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(Sports Illustrated)   Unemployed job-seeker declines relocation and retraining packages, complains about job market. Thanks, Obama   (tracking.si.com) divider line 111
    More: Dumbass, Tim Tebow, change of position, Trent Dilfer, NFL, Arena Football League, 'Nuff Said!, Josh McDaniels, Bill Belichick  
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2771 clicks; posted to Sports » on 06 Sep 2013 at 5:05 PM (43 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-09-06 05:10:09 PM
ohjeeznotthisshiatagain.jpg
 
2013-09-06 05:14:53 PM
Headline win.

Where is your god now, Tebus?  It seems like only yesterday you were thanking him for fixing football games for you.  Has he abandoned you?  Have you earned his disfavor?  I bet it's because you had unclean thoughts.

Damn, what a douche.
 
2013-09-06 05:15:05 PM
He probably realizes that he can be in the media spotlight more by speculation about where he goes than buried at TE #4 on the Cleveland Browns.
 
2013-09-06 05:16:35 PM
I say he goes to the AFL and becomes a superstar, then has a triumphant return to the NFL, a la Kurt Warner.
 
2013-09-06 05:17:46 PM
I say he commits suicide within 2 years
 
2013-09-06 05:18:20 PM
Leave him alone, haters! He's following his dream. He should be admired.
 
2013-09-06 05:19:12 PM
Something, something, pride, etc.

/I've asked this before, doesn't this kid have any real friends? Someone whose counsel he respects & who could be honest with him about his abilities?
 
2013-09-06 05:19:23 PM

Lost Thought 00: I say he commits suicide within 2 years


I doubt it. You (supposedly) don't get to go to heaven if you commit suicide.

I could see him going on a tour of mega-churches and becoming a pastor of some sort. Either that or gay porn.
 
2013-09-06 05:19:46 PM
I predict he comes out of the closet in 2 years.

/Headline for the win
 
2013-09-06 05:19:46 PM
You know, Chip Kelly has a bad team with ugly juju circling the drain and the Iggles aint gonna to fire him this year anyway.  Sign Tebow, kick dogkiller to the curb, flush the roster and get the #1 pick in the 2014 draft.

Also, baffle the rest of the NFL by the Eagles not being an asshole parade for a season.  It will piss off the fans, but the team can revert to Philadelphia-style next year.
 
2013-09-06 05:20:15 PM

Benevolent Misanthrope: Headline win.

Where is your god now, Tebus?  It seems like only yesterday you were thanking him for fixing football games for you.  Has he abandoned you?  Have you earned his disfavor?  I bet it's because you had unclean thoughts.

Damn, what a douche.


I didn't notice that I was in the sports tab, read the headline, and clicked on the comments for the outrage. Your Tebow comment stopped me in my tracks and I was like... WTF is happening in here? Having RTFA, I'm fine now, but my gut reaction was "dude, why are you talking about some crappy football player in this obvious Obama-hate thread?"
 
2013-09-06 05:22:58 PM

Treygreen13: Lost Thought 00: I say he commits suicide within 2 years

I doubt it. You (supposedly) don't get to go to heaven if you commit suicide.

I could see him going on a tour of mega-churches and becoming a pastor of some sort. Either that or gay porn.

\i.imgur.com
 
2013-09-06 05:23:33 PM
Has there ever been a QB drafted in the first round that won a playoff game and then had to change positions?

I know some have changed positions pre draft. I know sometimes lineman switch positions post draft. But I don't think there's ever been a playoff winning QB who was asked to switch positions.

So grats on that Tim, you're making NFL history, I'm pretty sure. If he wants to go down with the ship of being a NFL QB, I respect him for that at least. Personally I'd do whatever it took to earn a paycheck to play football, but I admire his conviction.
 
2013-09-06 05:23:54 PM

Benevolent Misanthrope: Headline win.


I see it as headline fail, keep the trollbait political headlines on the Politics tab.
 
2013-09-06 05:28:15 PM

Hillbilly Jim: Benevolent Misanthrope: Headline win.

I see it as headline fail, keep the trollbait political headlines on the Politics tab.


Why? The Tebow marketing machine is built entirety on pandering to right wing Christians in North America. It's no coincidence that he was drafted by a team that has a large evangelical fan base.
 
2013-09-06 05:29:36 PM
Keep it up, NFL.  You're only hastening his entry into Florida and eventually national politics.  So, thanks for that.
 
2013-09-06 05:29:49 PM

The Bestest: I say he goes to the AFL and becomes a superstar, then has a triumphant return to the NFL, a la Kurt Warner.


replygif.net
 
2013-09-06 05:33:42 PM

The Bestest: I say he goes to the AFL and becomes a superstar, then has a triumphant return to the NFL, a la Kurt Warner.


Why would someone who can't throw accurately succeed in a league predicated on throwing the ball?

Also, on the one hand he should probably be willing to accept other offers, but on the other, other teams are mainly interested in him in order to boost interest in their mostly irrelevant sports.
 
2013-09-06 05:34:36 PM
Ok, this was better than my headline.

/bow
 
2013-09-06 05:36:41 PM

MFAWG: Hillbilly Jim: Benevolent Misanthrope: Headline win.

I see it as headline fail, keep the trollbait political headlines on the Politics tab.

Why? The Tebow marketing machine is built entirety on pandering to right wing Christians in North America. It's no coincidence that he was drafted by a team that has a large evangelical fan base.


If that were the case, he would have gone to the Titans.
 
2013-09-06 05:40:49 PM

Lost Thought 00: I say he commits suicide within 2 years


I say he runs for elected office - and wins - within 2 years.
 
2013-09-06 05:43:32 PM

IAmRight: Why would someone who can't throw accurately succeed in a league predicated on throwing the ball?


b..b..but, he lead the Broncos to the playoffs, that makes him an amazing quarterback

as a reminder, Mark Sanchez led the Jets to two consecutive AFC championship games...
 
2013-09-06 05:46:04 PM
I think the more important question is: What does the government gain by using nanomachines to sabotage Tim Tebow's passing ability?  I mean, think about that!  It would be one thing if the government could kill us with nanomachines.  We already know they can do this.  But do you know how much money--our tax dollars--they must have spent to create nanomachines that could undo a quarterback's passing ability?  Hundreds of millions of dollars, and to target one human being!  Tim Tebow was the best quarterback at an SEC school for nearly four years.  And now, you're telling me that he can't play at the NFL level?  I think the only question left is how far the conspiracy runs.  What if the government is using nanomachines to adjust the "player rating" for all of the players in the NFL?  What if someone gets out of line, and suddenly, their agility declines?  What if they give team secrets to the NSA?  Do we give them a bonus to their power?  I think this is where the NFL is going, guys, a lead which can literally manufacture parity.  If I was Tim Tebow, I would get the hell out of the country.  Run, Tim Tebow!  Now!  Go!
 
2013-09-06 05:47:06 PM

MFAWG: Hillbilly Jim: Benevolent Misanthrope: Headline win.

I see it as headline fail, keep the trollbait political headlines on the Politics tab.

Why? The Tebow marketing machine is built entirety on pandering to right wing Christians in North America. It's no coincidence that he was drafted by a team that has a large evangelical fan base.


i1045.photobucket.com

Pretty sure you meant Jacksonville.
 
2013-09-06 05:49:15 PM

ManateeGag: b..b..but, he lead the Broncos to the playoffs, that makes him an amazing quarterback


What is "something no one ever said."
 
2013-09-06 05:55:53 PM

Benevolent Misanthrope: Where is your god now, Tebus? It seems like only yesterday you were thanking him for fixing football games for you. Has he abandoned you? Have you earned his disfavor? I bet it's because you had unclean thoughts.


Pish posh, God is testing him, get it right. This is his dark before the dawn, the one set of footprints, the trial to prove how strong he really is.
 
2013-09-06 05:57:30 PM

Mike_LowELL: I think the more important question is: What does the government gain by using nanomachines to sabotage Tim Tebow's passing ability?  I mean, think about that!  It would be one thing if the government could kill us with nanomachines.  We already know they can do this.  But do you know how much money--our tax dollars--they must have spent to create nanomachines that could undo a quarterback's passing ability?  Hundreds of millions of dollars, and to target one human being!  Tim Tebow was the best quarterback at an SEC school for nearly four years.  And now, you're telling me that he can't play at the NFL level?  I think the only question left is how far the conspiracy runs.  What if the government is using nanomachines to adjust the "player rating" for all of the players in the NFL?  What if someone gets out of line, and suddenly, their agility declines?  What if they give team secrets to the NSA?  Do we give them a bonus to their power?  I think this is where the NFL is going, guys, a lead which can literally manufacture parity.  If I was Tim Tebow, I would get the hell out of the country.  Run, Tim Tebow!  Now!  Go!


Well shiat Mike, why don't you eat the other frakkin 4-kilo bag of souped-up jellybeans too!?

It's hidden in the sofa cushion.
 
2013-09-06 05:58:33 PM

MFAWG: Hillbilly Jim: Benevolent Misanthrope: Headline win.

I see it as headline fail, keep the trollbait political headlines on the Politics tab.

Why? The Tebow marketing machine is built entirety on pandering to right wing Christians in North America. It's no coincidence that he was drafted by a team that has a large evangelical fan base.


There are a fair amount of Christies in the Springs and Denver suburbs but no where near the levels of the South.  We were one of the first states to legalize weed for farksake.  Think you can do that with a bunch of republican sheeple in your state?
 
2013-09-06 05:59:36 PM

MFAWG: Hillbilly Jim: Benevolent Misanthrope: Headline win.

I see it as headline fail, keep the trollbait political headlines on the Politics tab.

Why? The Tebow marketing machine is built entirety on pandering to right wing Christians in North America. It's no coincidence that he was drafted by a team that has a large evangelical fan base.


He was drafted by the Rockies?
 
2013-09-06 06:01:02 PM

elguerodiablo: Think you can do that with a bunch of republican sheeple in your state?


Ooooh I think you'd be surprised, my good man
 
2013-09-06 06:04:09 PM

Di Atribe: Benevolent Misanthrope: Where is your god now, Tebus? It seems like only yesterday you were thanking him for fixing football games for you. Has he abandoned you? Have you earned his disfavor? I bet it's because you had unclean thoughts.

Pish posh, God is testing him, get it right. This is his dark before the dawn, the one set of footprints, the trial to prove how strong he really is.


Puts a whole new spin on the phrase "Job market" in the headline.
 
2013-09-06 06:04:18 PM

IAmRight: ManateeGag: b..b..but, he lead the Broncos to the playoffs, that makes him an amazing quarterback

What is "something no one ever said."


Sadly a an entire load of people have said that, now realize im using load as a dual meaning, as in several pant loads of shiat keep talking about his WINS and some team losses when he was a QB, obviously when the broncos won it was all Tebow and losses were becuase the talent around him failed to pray hard enough or something.

I have to change the channel every time the topic comes onto the denver sports radio station because invariably it brings the wankers and idiots out of the hidey holes and I get all stabby. I am not making this up in addition to the words written above someone was trying to make a case for how most of the NFL is muslim and that is why no one will let tebow be a QB despite his amazing talents as a quarterback.
 
2013-09-06 06:05:15 PM

rjakobi: MFAWG: Hillbilly Jim: Benevolent Misanthrope: Headline win.

I see it as headline fail, keep the trollbait political headlines on the Politics tab.

Why? The Tebow marketing machine is built entirety on pandering to right wing Christians in North America. It's no coincidence that he was drafted by a team that has a large evangelical fan base.

If that were the case, he would have gone to the Titans.


THIS10
 
2013-09-06 06:05:36 PM

IAmRight: ManateeGag: b..b..but, he lead the Broncos to the playoffs, that makes him an amazing quarterback

What is "something no one ever said."


espnmediazone.com

What no one ever might look like.
 
2013-09-06 06:06:57 PM

Hillbilly Jim: Benevolent Misanthrope: Headline win.

I see it as headline fail, keep the trollbait political headlines on the Politics tab.


Meh. It's funny. "Thanks Obama" isn't "political" anymore. It's just a meme. I applaud subby on his creativity.
 
2013-09-06 06:07:39 PM

farbekrieg: Sadly a an entire load of people have said that


I've run into thousands more people saying that people say that and never seen a single one of them honestly saying it. The highest praise I've ever seen of Tebow is "he just wins games." And most of that is preceded by a "I have no idea how the f*ck it happens because he's awful, but..."

I have honestly never heard one person on TV or in real life or on the internet actually say he's so much as an average QB.
 
2013-09-06 06:08:51 PM

Super Chronic: What no one ever might look like.


Yeah, he's not even a person. His job is to troll. No one could possibly hold all the retarded opinions he holds.
 
2013-09-06 06:10:46 PM

Kittypie070: It's hidden in the sofa cushion.


I am done with this and I can report on my findings.  I had to choose the jellybeans very carefully.  I sorted all of the jellybeans by color.  If the jellybean count in a pile was equal to a prime number, I ate them.Those are the safe jellybeans.  Those are the ones that can be consumed without being tracked.  The government cannot track prime numbers.  It's their one weakness.
 
2013-09-06 06:13:00 PM

Mike_LowELL: I think the more important question is: What does the government gain by using nanomachines to sabotage Tim Tebow's passing ability?  I mean, think about that!  It would be one thing if the government could kill us with nanomachines.  We already know they can do this.  But do you know how much money--our tax dollars--they must have spent to create nanomachines that could undo a quarterback's passing ability?  Hundreds of millions of dollars, and to target one human being!  Tim Tebow was the best quarterback at an SEC school for nearly four years.  And now, you're telling me that he can't play at the NFL level?  I think the only question left is how far the conspiracy runs.  What if the government is using nanomachines to adjust the "player rating" for all of the players in the NFL?  What if someone gets out of line, and suddenly, their agility declines?  What if they give team secrets to the NSA?  Do we give them a bonus to their power?  I think this is where the NFL is going, guys, a lead which can literally manufacture parity.  If I was Tim Tebow, I would get the hell out of the country.  Run, Tim Tebow!  Now!  Go!


Another all-out effort, Mike.

Beautiful.
 
2013-09-06 06:13:18 PM

Super Chronic: Di Atribe: Benevolent Misanthrope: Where is your god now, Tebus? It seems like only yesterday you were thanking him for fixing football games for you. Has he abandoned you? Have you earned his disfavor? I bet it's because you had unclean thoughts.

Pish posh, God is testing him, get it right. This is his dark before the dawn, the one set of footprints, the trial to prove how strong he really is.

Puts a whole new spin on the phrase "Job market" in the headline.


i27.photobucket.com
 
2013-09-06 06:13:21 PM

Mike_LowELL: The government cannot track prime numbers.  It's their one weakness.


That's just what they want you to believe. Prime numbers are the easiest of all to track - no extra divisors to figure out.
 
2013-09-06 06:21:02 PM

HST's Dead Carcass: Ok, this was better than my headline.

/bow


Mine too.
 
2013-09-06 06:23:27 PM
"There are positions besides missionary?" gave me a giggle, so whichever one of you did that one.... yay.
 
2013-09-06 06:26:46 PM
He won't change positions. Fantastic. How many chances is he going to blow to stay in the NFL? You're not an NFL QB, Timmy.

Reminds me of the classic joke: A guy is sitting on his roof after a major flood and the water is rising. Soon it will engulf the house. A guy on a boat suddenly comes by and says for the guy to get in.

"No," he says. "God will provide for me." The guy in the boat shrugs his shoulders and moves on while the water continues to rise.  A while later another guy in another boat arrives. Same thing. "No, the guy says." God will provide for me.  And again the boat takes off.

The water is almost to roof level now. A helicopter appears overhead and lowers a rope. "CLIMB UP" says the chopper pilot through the PA. And again, the guy refuses as he's convinced God will ultimately save him.

Predictably, not too long after that the guy drowns. Later, while in Heaven, he spots God and asks for a moment of his/her time. "Why didn't you provide for me?" he asks.

God replies, "Hey a-hole...I sent you two boats and a helicopter."
 
2013-09-06 06:35:28 PM
Ask Jason Crouch how that worked out.
 
2013-09-06 06:35:39 PM
I still think there's some chance Tebow could have developed into some semblance of an occasionally-competent QB in the Tarvaris Jackson mode.  Absent other factors, someone would still give him a chance to play there.  But that's his upside, and the sideshow isn't worth it.  Right now, front offices are asking, "in five years, will we be kicking ourselves for letting the next Tarvaris Jackson get away?"
 
2013-09-06 06:37:57 PM

Wadded Beef: He won't change positions. Fantastic. How many chances is he going to blow to stay in the NFL? You're not an NFL QB, Timmy.

Reminds me of the classic joke: A guy is sitting on his roof after a major flood and the water is rising. Soon it will engulf the house. A guy on a boat suddenly comes by and says for the guy to get in.

"No," he says. "God will provide for me." The guy in the boat shrugs his shoulders and moves on while the water continues to rise.  A while later another guy in another boat arrives. Same thing. "No, the guy says." God will provide for me.  And again the boat takes off.

The water is almost to roof level now. A helicopter appears overhead and lowers a rope. "CLIMB UP" says the chopper pilot through the PA. And again, the guy refuses as he's convinced God will ultimately save him.

Predictably, not too long after that the guy drowns. Later, while in Heaven, he spots God and asks for a moment of his/her time. "Why didn't you provide for me?" he asks.

God replies, "Hey a-hole...I sent you two boats and a helicopter."


Reminds me of my favorite god joke:

A man is laying in his bed at night when god speaks to him.

QUIT YOUR JOB AND SELL EVERYTHING YOU OWN

The man, bewildered, tries to go back to sleep but god persists.

QUIT YOUR JOB AND SELL EVERYTHING YOU OWN

The man sits up in bed and looks around to make sure someone isn't playing a joke. He realizes that god really is speaking to him, and he wants him to quit his job and sell all his belongings. So the next day he quits his job and sells all his belongings. He walks out of the bank homeless with no possessions but his clothes and a nice fat stack of cash. The man stands on the street corner and says to god, "God, what now?"

BUY A PLANE TICKET TO LAS VEGAS AND GO TO THE BELLAGIO

The man, already invested in this holy quest, does so willingly. He flies to Las Vegas on the next flight out. He arrives on the strip by dark and walks into the Bellagio with a pile of cash and no clue what to do next. "What now?"

PUT IT ALL ONE HAND OF BLACKJACK

The man sheepishly puts every dime he owns down on one hand of Blackjack. The dealer shows a 6, the man has K 8.

HIT

The man sort of cringes, but asks for another card. It's a 2. He jumps around excitedly.

HIT AGAIN

"But god! I have 20!"

TRUST ME, MY SON

The man turns to the dealer and asks for another card. The dealer, dumbfounded, asks him if he's sure before dealing him another card. It's an Ace. The man cries out "Thank you god!" as the dealer pays out his winnings - he'll be set for a long time. The man says to god, "I know I should have trusted you god, I'm sorry for ever doubting."

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT WORKED
 
2013-09-06 06:38:38 PM

Mike_LowELL: Kittypie070: It's hidden in the sofa cushion.

I am done with this and I can report on my findings.  I had to choose the jellybeans very carefully.  I sorted all of the jellybeans by color.  If the jellybean count in a pile was equal to a prime number, I ate them.Those are the safe jellybeans.  Those are the ones that can be consumed without being tracked.  The government cannot track prime numbers.  It's their one weakness.


Bullshiat.

They are all formulated with exactly the same amount of gloriously Albert Hofmann Foundation-approved LSD right in their tasty little jelly centers, no matter what colour they are.

Fifteen hundred micrograms.

You are gonna find yourself floating bare-assed in the Oort Cloud in about twenty minutes.
 
2013-09-06 06:46:55 PM

rjakobi: MFAWG: Hillbilly Jim: Benevolent Misanthrope: Headline win.

I see it as headline fail, keep the trollbait political headlines on the Politics tab.

Why? The Tebow marketing machine is built entirety on pandering to right wing Christians in North America. It's no coincidence that he was drafted by a team that has a large evangelical fan base.

If that were the case, he would have gone to the Titans.


we're talking about Tebow here... not Peyton Manning

Tebow is all Jags
 
2013-09-06 06:47:45 PM
He has also turned down offers from multiple Canadian teams. Sounds like he believes it is his destiny to be a big time NFL quarterback. Isn't pride one of the deadly sins?
 
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