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(Business Insider)   An unofficial guide to being a man from the men who are destroying America one 401k at a time   (businessinsider.com) divider line 197
    More: Interesting, public toilets  
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11385 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Sep 2013 at 3:21 PM (43 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



197 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-09-10 03:18:14 PM
- Always need be at the gym in 26 minutes.
 
2013-09-10 03:21:36 PM
"Be able to make a living without ripping off Americans and endangering the financial future of the US" obviously missing
 
2013-09-10 03:25:49 PM
I never thought I'd see something from a banker and be like "YES, THANK YOU" but #StopItWithTheHashTags did it for me.
 
2013-09-10 03:26:35 PM
 
2013-09-10 03:26:56 PM
More like Guide to Being a Douche.

/except, really... #StopItWithTheHashTags, douche.
 
2013-09-10 03:29:01 PM
"drink all the time in different locations and spend money on shiat to impress women".  got it.
 
2013-09-10 03:29:48 PM
If I followed this one

"Never date an ex of your friend."

I wouldn't be married to the amazing woman that is my wife.

This is good advice though "Act like you've been there before.  It doesn't matter if it's in the end zone at the Super Bowl or on a private plane."

It is absolutely ridiculous how much a person can get away with if they just act like they should be there.

The rest is rather douchetastic.
 
2013-09-10 03:30:37 PM
Holy shiat, there's some serious douchebag behavior in there.

If you want a nice umbrella, bring a sh*tty one to church.

"Hey, if you're going to steal, steal from a church!"

Pretty women who are unaccompanied want you to talk to them.

"We're serious, it's not creepy at all.  It works all the time in the movies and you won't look like some lounge lizard on the make."

Throw parties. But have someone else clean up the next day.

"Cleaning up is for the little people, or perhaps the blacks."

Place-dropping is worse than-name dropping.

They're equally douchey, and by the way nice hyphen placement.

Join Twitter; become your own curator of information.

Jesus Christ, Twitter?  That home for the self-important 13-year-old who can't stop talking?  Whoever wrote this is an idiot.
 
2013-09-10 03:30:45 PM
Oh so this is written by the members of the Obama administration?
 
2013-09-10 03:31:41 PM
consume, CONSUME,  CONSUME

Seriously, though, "If riding the bus doesn't incentivize you to improve your station in life, nothing will"? I love taking the bus. It's nice to get to the office without already hating the world each morning from the hell that is other drivers.
 
2013-09-10 03:31:45 PM
i466.photobucket.com
 
2013-09-10 03:31:55 PM
Buy expensive sunglasses.  Superficial? Yes, but so are the women judging you. And it tells these women you appreciate nice things and are responsible enough not to lose them.

I don't really want to tell these women anything.
 
2013-09-10 03:31:55 PM
 
2013-09-10 03:32:28 PM
henlien-
  a wise man can find his pants in the dark
 
2013-09-10 03:33:07 PM
Time is too short to do your own laundry.

Laundry doesn't take very long if you're not some dumbass who wears EVERYTHING you own before deciding to start.
 
2013-09-10 03:33:51 PM
He's trying to sound like this guy:

www.davidwygant.com

He's coming across like this guy:

cdn.uproxx.com
 
2013-09-10 03:34:01 PM
Happy Birthday child I have ignored and left at home when I go to brunch.  Here's 21 cases of wine for your 21st birthday. . .
 
2013-09-10 03:34:45 PM
Lots of successful people hate in here.
 
2013-09-10 03:35:18 PM
Be a regular at more than one bar.

Nailed it.
 
2013-09-10 03:36:04 PM
I'm a man because I don't let some jackass from a magazine or website tell me what to do.
 
2013-09-10 03:36:43 PM

The Third Man: If you want a nice umbrella, bring a sh*tty one to church.

"Hey, if you're going to steal, steal from a church!"


Okay, I read that and thought "maybe I am just too low brow and female to get this, but I am pretty sure they are suggesting you steal an umbrella from church."

Which is strange, considering they advise people to pay too much for sunglasses.  Maybe save a little on the glasses and buy an umbrella?
(And by the way, as a woman, I'd have no idea if your sunglasses cost $300 from a fancy store or $3.99 from the Shell station, so that's not going to impress me.  Also, if I'm alone, odds are I don't want anyone to talk to me, even if he's wearing fancy and expensive sunglasses.)

I agree with everyone on "Act like you've been there before" - which is a variant on the one I always use, which is "act like you belong there." That is actually good advice and can save your ass a plenty. That said, if you can't act like you belong somewhere, get out as quickly and gracefully as possible, and spare yourself and everyone else the discomfort.
 
2013-09-10 03:38:28 PM
Place-dropping is worse than-name dropping.

So I can't tell people about the time I was playing ping-pong in Din Daeng with Jackie Chan?
 
2013-09-10 03:38:39 PM
The best public restrooms are in hotels: The St. Regis in New York, Claridge's in London, The Fullerton in Singapore, to name a few.

ok...

It's better if old men cut your hair.  Ask for Sammy at the Mandarin Oriental Barbershop in Hong Kong.
Mmhmm...

Place-dropping is worse than-name dropping.
Well what the hell
 
2013-09-10 03:38:43 PM
I see nothing wrong with a bunch of these. Some of them are for d-bags. But a lot of the drinking ones are good.

"People are tired of you being the funny, drunk guy. "
NEVER!!!

/almost always out after midnight
 
2013-09-10 03:39:21 PM
I thought that "Never say 'it is what it is'" was perfect!

Stop saying it, wannabe victim.

Stop it!
 
2013-09-10 03:40:12 PM
I did buy really expensive sunglasses, but since they're my regular glasses, I guess that probably doesn't count.
 
2013-09-10 03:41:11 PM
Fairly accurate guide to having a blast in NYC in your 20s and 30s.  Which is probably whom it was mostly curated from.

I'm guessing the "ignore the boos" one will be applicable to this thread.
 
2013-09-10 03:41:29 PM

serpent_sky: Also, if I'm alone, odds are I don't want anyone to talk to me, even if he's wearing fancy and expensive sunglasses.)


This was dudebro advice to other dudebros. Women are things to be conquered. Your wishes to be left alone are irrelevant. Unless you're ugly/lesbian/feminist/uppity, in which case GTFO.
 
2013-09-10 03:41:37 PM

serpent_sky: Which is strange, considering they advise people to pay too much for sunglasses.  Maybe save a little on the glasses and buy an umbrella?


Why buy the glasses at all, just steal those too...
 
2013-09-10 03:42:05 PM
Reads like something out of Esquire
 
2013-09-10 03:42:06 PM
That list is way too long. It's only redeeming quality is that they didn't make it into a slide show.
 
2013-09-10 03:42:08 PM
Don't ever say, "it is what it is."

I hated the phrase even before I had a manager dissolve our department with this pathetic bullshiat.
 
2013-09-10 03:43:24 PM
1. Be rich.
2. Don't be not rich.
 
2013-09-10 03:43:38 PM
Missing: If you want to run cool, you have to run on heavy fuel.

cache.vevo.com

My life makes perfect sense
Lust and food and violence
Sex and money are my major kicks
Get me in a fight I like dirty tricks
 
2013-09-10 03:44:06 PM
What the authors may look like:

static.rogerebert.com
 
2013-09-10 03:44:15 PM
I thought it was a pretty good list, not too much doucheiness. I picked the following as good advice.

Do 50 push-ups, sit-ups, and dips before you shower each morning.

No selfies. Aspire to experience photo-worthy moments

Ask for a salad instead of fries

Buy a tuxedo before you are thirty. Stay that size.

You may only request one song from the DJ

When you admire the work of artists or writers, tell them. And spend money to acquire their work

Don't use the word "closure" or ever expect it in real life. There may still be a mortally wounded Russian mobster roaming the woods of south Jersey, but we'll never know.

Avoid that "last" whiskey. You've probably had enough.

You cannot have a love affair with whiskey because whiskey will never love you back.

Read more. It allows you to borrow someone else's brain, and will make you more interesting at a dinner party - provided that you don't initiate conversation with, "So, who are you reading..."

Ignore the boos. They usually come from the cheap seats. ( and TF'ers)
 
2013-09-10 03:44:47 PM

Daniels: Fairly accurate guide to having a blast in NYC in your 20s and 30s.  Which is probably whom it was mostly curated from.

I'm guessing the "ignore the boos" one will be applicable to this thread.


They're all cheep seats on Fark.

/Yes even the TFs.
 
2013-09-10 03:45:45 PM
you will regret not getting tattoos.
 
2013-09-10 03:46:08 PM

Lotion_Motion: I thought that "Never say 'it is what it is'" was perfect!

Stop saying it, wannabe victim.

Stop it!


Hrm, I tend to use it as a "well, it is what it is" when nothing can be changed at that time and I don't feel like spending any more time discussing or dealing with something that cannot be changed or fixed right then (or maybe ever.)  It's a good way to say "I've accepted this" either just for yourself or to those who want to carry it on.

And sometimes, you need to hear it.

Recently, I was freaking out about something that was entirely out of my control and my boyfriend said, "it is what it is. Do you want to keep being upset? Or can we try something else?" And he was right.

Sometimes, it really IS what it is, and that's the plain, simple truth. Sometimes, it's best to just acknowledge the truth and set about new ways and new ideas.
 
2013-09-10 03:47:32 PM

optimus_grime: you will regret not getting tattoos.


Right, because that full sleeve  will make you look so professional.
 
2013-09-10 03:47:41 PM

Thats_right_ALL_the_tea: I never thought I'd see something from a banker and be like "YES, THANK YOU" but #StopItWithTheHashTags did it for me.


"#StopItWithTheHastags"
 
2013-09-10 03:47:41 PM

optimus_grime: you will regret not getting tattoos.


Lacking the sentimentality gene, I won't.
 
2013-09-10 03:47:41 PM

Outrageous Muff: Lots of successful people hate in here.


Meh. Expensive sunglasses ARE stupid.

Unless you go hiking a lot. Then they're only marginally stupid.
 
2013-09-10 03:48:03 PM
HOW TO BE A MAN DEEMED ACCEPTABLE BY MALE SOCIETY

1. Be loud.
2. Be reckless.
3. Be stupid.
4. Be violent.
5. Be misogynistic.
6. Be uncouth.
7. Be drunk.
8. Want for nothing more than for society to revert to hunter-gatherer days.

Did I miss anything?
 
2013-09-10 03:48:19 PM
Most of that was spot on.  Old school...not the stuff of douchetastic bromances.
 
2013-09-10 03:48:28 PM
Missing: have an XY chromosome set. Sick of these "be a man" lists. Do what you want, but don't be a prick. Try and do a little more than the minimum. Be extra nice because people are going through shiat you can't imagine, even elitist pricks... Although some people deserve being taken down a notch, you're probably not the one to do it; it'll take care of itself.
 
2013-09-10 03:48:37 PM
How to be an enormous douche who doesn't realize he has no close friends.
 
2013-09-10 03:48:42 PM

megarian: Meh. Expensive sunglasses ARE stupid.

Unless you go hiking a lot. Then they're only marginally stupid.


But dudes with expensive sunglasses have the money to buy you booze and drugs.
 
2013-09-10 03:49:10 PM

megarian: Outrageous Muff: Lots of successful people hate in here.

Meh. Expensive sunglasses ARE stupid.

Unless you go hiking a lot. Then they're only marginally stupid.


Or you spend time out on the ocean and live in a state that's bright as hell.
 
2013-09-10 03:50:32 PM
As much as I hate to admit it, after 40 years of living, I agree with more than half of what I read on that list (did not have time to read it all).
 
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