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(Sun Sentinel)   Man accuses coworker of crushing his lunch, proceeds to beat him, resulting in a crushed lunch and assault charges   (sun-sentinel.com) divider line 40
    More: Florida, Palm Beach County Jail, Infraction, Lauderdale Lakes, North Lauderdale, cerebral hemorrhages  
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2494 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Sep 2013 at 9:26 PM (49 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



40 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-09-18 05:50:55 PM
What is best in life?  To crush your enemy's lunch, to drive him before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women.
 
2013-09-18 06:09:45 PM
...doctors said he suffered a fractured skull, brain hemorrhaging and started seizing... the first officers on the scene said they saw a "large amount of blood on the sidewalk in front of a city truck"

I bet he never sits on anyone's lunch ever again.
 
2013-09-18 08:03:00 PM
Man accuses coworker of crushing his lunch

If they had been Japanese, they would have exhausted themselves in the exposition, and a fistfight would have been averted.
 
2013-09-18 08:48:06 PM
I'm crushing your lunch...I'm crushing your lunch.
500hats.typepad.com
 
2013-09-18 09:27:58 PM
Apparently the sandwich was pretty good, but it needed a pinch of assault.
 
2013-09-18 09:30:47 PM

I_Am_Weasel: I'm crushing your lunch...I'm crushing your lunch.
[500hats.typepad.com image 300x222]


You flat-lunch.
 
2013-09-18 09:33:18 PM
impactpublishing.files.wordpress.com
Lunch is one thing. But my Swingline...
 
2013-09-18 09:37:39 PM
State records show at least six previous arrests for Allison starting in 2006, including convictions of aggravated battery on a pregnant woman

I think it's time to put this one down. I hope the poor guy he beat half to death will be okay, as seizing after having your skull fractured is not a good sign.
 
2013-09-18 09:39:10 PM
Why isn't he a pro football player?
 
2013-09-18 09:42:10 PM
FTFA:
Detectives tried to interview Allison but said he wouldn't talk.
State records show at least six previous arrests for Allison starting in 2006, including convictions of aggravated battery on a pregnant woman and other battery charges.


Way to go Boca. Lets see.......tons of good people who need work. But we'll hire this thug instead.
 
2013-09-18 09:43:58 PM
Some f*cking reporting! How am I supposed to know how to feel about this without knowing what the lunch was?
 
2013-09-18 09:47:37 PM

Marcus Aurelius: ...doctors said he suffered a fractured skull, brain hemorrhaging and started seizing... the first officers on the scene said they saw a "large amount of blood on the sidewalk in front of a city truck"

I bet he never sits on anyone's lunch ever again.


I bet he get's a settlement and permanent disability that means he doesn't have to worry about sack lunches ever again.
 
2013-09-18 09:50:06 PM

dolphkhan: Some f*cking reporting! How am I supposed to know how to feel about this without knowing what the lunch was?


I think it was a turkey sammich with an extra piece of bread soaked in gravy in the middle...
 
2013-09-18 09:51:00 PM
This is the kind of thing I'm thinking of when I say that people convicted of let's say three stupid violent crimes, or one stupid violent crime that results in death, disability or disfigurement, should be put to sleep like rabid dogs.


"He sat on my sammich!"

"He stepped on my foot on a [crowded] bus!"

"He looked at me funny!"


Why do we bother to feed & house these people in prison? They're even too stupid to make decent cannon fodder.
 
2013-09-18 09:54:28 PM
he suffered a fractured skull, brain hemorrhaging

They crush your lunch, you crush their skull. It's the Chicago Florida way.


I_Am_Weasel: I'm crushing your lunch...I'm crushing your lunch.
[500hats.typepad.com image 300x222]


Heh. First thing I thought of, too, for some reason.

Also: Mark McKinney is the celebrity people say I look most like. I've always thought of dressing as Head Crusher guy for Halloween but I'm afraid people would just think I was a homeless person.
 
2013-09-18 09:54:30 PM

haolegirl: dolphkhan: Some f*cking reporting! How am I supposed to know how to feel about this without knowing what the lunch was?

I think it was a turkey sammich with an extra piece of bread soaked in gravy in the middle...


...and he got away with JUST a beating?????
 
2013-09-18 09:55:40 PM
Reynoso later declared a caucasian hispanic and sued by the rainbow coalition for keeping a brothers lunch beaten down.
 
2013-09-18 09:56:14 PM
akamai.paramountcomedy.com

You-you crushed my sandwich?
MY SANDWICH??
 
2013-09-18 09:58:02 PM
Mr. Pither!!!!!
 
2013-09-18 10:00:24 PM
That level of violence over a farking lunch? I'm not usually one for overly harsh sentencing, but between this and his past violent record, this guy needs to be locked up for good. He's of no use to society.
 
2013-09-18 10:03:41 PM

The One True TheDavid: This is the kind of thing I'm thinking of when I say that people convicted of let's say three stupid violent crimes, or one stupid violent crime that results in death, disability or disfigurement, should be put to sleep like rabid dogs.


"He sat on my sammich!"

"He stepped on my foot on a [crowded] bus!"

"He looked at me funny!"


Why do we bother to feed & house these people in prison? They're even too stupid to make decent cannon fodder.


Dude ate his goddamn sandwich, man.That is f*ckinglunch.
F- that guy.
 
2013-09-18 10:03:48 PM

haolegirl: dolphkhan: Some f*cking reporting! How am I supposed to know how to feel about this without knowing what the lunch was?

I think it was a turkey sammich with an extra piece of bread soaked in gravy in the middle...


mix967.ca

The "moistmaker"??
 
2013-09-18 10:09:20 PM
Oh look, black man born in the 80s with serious anger and self control issues, who is also willing to be violent towards women due to his relationship with his mother. You so rarely see that.
 
2013-09-18 10:12:05 PM

dolphkhan: Some f*cking reporting! How am I supposed to know how to feel about this without knowing what the lunch was?


Years ago I left the bar.Ran into a friend of mine at the Taco Shop.He leaves,and  runs into some hoodlums.They demand his bike.Me? I did not see what was going on as I went out the side door.If you know me I would have been out there in a second.I was stoned.I mean I was prolly checkin' my bag to see If I had enough hot sauce..So he calls me as I was driving home .DUDE WHERE WERE YOU!!! I told him I just did not see anything..It turns out it was a couple of teenagers.He pushed one down and the rest ran away. SOOO. I get home and tell my at the time 'Fat F*ck' roommate ,He stops me mid story and sez "wa.wa..wait..what kind of burrito did he get?"

END of C Long SB
 
2013-09-18 10:15:53 PM
Mmmm, crushed lunch...

images1.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2013-09-18 10:17:12 PM

HotLonelyTeenageGirl: Oh look, black man born in the 80s with serious anger and self control issues, who is also willing to be violent towards women due to his relationship with his mother. You so rarely see that.


Sadly, this.
 
2013-09-18 10:25:58 PM
Muncha buncha, muncha buncha, muncha buncha, muncha buncha, beat downs go with lunch. Especially,
crushed fritos.
 
2013-09-18 10:26:33 PM

Gyrfalcon: HotLonelyTeenageGirl: Oh look, black man born in the 80s with serious anger and self control issues, who is also willing to be violent towards women due to his relationship with his mother. You so rarely see that.

Sadly, this.


You would think his grandmother or auntie would have raised him better.
 
2013-09-18 10:30:43 PM
"State records show at least six previous arrests for Allison starting in 2006, including convictions of aggravated battery on a pregnant woman and other battery charges. "

Time to dispense with the kid-glove pleasantries and bleeding hearts with this one.

Fortunately, Florida has a three-strikes law for repeat violent felonies.  It's likely to tack 25 years onto what would otherwise be a very short sentence for aggravated assault this time around.
 
2013-09-18 10:36:28 PM
I don't bring food to work that I would have to leave unattended in the community fridge.I work with animals that have no problems going through other peoples stuff.
 
2013-09-18 10:38:05 PM

ReapTheChaos: That level of violence over a farking lunch? I'm not usually one for overly harsh sentencing, but between this and his past violent record, this guy needs to be locked up for good. He's of no use to society.

Food crushed with violence loses nutritional value; how can you be so obtuse?
 
2013-09-18 10:46:10 PM

AbbeySomeone: ReapTheChaos: That level of violence over a farking lunch? I'm not usually one for overly harsh sentencing, but between this and his past violent record, this guy needs to be locked up for good. He's of no use to society.
Food crushed with violence loses nutritional value; how can you be so obtuse?


Yea, that's why you eat the broken cookies, because most of the calories already fell out!
 
2013-09-18 10:48:13 PM

haolegirl: dolphkhan: Some f*cking reporting! How am I supposed to know how to feel about this without knowing what the lunch was?

I think it was a turkey sammich with an extra piece of bread soaked in gravy in the middle...


Didn't you see the mugshot? It was obviously fried chicken, watermelon, and grape soda!

yea, yea i1211.photobucket.com
 
2013-09-18 10:52:10 PM

fusillade762: he suffered a fractured skull, brain hemorrhaging

They crush your lunch, you crush their skull. It's the Chicago Florida way.


I_Am_Weasel: I'm crushing your lunch...I'm crushing your lunch.
[500hats.typepad.com image 300x222]

Heh. First thing I thought of, too, for some reason.

Also: Mark McKinney is the celebrity people say I look most like. I've always thought of dressing as Head Crusher guy for Halloween but I'm afraid people would just think I was a homeless person.


"Hi, I'm actor-comedian Scott Thompson, and these are the celebrities I look like."

...

"JEFFREY DAHMER!"
 
2013-09-18 10:54:44 PM
Meatloaf sandwich.

He was standing his ground beef.
 
2013-09-18 10:55:08 PM
i44.tinypic.com
 
2013-09-18 11:22:16 PM
Came for picture of Ross going apeshiat over his turkey sandwich with the "moistmaker" layer of gravy soaked bread. Leaving satisfied, and wanting a turkey sandwich.
 
2013-09-18 11:23:18 PM
Understands completely:

static.screenweek.it
 
2013-09-19 12:39:24 AM
where he remains in lieu of $25,000 bail.

Three strikes should also apply to bail.  25k is a joke.  Should be set at $10 million.

Also, smashing someones head into sidewalk/pavement should be attempted murder, without question.
 
2013-09-19 07:51:11 AM
Assault may be justified to protect your lunch but, after the lunch has been already been crushed, assault is not justified to punish the alleged offender.
 
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