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(CNN)   All that regular morning sex you're having can actually become a good enough workout that you might even be able to skip the gym once in a while. I know, I know, you'd never skip the gym, but it's worth considering. Bonus: "coregasm"   (cnn.com) divider line 73
    More: Unlikely, Turner Broadcasting, hip flexors, Pinterest  
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6184 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Sep 2013 at 1:40 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



73 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-09-17 12:46:46 PM  
You never skip the gym.
 
2013-09-17 12:50:44 PM  
According to a study conducted by the New England Journal of Medicine, sex lasts six minutes on average and only burns about 21 calories.

Which is why those of us "in the know," as they say, always allow precisely 32 minutes from the start point.
 
2013-09-17 12:54:55 PM  
Why would you want to?

"I've got to be at the gym in 1120 seconds"
 
2013-09-17 01:25:13 PM  
I've got to be at the Y in 26 minutes
 
2013-09-17 01:38:47 PM  

Pocket Ninja: According to a study conducted by the New England Journal of Medicine, sex lasts six minutes on average and only burns about 21 calories.


Interesting.

What is that when calculated in 'dumpy lovin' terms?
 
2013-09-17 01:43:20 PM  
What about a morning wank?
 
2013-09-17 01:44:09 PM  
Does not apply to married ppl.
 
2013-09-17 01:44:18 PM  
Sex vs hanging out with a bunch of naked sweaty grunting dudes.

There's very little distinction for some.
 
2013-09-17 01:45:17 PM  
People who think sex burns as many calories as jogging have never been jogging. Sure sex is physical, but if you're sweating that much you're probably doing it wrong or are so large I'd rather poke my eyes out than imagine you trying to position your flabs such that they don't get in the way.
 
2013-09-17 01:45:32 PM  

DanZero: Why would you want to?

"I've got to be at the gym in 1120 seconds"


I'll be finished in 26 seconds.
 
2013-09-17 01:45:37 PM  
I can do both. I can have sex and still have 24 minutes left to get to the gym.
 
2013-09-17 01:46:36 PM  

Mr.Tangent: What about a morning wank?


I was gonna ask if this counted.

25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-09-17 01:48:41 PM  

Pocket Ninja: According to a study conducted by the New England Journal of Medicine, sex lasts six minutes on average and only burns about 21 calories.

Which is why those of us "in the know," as they say, always allow precisely 32 minutes from the start point.


Only six minutes,  I spend like three times that long begging before we even start
 
2013-09-17 01:50:27 PM  
That's fine & dandy - but what about us married folk? And what is "regular sex"?
 
2013-09-17 01:52:14 PM  
Which explains why I'm out of shape...
 
2013-09-17 01:55:48 PM  
I have to go nail a chick in 26 minutes so I'm really getting a kick out of these replies.
 
2013-09-17 01:57:43 PM  

Pocket Ninja: According to a study conducted by the New England Journal of Medicine, sex lasts six minutes on average and only burns about 21 calories.

Which is why those of us "in the know," as they say, always allow precisely 32 minutes from the start point.


You trying to make the rest of us feel bad stud?
 
2013-09-17 02:04:49 PM  
If you can't find enough motor skill to get out of bed afterwards you probably don't need the gym. Being unable to think coherently or even Manage to get to a sitting position would also count.
 
2013-09-17 02:08:33 PM  
I'm married... can somebody please explain what sex is to me please?

Is it a new fad like yoga and zumba?
 
2013-09-17 02:09:18 PM  

JolobinSmokin: Does not apply to married ppl.


Speak for yourself. Almost every other morning for 3 years.
 
2013-09-17 02:10:49 PM  
Running away from an angry husband will get you to your target heart rate in no time.
 
2013-09-17 02:11:20 PM  
Holy shiat, 6 minutes on average?  That is either wrong from a logistical standpoint or I need to be buying lube futures.
 
2013-09-17 02:14:37 PM  

Cheron: Only six minutes,  I spend like three times that long begging before we even start


So that's what I've been doing wrong; begging is considered foreplay. I had assumed it was the "no willing partner" thing that was my problem.
 
2013-09-17 02:16:43 PM  

CleanAndPure: I'm married... can somebody please explain what sex is to me please?

Is it a new fad like yoga and zumba?


I always thought that the drop in sex life when one gets married was the stuff of sitcoms and movies.
How stupid I look now, 4 years later.

/sob
//wank
///sob
 
2013-09-17 02:23:20 PM  
Which reminds me, I need to go see your mom in 26 minutes...
 
2013-09-17 02:31:39 PM  
Russ1642:   Sure sex is physical, but if you're sweating that much you're probably doing it wrong or are so large I'd rather poke my eyes out than imagine you trying to position your flabs such that they don't get in the way.

i62.photobucket.com
 
2013-09-17 02:32:19 PM  
I have had too much globesity to get a good core-gasm...

FTA - "Focusing on your core and isolating the muscles around your pelvic floor...".   If I am having sex, I am focusing on something else than my core and what my abs are going to eventually look like.
 
2013-09-17 02:32:20 PM  

SnakeLee: Holy shiat, 6 minutes on average?  That is either wrong from a logistical standpoint or I need to be buying lube futures.


My opening salvo goes off after about 90 seconds, but my wife insists on riding on for another 90 minutes. Still doesn't average out properly.
 
2013-09-17 02:34:54 PM  
"Unlikely" Tag makes it hilarious!  Nice one..
 
2013-09-17 02:41:23 PM  

Russ1642: People who think sex burns as many calories as jogging have never been jogging. Sure sex is physical, but if you're sweating that much you're probably doing it wrong or are so large I'd rather poke my eyes out than imagine you trying to position your flabs such that they don't get in the way.


So hot, sweaty, energetic sex that lasts more than six minutes and leaves both parties out of breath is doing it wrong?  Hmmm...
 
2013-09-17 02:43:07 PM  
Morning friskiness?

Want to know why you never go down on a woman in the morning?

i.imgur.com
 
2013-09-17 02:43:40 PM  
They'll probably skip leg day, too.

/has to be at the gym in 22 hours, 26 minutes.
 
2013-09-17 02:45:47 PM  
i.imgur.com

Unimpressed.
 
2013-09-17 02:46:28 PM  
gave my finace some this morning. shes having a great day!! it can kinda set the tone for the day.
great sex or love making = great mood and great day


yes im still going to the gym.
 
2013-09-17 02:47:01 PM  

dustygrimp: Russ1642: People who think sex burns as many calories as jogging have never been jogging. Sure sex is physical, but if you're sweating that much you're probably doing it wrong or are so large I'd rather poke my eyes out than imagine you trying to position your flabs such that they don't get in the way.

So hot, sweaty, energetic sex that lasts more than six minutes and leaves both parties out of breath is doing it wrong?  Hmmm...


If you did as much work jogging as you did from sex you'd maybe make it to the end of the block. Sex just doesn't last long enough, and I know the jokes. Twenty minutes of sex is a long time, but it should be considered a minimum workout time. If you're getting a full cardiovascular workout from sex you need to be using a better lubricant.
 
2013-09-17 02:50:20 PM  

TheMaskedArmadillo: I have had too much globesity to get a good core-gasm...

FTA - "Focusing on your core and isolating the muscles around your pelvic floor...".   If I am having sex, I am focusing on something else than my core and what my abs are going to eventually look like.


Excatly THIS ^^^


Do people really have sex this way?

/highly unlikely
 
2013-09-17 02:52:06 PM  

Strik3r: TheMaskedArmadillo: I have had too much globesity to get a good core-gasm...

FTA - "Focusing on your core and isolating the muscles around your pelvic floor...".   If I am having sex, I am focusing on something else than my core and what my abs are going to eventually look like.

Excatly THIS ^^^


Do people really have sex this way?

/highly unlikely


I've been increasing the weight steadily. I'm now up to farking walmart shoppers.
 
2013-09-17 02:56:50 PM  
Speak for yourself. Almost every other morning for 3 years.

hang in there bucko you have a surprise coming
 
2013-09-17 02:57:35 PM  
Regular sex in the morning?

www.unc.edu
 
2013-09-17 02:57:45 PM  

TheMaskedArmadillo: I have had too much globesity to get a good core-gasm...

FTA - "Focusing on your core and isolating the muscles around your pelvic floor...".   If I am having sex, I am focusing on something else than my core and what my abs are going to eventually look like.


I usually concentrate on long division, try to maintain the magic.
 
2013-09-17 03:01:11 PM  
Excuse me, I have to blow my load in 26 mins...
 
2013-09-17 03:10:45 PM  

OldManDownDRoad: Regular sex in the morning?

[www.unc.edu image 400x300]


FTFM
 
2013-09-17 03:24:09 PM  
I'm not married and I'm still not getting any.

/not fat
//bestofb.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-09-17 03:33:40 PM  
"Foods such as figs, oysters, celery, blueberries, peanuts, bananas, garlic and even chocolate have the potential to boost a man's sexual stamina."

Obviously, a well researched article by an intelligent, critical thinking reporter.
 
2013-09-17 03:44:47 PM  
If it's only taking you 6 minutes and you and your SO aren't a hot sweaty mess when you're done, you're doing it wrong and you're missing out or on your way to divorce.  130 lbs @ 38yrs old and I dark like a ferret on methamphetamines.  Best way to have a good day.
 
2013-09-17 03:46:56 PM  
Fark too. Damned auto correct.
 
2013-09-17 03:50:27 PM  
Do you even lift?
 
2013-09-17 03:54:46 PM  

voran: Do you even lift?


sure. I lift her from one position to the next, flip her over, pin hers against the wall, stove, or whatever happens to be in the way.
 
2013-09-17 03:56:45 PM  

Elegy: Morning friskiness?

Want to know why you never go down on a woman in the morning?

[i.imgur.com image 300x200]


You suck...I actually had a physical reaction to that...I think I smelled it too.
 
2013-09-17 03:57:32 PM  

Elegy: Morning friskiness?

Want to know why you never go down on a woman in the morning?

[i.imgur.com image 300x200]


i.imgur.com
 
2013-09-17 04:08:10 PM  

strangeguitar: JolobinSmokin: Does not apply to married ppl.

Speak for yourself. Almost every other morning for 3 years.


No kids yet, I presume.
 
2013-09-17 04:08:47 PM  

Elegy: Morning friskiness?

Want to know why you never go down on a woman in the morning?

[i.imgur.com image 300x200]


You know...

Some of us actually shower before we go to bed.
 
2013-09-17 04:15:16 PM  

Flab: strangeguitar: JolobinSmokin: Does not apply to married ppl.

Speak for yourself. Almost every other morning for 3 years.

No kids yet, I presume.


Only married 3 years. Still in the early phases
 
2013-09-17 05:00:44 PM  

Russ1642: dustygrimp: Russ1642: People who think sex burns as many calories as jogging have never been jogging. Sure sex is physical, but if you're sweating that much you're probably doing it wrong or are so large I'd rather poke my eyes out than imagine you trying to position your flabs such that they don't get in the way.

So hot, sweaty, energetic sex that lasts more than six minutes and leaves both parties out of breath is doing it wrong?  Hmmm...

If you did as much work jogging as you did from sex you'd maybe make it to the end of the block. Sex just doesn't last long enough, and I know the jokes. Twenty minutes of sex is a long time, but it should be considered a minimum workout time. If you're getting a full cardiovascular workout from sex you need to be using a better lubricant.


Actually sometimes the opposite! Sometimes it's the lack of friction that makes everything take longer...
 
2013-09-17 05:05:55 PM  
What someone going to the gym looks like....

forums.finalgear.com

/why yes, it is hot....
 
2013-09-17 05:14:14 PM  
Morning sex? I use my morning dry heaves as a 10-minute ab workout. You could grate cheese on my belly.
 
2013-09-17 05:31:28 PM  
Am I the only one who thought " core-gasm" sounds like someone molesting a corgi?
 
2013-09-17 05:31:49 PM  
Thanks for making me cry, Sadistimitter.
 
2013-09-17 05:33:15 PM  
Dont skip the gym and your morning sex could look like this.

img834.imageshack.us
 
2013-09-17 05:47:16 PM  
what morning sex could look like

img46.imageshack.us
 
2013-09-17 06:02:30 PM  

oldfarthenry: And what is "regular sex"?


Sex powered by Ex-Lax, fiber, and large amounts of prune juice.  Most couples throw down a couple towels first.
 
2013-09-17 06:33:34 PM  

daveUSMC: CleanAndPure: I'm married... can somebody please explain what sex is to me please?

Is it a new fad like yoga and zumba?

I always thought that the drop in sex life when one gets married was the stuff of sitcoms and movies.
How stupid I look now, 4 years later.

/sob
//wank
///sob


4 years into the marriage I'll admit I was where you are. 6th year now and she can't get enough of it. You should see the texts she sends me throughout the day, begging to suck my dick when I get home. (we've lived together for a total of 12 years now)

You may be at a pivotal point in your marriage. Sex is tied very closely with intimacy and desire and overall health and psychological wellbeing. For anyone with this problem I suggest reading what Dr. Schnarch has to say on the matter. The longer it goes on the harder it will be to fix.

Stop all the chasing/begging/whining/pouting and learn to be emotionally independent. Pretend you're single and learn to stand on your own two feet and not rely on her for anything. This means ignoring all her petty attempts to belittle you. Learn to respect yourself and get to a point where you could easily adjust if she wanted to divorce your ass tomorrow. Then come at it again from a position of strength. If she still doesn't want it, you'll be in a better place to decide whether it's worth continuing the marriage. Love yourself, for fark's sake. Man the fark up.

/Seriously getting sick of these "marriage kills sex" jokes all over Fark. You're all a bunch of farking losers. Do something about it.
 
2013-09-17 07:42:05 PM  

Flab: strangeguitar: JolobinSmokin: Does not apply to married ppl.

Speak for yourself. Almost every other morning for 3 years.

No kids yet, I presume.


I was totally thinking this.
Love morning sex but getting the kids to school or early morning band practice kinda kills that "personal time".
 
2013-09-17 07:42:51 PM  
If you think that's what vaginas look/smell/taste like in the morning, perhaps you haven't been around one in the morning very often (or at all), are not attracted to women, or were the unlucky recipient of a partner with bacterial vaginosis or a yeast infection.
 
2013-09-17 08:15:34 PM  

Gaseous Anomaly: Running away from an angry husband will get you to your target heart rate in no time.


Reminded  me of a scene from SIDEWAYS...
Linking pic in case it's NSFW, even though nekkid dude is logo'd out...http://cdn2.screenjunkies.com/wp-content/uploads/images/sideway s1.jpg
 
2013-09-17 08:31:44 PM  

Elegy: Morning friskiness?

Want to know why you never go down on a woman in the morning?


Cause she hasn't had a shower in 24 hours and her crotch stinks? Amirite, do I win a prize?

You guys aint to pleasant in the morning either. The key to good morning sex is waking up, making a trip to the bathroom where you Scope out the mouth and wet wipe the butt (I've met few guys who know about wet wipes- they're the moist wipes in a plastic box next to the toilet paper in that aisle). Use them.
 
2013-09-17 08:34:38 PM  

sweetfark: If you think that's what vaginas look/smell/taste like in the morning, perhaps you haven't been around one in the morning very often (or at all), are not attracted to women, or were the unlucky recipient of a partner with bacterial vaginosis or a yeast infection.


Gotta agree. Waking her up with a little toungue action, even after coming in her before falling asleep, has never been a problem
 
2013-09-17 08:40:28 PM  

GRCooper: sweetfark: If you think that's what vaginas look/smell/taste like in the morning, perhaps you haven't been around one in the morning very often (or at all), are not attracted to women, or were the unlucky recipient of a partner with bacterial vaginosis or a yeast infection.

Gotta agree. Waking her up with a little toungue action, even after coming in her before falling asleep, has never been a problem


Well, I do admire your attitude. I just gotta laugh though..."even after coming in her"! It's strikes me as funny how guys innately understand the grossness of swallowing ejaculate, yet expect all lovers to slurp it down like a grade A cum bucket, highly paid porn star. And when I bring that up its like I've suddenly become the antichrist or something. Funny.
 
2013-09-17 08:52:23 PM  

Witness99: GRCooper: sweetfark: If you think that's what vaginas look/smell/taste like in the morning, perhaps you haven't been around one in the morning very often (or at all), are not attracted to women, or were the unlucky recipient of a partner with bacterial vaginosis or a yeast infection.

Gotta agree. Waking her up with a little toungue action, even after coming in her before falling asleep, has never been a problem

Well, I do admire your attitude. I just gotta laugh though..."even after coming in her"! It's strikes me as funny how guys innately understand the grossness of swallowing ejaculate, yet expect all lovers to slurp it down like a grade A cum bucket, highly paid porn star. And when I bring that up its like I've suddenly become the antichrist or something. Funny.


What's funny is you being crazy about this and claiming to be all sex positive and super kink and experienced while sounding like the biggest prude ever. You seem to be fixated on this. I have you farkied for this very reason and here you are bringing it up unprompted. Again.

I'd be interested to know what happened to make you react this way. How many guys have insisted you swallow and act like a porn star? I'm sorry you cant seem to find a man who doesn't know fantasy/porn from reality/sex but we do exist, promise.
 
2013-09-17 09:11:15 PM  

The Stealth Hippopotamus: what morning sex could look like
[img46.imageshack.us image 850x531]


If your women go to bed with a face full of make-up like that, they sure as fark aren't going to look like that when they get up.
 
2013-09-18 12:10:38 AM  
Dropped 20 pounds this last year. Making love several times a day with Mrs Buggar was my only real exercise.  6 Min is BS.  We have to really go at it for 30min to reach orgasm the 3rd time.  21 years together 17 married, 3 kids.  No schedule, just an incessant need to make love to each other.  Married life CAN be bliss folks.
 
2013-09-18 12:37:22 AM  

Witness99: GRCooper: sweetfark: If you think that's what vaginas look/smell/taste like in the morning, perhaps you haven't been around one in the morning very often (or at all), are not attracted to women, or were the unlucky recipient of a partner with bacterial vaginosis or a yeast infection.

Gotta agree. Waking her up with a little toungue action, even after coming in her before falling asleep, has never been a problem

Well, I do admire your attitude. I just gotta laugh though..."even after coming in her"! It's strikes me as funny how guys innately understand the grossness of swallowing ejaculate, yet expect all lovers to slurp it down like a grade A cum bucket, highly paid porn star. And when I bring that up its like I've suddenly become the antichrist or something. Funny.


Heh, it was more meant that the goo had been in her all night and not 'fresh', but I take your point.
 
2013-09-18 01:43:22 AM  

illbeinmybunk: If you can't find enough motor skill to get out of bed afterwards you probably don't need the gym. Being unable to think coherently or even Manage to get to a sitting position would also count.


Appropriate Farkname is appropriate!

/also, quoted for truth
 
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