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(Nyasa Times (Malawi))   Armed gang break into office building owned by the post office, beat and tie up the guards, take all the computers and money, and for good measure, help themselves to the contents of a bar and all available fried chicken   (nyasatimes.com) divider line 27
    More: Amusing, Post Office Ltd., robbery, Monetary Policy Committee, security service, crew, office equipment, lost and found, computers  
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3302 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Sep 2013 at 7:58 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



27 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-09-17 03:53:10 AM  
More hijinks from The Part Of The World That's Just Screwed ©
 
2013-09-17 04:13:06 AM  

bunner: More hijinks from The Part Of The World That's Just Screwed ©


I haven't been to Nyasa - which side of the Alabama-Mississippi line is it on?

/should probably read the article, but... meh
 
2013-09-17 05:30:10 AM  
Amusing?
 
2013-09-17 07:56:14 AM  
how the heck is this amusing?  I guess the thugs were pretty amused...
 
2013-09-17 08:00:11 AM  
Any watermelon and malt liquor left?
 
2013-09-17 08:01:46 AM  
I read TFA in an Indian accent.
 
2013-09-17 08:05:58 AM  

bunner: More hijinks from The Part Of The World That's Just Screwed ©


"They grabbed each one of them and start beating them up with sticks just as what school teachers do to children"

Fun being a student in that country, but at least you learn how to beat people up with sticks.
 
2013-09-17 08:06:12 AM  
"tied them up and beat them with sticks just as school teachers do to children." ???? They had the balls to treat them like school children?
 
2013-09-17 08:10:12 AM  
After they break in, beat people up and take everything of value, why the fark is there any sort of expectation that they'd respect the fridge?
 
2013-09-17 08:13:50 AM  

MBooda: Any watermelon and malt liquor left?


So it's an African thing, not just an African American thing?
 
2013-09-17 08:19:13 AM  

johnsoninca: MBooda: Any watermelon and malt liquor left?

So it's an African thing, not just an African American thing?


Attractive & successful African Africans?
 
2013-09-17 08:29:27 AM  
Where in the hell is Malawi? (because I didn't know either)
malawichildrensvillage.org

It used to be called Nyasaland. Way back when it was part of the British Central Africa Protectorate, it was where H.M Stanley shlepped through the wilderness to meet David Livingstone and asked him the question "Dr Livingstone, I presume?
Whether or not fried chicken was served after that I don't know.
 
2013-09-17 08:45:49 AM  
Why is it after reading the headline, all I can think of is

LEEEERRRRROOOOY JEEEEEENKKIIIIINS

/all right, let's do this
 
2013-09-17 08:48:58 AM  
An official of UK Security Company manning the premises says 20 armed robbers stormed the premises around 12 am few hours after the closure of the bar and overpowered the three UK security men who were armed with only button sticks and torches. Normally the bar closes at 10pm.

Ah, the days at UK Security Men Academy. The early wakeups at 9 with naught but tea and a biscuit in bed and scarcely enough time to peruse the Daily mail before a strenuous day of training. As we waited for the tram that would drive us around the excersize field, we would do the following song:

This is my button stick!
This is my torch!
This is for something but I'm not sure what
and this is for lighting my porch!

After we've driven around the excersize field until we were all exhausted, we would report to desk training. It was drilled in to us be our relentless Drill Sergeant, Miss Purdy, that we were not allowed to leave one elevated foot crossed across the other too long less the lower leg would lose it's blood supply. So, to her command of "Left Foot Top!" we'd rotate the positions of our feet while leaning back in our chairs. Grilling. They had the old style wooden chairs. Not the ergonomic chairs of today. Kids. they have it so easy.

After 7 grueling hours of training, we were assembled in the courtyard for graduation ceremonies. The Queen spoke at the commencement. He wore the finest gown and had plucked his chest hairs for the occasion. After that, it was back to the hut for our assignments. I wanted a field job. A place where maybe the air conditioning wasn't always on and where you had to stay at your post for at least 6 hours. But I got RumpleBottom on the Commons. It was a cushy assignment. Two hours on, three weeks off. During my first 3 w down, as we called it, I forgot where I worked and wound up at the help desk for Virgin Mobile. All I had to say was "Sorry you wanked your walkntalk, mate. I'm transferring you to our tech support in Former British Colony Outpost Number 7 in Afghanistan. Try to speak up over the bullets and whatnot, eh good chappy?"
 
2013-09-17 08:49:12 AM  

MutantMotherMouse: Why is it after reading the headline, all I can think of is

LEEEERRRRROOOOY JEEEEEENKKIIIIINS

/all right, let's do this


At least they ate chicken.
 
2013-09-17 08:53:25 AM  
Also, 'Button Stick' is the cool band name for today.
 
2013-09-17 09:18:43 AM  
They took the fried chicken and Colt 45.
At least they left the collards and watermelon alone.
 
2013-09-17 09:23:47 AM  
I am having a hard time making sense of this... there is a bar in the post office...?
 
2013-09-17 09:41:06 AM  

varmitydog: It used to be called Nyasaland.


i.imgur.com
 
2013-09-17 10:30:53 AM  
so, hmm...they took 300,000 K which is roughly $859 USD... We got some bad asses over here...
 
2013-09-17 10:36:12 AM  

Harry Freakstorm: This is my button stick!


Yep, also saw that, and now I'm wondering if they had meant to say Baton sticks

Harry Freakstorm: Ah, the days at UK Security Men Academy. The early wakeups at 9 with naught but tea and a biscuit in bed and scarcely enough time to peruse the Daily mail before a strenuous day of training. As we waited for the tram that would drive us around the excersize field, we would do the following song:

This is my button stick!
This is my torch!
This is for something but I'm not sure what
and this is for lighting my porch!

After we've driven around the excersize field until we were all exhausted, we would report to desk training. It was drilled in to us be our relentless Drill Sergeant, Miss Purdy, that we were not allowed to leave one elevated foot crossed across the other too long less the lower leg would lose it's blood supply. So, to her command of "Left Foot Top!" we'd rotate the positions of our feet while leaning back in our chairs. Grilling. They had the old style wooden chairs. Not the ergonomic chairs of today. Kids. they have it so easy.

After 7 grueling hours of training, we were assembled in the courtyard for graduation ceremonies. The Queen spoke at the commencement. He wore the finest gown and had plucked his chest hairs for the occasion. After that, it was back to the hut for our assignments. I wanted a field job. A place where maybe the air conditioning wasn't always on and where you had to stay at your post for at least 6 hours. But I got RumpleBottom on the Commons. It was a cushy assignment. Two hours on, three weeks off. During my first 3 w down, as we called it, I forgot where I worked and wound up at the help desk for Virgin Mobile. All I had to say was "Sorry you wanked your walkntalk, mate. I'm transferring you to our tech support in Former British Colony Outpost Number 7 in Afghanistan. Try to speak up over the bullets and whatnot, eh good chappy?"


/slow clap...
 
2013-09-17 11:11:56 AM  
...did this incident involve any white women?
 
2013-09-17 11:40:05 AM  
FTA: "The July robbery incident was preceded by other four burglary incidents at the promises[sic] which occurred every fortnight in which more and more offices lost property....Surprisingly the premises have become a haven for burglars despite the presence of UK security guards."

Hmmm....
 
2013-09-17 11:43:28 AM  
fta "where they took the prima screen and mixer and guzzled beverages, chewing all the fried chicken there...."


So, apparently in Malawi, it's a habit to masticate their chicken but apparently not swallow.   Sort of like chewing tobacco?
 
2013-09-17 03:26:11 PM  
NO that's racist kid?  Fark i am disapoint.
 
2013-09-17 04:53:02 PM  
"They grabbed each one of them and start beating them up with sticks just as what school teachers do to children and they tied them with rope. Two of them are severely injured while one is missing. We don't know what has happened to him," said the official.

Wut.
 
2013-09-17 11:52:11 PM  

varmitydog: Where in the hell is Malawi? (because I didn't know either)


It used to be called Nyasaland. Way back when it was part of the British Central Africa Protectorate, it was where H.M Stanley shlepped through the wilderness to meet David Livingstone and asked him the question "Dr Livingstone, I presume?
Whether or not fried chicken was served after that I don't know.


Also famous for being the nation where Madonna swooped in, ignored residency requirement laws, and adopted an orphan that was not actually orphaned.

Good times.
 
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