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(International Business Times)   '50 Shades of Grey' film won't have graphic sex scenes   (ibtimes.com) divider line 46
    More: Stupid, Shades of Grey, Dakota Johnson, romantic drama, E.L. James, teaser trailer, sex scene, rumors, Sons Of Anarchy  
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2577 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 10 Sep 2013 at 12:56 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



46 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-09-10 12:30:24 PM
Are we gonna have to live through 5 more years of this crap?
 
2013-09-10 12:59:57 PM
It'll have a steamy 80s saxophone solo instead.
 
2013-09-10 01:00:21 PM
Begun, the Soccer Mom rage, has..
 
2013-09-10 01:01:04 PM
Ah, so they're just going to base the script on the amazing writing and storytelling then
 
2013-09-10 01:02:58 PM
It will just be 40 minutes of awkward pauses and glances that cuts to a scene where the lead actress looks emotionally and physically fulfilled. They'll need an intermission just to mop up the floor half way through.
 
2013-09-10 01:03:38 PM
What people who haven't read this book don't understand is that it's not so much about the sex as the fact that the reader is beaten about the head with how handsome and attractive Christian Grey is.
 
2013-09-10 01:06:36 PM
I still think it'll end up PG-13 by the time they release it.
 
2013-09-10 01:06:49 PM

Nurglitch: What people who haven't read this book don't understand is that it's not so much about the sex as the fact that the reader is beaten about the head with how handsome and attractive Christian Grey is.


Why would we have to understand something about a book we haven't read, hate and don't want to know anything about?

Sorry, but your attempt at elitism / superiority just failed. And embarrassed you since you apparently read that shiat.
 
2013-09-10 01:08:21 PM
With the current Hollywood attitude of kowtowing to prudish foreign markets I wouldn't be surprised if it was rated PG-13 and involved vigorous hand-holding and 'Psycho' style editing of the spanking scenes.
 
2013-09-10 01:10:23 PM
Neither did the books, really.
 
2013-09-10 01:16:56 PM

Ishkur: It'll have a steamy 80s saxophone solo instead.


I was thinking Yackety Sax.
 
2013-09-10 01:18:36 PM

Saiga410: Ishkur: It'll have a steamy 80s saxophone solo instead.

I was thinking Yackety Sax.


Sped up like the 3 way in Clockwork Orange too.
 
2013-09-10 01:43:04 PM

Ishkur: It'll have a steamy 80s saxophone solo instead.


Careless Whisper on continuous loop?
 
2013-09-10 01:45:32 PM

MysticSavage: Ishkur: It'll have a steamy 80s saxophone solo instead.

Careless Whisper on continuous loop?


How about Take 5.... though that is usaully lead by clarinet.
 
2013-09-10 01:47:59 PM
50 Shades of Grey, aka the kiddie version of Kink.com
 
2013-09-10 01:48:53 PM
then, what's the point?
 
2013-09-10 02:21:14 PM
NC-17 is the kiss of death. It absolutely guarantees box office failure. So this comes as no surprise. Much like my wife, when I thrust my purple-headed warrior into her quivering mound of love pudding.
 
2013-09-10 02:22:23 PM

Saiga410: Ishkur: It'll have a steamy 80s saxophone solo instead.

I was thinking Yackety Sax.


I'm game for "One Step Beyond".  That would be Madness, I tell you.
 
2013-09-10 02:31:09 PM
Oh well.

Can't say that I'm surprised.
 
2013-09-10 02:39:12 PM
I really hope the producers cast Betty White and Danny Glover for the lead roles.

/didn't read the books
 
2013-09-10 02:53:46 PM

rocky_howard: Nurglitch: What people who haven't read this book don't understand is that it's not so much about the sex as the fact that the reader is beaten about the head with how handsome and attractive Christian Grey is.

Why would we have to understand something about a book we haven't read, hate and don't want to know anything about?

Sorry, but your attempt at elitism / superiority just failed. And embarrassed you since you apparently read that shiat.


That's the third time today I've been accused of elitism. And this time for parroting what I heard in an interview on the radio? Am I wearing a shirt that says: "Jump to Conclusions!?"
 
2013-09-10 02:54:17 PM
I predict a bunch of headlines about how the producers were all tied up, but then carefully cut the sexiest, sexy sex scenes to avoid the NC-17 rating. After this careful massage of the R rules, they will trumpet their achievements as bold thrusts against censorship by the MPAA.

Then they'll release the uncut/director's cut on DVD, giving them double penetration of revenues.
 
2013-09-10 02:54:26 PM
i78.photobucket.com
"Pfffft.  Amateurs."


 
2013-09-10 02:59:14 PM
Well of course not. If they actually showed what happens, rather than writing it in awful metaphors they would scare off the audience of desperate middle aged women who read the book.
 
2013-09-10 03:07:27 PM
Then what's the point?
 
2013-09-10 03:07:36 PM

Rann Xerox: [i78.photobucket.com image 396x594]
"Pfffft.  Amateurs."


So. Much.  Want.
 
2013-09-10 03:08:24 PM

IdBeCrazyIf: 50 Shades of Grey, aka the kiddie version of The Sleeping Beauty Trilogy


FTF everyone.

/would watch a Sleeping Beauty Trilogy porn.
//have not read 50 Shades, don't care to either.
 
2013-09-10 03:09:37 PM

envirovore: /would watch a Sleeping Beauty Trilogy porn.
//have not read 50 Shades, don't care to either.


I would as well if this person were cast

Rann Xerox: [i78.photobucket.com image 396x594]


Good god I would slam that so hard China would feel the impact
 
2013-09-10 03:18:36 PM
I'll wait for the DVD and get the Gilbert Gottfried commentary track.
 
2013-09-10 03:24:00 PM

Rann Xerox: [i78.photobucket.com image 396x594]
"Pfffft.  Amateurs."


Three things:

1.- I love Sasha Grey
2.- I love how a porn actress that has not GIGANTIC BOOBS/ASS has become so big a porn star
3.- 50 Shades of Sasha Grey. Make it happen.
 
2013-09-10 03:25:26 PM
Also, 50 Shades of Grey started as a Twilight fanfic. Are you sure you wanna read/see that?.
 
2013-09-10 03:29:39 PM

Rann Xerox: [i78.photobucket.com image 396x594]
"Pfffft.  Amateurs."


You know, I like her moxie.  I wouldn't do what she does, but I do like that she goes for it with gusto.  She won't just let three guys fark her in the ass, she'll have all three guys fark her in the ass at the same time.  She has balls, that girl.  Well, she doesn't have them, so much as shoves them in her mouth, but you know what I mean.
 
2013-09-10 03:43:23 PM
Someone linked this in the last thread about the 50 Shades movie. If you don't want to read the book (and who does really?), at least go read this: http://jennytrout.wordpress.com/jenny-reads-50-shades-of-grey/. It will give you the gist, lots of quality criticism of the book, and is farking hilarious.
 
2013-09-10 03:47:18 PM

Nurglitch: What people who haven't read this book don't understand is that it's not so much about the sex as the fact that the reader is beaten about the head with how handsome and attractive Christian Grey is.


Yep.  Which is why they should have cast Derek Zoolander as the lead.  Derek is ridiculously good-looking.

/maybe he could even unleash Magnum in the movie...!
 
2013-09-10 03:48:10 PM
I think it's time for Disney/Pixar to take over this project and do it right!
 
2013-09-10 04:37:20 PM
willkesling.com

4.bp.blogspot.com

If we can't get 50 Shades of Sasha Gray, can we get these instead?
 
2013-09-10 04:51:11 PM
If they had any intention of making the film true to the book, they'd have started by casting Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart.
 
2013-09-10 05:23:51 PM

Oerath: Someone linked this in the last thread about the 50 Shades movie. If you don't want to read the book (and who does really?), at least go read this: http://jennytrout.wordpress.com/jenny-reads-50-shades-of-grey/. It will give you the gist, lots of quality criticism of the book, and is farking hilarious.


tl;dr

Here's the Cole's Notes version:

#: of occurrences of literary device

41: characters roll their eyes
35: Ana bites her lip
16: Christian's lips "quirk up"
17: Christian "cocks his head to one side"
15: characters "purse" their lips
50: characters raise their eyebrows
80: references to Ana's anthropomorphic "subconscious"
58: references to Ana's "inner goddess"
92: Ana saying some form of "oh crap" (including "holy crap", "double crap", or "triple crap").
81: Ana says "Jeez"
72: Ana says "oh my"
125: Ana "blushes" or "flushes" (including 13 that are "scarlet," 6 that are "crimson," and one that is "stars and stripes red.")
13: Ana "peeks up" at Christian
9: references to Christian's "hooded eyes"
7: references to Christians "long index finger"
25: references to how "hot" Christian is (including 4: "He's so freaking hot.")
10: Christian's "mouth presses into a hard line"
199: characters "murmur"
49: characters "mutter"
195: characters "whisper"
21: characters "clamber" on/in/out of things
34: characters "smirk"
46: characters "gasp"
18: "breath hitches"
124: "grins"
124 "frowns"
And orgasms are always described as intense, body-shattering, delicious, violent, all-consuming, turbulent, agonizing and exhausting

And this is only book one.
 
2013-09-10 06:01:20 PM

Ishkur: And this is only book one.


You forgot to count "Signs She's In An Abusive Relationship," "Number of Times She Didn't Actually Give Consent" and "Number of Hints That She Has Anorexia."
 
2013-09-10 07:21:52 PM
Could they attempt the most sexually charged movie with no nudity at all? Think the stairs scene in History of Violence or the sex scene in Enemy at the Gates.
 
2013-09-10 08:26:13 PM

Ishkur: Oerath: Someone linked this in the last thread about the 50 Shades movie. If you don't want to read the book (and who does really?), at least go read this: http://jennytrout.wordpress.com/jenny-reads-50-shades-of-grey/. It will give you the gist, lots of quality criticism of the book, and is farking hilarious.

tl;dr

Here's the Cole's Notes version:

#: of occurrences of literary device

41: characters roll their eyes
35: Ana bites her lip
16: Christian's lips "quirk up"
17: Christian "cocks his head to one side"
15: characters "purse" their lips
50: characters raise their eyebrows
80: references to Ana's anthropomorphic "subconscious"
58: references to Ana's "inner goddess"
92: Ana saying some form of "oh crap" (including "holy crap", "double crap", or "triple crap").
81: Ana says "Jeez"
72: Ana says "oh my"
125: Ana "blushes" or "flushes" (including 13 that are "scarlet," 6 that are "crimson," and one that is "stars and stripes red.")
13: Ana "peeks up" at Christian
9: references to Christian's "hooded eyes"
7: references to Christians "long index finger"
25: references to how "hot" Christian is (including 4: "He's so freaking hot.")
10: Christian's "mouth presses into a hard line"
199: characters "murmur"
49: characters "mutter"
195: characters "whisper"
21: characters "clamber" on/in/out of things
34: characters "smirk"
46: characters "gasp"
18: "breath hitches"
124: "grins"
124 "frowns"
And orgasms are always described as intense, body-shattering, delicious, violent, all-consuming, turbulent, agonizing and exhausting

And this is only book one.


You're welcome :D

It's the best set of reviews (with gifs!) I've ever read of that triple pile of crap.
 
2013-09-10 09:09:05 PM
Relevant:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5K1RcKJVbHA
 
2013-09-11 12:22:44 AM

LeroyBourne: Saiga410: Ishkur: It'll have a steamy 80s saxophone solo instead.

I was thinking Yackety Sax.

Sped up like the 3 way in Clockwork Orange too.


That movie was pretty tame compared to the book. The threeway in the book was a rape scene, and the girls were 10.
 
2013-09-11 01:37:33 AM
I'm betting the sex scenes Charlie Hunnam did on Queer As Folk 15 years ago are far more graphic than anything which will be shot for these films
 
2013-09-11 08:51:15 AM

Rann Xerox: [i78.photobucket.com image 396x594]
"Pfffft.  Amateurs."


Ok, I guess I'm out of the loop.  Who is that?
 
2013-09-11 11:22:59 AM

proximo: Rann Xerox: [i78.photobucket.com image 396x594]
"Pfffft.  Amateurs."

Ok, I guess I'm out of the loop.  Who is that?


Sasha Grey.  GIS is your friend....... or enemy if you google her at your place of employment without adequate safety measures.
 
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