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(The New York Times)   Elderly Dick Cavett wonders if he might have been a happier and better person if he hadn't grown up in such a sexually-repressed time   (opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com) divider line 48
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5082 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Sep 2013 at 9:54 AM (30 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-09-14 09:14:44 AM
I grew up in the 1980s, Dick. I wonder that too.
 
2013-09-14 09:57:10 AM
He's alive?
 
2013-09-14 09:59:10 AM
"Azure gonads"
 
2013-09-14 10:03:10 AM

mr_fulano: "Azure gonads"


That's the name of my Spandau Ballet cover band.
 
2013-09-14 10:15:38 AM
Where sex imaginable and unimaginable is available on your computer screen.

Oh, that's adorable. He thinks some sex is unimaginable.
 
2013-09-14 10:17:29 AM
Even if you grow up in the right era you could still grow up religious and miss out. Unfortunately.
 
2013-09-14 10:20:30 AM
"....with 20% of young people of college age today, sex is a feature of life."

FTFY.  The snarky suggested answers to male come-ons belies the sexual Island of Cytherea Cavett tries to evoke.  But then Jezebel writers have to start somewhere.

I think that because sex is no longer a big deal, love and marriage are no longer big deals either.
 
2013-09-14 10:33:03 AM

generallyso: Even if you grow up in the right era you could still grow up religious and miss out. Unfortunately.


Or you could grow up unattractive and also miss out. In the end, how sexually active you are depends greatly on what you look like, at least for men. Cavett is a sort of short, bookish guy and unless he was really extraverted in his youth, he probably wouldn't have done a huge amount of bed-hopping, regardless of the sexual mores of the time he grew up in.
 
2013-09-14 10:33:30 AM
The Fifties were a sexually repressed time? SOMEONE hasn't watched Mad Men.
 
2013-09-14 10:37:33 AM

rjakobi: The Fifties were a sexually repressed time? SOMEONE hasn't watched Mad Men.


Everytime, everywhere, people are getting freaky. The difference is how much they acknowledge it and talk about it.

Lots of stuff happened in the 50s, it was just on the deep down-low.
 
2013-09-14 10:40:51 AM
I enjoyed watching and listening to Dick Cavett, his show (a bit dry but then, new was serious) and his humor. He could all ways sneak a witty comment in.  His shows on history, he could show a bit more of his clever humor.
 
2013-09-14 10:42:33 AM

rjakobi: The Fifties were a sexually repressed time? SOMEONE hasn't watched Mad Men.


Mad Men is set in the Sixties.

But if you look like Don Draper, no time is a sexually repressed time.
 
2013-09-14 10:59:07 AM
Slept through the 60's - wait - he lived in NY in the 70's

Guy just wasn't trying
 
2013-09-14 11:01:29 AM
I can't imagine any time frame where it would be easy for Mr. Cavett to get laid. He has that wispy , intellectual, small frame quality to him....much like Woody Allen. Give me a big hairy lumberjack any day!
 
2013-09-14 11:02:11 AM
I grew up watching Dick Cavett. But if I didn't know better, I'd swear that was an article from The Onion.
 
2013-09-14 11:03:29 AM
History of Sex:

1,000,000 years ago - Women are attracted to a few guys for mostly stupid reasons. These guys have lot's of sex. Most guys have little or no sex.
1,000 years ago - Women are attracted to a few guys for mostly stupid reasons. These guys have lot's of sex. Most guys have little or no sex.100 years ago - Women are attracted to a few guys for mostly stupid reasons. These guys have lot's of sex. Most guys have little or no sex.10 years ago - Women are attracted to a few guys for mostly stupid reasons. These guys have lot's of sex. Most guys have little or no sex.Today - Women are attracted to a few guys for mostly stupid reasons. These guys have lot's of sex. Most guys have little or no sex.
If you're not one of these guys don't try to be one or worry about it. They are usually pretty worthless and porn today is awesome.
 
2013-09-14 11:10:10 AM
He said "hard". Uh huh huh uh huh uh huh uh huh huh
Yeh Yeh. And his name's 'Dick'. Um huh uh huh.

www-deadline-com.vimg.net
 
2013-09-14 11:13:04 AM

Quackadam: I enjoyed watching and listening to Dick Cavett, his show (a bit dry but then, new was serious) and his humor. He could all ways sneak a witty comment in.  His shows on history, he could show a bit more of his clever humor.


Cavett was the Craig Ferguson of his day. He was more intelligent, wittier, and had more interesting guests than other talk show hosts with vastly larger audiences.

(That analogy isn't perfect. Most of Ferguson's guests aren't that interesting--the usual parade of b-grade actors plugging bad movies--but that's probably mostly CBS's fault.)
 
2013-09-14 11:13:21 AM

hitlersbrain: History of Sex:

1,000,000 years ago - Women are attracted to a few guys for mostly stupid reasons. These guys have lot's of sex. Most guys have little or no sex.
1,000 years ago - Women are attracted to a few guys for mostly stupid reasons. These guys have lot's of sex. Most guys have little or no sex.100 years ago - Women are attracted to a few guys for mostly stupid reasons. These guys have lot's of sex. Most guys have little or no sex.10 years ago - Women are attracted to a few guys for mostly stupid reasons. These guys have lot's of sex. Most guys have little or no sex.Today - Women are attracted to a few guys for mostly stupid reasons. These guys have lot's of sex. Most guys have little or no sex.
If you're not one of these guys don't try to be one or worry about it. They are usually pretty worthless and porn today is awesome.


You know what women find really unattractive? Blaming a dry spell on women and allowing it to turn you bitter.
 
2013-09-14 11:13:31 AM
It's not the times, it's the person. Basically, most people cannot do casual sex. It's an outlier behaviour that happens to be praised a lot like other comparatively rare behaviours to which we aspire. He's probably looking back with the wisdom of experience and realizing he should have worked less.
 
2013-09-14 11:15:27 AM
"Azure Gonads" - great band name.
 
2013-09-14 11:16:19 AM

gaslight: He's probably looking back with the wisdom of experience and realizing he should have worked less.


Sounds like he's probably looking back with the wisdom of experience and realizing he should have farked more.
 
2013-09-14 11:23:09 AM

Cornelius Dribble: Quackadam: I enjoyed watching and listening to Dick Cavett, his show (a bit dry but then, new was serious) and his humor. He could all ways sneak a witty comment in.  His shows on history, he could show a bit more of his clever humor.

Cavett was the Craig Ferguson of his day. He was more intelligent, wittier, and had more interesting guests than other talk show hosts with vastly larger audiences.

(That analogy isn't perfect. Most of Ferguson's guests aren't that interesting--the usual parade of b-grade actors plugging bad movies--but that's probably mostly CBS's fault.)


I can agree to that, given the different in times, standards etc. yes I agree.
 
2013-09-14 11:24:38 AM
On the other hand, today we have Miley Cyrus.
 
2013-09-14 11:29:30 AM

Chinchillazilla: Where sex imaginable and unimaginable is available on your computer screen.

Oh, that's adorable. He thinks some sex is unimaginable.


How would you know if it was?
 
2013-09-14 11:35:00 AM

Skirl Hutsenreiter: hitlersbrain: History of Sex:

You know what women find really unattractive? Blaming a dry spell on women and allowing it to turn you bitter.


Just hoping to reach a few fellow men before they blow most of their time and money in a fruitless search for women who want casual sex. Also hoping to remove the stigma of being one of the VAST majority of men who will rarely if ever have casual sex. It seems the same as trying to convince girls to waste time and money on diets and clothes to find love.

Casual sex is not worth being a douche bag and being a well dressed skeleton won't find you love.
 
2013-09-14 11:35:17 AM

Skirl Hutsenreiter: hitlersbrain: History of Sex:

1,000,000 years ago - Women are attracted to a few guys for mostly stupid reasons. These guys have lot's of sex. Most guys have little or no sex.
1,000 years ago - Women are attracted to a few guys for mostly stupid reasons. These guys have lot's of sex. Most guys have little or no sex.100 years ago - Women are attracted to a few guys for mostly stupid reasons. These guys have lot's of sex. Most guys have little or no sex.10 years ago - Women are attracted to a few guys for mostly stupid reasons. These guys have lot's of sex. Most guys have little or no sex.Today - Women are attracted to a few guys for mostly stupid reasons. These guys have lot's of sex. Most guys have little or no sex.
If you're not one of these guys don't try to be one or worry about it. They are usually pretty worthless and porn today is awesome.

You know what women find really unattractive? Blaming a dry spell on women and allowing it to turn you bitter.


When women constantly reject you, what reason should there be for not being bitter?

/Besides the ready availability of porn
 
2013-09-14 11:45:22 AM

theorellior: The difference is how much they acknowledge it and talk about it.


Now-a-days it is just way too much information.
 
2013-09-14 11:47:21 AM
He's 76, so that meant that he went to Yale from 1954 to 1958. Coming up on 60 years ago.

I take my 85 year old aunt Annie to church on Sundays, and she sits and chats with a bunch of elderly ladies afterwards.
On occasion I will sit with them. They are all about Cavet's age. I was surprised to find out that they love to talk about sex, and greatly enjoy dirty jokes.
 
2013-09-14 11:49:07 AM

hitlersbrain: Skirl Hutsenreiter: hitlersbrain: History of Sex:

You know what women find really unattractive? Blaming a dry spell on women and allowing it to turn you bitter.

Just hoping to reach a few fellow men before they blow most of their time and money in a fruitless search for women who want casual sex.

Also hoping to remove the stigma of being one of the VAST majority of men who will rarely if ever have casual sex. It seems the same as trying to convince girls to waste time and money on diets and clothes to find love.

Casual sex is not worth being a douche bag and being a well dressed skeleton won't find you love.


Lots of men have casual sex, although probably only a few regularly have it. But then, realistically, most guys don't actually expect to have sex like James Bond; most men are happy to actually date someone on a regular basis.
 
2013-09-14 12:05:24 PM
At 37, I'm roughly as attractive and chiseled as Dick Cavett is at 76, and considerably nerdier and more awkward. But damn, every time I've ever seen him on TV, from when I was a wee little nerdling on up, I've just wanted to beat the snot out of him and take his lunch money. Something about that guy just awakens my inner bully. I worry sometimes that he'll die before I get a chance to pull his underwear up and shove him into the girls' bathroom in front of that cheerleader he has a crush on.

And as someone pointed out, if you couldn't get laid in "unimaginable" ways in 1970s midtown Manhattan as Woody Allen's WASP twin brother, then it's not society's fault. It should have been physically impossible NOT to get laid.
 
2013-09-14 12:08:39 PM

rjakobi: The Fifties were a sexually repressed time? SOMEONE hasn't watched Mad Men.


It fell short of anything-goes, and that's what they call repression these days.
 
2013-09-14 12:13:19 PM

BolshyGreatYarblocks: "....with 20% of young people of college age today, sex is a feature of life."

FTFY.  The snarky suggested answers to male come-ons belies the sexual Island of Cytherea Cavett tries to evoke.  But then Jezebel writers have to start somewhere.

I think that because sex is no longer a big deal, love and marriage are no longer big deals either.


Hey, it's an institute you can't disparage.
 
2013-09-14 12:15:16 PM
The number who don't have any before marriage is larger than most people think, too.

Many (most?) men lie about how much they do it.  Women lie, too, but in the other direction.  Every poll of how many partners people have had in their lifetimes reflects this.  Men claim to have  had more partners than they really have, and women claim to have had fewer.

Also, the true average is much lower than the guesses of most people who have had a lot.  I knew someone in college who considered herself roughly average, with a tally of 15 partners.  Surveys show that the real average is well under 10 for an entire lifetime, and for those of us who were virgins into our 30s, the average is under 2.
 
2013-09-14 12:18:11 PM

varmitydog: I take my 85 year old aunt Annie to church on Sundays, and she sits and chats with a bunch of elderly ladies afterwards.
On occasion I will sit with them. They are all about Cavet's age. I was surprised to find out that they love to talk about sex, and greatly enjoy dirty jokes.


Yeah, it's the iron law of the history of sexuality. Gram-grams and pap-pap were into shiat every bit as nasty as you. In fact, given that they didn't have the internet to satisfy the curiosity, they probably experimented a lot more.

And I agree with your observation: given half a chance, past a certain age great-grammaw WILL tell you about how this "bookakakey" nonsense is nothing new, why it's not even Japanese, in fact, that's how us gals working down at the munitions factory celebrated VJ Day, except at the time we called it a Liberty Shower....
 
2013-09-14 12:39:03 PM

semiotix: At 37, I'm roughly as attractive and chiseled as Dick Cavett is at 76, and considerably nerdier and more awkward. But damn, every time I've ever seen him on TV, from when I was a wee little nerdling on up, I've just wanted to beat the snot out of him and take his lunch money. Something about that guy just awakens my inner bully. I worry sometimes that he'll die before I get a chance to pull his underwear up and shove him into the girls' bathroom in front of that cheerleader he has a crush on.

And as someone pointed out, if you couldn't get laid in "unimaginable" ways in 1970s midtown Manhattan as Woody Allen's WASP twin brother, then it's not society's fault. It should have been physically impossible NOT to get laid.



It's always impossible for a man not to get laid, if he considers himself so unattractive that he doesn't see the point in pursuing women. Even in the randy midtown Manhattan world of the 1970s it was still the man's job to approach the woman.

Of course, in years past, the social pressure on men to date and marry was so great that if you didn't have a girlfriend, lover, or wife then your family, coworkers, friends and people in general would think there's something seriously wrong with you. So even men who had low self-esteem and thought themselves ugly would usually find a way to get over their anxiety and go out and approach women, if only to avoid the social disapproval of their peers. Nowadays,  with those social expectations gone or lessened, it's unfortunately much easier for men to simply give up on meeting women.
 
2013-09-14 01:12:20 PM
IMHO, college was overrated.  Dick makes it sound like some golden period he missed out on.  And yeah, some of my buddies cant shuddup about it.  But for me and I went in the 90's, it was sort of "meh". Meh women, meh parties, meh everything.  Meh.

My opinion only but dating and socializing was a lot more fun after college.
 
2013-09-14 01:31:55 PM

NetOwl: The number who don't have any before marriage is larger than most people think, too.

Many (most?) men lie about how much they do it.  Women lie, too, but in the other direction.  Every poll of how many partners people have had in their lifetimes reflects this.  Men claim to have  had more partners than they really have, and women claim to have had fewer.

Also, the true average is much lower than the guesses of most people who have had a lot.  I knew someone in college who considered herself roughly average, with a tally of 15 partners.  Surveys show that the real average is well under 10 for an entire lifetime, and for those of us who were virgins into our 30s, the average is under 2.


No shiat sherlock - and I mean that with all due respect.  People lie.  Yea, there are people who get more ass than a toilet seat either thru good looks or a really great game, but the average person?  Yea right.

I think the truth is most people are afraid of rejection - especially girls who are not up to the standards of the internet and fashion magazines and movies - which as well all know portray amercians so well!  Look at sales of thing to change the way you look, up to and including major surgery.  We are the most insecure people.

Virtually any girl I went to college with could have had one or more guys around anytime they wanted, if they had been a bit more forthright about their wants/needs.

A lot of the secret to success is getting out of the way of your own head.
 
2013-09-14 01:51:02 PM
There are some great clips of Cavett with various legends of rock appearing on his show:

1) Jimi Hendrix ("I'm super chicken")

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-ZYUaRKQkk

2) Janis Joplin ("I have to defend my entire sex, ladies and gentlemen." "Go right ahead.")

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOTEDnQ4Fvk&feature=player_detailpage

3) Joni Mitchell, Jefferson Airplane, and Crosby/Stills (filmed on the day after Woodstock):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abPpq6hQ67I&feature=player_detailpage #t =92
 
2013-09-14 02:44:07 PM
It's really easy to get lots of casual sex as an average (or under average) looking guy. Just join a rock band or become a bartender. Or both.

Sheesh ya'll, it ain't rocket science.
 
2013-09-14 03:14:28 PM

Stupid Guitar: It's really easy to get lots of casual sex as an average (or under average) looking guy. Just join a rock band or become a bartender. Or both.

Sheesh ya'll, it ain't rocket science.


Here, I'll clue every guy here how to nail whatever broad you want in any bar USA so long as you're not a troglodyte and socially inept. ....Yes I realize I eliminated 90% of the audience here but for the remaining 10, just stay with me.

You're at a bar and see a group of girls. In any typical group there is always an alpha leader and it is your job to find this alpha leader. Typically she is going to be the hottest of the group but not always, there are introverted hot girls who allow their friends to pack lead. Anyway after you identify this pack leader it is your job to make her feel like complete shiat by ignoring her and doting attention on anyone but her in the pack. Typically the best strategy is to pick the ugliest one there, and make your move for that one.

And don't go balls in, you have to be subtle about it. Introduce yourself to the group, offer to buy drinks for the entire group and even maybe introduce your friends into the mix. Hey, we're just here to have a good time...more the merrier! But this is where you switch it up. Bonus points if you're wingman is in on it as well because he can amplify the isolation.

So essentially as a group of people just out having fun, drinking talking about shiat, sharing stories etc... what you want to do is focus all your time and energy in talking up this lower classed friend in the group. Pay extra attention to her conversations, make good remarks about her incites, and laugh at all her jokes while meanwhile, you mitigate the alpha of the group. Don't laugh as much, ignore her to some degree (A good, I'm sorry could you say that again I was talking to X works every time).

So now you've lowered her to her friends level and meanwhile because you've elevated her friend to alpha status she will be putty in your hands and at the same time her friend will be falling over herself to try and get your attention to win her status back to alpha.

At that point you have to options. You can snub the lesser friend and turn your attention to the alpha and because she thinks she has won you, you can seal the deal. Or...there is a better one. Seal the deal with the lesser friend and then later on at a different time, seal it with the alpha.

yes, I am that asshole that burn notice guy played in hitch.....but you wanna get laid right?
 
2013-09-14 04:18:00 PM
I stopped reading at elderly dick. this age truly is 'sexually repressed.'
 
2013-09-14 04:35:44 PM

TastyEloi: generallyso: Even if you grow up in the right era you could still grow up religious and miss out. Unfortunately.

Or you could grow up unattractive and also miss out. In the end, how sexually active you are depends greatly on what you look like, at least for men. Cavett is a sort of short, bookish guy and unless he was really extraverted in his youth, he probably wouldn't have done a huge amount of bed-hopping, regardless of the sexual mores of the time he grew up in.


I am a short bookish guy with giant ears, and I have had a great deal of sex with attractive women.  I was extroverted in my youth in the 80s, and on acid most of the time.

And while being attractive can have some relevance on how much ass you get, intelligence will always trump it.  Getting a girl to smile is the easiest way to drop her pants.
 
2013-09-14 07:49:10 PM
FTFA: And, to quote Miss Bette Davis on a show of mine, when I impulsively inquired about her own virginity, "The wait weight damn near killed me!"

FTFBD
 
2013-09-14 07:52:24 PM

NetOwl: Men claim to have had more partners than they really have, and women claim to have had fewer.


Not necessarily.  If the now-wife had had any idea, she'd have killed me.

(I did tell the truth when I told her "two".  Is it my fault she didn't hear the word "dozen"?)
 
2013-09-14 08:15:22 PM
Quite Possibly.  Many from Ago are Still Repressed, or feel selves to be.
 
2013-09-14 11:49:14 PM
In 1972, Dick Cavett did a PBS special called VD Blues.  It co-starred comedian James Coco and had huge ratings.  Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be any copies of it floating around.  It was both insightful and humorous.  The show featured the Shel Silverstein song "Don't Give a Dose" performed by Dr. Hook & The Medicine Show.
 
2013-09-15 02:47:39 PM
It's good that he didn't push it. He looks very thin and fragile. Might break a hip.
 
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