48 PM

Smeggy Smurf: Quantum Apostrophe: Big old farmgirl, snap my weenis clean off. She's built like a tank. I wouldn't last a millisecond, but I can look.

You don't know the half of it when it comes to horny farmgirls.


Do tell...
 
2013-09-19 03:10:03 PM
FULL SIZE PIC+
 
2013-09-19 03:10:22 PM

Quantum Apostrophe: Big old farmgirl, snap my weenis clean off. She's built like a tank. I wouldn't last a millisecond, but I can look.


How can you say no to this?!?!

images2.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2013-09-19 03:14:35 PM

IdBeCrazyIf: I'd still hit it hard enough that she's sweat butter


So I take it that's how Paula Deen lost all that weight.  Fine job, good sir.  Your sacrifice should earn you a medal.
 
2013-09-19 03:21:05 PM
I'd hit it...in the udders
 
2013-09-19 03:29:38 PM
Abe Vigoda's Ghost:

I'd still hit that so hard, that the future King of England would have to pull me out of her.

What about this version?
scrapetv.com
 
2013-09-19 03:29:39 PM

PsyLord: Quantum Apostrophe: Big old farmgirl, snap my weenis clean off. She's built like a tank. I wouldn't last a millisecond, but I can look.

How can you say no to this?!?!

[images2.wikia.nocookie.net image 332x426]


Yeah, but there's a difference between big and hourglassy, and big and refrigeratey.
 
2013-09-19 03:30:05 PM
A story about a past-her-prime, overweight, baby factory former pop star is great and all.  But I'd rather this have been today's Breaking Bad thread.
 
2013-09-19 03:31:50 PM
Beautiful woman.

/nice rounded knees
 
2013-09-19 03:34:21 PM

Quantum Apostrophe: PsyLord: Quantum Apostrophe: Big old farmgirl, snap my weenis clean off. She's built like a tank. I wouldn't last a millisecond, but I can look.

How can you say no to this?!?!

[images2.wikia.nocookie.net image 332x426]

Yeah, but there's a difference between big and hourglassy, and big and refrigeratey.


That makes me want to have a nice cold beer...
 
2013-09-19 03:35:23 PM

Dumb-Ass-Monkey: Submitted headline -  Remember when Jessica Simpson's management team signed that huge, $3 million deal with Weight Watchers? Um, did they actually tell her about it?

ENTIRE GODDAMN ARTICLE - Remember when Jessica Simpson's management team signed that huge, $3 million deal with Weight Watchers? Um, did they actually tell her about it?


THIS^^^

I always thought FARK was about funny, original, farker-written headlines. This headline was none of those things.
 
2013-09-19 03:37:52 PM

Texas Gabe: Dumb-Ass-Monkey: Submitted headline -  Remember when Jessica Simpson's management team signed that huge, $3 million deal with Weight Watchers? Um, did they actually tell her about it?

ENTIRE GODDAMN ARTICLE - Remember when Jessica Simpson's management team signed that huge, $3 million deal with Weight Watchers? Um, did they actually tell her about it?

THIS^^^

I always thought FARK was about funny, original, farker-written headlines. This headline was none of those things.


WelcometoFark.jpg
 
2013-09-19 03:39:10 PM
I seem to recall back in the day people saying she could use a sammich. Well, it looks like she ate the damn truck that was selling them too.

Be careful what you wish for...
 
2013-09-19 03:39:51 PM

Bslim: SurfaceTension: I'm shocked! Shocked to learn that a woman getting into her 30s is gaining weight.

There's a difference between gaining normal, healthy weight as you age and unleashing your inner cow.


Same thing in regards to weight gain during pregnancy. Some women think it's an excuse to eat everything in the market each day AND sit on the couch with their feet up all day (this statement does not apply to the pregnant women who are placed on bedrest. I'm talking about pregnant women who are healthy enough to exercise but choose not to).

/Currently pregnant
//Healthy, on-track weight gain throughout pregnancy
///Relatively few health problems (no preeclampsia, no gestational diabetes, etc)
 
2013-09-19 03:40:10 PM
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-09-19 03:41:51 PM
Didn't she just have a baby a couple months ago? Which was her second one in a row? She looks pretty damn good if you ask me.
 
2013-09-19 03:43:44 PM

Quantum Apostrophe: Big old farmgirl, snap my weenis clean off. She's built like a tank. I wouldn't last a millisecond, but I can look.


"Big old farmgirl..."      She's 5' 3".
What are you, a Hobbit?
 
2013-09-19 03:47:16 PM

ReapTheChaos: Didn't she just have a baby a couple months ago? Which was her second one in a row? She looks pretty damn good if you ask me.


What I came here to say. She had two babies in two years, the fark sharp knees crew can go fark themselves.

Oh gee, I wonder why girls have such low self esteem and hate their bodies? Farking christ.
 
2013-09-19 03:49:38 PM

monoski: What about this version?
[scrapetv.com image 600x445]


The bigger the waistband...

2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-09-19 03:53:12 PM

Dancin_In_Anson: You and Rosie are pretty tight eh?


I like to go down on her after she runs a marathon wearing spandex in July
 
2013-09-19 03:56:07 PM
Judas Priest.
I'd wreck Jessica right this minute merely because of how she used to look.
 
2013-09-19 03:56:21 PM
....nope.. not clicking the article.

I prefer to remember her like this:

www.iphonewallpaper.us
 
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