OgreMagi: Is it a lingerie photo book? Because that's what I'm interested in.
Ishkur: Too much exposition. First rule of writing: Show, don't tell. Don't internalize the characters' motivations -- express them through action and activity. And always suggest, never explicate.Also, it's very straight and flat. Some didactic imagery couldn't hurt. C'mon, purple up some of that prose. Make the writing fun and engaging. Just look at the first paragraph:"Neal Hassan put away his Blackberry and stood on the curb, looking over the parking lot of the tiny Italian restaurant and waiting patiently for his cab. He had called it twenty minutes ago and provided a time, knowing that the cab's garage was less than five minutes away. He was beginning to wonder what was keeping it. Being so new to Atlanta, he did not know that the hit-and-run accident he seen on his news feed at Woodland Ave and Cheshire Bridge was between him and the cab garage, nor did he understand the mess it was making in traffic there. His cab was caught two cars behind the scene, waiting for police on the scene to clear it to go. "This is a chore to slog through and 80% of it is irrelevant exposition. Why mention an accident (on a specific cross street no less) if it doesn't factor later on in the story? Every scene should set up the next scene or something later on -- employ Checkov's Gun. Think about only that which is essential to telling the story, and then convey it in a much more evocative manner. You can still keep third person omniscient, just don't be so descriptive with it. And this may be just a personal peeve, but I don't like telling the reader things the characters don't know. It's needless exposition that slows the story down. Let the reader into the story and relate to the character, and learn things as they learn them.And don't forget the senses: What does the setting look like (day or night), feel like (sunny or rainy), smell like (wet dog or italian bistro?) What is the character hearing (traffic), seeing (restaurant patrons), feeling (cold or hot -- what is he wearin ...
abhorrent1: You know what I do when I want something? I save up for it. How hard is it to save a grand?
Tellingthem: abhorrent1: You know what I do when I want something? I save up for it. How hard is it to save a grand?But why should you pay for it and take all the risks when you can get money from the internet? If people want to fund her book for her why not? Hell I want to do an art book and if I can get all the funding first and know I can break even before I get them printed that would be amazing. No risk but all reward.
K.B.O. Winston: grammar, spelling, and any word/character/plot choices that jumped out at her as iffy
AverageAmericanGuy: If she makes her targets, she's intending to have the book professionally edited.
NickelP: Who are you
Ishkur: AverageAmericanGuy: If she makes her targets, she's intending to have the book professionally edited.If she hopes to secure donations, it would probably be prudent to put her best work forward, nay?
wanquere: NickelP: Who are youand again.
Livingroom: its like farking PBS in here anymore. i pay $5 so i can get solicited to death.
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