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(Iowa City Press-Citizen)   Cops say man was urinating in public. Man says he was pouring out a beer. Cops point out he had no container. Man blows .249, so his urine was probably beer by American standards   (press-citizen.com) divider line 52
    More: Dumbass, handrails, standards  
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1567 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Sep 2013 at 11:42 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



52 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-09-07 11:11:36 AM  
Nice, subbs.
 
2013-09-07 11:46:22 AM  
Thumbs up to the headlines.
 
2013-09-07 11:48:09 AM  
Headline grin
 
2013-09-07 11:50:16 AM  
America sucks lol
 
2013-09-07 11:50:19 AM  
Yep. That weak ass American beer. OMG LOL - What about that airplane food guys?
 
2013-09-07 11:52:07 AM  
Go Iowa! That's two weekends in a row that drunken shenanigans have made Fark.
 
2013-09-07 11:52:37 AM  
For the record, Bud is stronger than Guiness.
 
2013-09-07 11:54:43 AM  
You don't buy beer, you rent it.
 
2013-09-07 11:55:20 AM  

CruJones: For the record, Bud is stronger than Guiness.


From a % alcohol by volume perhaps. But Guinness actually has way more flavor than your typical "lawnmower beer" like Bud.
 
2013-09-07 11:56:17 AM  
img.pandawhale.com
 
2013-09-07 11:58:45 AM  

Day_Old_Dutchie: CruJones: For the record, Bud is stronger than Guiness.

From a % alcohol by volume perhaps. But Guinness actually has way more flavor than your typical "lawnmower beer" like Bud.


Well, we are talking alcohol by volume... not taste.

But there are plenty of extraordinarily strong American beers.
 
2013-09-07 12:06:25 PM  

Treygreen13: But there are plenty of extraordinarily strong American beers.


Thanks in no small part to the American Doctor of Veterinary Medicine where clearing up a horse's bladder infection is all in a day's work.
 
2013-09-07 12:06:52 PM  
He should have lied and said that he has "uromysetisis", that's it's his parents' 50th wedding anniversary and that his father had just been released from a Red Chinese prison camp and that if he was arrested it would break his heart.
 
2013-09-07 12:08:15 PM  
He probably couldn't find his car in the mall parking lot.
 
2013-09-07 12:12:25 PM  
Weak-ass beer thread? I had a couple Lagunitas Maximus IPA's last night, 8.2% ABV was just chintzy and it only tasted like straight up hop lacquer.
 
182
2013-09-07 12:14:59 PM  

Day_Old_Dutchie: CruJones: For the record, Bud is stronger than Guiness.

From a % alcohol by volume perhaps. But Guinness actually has way more flavor than your typical "lawnmower beer" like Bud.

 
2013-09-07 12:22:52 PM  

buzzcut73: Go Iowa! That's two weekends in a row that drunken shenanigans have made Fark.


Don't forget Captain Save-a-Ho.  It's about time for him to return to the line up for week 3.
 
2013-09-07 12:24:43 PM  

Day_Old_Dutchie: CruJones: For the record, Bud is stronger than Guiness.

From a % alcohol by volume perhaps. But Guinness actually has way more flavor than your typical "lawnmower beer" like Bud.



What?!?  Really?

Holy shait, you should tell somebody!  This new information is going to change the world!
 
2013-09-07 12:29:22 PM  
I just kegged an 8.5% ABV stout last night and am currently brewing a brown ale.  Kick, thread, and all that jazz...
 
2013-09-07 12:35:44 PM  

offmymeds: He should have lied and said that he has "uromysetisis", that's it's his parents' 50th wedding anniversary and that his father had just been released from a Red Chinese prison camp and that if he was arrested it would break his heart.


I ran out of gas! I--I had a flat tire! I didn't have enough money for cab fare! My tux didn't come back from the cleaners! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!!!
 
rka
2013-09-07 12:48:26 PM  

Day_Old_Dutchie: CruJones: For the record, Bud is stronger than Guiness.

From a % alcohol by volume perhaps. But Guinness actually has way more flavor than your typical "lawnmower beer" like Bud.


Thank you Ric Romero. Has that ever, in the history of mankind, been disputed?

Guinness is on the border of being a 3.2 beer here in Colorado (Alcohol by Weight) which makes it debatable proposition as to whether it can even be sold in bars. 3.2 beer in Colorado is the sole province of grocery store beer.

Blue Moon at 5.4% ABV is stronger than most mainstream pilsner/lager beers, no matter which country, which are generally (not all, but generally) right around 5.0%. Bud/Miller/Coors/Molson/Labatts/Becks...all 5.0.
 
2013-09-07 12:50:15 PM  
i.ytimg.com
Fark the cup pour it in my hand for a dime!
 
2013-09-07 12:54:46 PM  

Day_Old_Dutchie: CruJones: For the record, Bud is stronger than Guiness.

From a % alcohol by volume perhaps.


Nah, Guiness is metric. There's more alcohol in a metric % by volume.
 
2013-09-07 01:00:06 PM  
This headline might have been clever in 1988. All of the piss "American" beers are now brewed by either Canadians, Belgians, or South Africans.
 
2013-09-07 01:06:09 PM  
A++ subby. would LOL agin.
 
2013-09-07 01:10:10 PM  
Hahahahaha!!! Nothing good is brewed in the USA!!! It is SO true, submitter!
 
2013-09-07 01:10:19 PM  
PBR makes this all plausible. Indistinguishable from urine.
 
2013-09-07 01:11:48 PM  
Awesome headline and sooo true.
 
2013-09-07 01:13:17 PM  
 
2013-09-07 01:24:23 PM  
Wow, some of you have your panties in an enormous twist. It's a stereotype that our beer is weak tasteless. We mock bad British teeth and French surrendering, neither of which are accurate, we can mock American beer, too. Just relax and enjoy it.

/how is American beer like sex in a canoe?
 
2013-09-07 01:28:15 PM  
Iowa City Police are having this major community policing PR front and seem to be arresting everyone they can.

Iowa City, yet another community that wants the benefit of a college in town without having to deal with those pesky kids.
 
2013-09-07 01:31:54 PM  
ChubbyTiger,
/how is American beer like sex in a canoe?

It should be fun, but you can't really enjoy yourself while doing it.

\I know that is not the punchline.
 
2013-09-07 01:35:11 PM  

Enemabag Jones: Iowa City Police are having this major community policing PR front and seem to be arresting everyone they can.

Iowa City, yet another community that wants the benefit of a college in town without having to deal with those pesky kids.


This pretty much defines every college town everywhere. They do get the bonus of added revenue from issuing citations to dumbasses, so that's nice.

My favorites are the people that buy old houses right next door to that nice big house with greek letters on the front of it, and then complain about constant noise from parties. They rank right up there with people that build subdivisions near the airport.
 
2013-09-07 01:37:06 PM  
If I had a dollar for every time someone mistook my junk for a beer bottle....
 
2013-09-07 01:39:09 PM  
upperfallsliquors.com

You were saying , subby?
 
2013-09-07 01:41:51 PM  
buzzcut73
This pretty much defines every college town everywhere. They do get the bonus of added revenue from issuing citations to dumbasses, so that's nice.
My favorites are the people that buy old houses right next door to that nice big house with greek letters on the front of it, and then complain about constant noise from parties. They rank right up there with people that build subdivisions near the airport.


I think I heard that Iowa City had plans to mix some normal housing with traditional college student neighborhoods.

I wonder what the city is thinking with that?
 
2013-09-07 01:42:28 PM  
That's right kids,
pissing against a wall in an abandonedalley = public urination
pissing at a trough at a baseball game with 50 guys standing next to you = just fine
 
2013-09-07 01:47:46 PM  

buzzcut73: Enemabag Jones: Iowa City Police are having this major community policing PR front and seem to be arresting everyone they can.

Iowa City, yet another community that wants the benefit of a college in town without having to deal with those pesky kids.

This pretty much defines every college town everywhere. They do get the bonus of added revenue from issuing citations to dumbasses, so that's nice.

My favorites are the people that buy old houses right next door to that nice big house with greek letters on the front of it, and then complain about constant noise from parties. They rank right up there with people that build subdivisions near the airport.


Perhaps the kids in Iowa City shouldn't do things that would get them arrested.

Oh wait, I forgot. This is Fark & therefore all cops are violent, evil scum pigs & they shouldn't do anything to people breaking the law.

/Rolling eyes.
 
2013-09-07 01:50:09 PM  
insano,
That's right kids,
pissing against a wall in an abandonedalley = public urination
pissing at a trough at a baseball game with 50 guys standing next to you = just fine


What kind of sicko are you. Because pulling out your dick to pee in a non-designated location like a quiet dark alley could be considered a sex crime if police want to take it to the next level.
 
2013-09-07 01:52:28 PM  
Straight Outta Wells Branch ,
Perhaps the kids in Iowa City shouldn't do things that would get them arrested.
Oh wait, I forgot. This is Fark & therefore all cops are violent, evil scum pigs & they shouldn't do anything to people breaking the law.
/Rolling eyes.


Like walk around drunk in public?
 
2013-09-07 01:56:09 PM  
Straight Outta Wells Branch
Perhaps the kids in Iowa City shouldn't do things that would get them arrested.
Oh wait, I forgot. This is Fark & therefore all cops are violent, evil scum pigs & they shouldn't do anything to people breaking the law.
/Rolling eyes.


Show me an internet forum that has a positive attitude towards the American law enforcement community, and is not strictly a LEO site.
 
2013-09-07 02:43:21 PM  

LionHound: PBR makes this all plausible. Indistinguishable from urine.


I will have to take your word for it, I have never tasted either of them.
 
2013-09-07 03:12:18 PM  
I think it's pretty cute how uncouth beer drinking swine can act elitist about one piss-flavored vomitus being superior to another piss-flavored vomitus.
 
2013-09-07 03:33:20 PM  
It makes me wonder if anyone who is so elitist about the flavour of beer would drink it at all if it had no alcohol in it.
 
2013-09-07 03:36:29 PM  

Enemabag Jones: Straight Outta Wells Branch ,
Perhaps the kids in Iowa City shouldn't do things that would get them arrested.
Oh wait, I forgot. This is Fark & therefore all cops are violent, evil scum pigs & they shouldn't do anything to people breaking the law.
/Rolling eyes.

Like walk around drunk in public?


I have no issue w/ it as long as people are respectful. As soon as you start pissing in people's lawns or something like that, that's where the line is drawn.

Just because you're young & stupid doesn't give you the right to be disrespectful & felonious.
 
2013-09-07 04:00:43 PM  
Straight Outta Wells Branch ,
I have no issue w/ it as long as people are respectful. As soon as you start pissing in people's lawns or something like that, that's where the line is drawn.
Just because you're young & stupid doesn't give you the right to be disrespectful & felonious.


We agree. Then that would actually be something like trespassing, or another charge.

Public intox is a charge in Iowa where people can be arrested for walking around buzzed, no other reason.

You might might want to stay away from Iowa then, because some police will arrest people on this charge alone.

This is what defines some police work in the united states.

\I respect that you may have a good history with the police, that does not mean that others have, and may have a negative bias towards police for good reasons.
 
2013-09-07 04:13:02 PM  
Probably tasted better by American standards too.
 
2013-09-07 04:31:07 PM  

Day_Old_Dutchie: CruJones: For the record, Bud is stronger than Guiness.

From a % alcohol by volume perhaps. But Guinness actually has way more flavor than your typical "lawnmower beer" like Bud.


What other perspective is there?  Taste?  I've never tried it, but I bet urine tastes a hell of a lot stronger than Guinness.  Give it a shot and let us know.
 
2013-09-07 05:00:38 PM  
I used to pee out a tube from a second story window. Just a cabin in the woods with an outhouse. My parents window was right below, didn't think of that at the time.
 
2013-09-07 05:05:11 PM  
I only drink warm, thick, black beer that tastes like a wheat smoothie, because... well, I'm trying to impress other 30 something year old loser men, that's why.
 
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