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(ESPN)   WILL Sean Payton lead the Saints back to glory? CAN the Packers finally beat the 49ers? HOW will the Jets top the Year of the Buttfumble? Praise Tebow, the wait is over... THIS is YOUR NFL: Week 1 Discussion Thread (Games begin @ 1pm ET on CBS, FOX)   (scores.espn.go.com) divider line 5443
    More: Cool, 'Tis the Season, Rex Grossman, Peyton Hillis, Matt Cassel, key dates, Donovan McNabb, Rashard Mendenhall, Tim Tebow  
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1427 clicks; posted to Sports » on 08 Sep 2013 at 12:00 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



5443 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2013-09-08 12:16:58 PM  
CipollinaFan:

Let me guess you also ran 40 kickoff returns back for touchdowns.
/Yes that is a realistic number. Kickoff returns are that easy.


Not quite. I could cheese it and run sideways, but ain't nobody got time for dat.
 
2013-09-08 12:17:26 PM  
Superdome ceiling cat is watching the Saints about to open up a can on the Falcons....

i.imgur.com
 
2013-09-08 12:17:45 PM  
Could this be an omen for the season: With 1 hour to go to game time, Browns tickets are twice as expensive as Steelers tickets (you could go to Pitt for 10 bucks at one point).

Nevermind:
img.fark.net
 
2013-09-08 12:17:53 PM  
Finally!!

www.nationalsportsbeat.com

LET'S GET READY TO FUMBBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!!
 
2013-09-08 12:18:16 PM  
Let's say theoretically someone was outside the market where their home team's game was being shown, and one wanted to, through a complicated series of tubes, and again hypothetically, observe said broadcast?

/hypothetically
 
2013-09-08 12:18:46 PM  

neuroflare: Jim from Saint Paul: VvonderJesus: I'm not saying Madden 25 is accurate, but my Vikings did go undefeated this season and AP ran for 3000 yards. And somehow I accidentally benched Ponder in favor of McLeod John Baltazar Bethel-Thompson.

I'm just saying.

I want some of what you're smoking.

It sounds pretty good


You know, JFSP, someday you could always do a "Christian Ponder's Keys to Victory". It works for Cena, why not try cross-sport promotion.
 
2013-09-08 12:19:17 PM  
SKOL!

/Hooray for real football
 
2013-09-08 12:20:03 PM  

Lord of Allusions: I'm looking for some tips on who's placing a few bets. Anyone think the Lions will cover the spread?

[i264.photobucket.com image 187x204]

...is that a no?


OMG, that was such an awkward interview. Just because you're a detroit rapper, it doesn't mean you have to be allergic to enthusiasm.
 
2013-09-08 12:20:09 PM  

TheSup3rN0va: Let's say theoretically someone was outside the market where their home team's game was being shown, and one wanted to, through a complicated series of tubes, and again hypothetically, observe said broadcast?

/hypothetically


I think Alberto Del Rio has that issue probably. Usually he has to go over to the EU, but luckily only has to go to the First Row
 
2013-09-08 12:20:52 PM  

TheSup3rN0va: Let's say theoretically someone was outside the market where their home team's game was being shown, and one wanted to, through a complicated series of tubes, and again hypothetically, observe said broadcast?

/hypothetically


f*i*r*s*t*r*o*w
 
2013-09-08 12:21:09 PM  
Le sigh... my ViQueens are playing my Lioncubs... AP runs for 298 yds and 4 TD's, Ponder "throws" for 17 completions and -8 yds, Stafford throws for 525 yds and 5 TD's, Reggie Bush runs for 125 yds and 2 TD's, and the scoreboard explodes as the Lioncubs win.
 
2013-09-08 12:21:38 PM  
The jets are throwing a rookie quarterback out there who wasn't even considered good enough to start a preseason game...

Wow, this will be ugly

Hey jets fans! Maybe you guys will get Lovie Smith next year!
 
2013-09-08 12:22:22 PM  
Berman just said that two of the Bengals "look like players"

Thanks Berman.
 
2013-09-08 12:22:28 PM  
My one NFL prediction: Rex Ryan will be fired by the trade deadline
 
2013-09-08 12:23:03 PM  
God, it's good to have football back.  Everyone's 0-0, there's hope in the air, we can mock NFL on Fox for pretending the Superbowl is taking place in New York City....
 
2013-09-08 12:23:33 PM  

ClavellBCMI: Stafford throws for 525 yds and 5 TD's,


Yes, please?
 
2013-09-08 12:23:36 PM  
pbrmg.photobucket.com
 
2013-09-08 12:24:04 PM  
CBS has a better pregame show than usual.

They talked about the jay cutler problem ad actually mentioned the quarterback of the browns by name...

Fox is really screwing up for some reason.
 
2013-09-08 12:24:14 PM  

smerfnablin: The jets are throwing a rookie quarterback out there who wasn't even considered good enough to start a preseason game...

Wow, this will be ugly

Hey jets fans! Maybe you guys will get Lovie Smith next year!


They should be so lucky.
 
2013-09-08 12:24:35 PM  

TheManofPA: Could this be an omen for the season: With 1 hour to go to game time, Browns tickets are twice as expensive as Steelers tickets (you could go to Pitt for 10 bucks at one point).

Nevermind:
[img.fark.net image 283x283]


You mean at one point in the Sixties?
 
2013-09-08 12:24:50 PM  

neuroflare: Berman just said that two of the Bengals "look like players"

Thanks Berman.


I hate him so much.
 
2013-09-08 12:25:11 PM  
The "much beloved" Bill Simmons expressing my feelings on fantasy football.

"On that note, we have to rehash Eli's catastrophic 5.25-pointer, which officially ended my West Coast fantasy season and may have convinced me to retire from fantasy football altogether, and only because I'm tired of fantasy football making me feel bad about myself. It's like being in a relationship with someone who's always mean to you. I can't even remember the last time fantasy football and I were happy. Anyway, an Illinois reader named Kevin listened to me biatch about fantasy football on Monday's podcast and sent the following e-mail:

'Nobody wants to hear about your fantasy team, or mine, or anyone else's for that matter. That's why I'm going to start a Fantasy Football Gripe Hotline, like a Suicide Hotline but more like a Suicide Pool Hotline. Imagine being able to call up this week, for a minor $1 fee, and vent. 'Dude, I had Andrew Luck in my starting lineup all week, then the third-rate fantasy info guy that follows me on Twitter said 'Eli never has two bad games in a row' and I plugged Eli in over Luck 10 minutes before kickoff.' My hotline operator could just respond with, 'Man, it's okay. You made the right choice. What were the odds that would happen. Don't beat yourself up.' How many sullen fantasy owners would be all over this?'

(I love this idea. I totally would have called that hotline after Eli's 5.25-pointer and maybe even have spent $20 hashing out my feelings about it. Which brings me back to my point - I really need to dump fantasy football. I don't like the way you make me feel about myself, fantasy football. You're mean to me.)"

/still couldn't help but join a bunch of leagues this year
//ya know, now that I think of it, my last relationship was with a girl who was always mean to me. Huh.
 
2013-09-08 12:25:15 PM  

Gunderson: My one NFL prediction: Rex Ryan will be fired by the trade deadline


This times 10

Have you seen their schedule?

They will go 2-6 with a quarterback graveyard of a roster
 
2013-09-08 12:25:47 PM  
ok but really, is anybody else that bought the madden anniversary nfl sunday ticket having problems logging in
 
2013-09-08 12:25:56 PM  

smerfnablin: CBS has a better pregame show than usual.

They talked about the jay cutler problem ad actually mentioned the quarterback of the browns by name...

Fox is really screwing up for some reason.


Yeah mean

www.majhost.com

?
 
2013-09-08 12:26:08 PM  
Someone needs to invent a clutch-purse sized bomb to bring into NFL games.
 
2013-09-08 12:26:20 PM  
Oh, sweet.  The Fox pregame show is about to announce the Super Bowl Halftime act.

What, have they been living on Mars?
 
2013-09-08 12:26:23 PM  

Robert1966: TheManofPA: Could this be an omen for the season: With 1 hour to go to game time, Browns tickets are twice as expensive as Steelers tickets (you could go to Pitt for 10 bucks at one point).

Nevermind:
[img.fark.net image 283x283]

You mean at one point in the Sixties?


Hour to game time on stubhub, they had two seats in the upperdeck for 10 bucks. If you live in Pittsburgh and can leave now to go, it is 8 bucks/each for 2 seats and that INCLUDES shipping and handling with at home printout.
 
2013-09-08 12:26:33 PM  

smerfnablin: They talked about the jay cutler problem


Problem?
 
2013-09-08 12:26:33 PM  

smerfnablin: Holy crap... What's wrong with fox?!

Ford pregame show....
The State Farm Studio...
The Pizza Hut play of the week...

(Changing channel)

Seriously, when did we get this bad with product placement?!


MAD TV predicted this 15 years ago.

/Just waiting for the JIF Peanut Butter Touchdown!
 
2013-09-08 12:26:35 PM  

VvonderJesus: ok but really, is anybody else that bought the madden anniversary nfl sunday ticket having problems logging in


Nope, in and working like a charm
 
2013-09-08 12:27:46 PM  
Week 1 Leaderboard at 1:00 PM Sunday

Joe Flacco, Delhomme RatingTM - 33.3 (2 INT)

*CURRENTLY CALIBRATING...*

Alex Smith, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Andrew Luck, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Andy Dalton, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Ben Roethlisberger, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Blaine Gabbert, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Brandon Weeden, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Cam Newton, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Carson Palmer, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Christian Ponder, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Drew Brees, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Geno Smith, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Jake Locker, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Jay Cutler, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Josh Freeman, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Matt Ryan, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Matthew Stafford, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Russell Wilson, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Ryan Fitzpatrick, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Ryan Tannehill, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Tom Brady, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
 
2013-09-08 12:28:28 PM  

JosephFinn: God, it's good to have football back.  Everyone's 0-0, there's hope in the air, we can mock NFL on Fox for pretending the Superbowl is taking place in New York City....


Well. Everyone except the defending Super Bowl champs.
 
2013-09-08 12:28:30 PM  
i987.photobucket.com

i987.photobucket.com

LET'S GO STEELERS!!!!!
 
2013-09-08 12:28:31 PM  

yookaloco: /still couldn't help but join a bunch of leagues this year


I've cut down to one and the fark pickems
 
2013-09-08 12:28:37 PM  

robsul82: *CURRENTLY CALIBRATING...*


Looking at this year's class, we may actually establish a new benchmark.
 
2013-09-08 12:28:51 PM  
I wonder how many safeties Geno Smith will score today?
 
2013-09-08 12:29:04 PM  
CBS is masterbating over the read option defense

Fark thread prediction #2:

Rg3 is going to get hurt again
 
2013-09-08 12:29:16 PM  

robsul82: Week 1 Leaderboard at 1:00 PM Sunday

Joe Flacco, Delhomme RatingTM - 33.3 (2 INT)

*CURRENTLY CALIBRATING...*

Alex Smith, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Andrew Luck, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Andy Dalton, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Ben Roethlisberger, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Blaine Gabbert, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Brandon Weeden, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Cam Newton, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Carson Palmer, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Christian Ponder, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Drew Brees, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Geno Smith, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Jake Locker, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Jay Cutler, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Josh Freeman, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Matt Ryan, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Matthew Stafford, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Russell Wilson, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Ryan Fitzpatrick, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Ryan Tannehill, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Tom Brady, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0


I WANT TO HUG YOU RIGHT NOW IN A MANLY WAY MY GOD IT'S GREAT TO SEE THE DELHOMME BACK.
 
2013-09-08 12:29:19 PM  

Di Atribe: Well. Everyone except the defending Super Bowl champs.


We're only a half-game out of first place, tyvm. :p
 
2013-09-08 12:29:48 PM  
I have already predicted that Chip Kelly will be the coach at USC next season. My only worry now is that after yesterdays hilariously abysmal performance, Kiffin will get fired way before Kelly.
 
2013-09-08 12:29:59 PM  

Lt. Cheese Weasel: TheSup3rN0va: Let's say theoretically someone was outside the market where their home team's game was being shown, and one wanted to, through a complicated series of tubes, and again hypothetically, observe said broadcast?

/hypothetically

f*i*r*s*t*r*o*w


farm6.staticflickr.com


On an unrelated note:

Ooooh Caliendo on ESPN? YES!!

..wait, with the sport science douche?? NO!!!!

... wait, a spot on Adam Schefter impression.... YES!!!
 
2013-09-08 12:30:21 PM  

robsul82: Geno Smith, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0


Here's MY pick for a trainwreck!
 
2013-09-08 12:30:44 PM  

robsul82: Week 1 Leaderboard at 1:00 PM Sunday

Joe Flacco, Delhomme RatingTM - 33.3 (2 INT)

*CURRENTLY CALIBRATING...*

Alex Smith, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Andrew Luck, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Andy Dalton, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Ben Roethlisberger, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Blaine Gabbert, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Brandon Weeden, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Cam Newton, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Carson Palmer, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Christian Ponder, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Drew Brees, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Geno Smith, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Jake Locker, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Jay Cutler, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Josh Freeman, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Matt Ryan, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Matthew Stafford, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Russell Wilson, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Ryan Fitzpatrick, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Ryan Tannehill, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0
Tom Brady, Delhomme RatingTM - 0.0


imageshack.us
 
2013-09-08 12:31:04 PM  

JosephFinn: smerfnablin: They talked about the jay cutler problem

Problem?


A quarterback in the last year of his contract who has to step up and be a leader or go home

So apparently going 10-6 last year means the quarterback still needs to step up?
 
2013-09-08 12:31:18 PM  

Lt. Cheese Weasel: VvonderJesus: ok but really, is anybody else that bought the madden anniversary nfl sunday ticket having problems logging in

Nope, in and working like a charm


well shiat
 
2013-09-08 12:31:46 PM  

smerfnablin: JosephFinn: smerfnablin: They talked about the jay cutler problem

Problem?

A quarterback in the last year of his contract who has to step up and be a leader or go home

So apparently going 10-6 last year means the quarterback still needs to step up?


Wasn't good enough for his coach
 
2013-09-08 12:32:07 PM  

ClavellBCMI: Le sigh... my ViQueens are playing my Lioncubs... AP runs for 298 yds and 4 TD's, Ponder "throws" for 17 completions and -8 yds, Stafford throws for 525 yds and 5 TD's, Reggie Bush runs for 125 yds and 2 TD's, and the scoreboard explodes as the Lioncubs win.


This is an acceptable outcome.  GoLion!
 
2013-09-08 12:32:09 PM  
Cardinals are still undefeated!!!!for six more hours
 
2013-09-08 12:32:11 PM  

yookaloco: Lt. Cheese Weasel: TheSup3rN0va: Let's say theoretically someone was outside the market where their home team's game was being shown, and one wanted to, through a complicated series of tubes, and again hypothetically, observe said broadcast?

/hypothetically

f*i*r*s*t*r*o*w

[farm6.staticflickr.com image 480x229]


On an unrelated note:
http://www.fark.com/comments/7923610?startid=86346354&fpost=0uPDaymL1 E E._._fWqstId8UJXVJkIB5TolQ50mvMYrnXp9hf7GCPuL#b
Ooooh Caliendo on ESPN? YES!!

..wait, with the sport science douche?? NO!!!!

... wait, a spot on Adam Schefter impression.... YES!!!


A wild Caliendo fan has appeared!

Ari Shaffir, I choose you!
 
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