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(UPI)   Now there's an even better reason to take a towel to the beach   (upi.com) divider line 81
    More: Sick, regulations, helium balloon  
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19307 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Sep 2013 at 8:08 PM (30 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



81 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-09-12 08:04:15 PM
A towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value - you can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a mini raft down the slow heavy river Moth; wet it for use in hand-to- hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or to avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mindboggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you - daft as a bush, but very ravenous); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal;  you can use it to disguise your sexual excitement at Stockholm's Drevviken beach, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.
 
2013-09-12 08:04:18 PM
You should always know where your towel is.

Always.
 
2013-09-12 08:09:49 PM
I'm not one to support publicly wanking, but sexual assault for doing it seems... Harsh.
 
2013-09-12 08:10:07 PM
To be honest, when your masturbating it's hard to direct it anywhere. I've seen the money shot videos.
 
2013-09-12 08:11:40 PM
Don't forget your towel!
 
2013-09-12 08:12:17 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: You should always know where your towel is.

Always.


"...any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is clearly a man to be reckoned with."
 
2013-09-12 08:12:47 PM
 
2013-09-12 08:14:06 PM
Sodertorn District Court ruled the man could not be convicted of sexual assault because his masturbation was not directed at a specific person

It was a kind of general masturbation directed at society at large.
 
2013-09-12 08:18:02 PM
writermags.files.wordpress.com

I ejaculate in your general direction!
 
2013-09-12 08:19:12 PM

js34603: Don't forget your towel!


....wanna get high?
 
2013-09-12 08:20:06 PM
Anybody wanna get high?
 
2013-09-12 08:20:40 PM
Fap.
 
2013-09-12 08:21:30 PM
github-camo.global.ssl.fastly.net
 
2013-09-12 08:21:37 PM
There's a meaningful difference between masturbating in the presence of someone, and masturbating AT someone, and I'm glad the court recognized that.
 
2013-09-12 08:22:05 PM
If masturbating is a crime, then I should be on death row.
 
2013-09-12 08:23:58 PM
fta the Sodertorn District Court ruled the man could not be convicted of sexual assault because his masturbation was not directed at a specific person,

He got off with poor aim?
 
2013-09-12 08:26:17 PM
i unclog my sex organ in your general direction.
 
2013-09-12 08:27:04 PM

Notabunny: fta the Sodertorn District Court ruled the man could not be convicted of sexual assault because his masturbation was not directed at a specific person,

He got off with poor aim?


I always wondered how people expected to aim when your eyes are rolling to the back of your head.  I mean its not exactly a sniper rifle to begin with.
 
2013-09-12 08:27:46 PM
Good thing I have my Guinness bar towel...


/ and I know where it is
 
2013-09-12 08:28:16 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: You should always know where your towel is.

Always.


You're a really hoopy frood.
 
2013-09-12 08:28:55 PM

orclover: Notabunny: fta the Sodertorn District Court ruled the man could not be convicted of sexual assault because his masturbation was not directed at a specific person,

He got off with poor aim?

I always wondered how people expected to aim when your eyes are rolling to the back of your head.  I mean its not exactly a sniper rifle to begin with.


I have a laser sight mounted on mine.
 
2013-09-12 08:32:39 PM

Treygreen13: I'm not one to support publicly wanking, but sexual assault for doing it seems... Harsh.


This
 
2013-09-12 08:32:53 PM

orclover: Notabunny: fta the Sodertorn District Court ruled the man could not be convicted of sexual assault because his masturbation was not directed at a specific person,

He got off with poor aim?

I always wondered how people expected to aim when your eyes are rolling to the back of your head.  I mean its not exactly a sniper rifle to begin with.


Speak for yourself; i can stick a skank's eyelid shut from 30 yards with a cross-wind.
 
2013-09-12 08:36:00 PM
If sea men are not allowed on the beach, how will they get in their boat?
 
2013-09-12 08:37:16 PM

LoneVVolf: orclover: Notabunny: fta the Sodertorn District Court ruled the man could not be convicted of sexual assault because his masturbation was not directed at a specific person,

He got off with poor aim?

I always wondered how people expected to aim when your eyes are rolling to the back of your head.  I mean its not exactly a sniper rifle to begin with.

Speak for yourself; i can stick a skank's eyelid shut from 30 yards with a cross-wind.


There are only ten fappers in the world who could pull off that shot.
 
2013-09-12 08:38:40 PM
he'll get his cumuppance !
 
2013-09-12 08:41:54 PM

orclover: Notabunny: fta the Sodertorn District Court ruled the man could not be convicted of sexual assault because his masturbation was not directed at a specific person,

He got off with poor aim?

I always wondered how people expected to aim when your eyes are rolling to the back of your head.  I mean its not exactly a sniper rifle to begin with.



If the male urethra was rifled, I wonder what effect that would have?

Sometimes I think I need professional help.
 
2013-09-12 08:42:13 PM
What's with all the seamen on the beach?
 
2013-09-12 08:42:34 PM
This being Fark, I surprised the Hero tag wasn't used.
 
2013-09-12 08:42:48 PM
came for the HHGTTG references, leaving satisfied
 
2013-09-12 08:45:02 PM
No lewd behavior laws?  If he were yanky the cranky and a child were nearby, not spittoon distance but were able to see him, would that be illegal?

Sometimes we have to think past selfish behavior.
 
Ral
2013-09-12 08:47:09 PM
I'm a little worried about the mental stability of a 65-year-old man who does this.  Perhaps the court should have suggested a psychiatric evaluation to rule out early dementia.
 
2013-09-12 08:49:38 PM

TastyEloi: If the male urethra was rifled, I wonder what effect that would have?


Very dizzy sperm and lower birth rates.
 
2013-09-12 08:52:18 PM
the man could not be convicted of sexual assault because his masturbation was not directed at a specific person

I'm gonna rape all of y'all.
 
2013-09-12 08:52:38 PM
d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net

/ I'm sure someone else already beat me to it by now

// here it is anyways.....
 
2013-09-12 08:52:46 PM
I can finally celebrate Bloom's Day without fear of arrest.
 
2013-09-12 08:54:13 PM

Cytokine Storm: LoneVVolf: orclover: Notabunny: fta the Sodertorn District Court ruled the man could not be convicted of sexual assault because his masturbation was not directed at a specific person,

He got off with poor aim?

I always wondered how people expected to aim when your eyes are rolling to the back of your head.  I mean its not exactly a sniper rifle to begin with.

Speak for yourself; i can stick a skank's eyelid shut from 30 yards with a cross-wind.

There are only ten fappers in the world who could pull off that shot.


Back, and to the left.
 
2013-09-12 08:54:40 PM

poot_rootbeer: There's a meaningful difference between masturbating in the presence of someone, and masturbating AT someone, and I'm glad the court recognized that.


Logic and subtlety when applying a law?  There's no way this happened in the U.S., that's for sure.
 
2013-09-12 08:55:30 PM

obamadidcoke: Sodertorn District Court ruled the man could not be convicted of sexual assault because his masturbation was not directed at a specific person

It was a kind of general masturbation directed at society at large.


It helps if you picture society wearing stiletto heels and fishnets stockings.
 
2013-09-12 08:56:10 PM

Bmorrison: came for the HHGTTG references, leaving satisfied


Phrasing!
 
2013-09-12 08:56:41 PM
That actually seems like the last place you'd need a towel when masturbating. All that water to clean off in . . . it actually sounds quite liberating.
 
2013-09-12 08:56:42 PM

RocketCarHead: If masturbating is a crime, then I should be on death row.


"Kill one man, and you are a murderer. Kill millions of men, and you are a conqueror. Kill them all, and you are a god."

I am a masturbating god.
 
2013-09-12 09:02:12 PM
Scandinavian Broads on the Beach........

Next summer it's SWEDEN!!! I can't wait!!!
 
2013-09-12 09:05:48 PM
So, you can go  Yorn desh born, der ritt de gitt der gue, Orn desh, dee born desh, de umn bork! bork! bork! on the beach now?
 
2013-09-12 09:06:53 PM
Hey, you grok that hoopy e lo? Now there's a frood who always knows where his towel is.
 
2013-09-12 09:10:44 PM

e lo: Hey, you grok that hoopy e lo? Now there's a frood who always knows where his towel is.


'Sass', not 'grok'
Heinlein != Adams
 
2013-09-12 09:16:54 PM
FTFA:  "For this to be a criminal offense it's required that the sexual molestation was directed toward one or more people. I think the court's judgment is reasonable," he said.

So, don't forget these:

us.123rf.com
 
2013-09-12 09:24:33 PM

Ral: I'm a little worried about the mental stability of a 65-year-old man who does this.  Perhaps the court should have suggested a psychiatric evaluation to rule out early dementia.


No it sounds like the dementia came at just the right time.
 
2013-09-12 09:29:20 PM

Danger Avoid Death: obamadidcoke: Sodertorn District Court ruled the man could not be convicted of sexual assault because his masturbation was not directed at a specific person

It was a kind of general masturbation directed at society at large.

It helps if you picture society wearing stiletto heels and fishnets stockings.


Society was definitely asking for it
 
2013-09-12 09:32:45 PM
i291.photobucket.com
 
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