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(Boing Boing)   Bored white lady from California becomes first bored white lady Maasai warrior, writes "Eat Pray Love"+"Dances with Wolves" mashup book tied together with brazen sportswear product placement about it   (boingboing.net ) divider line
    More: Stupid, Maasai, Eat Pray Love, Mashup (book)  
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11862 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Sep 2013 at 5:04 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-09-14 05:31:09 PM  
17 votes:
I've slept on leaves, I've "smothered the goat" almost daily since I turned 12. Before I was married, I was not above "spearing a buffalo" and "bathing with cows". If you know what I mean. And I think you do.
2013-09-14 05:25:01 PM  
13 votes:
you're not part of the tribe until NatGeo photographs your tits.
2013-09-14 06:28:43 PM  
7 votes:
 A Jewish mother goes to the airport to meet her daughter. The daughter steps off the plane with an eight-foot-tall Maasai warrior with a bone through his nose. The mother screams, "You fool! I said a rich doctor!"
2013-09-14 05:32:08 PM  
6 votes:
i.imgur.com
2013-09-14 06:27:02 PM  
5 votes:
And a bored Massai warrior wondered, "Can I travel to Santa Barbara and become a member of the shopping elite, among the white women?"  And so the warrior travelled to Santa Barbara and wrote a book about the adventure.

That's a book I would buy.
2013-09-14 05:46:30 PM  
5 votes:
The Maasai tell tales about the crazy woman who joined them and they watched her puke after drinking blood. It was a humorous tale.
2013-09-14 05:27:01 PM  
5 votes:
Isn't this kind of like Oprah Winfrey getting an honorary degree from Harvard?
2013-09-14 05:41:44 PM  
4 votes:
I became a Maasai warrior before they became mainstream. I joint this other tribe now, you've probably never heard of them
2013-09-14 05:23:34 PM  
4 votes:

media.boingboing.net

LOOK AT ME!
I PAID AFRICANS TO GRANT ME A MEANINGLESS DESIGNATION!


Also, "Chief Motumba, this white woman wants to be a warrior."

"Its good to be the Chief! Tell her the week long ritual of the "making of the beast with two backs" will commence tonight!"
2013-09-14 09:26:47 PM  
3 votes:
PsiChick: We have tons. First day of school; first day of middle\high school; sweet sixteen; learning to drive; first day of college; first job; buying your first house...

first polo match; first stock purchase; first beluga caviar party; first minority hunt; first day at space camp...
2013-09-14 08:39:44 PM  
3 votes:

OhioUGrad: has anyone checked with the tribe to see how much of this is true?


Hold on, I'll text the chief and see what he says.
2013-09-14 07:50:12 PM  
3 votes:
When I was a kid on my birthday my parents took me to medieval times, where I was declared a princess of the realm and all the knights paid homage to me.

I even had a paper crown.
2013-09-14 06:02:55 PM  
3 votes:
So now she's an honorary American African?


/Right thread, this time?
2013-09-14 05:31:19 PM  
3 votes:
I didn't know the requirements of Maasai warriorship involved crappy fanfiction writing.

I bet the author of 30 Shades of Grey is some sort of tribal chieftain now?
2013-09-14 05:15:00 PM  
3 votes:
Why couldn't she just get into indigenous nudity or something?
2013-09-14 11:55:10 PM  
2 votes:
Can we say this is literally a white people problem?
2013-09-14 10:23:08 PM  
2 votes:
She was a genuine soldier in the Masai Core.
2013-09-14 09:11:06 PM  
2 votes:

rubi_con_man: Because remember - leaving your family to 'discover yourself' and fall in love with someone unburdened by the obligations of your existing cultural expectations is something deeply fulfilling when a woman does it.

When a dude leaves his wife to bone a teenaged stripper, that's just horrible.


When Meryl Streep does it, it's called an "awakening."
2013-09-14 08:55:47 PM  
2 votes:

T-Boy: And a bored Massai warrior wondered, "Can I travel to Santa Barbara and become a member of the shopping elite, among the white women?"  And so the warrior travelled to Santa Barbara and wrote a book about the adventure.

That's a book I would buy.


He got shot.
Made the wrong kind of hand gesture while waving at native brothers (he thought).
2013-09-14 08:52:47 PM  
2 votes:

No Such Agency: Mobius strip of human stupidity:
It's a pretty sad example of pimping the culture but they need the money.

See... it doesn't have to be that way.  About a month ago we were on Manitoulin Island, and pretty much every First Nation on the island has some kind of tourism-related business set up... and none of them treat their culture as cheap entertainment to do so.

Mind you, even Canadian Natives, with all the problems they face, have a lot more money than poor Africans.  Hard to set up a sustainable, culturally-sensitive eco-tourism business when you are flat broke, I imagine.


From what I saw the state sponsored cultural villages are not all that different from the "real" villages. (except they are a mixture of many different tribes and unlike nearly all other Maasai they can't afford cell phones) But they take their culture pretty seriously. It's just that they are broke. But not particularly backward. The grandson I was talking to was educated in London.

The "ritual" itself was pretty amusing. The kid acted like a team of Shaolin monks were burning dragons into his forearms. The witch doctor acted like Miles Davis forced to play biatches Brew at a Bar Mitsvah.

.."our warrior gear: two tartan sheets that we would wrap around us as clothing, and the metal tips for our spears."

This is the sheet they gave me to wear when I became a Massai warrior. I use it to keep the neighbors from peeking through my windows. My spears, sword, sandals and shiat are downstair somewhere.

img13.imageshack.us
2013-09-14 08:51:54 PM  
2 votes:
Too bad she didn't visit a cannibal tribe...
2013-09-14 08:19:36 PM  
2 votes:

ThatGuyFromTheInternet: Lady Indica: When I was a kid on my birthday my parents took me to medieval times, where I was declared a princess of the realm and all the knights paid homage to me.

I even had a paper crown.

I had one from Burger King. Can you believe that didn't get me into the Royal Wedding?!


Well, thats because you wouldn't call the Whopper a Royale with Cheese. There are RULES you know!
2013-09-14 08:02:13 PM  
2 votes:

Lady Indica: When I was a kid on my birthday my parents took me to medieval times, where I was declared a princess of the realm and all the knights paid homage to me.

I even had a paper crown.


I had one from Burger King. Can you believe that didn't get me into the Royal Wedding?!
2013-09-14 06:54:21 PM  
2 votes:
Daily Mail version

of the article, wherein she declares:

'It took every ounce of my being to hold back the bloody throw-up. It felt like drinking warm whole milk, which I've always refused to do not only because of the obscene amount of calories - but also because I have always had an aversion to thick liquid substances'.


a JAP with an aversion to thick liquid substances? (sadpanda)
2013-09-14 06:21:20 PM  
2 votes:

Fluid: ThatGuyFromTheInternet: We brought nothing but the bare essentials (for me, that included a bottle of Chanel Dragon red nail polish-it just made me feel fierce

Wow. Just....wow.

I like to think it's just another attempt at sponsor whoring and she doesn't really think that. Otherwise, I don't know what to say.


I'm guessing she's one of those people who can't separate their own identity from the products they consume. So sad.

/Brought to you by Carl's, Jr.
2013-09-14 06:06:46 PM  
2 votes:
Should be a legally required tatoo......truth in advertising.
i1280.photobucket.com
Kinda goes with those Bat-Shiat-Crazy eyes.
2013-09-14 05:57:47 PM  
2 votes:
ParallelUniverseParking:
I became a Maasai warrior before they became mainstream. I joint this other tribe now, you've probably never heard of them

I think I know that tribe.  They love to put birds on things.
2013-09-14 05:53:08 PM  
2 votes:
Hey, Tom Cruise was the last samurai.
2013-09-14 05:52:58 PM  
2 votes:
oi43.tinypic.com

/have you checked yours today?
2013-09-14 05:39:21 PM  
2 votes:
Already expressed in the comments section of TFA, but it bears repeating:


25.media.tumblr.com
2013-09-14 05:26:24 PM  
2 votes:

limboslam: I read the whole article somewhere else. Apparently, to become a "warrior" all you need to do is sleep on leaves, kill a goat, spear a buffalo, bathe in a lake with cows and not wash your hair.


So Friday night, then.
2013-09-14 05:15:21 PM  
2 votes:
I read the whole article somewhere else. Apparently, to become a "warrior" all you need to do is sleep on leaves, kill a goat, spear a buffalo, bathe in a lake with cows and not wash your hair.
2013-09-14 05:14:54 PM  
2 votes:
Yeah, Xeni Jardin is always fiercely competitive of other attention whores vying for her space.
2013-09-15 12:53:45 AM  
1 vote:

because I care: I never went to Zanzibar. I heard stories from other Volunteers about the locals on Zanzibar telling tourists they brush their teeth with sand (they don't; toothpaste is cheap and ubiquitous) and that just didn't sound like fun to me.


A nation of trolls? That sounds like an awesome place to visit.
2013-09-14 11:57:01 PM  
1 vote:
Okay. I just watched the video linked in the comments of the article. In it she's wearing the blue garment associated with Maasai women, not the red associated with Maasai men/warriors. That pretty much says it all to me. Sure, they told her what she wanted to hear, but they in no way accepted her as a 'warrior'.
2013-09-14 09:59:45 PM  
1 vote:

Lollipop165: /spent a lot of my childhood in Kenya


Seriously, I bet *you* have some fascinating stories. I'd read your book before Attention Whore Princess'
2013-09-14 09:40:02 PM  
1 vote:

HotWingAgenda: OhioUGrad: has anyone checked with the tribe to see how much of this is true?

Hold on, I'll text the chief and see what he says.


Please do get right on it!
There are surely some more modernized areas around there, "journalists" are everywhere nowadays, and I am sure there are other ways to verify she even went there for how long she said and what not. She took nailpolish and pearl earrings, I'm sure she left a trail.
2013-09-14 09:27:36 PM  
1 vote:
What's the over under on her being an anti-vaxxer?
2013-09-14 09:20:23 PM  
1 vote:
Grifters gotta grift.
2013-09-14 09:19:27 PM  
1 vote:

The First Four Black Sabbath Albums: White folk really need to come up with a rite of passage and stop co-opting other cultures.


You mean getting drunk and throwing up on the prom queen's shoes doesn't cut it anymore?
2013-09-14 09:04:15 PM  
1 vote:

ranold: Too bad she didn't visit a cannibal tribe...


Then she would have been forced to eat herself up.

/Bow-bow chicka-bow-bow...
2013-09-14 08:20:34 PM  
1 vote:
Because remember - leaving your family to 'discover yourself' and fall in love with someone unburdened by the obligations of your existing cultural expectations is something deeply fulfilling when a woman does it.

When a dude leaves his wife to bone a teenaged stripper, that's just horrible.
2013-09-14 08:02:58 PM  
1 vote:
Wake me up when she does something really cool...
2013-09-14 07:55:39 PM  
1 vote:

Mobius strip of human stupidity: There are "cultural villages" in Kenya where the poorest tribes live and act as a sort of 24 hour tourist attraction. Visitors can pay to have pretty much any experience they desire. Live with them, eat, dance, rituals whatever. I watched a kid from Jersey get ritual scarring by a real witch doctor as I chatted up the Doc's grandson. It's a pretty sad example of pimping the culture but they need the money. And that kid from Jersey needed his story about "...that time in Africa he became a Masai warrior."

 I have no doubt they would allow a woman to pretend to be just about anything she wanted if the price was right. (probably about 60 bucks)


She gotta take on sixty bucks? Man dat ho gonna be soah tamarah!
2013-09-14 07:28:39 PM  
1 vote:

HotIgneous Intruder: Brown-eyed devil.

/She's not white.


Jews aren't white?

Nazi!
2013-09-14 07:27:36 PM  
1 vote:

Therion: Daily Mail version

of the article, wherein she declares:

'It took every ounce of my being to hold back the bloody throw-up. It felt like drinking warm whole milk, which I've always refused to do not only because of the obscene amount of calories - but also because I have always had an aversion to thick liquid substances'.


a JAP with an aversion to thick liquid substances? (sadpanda)


I'm laughing so hard reading that article. I've changed my mind, this is brilliant satire.

Repeating the aa mantra while composing unsendable emails on her bb?

Plucking her eyebrows while hiding from hippos in the trees?

Painting her toenails to console herself whilst reading "wilderness for dummies"?

The hair whipping contest? My stomach hurts!
2013-09-14 07:14:51 PM  
1 vote:
Xeni Jardin is calling a girl "white?"

GET OUT.
2013-09-14 07:06:18 PM  
1 vote:
MFW reading her drivel:
www.reactionimage.org
2013-09-14 06:56:28 PM  
1 vote:
I attended a 3-day program at the Skip Barber Racing School. Drove a modified Dodge Neon. Stayed at a drafty B&B at night. I'm a Formula 1 race car driver! Vroom! Vroom!
2013-09-14 06:40:32 PM  
1 vote:

White_Scarf_Syndrome: I'm being facetious, but seriously sometimes the headlines are just...wat?


That's when I run to the bosom of Buzzfeed, where I know exactly what I'm getting with "Eleven pictures of cats not acting like cats."
2013-09-14 06:36:53 PM  
1 vote:

Feel_the_velvet: Isn't this kind of like Oprah Winfrey getting an honorary degree from Harvard?


Right... but Oprah isn't goinv around calling herself a doctor, while this coont is running around calling herself a warrior and selling a book about it.
2013-09-14 06:30:01 PM  
1 vote:

AW STANDINGS THIS WEEK:

img.gran-angular.net

FIRST PLACE

media.tumblr.com

SECOND PLACE



/Step up and claim your bronze medal, Mindy!
2013-09-14 06:26:02 PM  
1 vote:
Appropriate, coming from
i.imgur.com
2013-09-14 06:17:53 PM  
1 vote:

ThatGuyFromTheInternet: We brought nothing but the bare essentials (for me, that included a bottle of Chanel Dragon red nail polish-it just made me feel fierce

Wow. Just....wow.


I like to think it's just another attempt at sponsor whoring and she doesn't really think that. Otherwise, I don't know what to say.
2013-09-14 06:11:52 PM  
1 vote:

HotIgneous Intruder: From the "about" blurb in her book:

"Mindy Budgor is a 2012 graduate of the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. She started her own business while an undergraduate at the University of Wisconsin, and is moving on to new challenges in New York City. Mindy hopes Warrior Princess will bring attention to her tribe and empower readers to slap complacency in the face and take the reins in their own lives."

Grifters gotta grift.


If I had the funds it takes to not work, fly to and from Africa, and waste some time there, I could do this too.
2013-09-14 06:07:21 PM  
1 vote:
From the "about" blurb in her book:

"Mindy Budgor is a 2012 graduate of the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. She started her own business while an undergraduate at the University of Wisconsin, and is moving on to new challenges in New York City. Mindy hopes Warrior Princess will bring attention to her tribe and empower readers to slap complacency in the face and take the reins in their own lives."

Grifters gotta grift.
2013-09-14 06:06:46 PM  
1 vote:
We brought nothing but the bare essentials (for me, that included a bottle of Chanel Dragon red nail polish-it just made me feel fierce

Wow. Just....wow.
2013-09-14 05:59:05 PM  
1 vote:
But not without my idiotic dog-bone logo underwear.
2013-09-14 05:48:54 PM  
1 vote:
this is not how you become a warrior

/this is how you become a FASHIONABLE warrior
2013-09-14 05:38:17 PM  
1 vote:
Lets hope this coont was infected by some brain eating worm so she can get the full on African experience.
2013-09-14 05:33:24 PM  
1 vote:
I'd let her strangle my goat all day long.
2013-09-14 05:31:33 PM  
1 vote:

God-is-a-Taco: About as white as Zimmerman


Actually I take that back. Zimmerman is whiter than she is
2013-09-14 05:31:13 PM  
1 vote:
Great ! Another smug Trustifanarian who can afford to be wiser and more cultured than the rest of us .
2013-09-14 05:25:10 PM  
1 vote:

limboslam: I read the whole article somewhere else. Apparently, to become a "warrior" all you need to do is sleep on leaves, kill a goat, spear a buffalo, bathe in a lake with cows and not wash your hair.


Don't forget drink goat's blood and want to vomit up said blood.
2013-09-14 05:24:25 PM  
1 vote:
GIS results in hipster glasses photo within three. Didn't see that coming.
2013-09-14 05:21:30 PM  
1 vote:

Mobius strip of human stupidity: There are "cultural villages" in Kenya where the poorest tribes live and act as a sort of 24 hour tourist attraction. Visitors can pay to have pretty much any experience they desire. Live with them, eat, dance, rituals whatever.


Museum Fremen....

/ sad
2013-09-14 05:12:31 PM  
1 vote:
Mindy Budgor of Santa Barbara, California has a book out about her adventures in Kenya, "training to become the world's first female Maasai warrior" and, naturally....

Boooorrrrrring!
 
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