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(Daily Record (UK))   The ten most terrifying words in Scotland are: "I'm from America and I'm here to educate your children"   (dailyrecord.co.uk) divider line 63
    More: Interesting, Scotland, Church of Christ, East Kilbride, education in Scotland, jesus, elementary schools  
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2453 clicks; posted to Politics » on 09 Sep 2013 at 10:16 AM (43 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



63 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-09-09 09:11:01 AM
One of the church members, Evelyn Galvan Graciano, 22, from Mexico, describes Scotland as "a place full of darkness and emptiness that is in a big need of Jesus".

Look, I'll grant you Glasgow, but...
 
2013-09-09 09:16:46 AM

God Is My Co-Pirate: One of the church members, Evelyn Galvan Graciano, 22, from Mexico, describes Scotland as "a place full of darkness and emptiness that is in a big need of Jesus".

Look, I'll grant you Glasgow, but...


I believe the Scots' standard response to that is "Fok you you fokking fokker!"
 
2013-09-09 09:19:32 AM
out of a population of 5.1million, Scotland has only 700 practising Christians.

Listen, you need a better sample than just the vicars near closing time at the local

/what the hell is is practising anyway.
 
2013-09-09 10:18:17 AM
Evangelical Christians are okay.

The fact that we haven't rounded them up and placed them all into re-education camps is not.
 
2013-09-09 10:20:22 AM

baka-san: out of a population of 5.1million, Scotland has only 700 practising Christians.

Listen, you need a better sample than just the vicars near closing time at the local

/what the hell is is practising anyway.


The cynical part of me would say "paying". But I believe it means "attending church".
 
2013-09-09 10:22:28 AM
I haven't watched his show in a while, but I wonder what Craig Ferguson would have to say about this.
 
2013-09-09 10:22:36 AM

baka-san: out of a population of 5.1million, Scotland has only 700 practising Christians.

Listen, you need a better sample than just the vicars near closing time at the local

/what the hell is is practising anyway.


What they mean to say is "700 people who practice Christianity as bumblefark hicks from Alabama practice it."
 
2013-09-09 10:27:11 AM

Obama's Reptiloid Master: baka-san: out of a population of 5.1million, Scotland has only 700 practising Christians.

Listen, you need a better sample than just the vicars near closing time at the local

/what the hell is is practising anyway.

What they mean to say is "700 people who practice Christianity as bumblefark hicks from Alabama practice it."


700? Are they all in a club?  Are they not counting Catholics as Christians?
 
2013-09-09 10:28:32 AM
Like the Scots care. Pfffttt.

They'll tell these self-righteous morons to go fark themselves and proceed to get smashed at the local while watching some obscure sport where large men pound each other into the ground.
 
2013-09-09 10:28:37 AM
i2.dailyrecord.co.uk

"I'm here for the children!"
 
2013-09-09 10:28:52 AM

orclover: 700? Are they all in a club?  Are they not counting Catholics as Christians?


Only the Wee Frees.
 
2013-09-09 10:29:04 AM

orclover: Obama's Reptiloid Master: baka-san: out of a population of 5.1million, Scotland has only 700 practising Christians.

Listen, you need a better sample than just the vicars near closing time at the local

/what the hell is is practising anyway.

What they mean to say is "700 people who practice Christianity as bumblefark hicks from Alabama practice it."

700? Are they all in a club?  Are they not counting Catholics as Christians?


I don't think there are 700 Protestants worldwide who count Catholics as Christians
 
2013-09-09 10:29:12 AM

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: God Is My Co-Pirate: One of the church members, Evelyn Galvan Graciano, 22, from Mexico, describes Scotland as "a place full of darkness and emptiness that is in a big need of Jesus".

Look, I'll grant you Glasgow, but...

I believe the Scots' standard response to that is "Fok you you fokking fokker!"


More like "Take off ya wee bastard".
 
2013-09-09 10:32:07 AM
I'd hate for these cultists to meet Lord Summerisle.
 
2013-09-09 10:33:26 AM

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: God Is My Co-Pirate: One of the church members, Evelyn Galvan Graciano, 22, from Mexico, describes Scotland as "a place full of darkness and emptiness that is in a big need of Jesus".

Look, I'll grant you Glasgow, but...

I believe the Scots' standard response to that is "Fok you you fokking fokker!"


Replace the "y"s with "j"s and you have it in Afrikaaans, on the dot.
 
2013-09-09 10:34:19 AM
Prob. still better than the 'education' they would get in the U.S. sadly.
 
2013-09-09 10:38:04 AM
i4.dailyrecord.co.uk
Newsflash: Elephant Boy Found! Brainwashing Kids!
 
2013-09-09 10:41:48 AM
And they tricked the kids into helping to raise money to build a church. This incident would've been a lot funnier if they tried this shiat in Pakistan, or at least a heavily Catholic part of Belfast.
 
2013-09-09 10:46:35 AM
The chickens come home to roost?
 
2013-09-09 10:48:16 AM
I thought the ten most terrifying words were "I'm sorry laddie, but we are all out of beer".
 
2013-09-09 10:50:17 AM

orclover: Obama's Reptiloid Master: baka-san: out of a population of 5.1million, Scotland has only 700 practising Christians.

Listen, you need a better sample than just the vicars near closing time at the local

/what the hell is is practising anyway.

What they mean to say is "700 people who practice Christianity as bumblefark hicks from Alabama practice it."

700? Are they all in a club?  Are they not counting Catholics as Christians?


Read a Chick tract or two.  According to these hayseeds everyone who isn't one of them is working for Satan.
 
2013-09-09 10:52:39 AM

Flappyhead: orclover: Obama's Reptiloid Master: baka-san: out of a population of 5.1million, Scotland has only 700 practising Christians.

Listen, you need a better sample than just the vicars near closing time at the local

/what the hell is is practising anyway.

What they mean to say is "700 people who practice Christianity as bumblefark hicks from Alabama practice it."

700? Are they all in a club?  Are they not counting Catholics as Christians?

Read a Chick tract or two.  According to these hayseeds everyone who isn't one of them is working for Satan.


That's just what Satan WANTS them to believe.
 
2013-09-09 10:54:08 AM
It's a diversion from their real purpose -- the importing of poisonous snakes into Scotland. Once the cult get a root, there'll be snake worshiping on Sunday night.

images.christianpost.com
 
2013-09-09 10:56:39 AM

BitwiseShift: It's a diversion from their real purpose -- the importing of poisonous snakes into Scotland. Once the cult get a root, there'll be snake worshiping on Sunday night.

[images.christianpost.com image 774x599]


Wonder if he lost that arm to a snakebite?
 
2013-09-09 10:58:14 AM

phalamir: orclover: Obama's Reptiloid Master: baka-san: out of a population of 5.1million, Scotland has only 700 practising Christians.

Listen, you need a better sample than just the vicars near closing time at the local

/what the hell is is practising anyway.

What they mean to say is "700 people who practice Christianity as bumblefark hicks from Alabama practice it."

700? Are they all in a club?  Are they not counting Catholics as Christians?

I don't think there are 700 Protestants worldwide who count Catholics as Christians


That's okay, Protestants like Jews don't count.
 
2013-09-09 10:58:48 AM
My bad. Posted a picture of Paul Ryan meeting with his inner circle to discuss economic policy by mistake.

images.christianpost.com
 
2013-09-09 11:01:03 AM
Dear Scotland,

We are sorry about that.  Please return our misplaced missionaries to the following address:

Kwan-li-so Labor Camp
Hoeryong, North Hamyong Province, North Korea

c/o Kim Jong Un

Again, sorry for the mix-up.  We will send you a bottle or two of Bourbon and hope this clears things up.

Yours Truly,

America
 
2013-09-09 11:01:43 AM

Flappyhead: orclover: Obama's Reptiloid Master: baka-san: out of a population of 5.1million, Scotland has only 700 practising Christians.

Listen, you need a better sample than just the vicars near closing time at the local

/what the hell is is practising anyway.

What they mean to say is "700 people who practice Christianity as bumblefark hicks from Alabama practice it."

700? Are they all in a club?  Are they not counting Catholics as Christians?

Read a Chick tract or two.  According to these hayseeds everyone who isn't one of them is working for Satan.


RealTM Christians everywhere should fear The Death Cookie!

You know what?  I'm a book hoarder.  I avoid libraries.  I don't sell them.  There's been months where I spend more at Barnes & Nobles than on the rent.  I'm moving in a new place and have started a catalogue as I move my collection in.  It's up to 1100 - so far.

And you know what?  If someone handed me a creationist 'science' book I'd be torn between using that farker as kindling or to wipe my ass.
 
2013-09-09 11:03:01 AM
That's terrifying to a lot of Americans, too
 
2013-09-09 11:03:40 AM
Scotland:  Come for the haggis, bagpipes and cannibalism, stay for the American fundamentalism.
 
2013-09-09 11:12:47 AM
If the Americans are teaching Physics... Chemistry... Politics... Finance... y'know what, go with it.

Anything regarding morality or theology, that might not be a good idea.
 
2013-09-09 11:18:55 AM

He_Hate_Me: [i2.dailyrecord.co.uk image 615x409]

"I'm here for the children!"


Why did he paint a bunch of sperms on his face?
 
2013-09-09 11:20:25 AM

BitwiseShift: It's a diversion from their real purpose -- the importing of poisonous snakes into Scotland. Once the cult get a root, there'll be snake worshiping on Sunday night.

[images.christianpost.com image 774x599]


Cheers!

www.artzberger.com
 
2013-09-09 11:21:41 AM

Aidan: baka-san: out of a population of 5.1million, Scotland has only 700 practising Christians.

Listen, you need a better sample than just the vicars near closing time at the local

/what the hell is is practising anyway.

The cynical part of me would say "paying". But I believe it means "attending church".


I think the real numbers are more like ~10% are regular attendees (monthly or more frequently), and about a third had been to church in the last year (although that starts to get into the mix of believers that attend Christmas mass (or whatever equivalent), vs people that have been to a marriage at a church in the last year and count that as attendance.
 
2013-09-09 11:24:42 AM

Whatthefark: He_Hate_Me: [i2.dailyrecord.co.uk image 615x409]

"I'm here for the children!"

Why did he paint a bunch of sperms on his face?


His boyfriend pastor wasn't there to de it for him.
 
2013-09-09 11:28:02 AM
Don't see these folks moving to Albania, and Ethiopia, and Sudan, now do you?
 
2013-09-09 11:33:33 AM

orclover: Obama's Reptiloid Master: baka-san: out of a population of 5.1million, Scotland has only 700 practising Christians.

Listen, you need a better sample than just the vicars near closing time at the local

/what the hell is is practising anyway.

What they mean to say is "700 people who practice Christianity as bumblefark hicks from Alabama practice it."

700? Are they all in a club?  Are they not counting Catholics as Christians?


Lots of evangelical protestants don't believe Catholics are Christians. My wife's grandfather met a priest at a hospital and thereafter told his daughter/my mother-in-law, "Did you know that some Catholics are Christians too?" True story.

/Catholic
//of the recovering variety.
///slashies
 
2013-09-09 11:35:20 AM
They'll have had their tea, I presume? No? DEATH TO THE BIG 'UN!
 
2013-09-09 11:39:38 AM
But the Record can reveal sinister undertones to their eight-year involvement at the school.

How on earth could this have taken the better part of a decade to come to light?
 
2013-09-09 11:41:36 AM
Christian missionaries versus Scottish barbarians? What century is this again?
 
2013-09-09 11:42:38 AM

dartben: orclover: Obama's Reptiloid Master: baka-san: out of a population of 5.1million, Scotland has only 700 practising Christians.

Listen, you need a better sample than just the vicars near closing time at the local

/what the hell is is practising anyway.

What they mean to say is "700 people who practice Christianity as bumblefark hicks from Alabama practice it."

700? Are they all in a club?  Are they not counting Catholics as Christians?

Lots of evangelical protestants don't believe Catholics are Christians. My wife's grandfather met a priest at a hospital and thereafter told his daughter/my mother-in-law, "Did you know that some Catholics are Christians too?" True story.

/Catholic
//of the recovering variety.
///slashies


When we moved into our current house, the welcoming committee from the local Baptist church stopped by one day.  When asked where we would attend church, I told them we were Catholic (family is Catholic-ish) and would attend that church.   On my part, this is admittedly to just get them to go away.

Anyway, one of the blondie twins says "Oh, but we're a CHRISTIAN church"...
 
2013-09-09 11:42:59 AM
I thought it was "Baaa baaaaaa baa baa ba baaaaa baaa baaaaaa baa baaa"

Roughly translated as "I am tired of your shiate you drunken Scottish bastard".
 
2013-09-09 11:54:27 AM
CSB:

A while ago the wife and I were living in Scotland, being new to the area we went down the local church even though neither of us was particularly religious. Growing up "Church" had always been pretty chilled out stuff about being nice and how Jesus loves us all and with community events around Christmas and Easter. Anyway... this place was seemed a little more evangelical and conservative than we expected but nothing too odd until a day trip to Holy Island. It's a part time Island in the north of England that is completely cut off from the mainland every time the tide comes in. So we get there, do a little tour and watch the tide come in, cutting off the only road off the island...and then the pastor turns and says "So... speaking in tongues..." and then things got weird.
 
2013-09-09 11:58:47 AM

He_Hate_Me: [i2.dailyrecord.co.uk image 615x409]

"I'm here for the children!"


This thread was useless without Picts.
 
2013-09-09 12:04:00 PM

The Evil That Lies In The Hearts Of Men: CSB:

A while ago the wife and I were living in Scotland, being new to the area we went down the local church even though neither of us was particularly religious. Growing up "Church" had always been pretty chilled out stuff about being nice and how Jesus loves us all and with community events around Christmas and Easter. Anyway... this place was seemed a little more evangelical and conservative than we expected but nothing too odd until a day trip to Holy Island. It's a part time Island in the north of England that is completely cut off from the mainland every time the tide comes in. So we get there, do a little tour and watch the tide come in, cutting off the only road off the island...and then the pastor turns and says "So... speaking in tongues..." and then things got weird.


He fixes the cable ?
 
2013-09-09 12:09:53 PM
We don't permit religious extremists in Scotland without a football team, sorry.
 
2013-09-09 12:11:13 PM

The Evil That Lies In The Hearts Of Men: CSB:

A while ago the wife and I were living in Scotland, being new to the area we went down the local church even though neither of us was particularly religious. Growing up "Church" had always been pretty chilled out stuff about being nice and how Jesus loves us all and with community events around Christmas and Easter. Anyway... this place was seemed a little more evangelical and conservative than we expected but nothing too odd until a day trip to Holy Island. It's a part time Island in the north of England that is completely cut off from the mainland every time the tide comes in. So we get there, do a little tour and watch the tide come in, cutting off the only road off the island...and then the pastor turns and says "So... speaking in tongues..." and then things got weird.


Church pastors love captive audiences. It's why this evangelism occurred at a school instead of trying to convince passersby on a street corner.
 
2013-09-09 12:30:42 PM

Karac: You know what? I'm a book hoarder. I avoid libraries. I don't sell them. There's been months where I spend more at Barnes & Nobles than on the rent. I'm moving in a new place and have started a catalogue as I move my collection in. It's up to 1100 - so far.

And you know what? If someone handed me a creationist 'science' book I'd be torn between using that farker as kindling or to wipe my ass.


fellow book hoarder here, although my library is only about 400. (I'm poor). I've got a couple of religous books (they were free) propping up the busted leg on my favourite reading chair.
 
2013-09-09 12:38:18 PM

BitwiseShift: It's a diversion from their real purpose -- the importing of poisonous snakes into Scotland. Once the cult get a root, there'll be snake worshiping on Sunday night.

[images.christianpost.com image 774x599]



Pretty excited about that:
www.dbcovers.com
 
2013-09-09 12:42:46 PM

Karac: Flappyhead: orclover: Obama's Reptiloid Master: baka-san: out of a population of 5.1million, Scotland has only 700 practising Christians.

Listen, you need a better sample than just the vicars near closing time at the local

/what the hell is is practising anyway.

What they mean to say is "700 people who practice Christianity as bumblefark hicks from Alabama practice it."

700? Are they all in a club?  Are they not counting Catholics as Christians?

Read a Chick tract or two.  According to these hayseeds everyone who isn't one of them is working for Satan.

RealTM Christians everywhere should fear The Death Cookie!

You know what?  I'm a book hoarder.  I avoid libraries.  I don't sell them.  There's been months where I spend more at Barnes & Nobles than on the rent.  I'm moving in a new place and have started a catalogue as I move my collection in.  It's up to 1100 - so far.

And you know what?  If someone handed me a creationist 'science' book I'd be torn between using that farker as kindling or to wipe my ass.


Go with kindling. Those things are printed on pretty rough paper, and do terrible things to both your plumbing and your tender sphincter.
 
2013-09-09 01:01:42 PM

wingnut396: dartben: orclover: Obama's Reptiloid Master: baka-san: out of a population of 5.1million, Scotland has only 700 practising Christians.

Listen, you need a better sample than just the vicars near closing time at the local

/what the hell is is practising anyway.

What they mean to say is "700 people who practice Christianity as bumblefark hicks from Alabama practice it."

700? Are they all in a club?  Are they not counting Catholics as Christians?

Lots of evangelical protestants don't believe Catholics are Christians. My wife's grandfather met a priest at a hospital and thereafter told his daughter/my mother-in-law, "Did you know that some Catholics are Christians too?" True story.

/Catholic
//of the recovering variety.
///slashies

When we moved into our current house, the welcoming committee from the local Baptist church stopped by one day.  When asked where we would attend church, I told them we were Catholic (family is Catholic-ish) and would attend that church.   On my part, this is admittedly to just get them to go away.

Anyway, one of the blondie twins says "Oh, but we're a CHRISTIAN church"...


In response, I hope you told them to get their heretic coonts off your front porch, and to take their women with them.
 
2013-09-09 01:10:20 PM

The Evil That Lies In The Hearts Of Men: CSB:

A while ago the wife and I were living in Scotland, being new to the area we went down the local church even though neither of us was particularly religious. Growing up "Church" had always been pretty chilled out stuff about being nice and how Jesus loves us all and with community events around Christmas and Easter. Anyway... this place was seemed a little more evangelical and conservative than we expected but nothing too odd until a day trip to Holy Island. It's a part time Island in the north of England that is completely cut off from the mainland every time the tide comes in. So we get there, do a little tour and watch the tide come in, cutting off the only road off the island...and then the pastor turns and says "So... speaking in tongues..." and then things got weird.


I've seen how that ends...
www.fightbait.com

// it's not a "cool" story at all, bro...
 
2013-09-09 01:31:48 PM
And here I thought it was "I'm here to take your whiskey. HA HA HA HA!"

//...that's ten words, right?
 
2013-09-09 01:38:46 PM

amishkarl: Karac: You know what? I'm a book hoarder. I avoid libraries. I don't sell them. There's been months where I spend more at Barnes & Nobles than on the rent. I'm moving in a new place and have started a catalogue as I move my collection in. It's up to 1100 - so far.

And you know what? If someone handed me a creationist 'science' book I'd be torn between using that farker as kindling or to wipe my ass.

fellow book hoarder here, although my library is only about 400. (I'm poor). I've got a couple of religous books (they were free) propping up the busted leg on my favourite reading chair.


I'm not rich; I've just started in the mid-80's.
And I've got absolutely nothing against religious books.  But religiously-based science textbooks - that's an offensive waste of paper, ink, glue, and brain cells.
 
2013-09-09 01:58:39 PM

lilbjorn: orclover: 700? Are they all in a club?  Are they not counting Catholics as Christians?

Only the Wee Frees.


images2.wikia.nocookie.net

I'm just going to paraphrase because no one really paid attention to what Willie had to say in reviews, but he had a rant along the lines of "I'm a true believer, and there's none of this Easter crap in the bible. That's a pagan holiday!"
 
2013-09-09 02:00:16 PM

BitwiseShift: It's a diversion from their real purpose -- the importing of poisonous snakes into Scotland.


They're going to make them eat them?
 
2013-09-09 02:18:11 PM

DarkSoulNoHope: [i4.dailyrecord.co.uk image 615x409]
Newsflash: Elephant Boy Found! Brainwashing Kids!


They're doing the hand jive!
 
2013-09-09 02:38:00 PM

phalamir: I don't think there are 700 Protestants worldwide who count Catholics as Christians


Yeah, it always makes me laugh when the more conservative Catholics I know talk about how only the US is a Christian country and should legally recognize itself as such (by something like a Constitutional amendment). I hate to tell them that, if that ever happened, it would be the end of Catholicism in this country.
 
2013-09-09 02:59:09 PM

Karac: I'm not rich; I've just started in the mid-80's.
And I've got absolutely nothing against religious books. But religiously-based science textbooks - that's an offensive waste of paper, ink, glue, and brain cells.


ah, so before I was born. I can hope for the continued expansion then. These are more along the lines of 'you're all going to hell because you don't believe EXACTLY what we believe'. Even my most christian friends are offended by them.
 
2013-09-09 03:07:44 PM

trotsky: Like the Scots care. Pfffttt.

They'll tell these self-righteous morons to go fark themselves and proceed to get smashed at the local while watching some obscure sport where large men pound each other into the ground.


I'm wondering what this sport could be. Can't be rugby...

news.bbcimg.co.uk

...because the world plays rugger (here's Leeds from England, who beat the Manly Sea Eagles in 2012 and lost to the Melbourne Storm this year). And here...

www.nrllivestream.com.au

...is the New Zealand Warriors taking on Brisbane Broncos.

So: not the world-known and totally not obscure rugby.
 
2013-09-09 03:33:23 PM
My sister actually worked with AIM (Adventures in Missions) for a while as a summer job. She would help lead missions groups as they came for short durations and did service projects. As I understand it, AIM is an organization that connects churches & missionaries with communities (and more likely churches within communities) who have asked for missionaries to come serve them.

As she told it, AIM was strictly nondenominational and very willing to work with anyone who espoused a pretty basic core set of beliefs, and she worked with people who were all over the map as far as belief goes. She even worked with a group of Coptics who came to America to minister to us, if you can imagine that.

At any rate, the attitude and tone of the missions were entirely set by the leadership from the mission groups that came through. There were some groups who were out the door by 7:00AM and would work through dinnertime, yet others who wouldn't get going until after noon and be back by supper. Depending on their specific motivations they would shift their focus between worship (having lots of church all day), service (food kitchens, helping out around the community), evangelism (everything from knocking on doors to holding block parties and hosting mini-VBSes for kids), and just plain old vacationing. There were even groups that would emphasize each one of those activities to the exclusion of all others.

There was one group she remembered distinctly because they were lead by a large southern gentleman who insisted each morning on making belgian waffles for a group of 50+ people in a waffle maker he had brought himself. The majority of their time was spent planning and preparing for the meals they were going to eat, which was extremely frustrating because this guy spent all his time talking about all the good they were doing by being down there. That definitely wasn't the norm though, most groups were very happy to tackle a long list of service projects the community had asked for help with.
 
2013-09-09 03:46:18 PM

Jackpot777: trotsky: Like the Scots care. Pfffttt.

They'll tell these self-righteous morons to go fark themselves and proceed to get smashed at the local while watching some obscure sport where large men pound each other into the ground.

I'm wondering what this sport could be. Can't be rugby...

[news.bbcimg.co.uk image 624x351]

...because the world plays rugger (here's Leeds from England, who beat the Manly Sea Eagles in 2012 and lost to the Melbourne Storm this year). And here...

[www.nrllivestream.com.au image 594x433]

...is the New Zealand Warriors taking on Brisbane Broncos.

So: not the world-known and totally not obscure rugby.


Tiddly-winks is played worldwide, and nobody gives a shiat about it, either.
 
2013-09-09 05:04:37 PM

Jackpot777: trotsky: Like the Scots care. Pfffttt.

They'll tell these self-righteous morons to go fark themselves and proceed to get smashed at the local while watching some obscure sport where large men pound each other into the ground.

I'm wondering what this sport could be. Can't be rugby...


Celtic Football?
 
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