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(Slate)   An answer to the question of the ages: How do you get rid of people you've invited to your house for a good time?   (slate.com) divider line 68
    More: Interesting, Grand Marnier, big night  
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6464 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Sep 2013 at 9:31 AM (44 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



68 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-09-16 09:26:10 AM
Seriously?

"Party's over, gang. Thanks for coming."

If they don't take that hint, "Please leave. Now."
 
2013-09-16 09:32:25 AM
Set your house on fire.
 
2013-09-16 09:33:13 AM

John Buck 41: Seriously?

"Party's over, gang. Thanks for coming."

If they don't take that hint, "Please leave. Now."


Some people are really insecure, and worry that any sort of verbal aggression against their friends could cost them their friendships.
 
2013-09-16 09:33:41 AM
Napkins that say "It's really late. You should go home."

/stolen from Letterman, circa 1980's....I think.
 
2013-09-16 09:33:54 AM
my make-believe friends are paid by the hour so they know when to go.
 
2013-09-16 09:34:18 AM
Play Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music - guaranteed to clear any room (per the late Lester Banks, IIRC).
 
2013-09-16 09:34:39 AM
Sing "Closing Time" (Semisonic, 1998) at the top of your lungs
 
2013-09-16 09:34:44 AM

ikanreed: John Buck 41: Seriously?

"Party's over, gang. Thanks for coming."

If they don't take that hint, "Please leave. Now."

Some people are really insecure, and worry that any sort of verbal aggression against their friends could cost them their friendships.


Must suck to be a pushover.
 
2013-09-16 09:37:20 AM

ikanreed: Some people are really insecure, and worry that any sort of verbal aggression against their friends could cost them their friendships.


If telling friends to leave is "verbal aggression", then they weren't your friends to begin with.
 
2013-09-16 09:37:22 AM
Throw a live skunk into the middle of the party.
 
2013-09-16 09:38:08 AM
Strip naked and take a dump in a chamber pot near them.
 
2013-09-16 09:39:32 AM
Strip naked, cover yourself in ketchup and roam from room to room masturbating vigorously.

Works like a charm.
 
2013-09-16 09:40:28 AM

TheBlackFlag: Strip naked, cover yourself in ketchup and roam from room to room masturbating vigorously.

Works like a charm.


Unless they are Canadian guests, then use Mayo.
 
2013-09-16 09:40:36 AM

John Buck 41: ikanreed: John Buck 41: Seriously?

"Party's over, gang. Thanks for coming."

If they don't take that hint, "Please leave. Now."

Some people are really insecure, and worry that any sort of verbal aggression against their friends could cost them their friendships.

Must suck to be a pushover.


You can also just hide all the food and drinks, and then ask them to help you start cleaning up. The fear of doing work will run most people off straight away, and if they do stick around, at least you'll have some help cleaning up this shiat-hole.
 
2013-09-16 09:40:37 AM
upload.wikimedia.org

"All right, get the fark out."
 
2013-09-16 09:41:12 AM
I start cleaning up and stop starting conversations, just respond to the ones going on already.  People usually get the hint without being offended.
 
2013-09-16 09:41:49 AM
Come out of the bathroom scratching yourself "down there" while on the cell phone asking how to get rid of  crabs.
 
2013-09-16 09:42:37 AM
Billy Ray knows what to say...


www.elfrijol.com
 
2013-09-16 09:43:00 AM

ferretman: Strip naked and take a dump in a chamber pot near them.


Well, la-dee-dah.  I'm not impressed by your fancy chamber pot, Mr. Rockerfelluh.
 
2013-09-16 09:43:04 AM
Put on a clown wig, grab some lube, unzip and drop my pants to my ankles then yell, "You ate my food and drank by booze. Time to pay up. Mr. Happy Fun Fun Time begins now!.
 
2013-09-16 09:48:38 AM
When they ask to use the bathroom, tell them you don't have one.
 
2013-09-16 09:48:47 AM

TheBlackFlag: Strip naked, cover yourself in ketchup and roam from room to room masturbating vigorously.

Works like a charm.


I can vouch for that.
 
2013-09-16 09:49:41 AM
"Get the fark out!"
 
2013-09-16 09:49:55 AM
www.imasuper.com
 
2013-09-16 09:52:36 AM
Take a dump in the punch bowl.
 
2013-09-16 09:52:59 AM

The Crepes of Wrath: ikanreed: Some people are really insecure, and worry that any sort of verbal aggression against their friends could cost them their friendships.

If telling friends to leave is "verbal aggression", then they weren't your friends to begin with.


I'm not talking about me.  I'm not the kind of person who have friends that overstay their welcome in the first place.  Just that there are such people.  Christ.
 
2013-09-16 09:53:15 AM
If it's anything like my local dive bar, then you are supposed to turn on all the lights and have the "bouncer" shout at the top of his lungs: "LAST CALL" and then push all the drunks out into the parking lot after they chug the last desperate beer of the night.
 
2013-09-16 09:55:41 AM
"Good day."
 
2013-09-16 09:55:51 AM

ikanreed: The Crepes of Wrath: ikanreed: Some people are really insecure, and worry that any sort of verbal aggression against their friends could cost them their friendships.

If telling friends to leave is "verbal aggression", then they weren't your friends to begin with.

I'm not talking about me.  I'm not the kind of person who have friends that overstay their welcome in the first place.  Just that there are such people.  Christ.


They probably weren't talking about you either.
 
2013-09-16 09:55:54 AM
just be honest.  I am always just honest.  "love you guys, get out, I'm going to bed" usually works.  jeez, it's your house.
 
2013-09-16 09:58:57 AM
Indoors?  Use the seltzer bottle.  Outdoors, I'd go with the garden hose.
 
2013-09-16 09:59:41 AM

TheBlackFlag: Strip naked, cover yourself in ketchup and roam from room to room masturbating vigorously.

Works like a charm.


I like it. That's already how I start my parties, so ending them with the same act will serve as a nice bookends to a memorable event.
 
2013-09-16 10:00:23 AM
Playing the National Anthem has always been shockingly successful for me.
 
2013-09-16 10:02:02 AM
"It's time to bring out the Tupperware and really look at stretching your food dollar further..."
 
2013-09-16 10:08:46 AM
Friends?
 
2013-09-16 10:10:39 AM

John Buck 41: Seriously?

"Party's over, gang. Thanks for coming."

If they don't take that hint, "Please leave. Now."


This. Over in one.

And if any friend doesn't respect those wishes you need a better class of friends.
 
2013-09-16 10:11:23 AM

ikanreed: John Buck 41: Seriously?

"Party's over, gang. Thanks for coming."

If they don't take that hint, "Please leave. Now."

Some people are really insecure, and worry that any sort of verbal aggression against their friends could cost them their friendships.


Then they need to man-up. A friend who doesn't respect you limits ain't no friend. Sounds like a great way to weed out the selfish jerks in your life.
 
2013-09-16 10:12:32 AM
People probably want to leave your lame old people parties, anyway. I like parties where everyone passes out and wakes up to start drinking again in the morning. I leave when they call the police or the booze is gone, or sometimes if they ask me who the hell I am.
 
2013-09-16 10:16:02 AM
I usually can't wait to leave a party, so not really understanding the problem.
 
2013-09-16 10:19:55 AM

BrianGriffin: Play Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music - guaranteed to clear any room (per the late Lester Banks, IIRC).


I was the night manager at a record store, back in the 1980s. I always played Yoko Ono near closing time. Usually worked pretty well for me.

/Turtle's store #9, Sandy Springs, GA
//good times, good times
 
2013-09-16 10:20:03 AM

BrianGriffin: Play Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music - guaranteed to clear any room (per the late Lester Banks, IIRC).


Bangs, Lester Bangs
 
2013-09-16 10:21:54 AM

henryhill: BrianGriffin: Play Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music - guaranteed to clear any room (per the late Lester Banks, IIRC).

Bangs, Lester Bangs


Who is he banging?
 
2013-09-16 10:23:05 AM

King Something: Take a dump in the punch bowl.


pretty sure there's a German word for that exact phrase that in it's common usage would be taken to mean the start of a party.
 
2013-09-16 10:28:17 AM
stumble into the main room with a pile of blankets and pillows, toss them on a chair.

"I'm going to bed, you can stay if you want...don't drive drunk. goodnight"
 
2013-09-16 10:33:29 AM
I always my friends that my favorite part of hosting parties at my house is getting to kick all of them out at the end of the night.

/it's ok, my friends are all assholes.
 
2013-09-16 10:43:47 AM
 
2013-09-16 10:50:57 AM

Tyrone Slothrop: The Thing That Wouldn't Leave


Came for this.
 
2013-09-16 10:58:35 AM
I don't know.  I like my friends, but they normally don't leave as early as I'd like them to.  I don't want to say anything either.

I'm not shy about ripping on people, but for some reason I have trouble with this one.

It was worse when most of my friends were single and childless and I had toddlers.
 
2013-09-16 10:59:57 AM

henryhill: BrianGriffin: Play Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music - guaranteed to clear any room (per the late Lester Banks, IIRC).

Bangs, Lester Bangs


Dammit...you'd think I'd know that. Thanks for not being snarky about it.
 
2013-09-16 11:01:00 AM
"Well it's getting late, thank you all for coming"

and then incorporate some of the good advice from this thread, I'll add taking a dump in the chamberpot in the middle of the room, to my repertoire.
 
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