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(Telegraph)   Caption this lord and lady examining a sculpture   (i.telegraph.co.uk) divider line 21
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2870 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Sep 2013 at 10:00 AM (31 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-09-06 04:29:31 PM
Original:
i.telegraph.co.uk
 
2013-09-07 10:08:09 AM
"Okay, lean in a bit....now, wave your arm around--that's it. Now you know what it's like for me these days in bed, dear."
 
2013-09-07 10:13:50 AM
I say! This new Council Housing unit will make the existance of the poor much less offensive.
 
2013-09-07 10:25:02 AM
And Lo, it came to pass that Poseidon grew impatient with creatures of the land.  Envoys were necessary to expand his influence.  "Appear!" he shouted.
And with that ringing cry, the incomparable shell was spoke upon the land and there it did rest in shiny glory.
"Come forth!" Poseidon commanded. "Come forth and look upon the land that I have brought you to so that you might do my bidding!"
And from the brilliant shell spilled out old people.  They were from Warwickshire by the looks of them. Quite nice people, actually.
"What's all this then?" Said the man.
"Looks to be some sort of....shell." mused the lady. "I was just inside there, wasn't I?  I think I was."
"Naw, can't be.  Can it?", replied the man.
But the lady was sure. "Oh, right as ran it can be and it is.  I just popped right out of the gap in the great huge shell.  I think I even bumped my head on your shoe on the way out.  I'm pretty sure you were in there with me."
"Gaw!" cried the man.  "It's the most incredible thing I've ever seen.  Of course, I don't remember seeing anything before this."
"Of course not, you twit!", was the lady's quick reply.  "We've just been spoke into existence by Pinocchio, haven't we?"
"Poseidon.", said Poseidon.
"Opossum?", said the bemused fellow.
"Poseidon!", said the woman and god in unison.
"Right", said the main, "Best be off then.  Where's me glasses.  They were in my pocket.  I was sure of it."
"Here they are."  Boomed the mighty Poseidon as a pair of horn rimmed spectacles popped out from the depths of the shell to be caught by the surprisingly nimble geezer.
"Cracking!" cried the man.
"There" Said Poseidon.  "Now you owe me a favor.  I want you to nip down to parliament and tell them that I'm in charge now."
And off went the lady and the man.  Although they were not well received at first, their tale won the hearts and minds of officials and commoners alike.  Truly great was the god of the sea who brings forth enormous metal shells that barf geriatrics and their corrective eye wear.
And that's why Poseidon is now the king of England.
 
2013-09-07 11:07:11 AM
"Well, it's no pumpkin shell, Lord Peter, but I imagine I will do very well."
 
2013-09-07 11:18:54 AM
Honey, you can actually hear the poor!
 
2013-09-07 11:21:31 AM
I'd like two Big Macs, three large fries and a diet Coke.
 
2013-09-07 11:21:47 AM
Neville, this shell is so much larger than the one that ridiculous Mimsy Jones was boasting about at her garden party last month.  Why, I could host an entire under-the-sea gala in this one!  I simply muhst have it, dahling!
 
2013-09-07 11:30:00 AM
I'm looking at your right boob.
 
2013-09-07 11:53:44 AM
Dear, can you imagine the bill if we'd bought this to serve as the entree at our daughter's wedding reception?   (Totally Forgot to enable voting!)
 
2013-09-07 11:55:27 AM
"Look-- chemical weapons, darling."

"What in heaven's name happened to your tits."
 
2013-09-07 12:08:44 PM
Oh, dear.  This will never fit in the centerpiece on the table.  I did tell you that you must be very precise when commissioning that woman who did the Stonehenge for Spinal Tap!
 
2013-09-07 12:13:53 PM
Martha, are you done yet? Your hair looks fine and I want to go eat.
 
2013-09-07 12:31:43 PM
Hmm, there's a picture of us both in here and it appears to be getting younger.
 
2013-09-07 12:50:15 PM
(actually overheard at a MoMa Arp exhibit)
"i think it's a boob."
(extrapolated)
"Honey, that's not a boob. It's a conch shell."
"No, it's most certainly a boob. See the veins?"
 
2013-09-07 01:20:56 PM
"Reminiscent of the top of your head, dear; that's why it fascinates me."
 
2013-09-07 01:40:27 PM
i.telegraph.co.uk

"It says right here it's called, 'Ode to a Schoolteacher.'"
 
2013-09-07 03:23:02 PM
"Is that. . .is that the reflection of a naked man taking a picture?
 
2013-09-07 04:11:20 PM
"Jonathan!  There's an infant in there!  Let's name him Clark."
 
2013-09-08 01:48:11 AM
"Yes, I understand what it's going to do and thank you for your concern for my vaginal health, but I have to say that it's very presumptuous of you to name this contraption after yourself, Lord Douchebag."
/now with voting
 
2013-09-08 04:47:10 PM
...and it doubles as the servants' quarters.
 
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