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(My Fox Phoenix)   Arizona man accused of branding his initials on sleeping girlfriend's va-jay-jay area with a butane torch -- because she wouldn't go dancing with him   (myfoxphoenix.com) divider line 77
    More: Scary, Silent Witness, 19th Avenue, Mill Avenue  
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6693 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Sep 2013 at 3:24 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



77 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-09-12 09:43:02 PM
'...on his sleeping now-ex girlfriend's va-jay-jay' may be a better way of summarizing it.
 
2013-09-12 10:54:33 PM
That seems perfectly reasonable. I totally agree with your choice, man. If you could step into alcove, I've got a cask of amontillado stashed back there.
 
2013-09-13 12:28:41 AM

gaslight: '...on his sleeping now-ex girlfriend's va-jay-jay' may be a better way of summarizing it.


You would be surprised, unfortunately.

/I was warned about graphic content. I didn't see any graphic content. Lack of graphic content makes me sad.
 
2013-09-13 01:05:18 AM
I don't care how many roofies you give me, you get a branding iron near my crotch and I'm going to wake up

/and be... groggy
//and annoyed because you woke me up
 
2013-09-13 02:57:02 AM
i bet she was pissed off.
 
2013-09-13 03:26:55 AM
She's not going to be doing much dancing after that, I'm thinking.
 
2013-09-13 03:30:52 AM

Gyrfalcon: She's not going to be doing much dancing after that, I'm thinking.


I don't know, if she wins a massive lawsuit the payout might be worth dancing about.
 
2013-09-13 03:32:50 AM
So she is all Brandy now?
 
2013-09-13 03:32:59 AM

Weatherkiss: Gyrfalcon: She's not going to be doing much dancing after that, I'm thinking.

I don't know, if she wins a massive lawsuit the payout might be worth dancing about.


Yeah, I didn't read tfa but I'm getting a whiff of "good luck collecting any payout larger than $5 and a couple of used scratch lottery tickets".
 
2013-09-13 03:34:19 AM

sotua: Weatherkiss: Gyrfalcon: She's not going to be doing much dancing after that, I'm thinking.

I don't know, if she wins a massive lawsuit the payout might be worth dancing about.

Yeah, I didn't read tfa but I'm getting a whiff of "good luck collecting any payout larger than $5 and a couple of used scratch lottery tickets".


... that's why you sue the butane torch manufacturer, right? This is America, after all.
 
2013-09-13 03:36:42 AM
southern problems
/sorry American problems
//no wait christian problems
 
2013-09-13 03:46:10 AM

albatros183: southern problems
/sorry American problems
//no wait christian problems


It's Arizona, so... meth problems.
 
2013-09-13 03:53:46 AM
farm6.staticflickr.com
 
2013-09-13 04:03:01 AM
I reloaded the main page and thought to myself "boy, nothing interesting going on tonight." Eventually a question arose - "how screwed up do you have to be for a story about malicious junk-branding to be boring?" I'm gonna go ahead and blame it on those candy cigarettes from when I was a kid.

/And many, many years of tentacle porn.
 
2013-09-13 04:09:27 AM
Jackson then used a branding tool and a butane torch to burn the initials "CJ" onto her vaginal area.

Hey lady...do you live on a ranch and raise 700 head of Speckle Park?  No?  Then did you ever think it was a little odd that your sweetie-squeeze had a farking branding iron with his initials on it?

Dude said he did it before, too.  Investigate the shiat out of that and for every one you find, let them do the same thing to his bait & tackle.  Preferably not at the same time; let one heal before you do the next one.  Hopefully he dated women with M and W names.
 
2013-09-13 04:13:02 AM
That's fine. Brand his nuts too. It's only fair.
 
2013-09-13 04:16:12 AM

Precision Boobery: Jackson then used a branding tool and a butane torch to burn the initials "CJ" onto her vaginal area.

Hey lady...do you live on a ranch and raise 700 head of Speckle Park?  No?  Then did you ever think it was a little odd that your sweetie-squeeze had a farking branding iron with his initials on it?

Dude said he did it before, too.  Investigate the shiat out of that and for every one you find, let them do the same thing to his bait & tackle.  Preferably not at the same time; let one heal before you do the next one.  Hopefully he dated women with M and W names.


Hopefully he dated Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio and they can use her full name.
 
2013-09-13 04:27:03 AM
HOW ELSE TO TELL WORLD IS HIS VAGINA?
 
2013-09-13 04:32:27 AM

Danger Avoid Death: Precision Boobery: Jackson then used a branding tool and a butane torch to burn the initials "CJ" onto her vaginal area.

Hey lady...do you live on a ranch and raise 700 head of Speckle Park?  No?  Then did you ever think it was a little odd that your sweetie-squeeze had a farking branding iron with his initials on it?

Dude said he did it before, too.  Investigate the shiat out of that and for every one you find, let them do the same thing to his bait & tackle.  Preferably not at the same time; let one heal before you do the next one.  Hopefully he dated women with M and W names.

Hopefully he dated Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio and they can use her full name.


WENDY.
 
2013-09-13 04:38:40 AM
Burnt Tuna.
 
2013-09-13 04:54:30 AM
Not cool man. Super not cool.
I believe it's only fair that she gets to brand her name on his junk,  If it's a long name, she gets to brand an erect epididymis.
 
2013-09-13 05:09:39 AM
Wait, so he actually branded the Vagina?  How the heck did he get the brand in there and out without the flesh searing shut?
 
2013-09-13 05:17:53 AM
It could've been worse.  He could have branded her with "Killroy was here"
 
2013-09-13 05:26:01 AM

some_beer_drinker: i bet she was pissed off.


better than being pissed on

/maybe not...around here
 
2013-09-13 05:30:53 AM
Arizona needs to require a 24 hour waiting period before someone can brand someone else.
 
2013-09-13 05:35:56 AM
I know some guys are into hot pussy, but this is ridiculous.
 
2013-09-13 05:59:32 AM

Danger Avoid Death: Precision Boobery: Jackson then used a branding tool and a butane torch to burn the initials "CJ" onto her vaginal area.

Hey lady...do you live on a ranch and raise 700 head of Speckle Park?  No?  Then did you ever think it was a little odd that your sweetie-squeeze had a farking branding iron with his initials on it?

Dude said he did it before, too.  Investigate the shiat out of that and for every one you find, let them do the same thing to his bait & tackle.  Preferably not at the same time; let one heal before you do the next one.  Hopefully he dated women with M and W names.

Hopefully he dated Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio and they can use her full name.


I know about a Hawaiian lady who has a name worth branding his parts with.
 
2013-09-13 06:07:59 AM

haolegirl: Danger Avoid Death: Precision Boobery: Jackson then used a branding tool and a butane torch to burn the initials "CJ" onto her vaginal area.

Hey lady...do you live on a ranch and raise 700 head of Speckle Park?  No?  Then did you ever think it was a little odd that your sweetie-squeeze had a farking branding iron with his initials on it?

Dude said he did it before, too.  Investigate the shiat out of that and for every one you find, let them do the same thing to his bait & tackle.  Preferably not at the same time; let one heal before you do the next one.  Hopefully he dated women with M and W names.

Hopefully he dated Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio and they can use her full name.

I know about a Hawaiian lady who has a name worth branding his parts with.


You mean Janice Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele?
 
2013-09-13 06:14:25 AM

show me: gaslight: '...on his sleeping now-ex girlfriend's va-jay-jay' may be a better way of summarizing it.

You would be surprised, unfortunately.

/I was warned about graphic content. I didn't see any graphic content. Lack of graphic content makes me sad.


I trepidatiously GIS'ed 'branded vagina' and was relieved when the search bore no fruit. I at least expected
to see one with 'Golden Palace Casino' tattooed above it.
 
2013-09-13 06:27:18 AM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: I don't care how many roofies you give me, you get a branding iron near my crotch and I'm going to wake up


came here to say this. she might have been sleeping when he clicked 'on' on the torch (or whatever), but not for long after that. i could rtfa but that seems like unnecessary work, plus then i won't be able to post in an uninformed, kneejerk fashion, and im fond of it
 
2013-09-13 07:00:02 AM
You know what kind of man is upset he cannot go dancing?

One that has boyfriends and not girlfriends.
 
2013-09-13 07:08:41 AM

Weatherkiss: Gyrfalcon: She's not going to be doing much dancing after that, I'm thinking.

I don't know, if she wins a massive lawsuit the payout might be worth dancing about.


what kind of money does a guy who would do that have?
 
2013-09-13 07:15:39 AM
She was innocent, not a charge was true, and they say she ran away... Branded!
 
2013-09-13 07:17:22 AM
That's hot.
 
2013-09-13 07:23:03 AM
Maybe he's going into business. It's always important to establish a brand people recognize.
 
2013-09-13 07:24:38 AM
You know what would be really funny? If she was a red head.

Then people would call her 'fire crotch', and it would mean so much more.
 
2013-09-13 07:28:31 AM
So he cauterized an ax wound and got in trouble?
 
2013-09-13 07:34:34 AM
I've read it at Fark many times.  You're not special.  Nothing unique about you.   Well take that anti-exceptionalists.
 
2013-09-13 07:36:43 AM
Your mom brands people's genitals with a particular strain of the herp.
 
2013-09-13 07:48:58 AM

Precision Boobery: Jackson then used a branding tool and a butane torch to burn the initials "CJ" onto her vaginal area.

Hey lady...do you live on a ranch and raise 700 head of Speckle Park?  No?  Then did you ever think it was a little odd that your sweetie-squeeze had a farking branding iron with his initials on it?


I doubt that he did. Those things are easy to improvise, and that's better than leaving the iron around for people to find.

Sounds like a variation on the theme of forced tattooing as a mark of possession. Many tattoo removal shops will work on those pro bono, but I don't know what options even exist for branding.
 
2013-09-13 08:00:52 AM

Millennium: Sounds like a variation on the theme of forced tattooing as a mark of possession. Many tattoo removal shops will work on those pro bono, but I don't know what options even exist for branding.


I don't know about pro bono work, but I do know that branding and scarrification correction is usually done by a plastic surgeon or dermatology specialist, and involves surgical removal of the scar tissue and surrounding skin.
 
2013-09-13 08:03:03 AM

dryknife: She was innocent, not a charge was true, and they say she ran away... Branded!


jonathanjanz.files.wordpress.com

156 episodes, Dude. The bulk of the series.
 
2013-09-13 08:06:16 AM
That's how they did it when I was just a kid, and when they said come dancing - my sister always did.
 
2013-09-13 08:09:15 AM

dryknife: She was innocent, not a charge was true, and they say she ran away... Branded!


Marked with a coward's shame.
What do you do when you're branded?
Well, you fight for your name! hunt the mothersucker down, creep quietly through the dark thick night to his bedside and attach his ballsack to the other end of a rope tied to your best friend's bumper and then said best friend (who knows how to keep their damn mouth shut!) drives like they stole  it!

/FTFM
 
2013-09-13 08:18:24 AM
Chuck Connors does not approve.
 
2013-09-13 08:18:28 AM

Ihaveanevilparrot: That's fine. Brand his nuts too. It's only fair.


WTF cut his balls off and feed them to him!
 
2013-09-13 08:19:48 AM
On the bright side, Christopher Jackson only branded her with his initials.
 
2013-09-13 08:24:43 AM

cajunns: Ihaveanevilparrot: That's fine. Brand his nuts too. It's only fair.

WTF cut his balls off and feed them to him!


BALIFF! WACK HIS PEEPEE!
 
2013-09-13 08:25:11 AM

cajunns: Ihaveanevilparrot: That's fine. Brand his nuts too. It's only fair.

WTF cut his balls off and feed them to him!


Brand them first. You know what they say about eating raw/undercooked meat.
 
2013-09-13 08:26:38 AM
Im calling horsehsit that she didnt know. "I was asleep" is the most common / worst excuse that people use when they are guilty of making a stupid decision. My bet is she decided to let him do it, but later regretted it and realized he was a dick, thus calling the cops.
 
2013-09-13 08:30:25 AM
Burning sensation? More like BURNING SENSATIONAL!
 
2013-09-13 08:35:31 AM

poe_zlaw: Im calling horsehsit that she didnt know. "I was asleep" is the most common / worst excuse that people use when they are guilty of making a stupid decision. My bet is she decided to let him do it, but later regretted it and realized he was a dick, thus calling the cops.


no. really... no. i realise some farkers aint too fond of women, but you're taking it a bit far here
 
2013-09-13 08:37:08 AM
Damn, that woman must get around if her va-jay-jay is so numb you can take a blow torch to it and still not wake her up...  Knowing my ex-wife, she probably deserved it...
 
2013-09-13 08:38:31 AM

Gyrfalcon: She's not going to be doing much dancing after that, I'm thinking.


I don't know, you brand my crotch and I am going to be dancing.
 
2013-09-13 08:43:09 AM
25.media.tumblr.comVAGINA! VAGINA! VAGINA!JUST COME OUT AND SAY IT ALREADY, PUSSIES!


Seriously? What the hell is with this whole "va-jay-jay" crap? It's a vagina, get over it!
 
2013-09-13 08:57:56 AM

Claude Ballse: [25.media.tumblr.com image 500x376]VAGINA! VAGINA! VAGINA!JUST COME OUT AND SAY IT ALREADY, PUSSIES!

Seriously? What the hell is with this whole "va-jay-jay" crap? It's a vagina, get over it!


It looks like a sad old man with a drooping, runny nose.
 
2013-09-13 09:02:43 AM
OMG he burnt her snatch! I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!
 
2013-09-13 09:57:25 AM

poe_zlaw: Im calling horsehsit that she didnt know. "I was asleep" is the most common / worst excuse that people use when they are guilty of making a stupid decision. My bet is she decided to let him do it, but later regretted it and realized he was a dick, thus calling the cops.


Not impossible, which is why you've got to investigate these things. But even the highest estimates for these sorts of things put the false-accusation rate at only about 8%. Certainly this is high enough to be alarming -these same estimates put the false-accusation rates for other crimes at only about 2%- but it's still low enough that we shouldn't start dismissing claims without at least doing some police work first.
 
2013-09-13 09:59:09 AM

Lipspinach: OMG he burnt her snatch! I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!


Really.

static.tumblr.com

Are you trolling, or are you genuinely a terrible human being who thinks that mutilating a woman's gentials is a "funny thing"?
 
2013-09-13 10:14:25 AM
I know sarcasm is sometimes hard too see here, but did you really think I was genuinely laughing at this atrocity? Also, why pick on me? There are plenty of assholes in this thread making fun of this.
 
2013-09-13 10:26:14 AM

Lipspinach: I know sarcasm is sometimes hard too see here, but did you really think I was genuinely laughing at this atrocity? Also, why pick on me? There are plenty of assholes in this thread making fun of this.


Poe's law. Because there are actually people on FARK who would find that funny. This is a website which, in all seriousness, has people who make fun of victims of torture, rape, and sex abuse.

And it's not misplaced sarcasm. All of the above has actually taken place.
 
2013-09-13 10:38:22 AM

hardinparamedic: And it's not misplaced sarcasm. All of the above has actually taken place.


Not sure what you are getting at, but you are not really making sense to me right now.
I'm much to hungover for Fark this morning I guess.....see ya
 
2013-09-13 10:42:43 AM

Lipspinach: Not sure what you are getting at, but you are not really making sense to me right now.
I'm much to hungover for Fark this morning I guess.....see ya


/facepalm.

Maybe I'm doing a horrible job of explaining it. Your post was an example of Poe's Law.

i.chzbgr.com
 
2013-09-13 10:45:34 AM

crazydave023: So she is all Brandy now?


She was a fine girl.
 
2013-09-13 10:55:28 AM
I can't imagine the look on the face of the next guy she dates with the same initials that sees it for the first time.
 
2013-09-13 10:56:14 AM
I dated the Hawaiian lady named  Janice 'Lokelani' Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele and she did the same thing to my penis with her full name.
 
2013-09-13 10:58:45 AM

hardinparamedic: Lipspinach: Not sure what you are getting at, but you are not really making sense to me right now.
I'm much to hungover for Fark this morning I guess.....see ya

/facepalm.

Maybe I'm doing a horrible job of explaining it. Your post was an example of Poe's Law.

[i.chzbgr.com image 450x560]


OK I get it now. I've heard of Poe's Law, never cared enough to find out what it is.
Thanks. I kinda thought my allcaps thingy would have given away the sarcasm. Oh well....
We've dwelled on this far to long. Cheers
 
2013-09-13 12:04:55 PM
TTIUWOP!!!!


also she could brand NOT in front to say its not his..
 
2013-09-13 12:25:30 PM
"branded initials on sleeping girlfriend's"

How the hell did he get past "C" before she woke up???
 
2013-09-13 12:31:54 PM
Just tell your next boyfriend it stands for Jesus Christ, but your dyslexic.
 
2013-09-13 01:13:00 PM

Banned on the Run: "branded initials on sleeping girlfriend's"

How the hell did he get past "C" before she woke up???


Branding isn't like tattooing: rather than applying the design a little bit at a time, you typically do it all at once. Most likely, that's how this guy's branding instrument worked.
 
2013-09-13 02:18:36 PM
Sounds like we should use a blowtorch on his junk too...after they cut it off, to cauterize the stump.

/Or not, and let him bleed out
 
2013-09-13 02:24:37 PM

Danger Avoid Death: haolegirl: Danger Avoid Death: Precision Boobery: Jackson then used a branding tool and a butane torch to burn the initials "CJ" onto her vaginal area.

Hey lady...do you live on a ranch and raise 700 head of Speckle Park?  No?  Then did you ever think it was a little odd that your sweetie-squeeze had a farking branding iron with his initials on it?

Dude said he did it before, too.  Investigate the shiat out of that and for every one you find, let them do the same thing to his bait & tackle.  Preferably not at the same time; let one heal before you do the next one.  Hopefully he dated women with M and W names.

Hopefully he dated Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio and they can use her full name.

I know about a Hawaiian lady who has a name worth branding his parts with.

You mean Janice Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele?


Lol, that's the wahine I was thinking of...was on my phone and couldn't look up the spelling...thanks AGAIN!
 
2013-09-13 03:48:35 PM
auntjanenation.com
/hot like a fresh brand
 
2013-09-13 05:46:23 PM
 
2013-09-13 07:11:55 PM

ginkor: He actually posted a video of him branding her.  (nsfw, nsfl)


denver.mylittlefacewhen.com
 
2013-09-13 09:23:12 PM

ginkor: He actually posted a video of him branding her.  (nsfw, nsfl)


OH GODS, WHY DID I CLICK THE LINK?

Eye bleach... eye bleach... where's Banned on the Run when you need him?
 
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