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(Gawker)   And if you're a dick all your life, your obituary will look like this. Tag is for subject's children who now crusade against child abuse   (gawker.com) divider line 24
    More: Hero, child abuses, Reno Gazette-Journal  
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30817 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Sep 2013 at 10:45 PM (44 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-09-10 10:58:10 PM
5 votes:
Reminded me of this gem...
img.photobucket.com
2013-09-10 10:47:59 PM
5 votes:
NO MORE WIRE HANGERS EVER!!!!!
2013-09-10 10:57:51 PM
4 votes:
If you're a dick your whole life, you come back as Seth Rogen's anal beads.
2013-09-10 11:11:37 PM
3 votes:
It's too bad it was probably written by jimmy kimmel..
2013-09-11 01:17:33 AM
2 votes:

Victoly: ...so that any time someone wanted to talk to him, they'd have no more than to find the nearest bathroom.

/ Because of the interconnected sewer system, you see


Down here, we all float.
2013-09-11 12:07:06 AM
2 votes:

ceebeecates4: Whats heroic about libeling the dead?

I would venture that the apples don't fall very far from the tree.  Her children are spiteful enough to pay for a nasty obituary, but can't be bothered to proofread their drivel.

Maybe the kids aren't abusive, but they aren't heroes.


Dude, she's not going to Fark you.
2013-09-11 08:25:50 AM
1 votes:
Can we hire these people to write Dick Cheney's Obit.
2013-09-11 04:02:01 AM
1 votes:

zzrhardy: Good people confront evil, cowards will wait until it dies.


So you are saying it's better to murder abusive family members?
2013-09-11 02:08:01 AM
1 votes:
Some of these families should put engraved spittoons instead of headstones on the graves of some of these psychos.
2013-09-11 12:44:00 AM
1 votes:

ceebeecates4: Whats heroic about libeling the dead?

I would venture that the apples don't fall very far from the tree.  Her children are spiteful enough to pay for a nasty obituary, but can't be bothered to proofread their drivel.

Maybe the kids aren't abusive, but they aren't heroes.


Why do people always say things like this? Being dead doesn't make any better or worse a person than you were when you were alive. Granted that is a really passive-aggressive way of giving mom a ginormous FU but if we have to hear that every other dead person was the beloved personification of perfection who ought to be beatified, maybe this will help balance that BS out. And while we are at it--don't get all freaking crazy about how your dead person is getting to heaven: Betty Johnson rode a unicorn over the rainbow and through the Milky Way to sit with Jesus and the Beatles.....no she didn't. She just died.
2013-09-11 12:39:36 AM
1 votes:
I had an uncle who died when I was a young teen. He was one of a dozen siblings, and he was the first of the family to go. He was also a hateful, rotten bastard.

Not a single one of his siblings had a nice thing to say about him at his funeral. His kids expressed little remorse at his passing. His father-- a devout Quaker-- was certain he'd be judged by God. His mother was the only person to speak well of him, and it was only referring to him when he was a child, before he became a total asshole.

All his nephews and nieces had unkind things to say about him. His cousins didn't even show up. His aunts and uncles didn't show up, either (though most were pretty old at the time, so that might have had something to do with it). His wife cried crocodile tears, but it was pretty obvious she was doing it out of a sense of requirement more than a real feeling of loss.

And all these years later, the whole family still pauses to say "good riddance" to my uncle when we remember his passing. He was a miserable creep.

So yes, it is entirely possible for a person to be so completely rotten that even his own family hates his guts and is relieved when he finally dies.
2013-09-11 12:13:07 AM
1 votes:

Coco LaFemme: CSS time


i dated a man whose father was abusive, and it marked his every thought and action. i hope your boyfriend finds peace.
2013-09-11 12:03:09 AM
1 votes:

farkingismybusiness: NO MORE WIRE HANGERS EVER!!!!!


My mother chickened out of my (illegal) abortion.  My father beat her up for not going through with it.  My relationships with them didn't really go uphill from there.  However, I was luckier than my sister.  At 51, I can still vividly see the image of my sister's back covered in welts.  I tried gently putting moisturizer on it, then pressure, then butter (hell, I didn't know what I was doing, and I certainly wasn't going to ask them), and eventually found that ice cubes seemed to reduce the pain a little.  It was 42 years ago, and believe me, my sister remembers it much more vividly than me; I'm the one they hated less.  When people find out that we've been estranged from our parents for almost 30 years, they occasionally make statements such as, "well, you always have to love and/or forgive your parents."  No, not really.  The grim nostalgia that we share is that we are each others' only witness.

If you find this unbelievable, congratulations on your good fortune.
2013-09-10 11:56:42 PM
1 votes:

MatrixOutsider: jimpoz: [i.imgur.com image 588x782]

September 30, 2013? A newspaper from the future? Please give us the lottery numbers and stocks section.


Reds overtake the Cardinals and the Pirates in the NL Central.

After killing Hank and Skylar, Walter White gets shot in the neck by Jesse, having left the ricin in his other pants that day. He lives out his days in a wheelchair in Hector's nursing home, but refuses to use a bell to communicate.

Miley Cyrus checks into Betty Ford.

And there's a big thunderstorm on the 29th, so don't forget your umbrella.
2013-09-10 11:47:44 PM
1 votes:

MatrixOutsider: September 30, 2013? A newspaper from the future? Please give us the lottery numbers and stocks section.


It doesn't say thats the date of the newspaper, it says that's the date of death.  Clearly the kids are planning on killing her that day.
2013-09-10 11:40:30 PM
1 votes:

jimpoz: [i.imgur.com image 588x782]


September 30, 2013? A newspaper from the future? Please give us the lottery numbers and stocks section.
2013-09-10 11:38:20 PM
1 votes:
Nobody has done this yet? Really?

southparkstudios.mtvnimages.com
2013-09-10 11:33:53 PM
1 votes:
showbizgeek.com
I miss ya, ma. Rest in Peace.
2013-09-10 11:17:42 PM
1 votes:
One day at work, I was talking about buying a case of Milwaukee's Best Ice, drinking it, at pissing on my sister's grave when she died. A coworker chimed in saying that 'when my mother dies, I'm going to flush her ashes down the toilet so she can swim around with all the other turds. But not at my house. I'm gonna do it someplace real special, like Taco Bell.'s.pixogs.com
2013-09-10 11:15:59 PM
1 votes:
AverageAmericanGuy:

BTW, if anyone's actually listening to SpdrJay, this is actually a core Scientology dogma and practice.

It's called Disconnection, and it attempts to separate an initiate from people that care about him in order to prevent the "bad" influence of those people on him.


It's called shunning and it wasn't Scientologists who invented it.
2013-09-10 11:11:48 PM
1 votes:
I am all about respecting my elders but even assholes grow old. Thankfully none of my family led me to write this obit, but many have farked up families. This might have been therapeutic to just goddamn say it once the evil biatch was gone. No harm to me or you, and they got it off their chest, with no illusions of an angel passed. They can move on and up.
2013-09-10 10:49:39 PM
1 votes:
Yeah, but I won't give a shiat. I plan to remain in death as I am in life - unfeeling, uncaring, and cold.
2013-09-10 10:46:26 PM
1 votes:
Whats heroic about libeling the dead?

I would venture that the apples don't fall very far from the tree.  Her children are spiteful enough to pay for a nasty obituary, but can't be bothered to proofread their drivel.

Maybe the kids aren't abusive, but they aren't heroes.
NFA [TotalFark]
2013-09-10 10:11:31 PM
1 votes:
A friend of mine was duped out of a huge inheritance (from his birth family) by his stepfather.  He told his stepfather he plans to cremate him and pour his ashes into the septic tank.  He WILL do it.
 
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