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(Boing Boing)   Bored white lady from California becomes first bored white lady Maasai warrior, writes "Eat Pray Love"+"Dances with Wolves" mashup book tied together with brazen sportswear product placement about it   (boingboing.net ) divider line
    More: Stupid, Maasai, Eat Pray Love, Mashup (book)  
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11857 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Sep 2013 at 5:04 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-09-14 07:55:39 PM  

Mobius strip of human stupidity: There are "cultural villages" in Kenya where the poorest tribes live and act as a sort of 24 hour tourist attraction. Visitors can pay to have pretty much any experience they desire. Live with them, eat, dance, rituals whatever. I watched a kid from Jersey get ritual scarring by a real witch doctor as I chatted up the Doc's grandson. It's a pretty sad example of pimping the culture but they need the money. And that kid from Jersey needed his story about "...that time in Africa he became a Masai warrior."

 I have no doubt they would allow a woman to pretend to be just about anything she wanted if the price was right. (probably about 60 bucks)


She gotta take on sixty bucks? Man dat ho gonna be soah tamarah!
 
2013-09-14 07:55:39 PM  
I'd fark her hard.
 
2013-09-14 07:57:34 PM  
I'm sure that both Chanel and Underarmor can't wait to get endorsed by a fingernail painting, pearl wearing goat choking chupacabra from the province of Hottubistan so she should probably wait by her phone until they call with a contract, ad and tour deal. One thing she can console herself with is the fact that she'll never be half the laughing stock that the transformer freak show Xeni who's making fun of her is. www.bartnagel.com
 
2013-09-14 07:59:51 PM  

mikewadestr: She successfully did battle with all the tribe's warriors by disarming them of their spears!  Well, actually, it was more like she hid all their spears.  For a short time at least.  That's got to count as something warrioree like!  Right?


She swooned at how j. Crew model-esque one of the dudes was and she had to remind herself she wasn't there to pick up a souvenir bf.
 
2013-09-14 08:00:09 PM  

T-Boy: And a bored Massai warrior wondered, "Can I travel to Santa Barbara and become a member of the shopping elite, among the white women?"  And so the warrior travelled to Santa Barbara and wrote a book about the adventure.

That's a book I would buy.


SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY.
 
2013-09-14 08:02:06 PM  

theorellior: T-Boy: And a bored Massai warrior wondered, "Can I travel to Santa Barbara and become a member of the shopping elite, among the white women?"  And so the warrior travelled to Santa Barbara and wrote a book about the adventure.

That's a book I would buy.

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY.


I would also buy a book about a white woman showing up and making an ass of herself written by a Massai. Especially if the ending involved lions eating the moron.

/sucker for happy endings
 
2013-09-14 08:02:13 PM  

Lady Indica: When I was a kid on my birthday my parents took me to medieval times, where I was declared a princess of the realm and all the knights paid homage to me.

I even had a paper crown.


I had one from Burger King. Can you believe that didn't get me into the Royal Wedding?!
 
2013-09-14 08:02:58 PM  
Wake me up when she does something really cool...
 
2013-09-14 08:04:46 PM  
That's cool.  This white guy thinks he's Asian (or a Ninja or something like that)

www.biography.com
 
2013-09-14 08:09:55 PM  

OscarTamerz: I'm sure that both Chanel and Underarmor can't wait to get endorsed by a fingernail painting, pearl wearing goat choking chupacabra from the province of Hottubistan so she should probably wait by her phone until they call with a contract, ad and tour deal. One thing she can console herself with is the fact that she'll never be half the laughing stock that the transformer freak show Xeni who's making fun of her is. [www.bartnagel.com image 527x350]


C'mon. transformer?  That's low.  I'm laughing, but that's low.  She'd definitely a she.

It's funny enough how completely oblivious she is to her own attention-itis, and how close her own life is to the one she's critiquing.
 
2013-09-14 08:14:40 PM  
To become a Maasai warrior, aren't you required to kill a lion, single-handed, with a spear?

"Okay, Mindy.  Your turn.  Since the lion has already eaten the first three applicants, maybe he's tired and sleepy. Good luck!"
 
2013-09-14 08:15:47 PM  

Amos Quito: That trip was FULL of surprises!

Just a little of the top...


Yeah, I was going to say becoming an actual Masai woman sucks. There's some idea that their girls are safer out herding cattle by themselves if they've had their ladybits cut off and sewn up.
 
2013-09-14 08:18:15 PM  

FunkOut: Amos Quito: That trip was FULL of surprises!

Just a little of the top...

Yeah, I was going to say becoming an actual Masai woman sucks. There's some idea that their girls are safer out herding cattle by themselves if they've had their ladybits cut off and sewn up.


If it stops this vapid biatch from polluting the gene pool, I have no objection.
 
2013-09-14 08:19:36 PM  

ThatGuyFromTheInternet: Lady Indica: When I was a kid on my birthday my parents took me to medieval times, where I was declared a princess of the realm and all the knights paid homage to me.

I even had a paper crown.

I had one from Burger King. Can you believe that didn't get me into the Royal Wedding?!


Well, thats because you wouldn't call the Whopper a Royale with Cheese. There are RULES you know!
 
2013-09-14 08:20:34 PM  
Because remember - leaving your family to 'discover yourself' and fall in love with someone unburdened by the obligations of your existing cultural expectations is something deeply fulfilling when a woman does it.

When a dude leaves his wife to bone a teenaged stripper, that's just horrible.
 
2013-09-14 08:21:32 PM  

ultraholland: you're not part of the tribe until NatGeo photographs your tits.


MMMmm, speaking from personal experience?
 
2013-09-14 08:21:56 PM  
Laugh all you want, there is probably some movie exec pitching buying the movie rights. Just have to work out some more product placement deals.
 
2013-09-14 08:22:40 PM  

HotWingAgenda: Apos: no clever name here just move along: Apos: Already expressed in the comments section of TFA, but it bears repeating:


[25.media.tumblr.com image 300x188]

what is that from?

Nathan Fillion's ABC series Castle.

Oh, I love that show.

[www.abload.de image 650x749]


I am a huge FireFly fan.  Have not yet seen Mr. Horrible SAB, or any of Castle.  At all.  Keeping it in the back of my mind as a Thing To Do; sort a small reward.  Like that one single Snickers bar in the freezer that you keep in the back.
 
2013-09-14 08:24:08 PM  

listernine: I've slept on leaves, I've "smothered the goat" almost daily since I turned 12. Before I was married, I was not above "spearing a buffalo" and "bathing with cows". If you know what I mean. And I think you do.


Wink wink, nudge nudge.
 
2013-09-14 08:27:11 PM  

DirtyDeadGhostofEbenezerCooke: To become a Maasai warrior, aren't you required to kill a lion, single-handed, with a spear?

"Okay, Mindy.  Your turn.  Since the lion has already eaten the first three applicants, maybe he's tired and sleepy. Good luck!"


Actually they said Spar.

encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com

Enjoy!
 
2013-09-14 08:28:11 PM  

ParallelUniverseParking: joint? joined  ... post is stoned.


spelled = spelt
dreamed = dreamt
joined = joint?

/ Do you feel, ah, a little British?
 
2013-09-14 08:30:19 PM  

LeroyBourne: limboslam: I read the whole article somewhere else. Apparently, to become a "warrior" all you need to do is sleep on leaves, kill a goat, spear a buffalo, bathe in a lake with cows and not wash your hair.

Don't forget drink goat's blood and want to vomit up said blood.


I'm generally calling BS.  She likely found some Masai tribesman and paid them enough to do what she claimed, but she is NOT a "female Masai warrior" not leat of which is because  IIRC there is no specific "warrior" designation in Masai culture. Like the Spartans all young men are regarded as warriors once they pass the manhood ritual and become eligible to marry.  Once they acquire enough status as a warrior to attract a bride they get married and basic retire from the warrior ranks.  And BTW to pass the manhood ritual you either have to kill an enemy in battle or a lion in a rather hair-raising ritual in which you corner the lion and try to kill it with a spear before it charges you.
 
2013-09-14 08:32:50 PM  
RandomRandom: There was a time where her publicity apparatus was flogging the fact that Xeni was a tranny. No publicity is bad as long as they spell your name right. Right?
 
2013-09-14 08:33:04 PM  

Magorn: LeroyBourne: limboslam: I read the whole article somewhere else. Apparently, to become a "warrior" all you need to do is sleep on leaves, kill a goat, spear a buffalo, bathe in a lake with cows and not wash your hair.

Don't forget drink goat's blood and want to vomit up said blood.

I'm generally calling BS.  She likely found some Masai tribesman and paid them enough to do what she claimed, but she is NOT a "female Masai warrior" not leat of which is because  IIRC there is no specific "warrior" designation in Masai culture. Like the Spartans all young men are regarded as warriors once they pass the manhood ritual and become eligible to marry.  Once they acquire enough status as a warrior to attract a bride they get married and basic retire from the warrior ranks.  And BTW to pass the manhood ritual you either have to kill an enemy in battle or a lion in a rather hair-raising ritual in which you corner the lion and try to kill it with a spear before it charges you.



How much do they charge?
 
2013-09-14 08:33:35 PM  

limboslam: I read the whole article somewhere else. Apparently, to become a "warrior" all you need to do is sleep on leaves, kill a goat, spear a buffalo, bathe in a lake with cows and not wash your hair.


I read the same article from Yahoo!, she also brought along red nail polish and pearl earrings to make her feel "fierce". A lot of people have been calling her out and I DNRFA but has anyone checked with the tribe to see how much of this is true?
 
2013-09-14 08:38:02 PM  

Barry Lyndon's Annuity Cheque: White_Scarf_Syndrome: I'm being facetious, but seriously sometimes the headlines are just...wat?

That's when I run to the bosom of Buzzfeed, where I know exactly what I'm getting with "Eleven pictures of cats not acting like cats."


But, BoingBoing I'm sure has the same headline. Gaaahhh!

-goes outside to just...walk around
 
2013-09-14 08:39:44 PM  

OhioUGrad: has anyone checked with the tribe to see how much of this is true?


Hold on, I'll text the chief and see what he says.
 
2013-09-14 08:40:23 PM  

FunkOut: Amos Quito: That trip was FULL of surprises!

Just a little of the top...

Yeah, I was going to say becoming an actual Masai woman sucks. There's some idea that their girls are safer out herding cattle by themselves if they've had their ladybits cut off and sewn up.


That's why she chose the male gender role of the Massai, not the female.

/And the tribe either laughed at her or figured 'hey, what the hell, the more the merrier, not like it affects anything anyway and she'll shill for us back at her place'.
 
2013-09-14 08:42:59 PM  

Lady Indica: ThatGuyFromTheInternet: Lady Indica: When I was a kid on my birthday my parents took me to medieval times, where I was declared a princess of the realm and all the knights paid homage to me.

I even had a paper crown.

I had one from Burger King. Can you believe that didn't get me into the Royal Wedding?!

Well, thats because you wouldn't call the Whopper a Royale with Cheese. There are RULES you know!


Ah. Of course!
 
2013-09-14 08:47:17 PM  

ZzeusS: HotWingAgenda: Apos: no clever name here just move along: Apos: Already expressed in the comments section of TFA, but it bears repeating:


[25.media.tumblr.com image 300x188]

what is that from?

Nathan Fillion's ABC series Castle.

Oh, I love that show.

[www.abload.de image 650x749]

I am a huge FireFly fan.  Have not yet seen Mr. Horrible SAB, or any of Castle.  At all.  Keeping it in the back of my mind as a Thing To Do; sort a small reward.  Like that one single Snickers bar in the freezer that you keep in the back.


Uhm, it's DOCTOR Horrible. He has a PhD in Horribleness.
 
2013-09-14 08:48:33 PM  

PsiChick: FunkOut: Amos Quito: That trip was FULL of surprises!

Just a little of the top...

Yeah, I was going to say becoming an actual Masai woman sucks. There's some idea that their girls are safer out herding cattle by themselves if they've had their ladybits cut off and sewn up.

That's why she chose the male gender role of the Massai, not the female.

/And the tribe either laughed at her or figured 'hey, what the hell, the more the merrier, not like it affects anything anyway and she'll shill for us back at her place'.


No. It's like...the Amish. There's different Maasai communities, like the Amish. What one Amish group might do is totally different from another, but they're all still Amish. If that makes sense. Though of course the Amish are a religious group and the Maasai are a tribe, its the closest we've got since we farked over our Native peoples pretty goddamned hard here.

So one Maasai group does under their leadership a lot more touristy crap than another. There was an article I read earlier today by an actual Maasai (woman) about this bullshiat. She pointed out that no, this AW is def. not a 'Maasai' or a 'Maasai warrior', but then spent the rest of the time looking at 'How do we get our tribespeople not to do/fall for this shiat' and it typically comes down to money of course.

And the 'moran' even notes that she originally went to the Maasai she visited her first trip wanting to do this bullshiat and they flat out refused her. It'd be like showing up to the Amish and saying you want to become an Amish adult in the next two weeks, part of their community. Maybe....maybe you'd find a group to do it, but it'd just be phony. It wouldn't and couldn't be akin to what it would be like to actually want to be a convert, or to be someone who grew up in that culture/religion doing their stuff.

And to imagine that you COULD have that experience is pretty much the essense of the white appropriation that everyone is on about. It's just...grotesque and unbelievably offensive and stupid.
 
2013-09-14 08:50:13 PM  
White folk really need to come up with a rite of passage and stop co-opting other cultures.
 
2013-09-14 08:50:29 PM  

tlchwi02: LeroyBourne: limboslam: I read the whole article somewhere else. Apparently, to become a "warrior" all you need to do is sleep on leaves, kill a goat, spear a buffalo, bathe in a lake with cows and not wash your hair.

Don't forget drink goat's blood and want to vomit up said blood.

the tribe we visited for our "cultural" experience actually drank a mix of cow blood and milk. they most certainly did not offer any to us, as it would have made us sick (not just gross, parasites and things our systems aren't used to fighting.) They were very nice, the younger ones all knew English and were able to explain aspect of their culture, so it wasn't purely a shopping trip (70/30 shopping i'd say.) The guides said they used the cash for medicine and other essential stuff they couldn't get any other way, but I have no idea if they just said that to make us to feel less like we were gawking at the strange natives in exchange for a few bucks


I wouldn't at all be surprised if the locals did not experience any feelings of shame or resentment at your gawking. Amusement? Maybe, mildly. Appreciation possible.

Different peoples from different cultures adapt differently. You're not on a tour bus full of obese whiteys in hawaiian shirts festooned with digital cameras delving into the wilds of Bed-Stuy, you know. (Not a recommended safari, either.)

I've been hunting without success for that hilarious narrative where a young earnest anthropological / linguistics researcher managed to penetrate the Brazilian jungles where a tribe with virtually no contact with the outside world was minding their own business.

He began to make a glossary of common terms. He pulled his ear. "What do you call this?" he asked. "Fark your mother" a leathery old gentleman, about four feet tall, mostly nekkid, responded with a straight face. Locals smother giggles. The guy thinks "Cute. Nervous at seeing tall white godlike being?"

The research continues.

"I see." Notation. Touches right cheek. "And this?"

"Your sister eats shiat."

"Hmm, thank you. And the left cheek?"

"Your brother eats your sister."

And so on. Guy goes back to Harvard or wherever and presents his thoroughly annotated dissertation. What I am curious about is who managed to blow the whistle. Or maybe the screams of laughter eventually floated back to the league of ivy.

Really, really, really hope he was one of those missionaries, like those alien invaders from  SIL, saving the coons for Jeebus and Uncle Sam.  Really do.
 
2013-09-14 08:50:59 PM  

OscarTamerz: RandomRandom: There was a time where her publicity apparatus was flogging the fact that Xeni was a transformer. No publicity is bad as long as they spell your name right. Right?


Seriously ???  Wow, just wow.

But why go on this Quixotic mission of attempting to erase her real name from the internet?

I'm pretty sure she herself has written about the Streisand effect. She's just begging for a serving of Streisand, you can see her real name and the subsequent deletions in her Wilipedia page revisions.   Then again, I guess that too would bring her publicity.
 
2013-09-14 08:51:54 PM  
Too bad she didn't visit a cannibal tribe...
 
2013-09-14 08:52:47 PM  

No Such Agency: Mobius strip of human stupidity:
It's a pretty sad example of pimping the culture but they need the money.

See... it doesn't have to be that way.  About a month ago we were on Manitoulin Island, and pretty much every First Nation on the island has some kind of tourism-related business set up... and none of them treat their culture as cheap entertainment to do so.

Mind you, even Canadian Natives, with all the problems they face, have a lot more money than poor Africans.  Hard to set up a sustainable, culturally-sensitive eco-tourism business when you are flat broke, I imagine.


From what I saw the state sponsored cultural villages are not all that different from the "real" villages. (except they are a mixture of many different tribes and unlike nearly all other Maasai they can't afford cell phones) But they take their culture pretty seriously. It's just that they are broke. But not particularly backward. The grandson I was talking to was educated in London.

The "ritual" itself was pretty amusing. The kid acted like a team of Shaolin monks were burning dragons into his forearms. The witch doctor acted like Miles Davis forced to play biatches Brew at a Bar Mitsvah.

.."our warrior gear: two tartan sheets that we would wrap around us as clothing, and the metal tips for our spears."

This is the sheet they gave me to wear when I became a Massai warrior. I use it to keep the neighbors from peeking through my windows. My spears, sword, sandals and shiat are downstair somewhere.

img13.imageshack.us
 
2013-09-14 08:55:47 PM  

T-Boy: And a bored Massai warrior wondered, "Can I travel to Santa Barbara and become a member of the shopping elite, among the white women?"  And so the warrior travelled to Santa Barbara and wrote a book about the adventure.

That's a book I would buy.


He got shot.
Made the wrong kind of hand gesture while waving at native brothers (he thought).
 
2013-09-14 09:04:15 PM  

ranold: Too bad she didn't visit a cannibal tribe...


Then she would have been forced to eat herself up.

/Bow-bow chicka-bow-bow...
 
2013-09-14 09:05:34 PM  

SirEattonHogg: That's cool.  This white guy thinks he's Asian (or a Ninja or something like that)

[www.biography.com image 402x402]


How come you omitted FAT?

I mean, not just fat but BULBOUS.
 
2013-09-14 09:11:06 PM  

rubi_con_man: Because remember - leaving your family to 'discover yourself' and fall in love with someone unburdened by the obligations of your existing cultural expectations is something deeply fulfilling when a woman does it.

When a dude leaves his wife to bone a teenaged stripper, that's just horrible.


When Meryl Streep does it, it's called an "awakening."
 
2013-09-14 09:12:36 PM  
Over/under on the number of weeks it takes journalists to find out that this is a total and complete pile of 100 percent grade A American bullshiat: 8.  You got the over or the under?
 
2013-09-14 09:15:12 PM  

Lady Indica: PsiChick: FunkOut: Amos Quito: That trip was FULL of surprises!

Just a little of the top...

Yeah, I was going to say becoming an actual Masai woman sucks. There's some idea that their girls are safer out herding cattle by themselves if they've had their ladybits cut off and sewn up.

That's why she chose the male gender role of the Massai, not the female.

/And the tribe either laughed at her or figured 'hey, what the hell, the more the merrier, not like it affects anything anyway and she'll shill for us back at her place'.

No. It's like...the Amish. There's different Maasai communities, like the Amish. What one Amish group might do is totally different from another, but they're all still Amish. If that makes sense. Though of course the Amish are a religious group and the Maasai are a tribe, its the closest we've got since we farked over our Native peoples pretty goddamned hard here.

So one Maasai group does under their leadership a lot more touristy crap than another. There was an article I read earlier today by an actual Maasai (woman) about this bullshiat. She pointed out that no, this AW is def. not a 'Maasai' or a 'Maasai warrior', but then spent the rest of the time looking at 'How do we get our tribespeople not to do/fall for this shiat' and it typically comes down to money of course.

And the 'moran' even notes that she originally went to the Maasai she visited her first trip wanting to do this bullshiat and they flat out refused her. It'd be like showing up to the Amish and saying you want to become an Amish adult in the next two weeks, part of their community. Maybe....maybe you'd find a group to do it, but it'd just be phony. It wouldn't and couldn't be akin to what it would be like to actually want to be a convert, or to be someone who grew up in that culture/religion doing their stuff.

And to imagine that you COULD have that experience is pretty much the essense of the white appropriation that everyone is on about. It's just...grotesque and unbelie ...


...That's basically what I said. She  isn't a warrior. The tribe just humored her, possibly out of kindness, possibly out of their own reasons.

The First Four Black Sabbath Albums: White folk really need to come up with a rite of passage and stop co-opting other cultures.


We have tons. First day of school; first day of middle\high school; sweet sixteen; learning to drive; first day of college; first job; buying your first house...

Sweet sixteen and learning to drive are the big ones, though.
 
2013-09-14 09:19:27 PM  

The First Four Black Sabbath Albums: White folk really need to come up with a rite of passage and stop co-opting other cultures.


You mean getting drunk and throwing up on the prom queen's shoes doesn't cut it anymore?
 
2013-09-14 09:20:23 PM  
Grifters gotta grift.
 
2013-09-14 09:26:47 PM  
PsiChick: We have tons. First day of school; first day of middle\high school; sweet sixteen; learning to drive; first day of college; first job; buying your first house...

first polo match; first stock purchase; first beluga caviar party; first minority hunt; first day at space camp...
 
2013-09-14 09:27:22 PM  

pueblonative: Over/under on the number of weeks it takes journalists to find out that this is a total and complete pile of 100 percent grade A American bullshiat: 8.  You got the over or the under?


I suspect the story as she tells it is more or less true. When I was in the Peace Corps I was taken to a Massai village where they had me dress up in their traditional clothes and tried to get me to eat a goat's head. I didn't. But I'm sure if I gave them enough money the would've told me I was a warrior and accepted into their tribe.
 
2013-09-14 09:27:36 PM  
What's the over under on her being an anti-vaxxer?
 
2013-09-14 09:29:48 PM  
Yes, and the eight year old kids with Progeria from the Make-A-Wish Foundation, who go out to Little Creek for a weekend, are real Navy SEALs.
 
2013-09-14 09:30:33 PM  
That farking white girl couldn't keep up with these guys if her life depended on it


img.dailymail.co.uk
 
2013-09-14 09:38:09 PM  

ultraholland: PsiChick: We have tons. First day of school; first day of middle\high school; sweet sixteen; learning to drive; first day of college; first job; buying your first house...

first polo match; first stock purchase; first beluga caviar party; first minority hunt; first day at space camp...


...I meant universals...

/Okay, Sweet Sixteen and 21 are the major ones...but still, there's a few.
 
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