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(Telegraph)   Ten most pretentious films of all time. Notice I didn't say "movies"; movies are for mouth-breathers who watch mindless action crap on their TVs, whereas I watch films in the cinema   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line 145
    More: Obvious, random events, tracking shot, narrative structure, Shane Carruth, Terrence Malick  
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8301 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 06 Sep 2013 at 10:27 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



145 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-09-06 12:07:42 PM  
Did they insist?
 
2013-09-06 12:07:43 PM  
Also, where the fark is Eyes Wide Shut?? If you are going to talk shiat about great directors like Malik, you can't pretend EWS didn't happen.
 
2013-09-06 12:10:41 PM  

madnessupmysoul: No Enter the Void? That was probably the most pretentious film I've ever seen.


I loved that movie! Except for the abortion scene. That could have been edited down a bit. Irreversible as well.
 
2013-09-06 12:11:36 PM  

Guadior42: Trail of Dead:  Ask your favorite director what they think of Terrence Malik.

They will SAY all kinds of things about his genius or artistic vision. But inside they will be thinking "What a pretentious, overblown prick."


Ha! Probably
 
2013-09-06 12:12:46 PM  

Tyrone Slothrop: Trail of Dead: Crash. Now THAT was some pretentious bullshiat right there. The actual definition of the word. I don't even want to hate-fark that pretentious POS.

You talking about the "car crash = sex" movie, or the "racism is bad" movie?


The racism bad one. I'm afraid of the other one.
 
2013-09-06 12:12:54 PM  
No Koyanalartsifartsi?
 
2013-09-06 12:13:47 PM  

Trail of Dead: Also, where the fark is Eyes Wide Shut?? If you are going to talk shiat about great directors like Malik, you can't pretend EWS didn't happen.


This was the only moment in that movie that was enjoyable

www.cageyfilms.com

Hey, I did the math! She was legal for me in my state of residence.
 
2013-09-06 12:15:41 PM  

Marquis de Sod: No Koyanalartsifartsi?


We're going after Ron Fricke now? That's a bold move.
 
2013-09-06 12:17:51 PM  

IdBeCrazyIf: Trail of Dead: Also, where the fark is Eyes Wide Shut?? If you are going to talk shiat about great directors like Malik, you can't pretend EWS didn't happen.

This was the only moment in that movie that was enjoyable



Hey, I did the math! She was legal for me in my state of residence.


She's legaler and hotter in Glass House
 
2013-09-06 12:20:07 PM  

Trail of Dead: She's legaler and hotter in Glass House


Indeed

1.bp.blogspot.com

That was a damn creepy movie though, and infinitely better than Eyes Wide Shut
 
2013-09-06 12:23:43 PM  

IdBeCrazyIf: Trail of Dead: She's legaler and hotter in Glass House

Indeed



That was a damn creepy movie though, and infinitely better than Eyes Wide Shut


Lol mykayla_not_impressed.jpg
 
2013-09-06 12:25:39 PM  

EyeballKid: yequalsy: Some of that stuff should come with a potential for bleeding eyeballs warning.

[1.bp.blogspot.com image 320x213]
I think this film came with one.


/I want you to know...



I AM UN CHIEN!!!
 
2013-09-06 12:28:20 PM  
Crash. Now THAT was some pretentious bullshiat right there. The actual definition of the word. I don't even want to hate-fark that pretentious POS.

Came here to say this. Both of them were.
 
2013-09-06 12:31:44 PM  
Watched Blue Jasmine on Tuesday... absolutely farking terrible.

My girlfriend hated it because it had no story.

I hated it because the characters and most of their motivations were not remotely believable.
 
2013-09-06 12:32:32 PM  

Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste: I haven't seen Tree of Life, but Days of Heaven and The New World do reward a watcher willing to meet them at the gates.  I'm less enamored of Badlands, simply because I don't like valorization of serial killers, but it's stuck with me.  I've struggled with The Thin Red Line.

Used to be Last Year at Marienbad was the poster for art house pretention, with L'Avventura as a lieutenant, but those aren't watched much anymore.


I suffered through Werchmeister Harmonies and Tree of Life but did not finish either of them.  I found Badlands interesting (in its time) and I also struggled with The Thin Red Line.  I guess I should subscribe to your newsletter.

I also don't know if pretentious is the right word for David Lynch or Wes Anderson.  I think David Lynch tries to seem deep but I suspect he's a creepy fark with multiple psychoses.  Wes Anderson could definitely come off as pretentious until you actually watch one of his films and see how goofy the actual subject matter and characters are.  I feel like he's often trying to evoke a 60s or 70s childhood as an adult and I think he's very successful at it.
 
2013-09-06 12:35:10 PM  

Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste: Days of Heaven


Excellent film.

Oh and as for pretentious, does it not mean "containing an over-inflated sense of self importance" now?   Because that's what I thought it meant.  In this case Peter Griffin's "it insists on itself" actually makes sense.  For a film to be pretentious it has to know (or the director needs to make it clear that he/she knows) that the film is an important piece of work, when in fact it isn't.  That is a pretty specific set of circumstances.

Just because something is artsy doesn't make it pretentious.
 
2013-09-06 12:36:00 PM  

museamused: I think David Lynch tries to seem deep but I suspect he's a creepy fark with multiple psychoses


I'm convinced that he's still working off all the acid and psilocybin he took during his teen years
 
2013-09-06 12:36:07 PM  

Trail of Dead: Crash. Now THAT was some pretentious bullshiat right there. The actual definition of the word. I don't even want to hate-fark that pretentious POS.


yeah that's about right.
 
2013-09-06 12:37:10 PM  

museamused: Wes Anderson could definitely come off as pretentious until you actually watch one of his films and see how goofy the actual subject matter and characters are.  I feel like he's often trying to evoke a 60s or 70s childhood as an adult and I think he's very successful at it.


Wes Anderson is 1 for whatever with me. I loved Rushmore, but Life Aquatic, The Darjeeling Limited and Moonrise Kingdom are unwatchable for me.
 
2013-09-06 12:37:40 PM  

Yelnik: Waking Life.  The list is not complete without Waking Life.

It's not even a film, it's a series of disconnected monologues.  Calling it "a snooze" is an insult to the fine institution of sleep.


So much this. A friend told me that it was the most amazing mind blowing movie he'd ever seen. I bought the dvd for $30 since indies were crazy expensive and it wasn't available for rent anywhere. I started watching it, got about 1/3rd through, said "what the fark is this shiat???" and shut it off. I was so angered by it that in order to get my money back, I keyed the bottom of the dvd, exchanged it at Media Play for an unopened copy as damaged, and then returned the unopened copy to another Media Play for store credit which I used to buy books. I didn't have a car at the time so this involved about two hours worth of city bus rides.

Fark that movie in the ear
 
2013-09-06 12:38:04 PM  

museamused: I think David Lynch tries to seem deep but I suspect he's a creepy fark with multiple psychoses.


www.slate.com

you're not ready.
 
2013-09-06 12:39:23 PM  

Crewmannumber6: Life Aquatic, The Darjeeling Limited and Moonrise Kingdom are unwatchable for me.


what is wrong with you?  And I don't get what problem people seem to have specifically with The Darjeeling Limited.  It seemed to me to be more "mainstream" in plot and style than his other films.
 
2013-09-06 12:40:17 PM  

Crewmannumber6: museamused: Wes Anderson could definitely come off as pretentious until you actually watch one of his films and see how goofy the actual subject matter and characters are.  I feel like he's often trying to evoke a 60s or 70s childhood as an adult and I think he's very successful at it.

Wes Anderson is 1 for whatever with me. I loved Rushmore, but Life Aquatic, The Darjeeling Limited and Moonrise Kingdom are unwatchable for me.


Yep. Moonrise Kingdom was farking terrible. Turned it off after about 30 minutes of twee nothingness.
 
2013-09-06 12:44:21 PM  

redmid17: Not only have I not seen any of these movies, I haven't even heard of any of them.

I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing or neither.


The only one I'd heard of was Tree of Life.
 
2013-09-06 12:49:35 PM  

Trail of Dead: Also, where the fark is Eyes Wide Shut?? If you are going to talk shiat about great directors like Malik, you can't pretend EWS didn't happen.


It happened.  And we LET IT happen.
 
2013-09-06 01:01:22 PM  
Total and utter shiat. But ask anyone who thinks it is some sort of masterpiece what it is actually about, they will give you the most pretentious of reasonings.

Fark Film Pretend Hipsters to reply with justification for wasting an hour and a half of their lives watching a nonsense film below:
 
2013-09-06 01:02:47 PM  
www.cinecultist.com

 Total and utter shiat. But ask anyone who thinks it is some sort of masterpiece what it is actually about, they will give you the most pretentious of reasonings.

Fark Film Pretend Hipsters to reply with justification for wasting an hour and a half of their lives watching a nonsense film below:
 
2013-09-06 01:06:25 PM  

GungFu: [www.cinecultist.com image 495x440]

 Total and utter shiat. But ask anyone who thinks it is some sort of masterpiece what it is actually about, they will give you the most pretentious of reasonings.

Fark Film Pretend Hipsters to reply with justification for wasting an hour and a half of their lives watching a nonsense film below:


Oh I get it.  So pretentious also means "confusing to me" now.
 
2013-09-06 01:06:40 PM  
So,we can sum up the list by saying, "pretty much anything that's come out of France?"

Because honestly, I haven't heard of a single one of those films, and I suspect the point of the article is to humblebrag that the author  has seen them, at least enough to find them more pretentious than other films I've never heard of.

/I'm not a multiplex philistine, but not even close to being a film buff, I suppose.
 
2013-09-06 01:09:20 PM  

Crewmannumber6: museamused: Wes Anderson could definitely come off as pretentious until you actually watch one of his films and see how goofy the actual subject matter and characters are.  I feel like he's often trying to evoke a 60s or 70s childhood as an adult and I think he's very successful at it.

Wes Anderson is 1 for whatever with me. I loved Rushmore, but Life Aquatic, The Darjeeling Limited and Moonrise Kingdom are unwatchable for me.



The Royal Tennanbaums.

One of what must be only a handful of movies I've not managed to watch to the end. And I've watched some utter shiat in my lifetime - see above.
 
2013-09-06 01:11:12 PM  

Fano: mekki: Just put Terrence Malick's whole filmography down on the list and be done with it.

I almost took a jab at him. Christ, but Thin Red Line was pretentious.


It's been a long time since I've seen it, but I remember it as a good movie.  Most of the people I know who criticize it mistake the "war" genera for "action".
Also, this from my favorite film festival
 
2013-09-06 01:11:18 PM  

The All-Powerful Atheismo: GungFu: [www.cinecultist.com image 495x440]

 Total and utter shiat. But ask anyone who thinks it is some sort of masterpiece what it is actually about, they will give you the most pretentious of reasonings.

Fark Film Pretend Hipsters to reply with justification for wasting an hour and a half of their lives watching a nonsense film below:

Oh I get it.  So pretentious also means "confusing to me" now.


Not only that, it's trying to be a film with a limited script, acting, etc etc. If someone told me it was a student film that ran out of budget after a day's filming and decided to leave it after a lunch break, I would believe them.
 
2013-09-06 01:12:51 PM  

GungFu: Not only that, it's trying to be a film with a limited script, acting, etc etc. If someone told me it was a student film that ran out of budget after a day's filming and decided to leave it after a lunch break, I would believe them.


you do realize it only had a $7000 budget?
 
2013-09-06 01:13:16 PM  

GungFu: [www.cinecultist.com image 495x440]

 Total and utter shiat. But ask anyone who thinks it is some sort of masterpiece what it is actually about, they will give you the most pretentious of reasonings.

Fark Film Pretend Hipsters to reply with justification for wasting an hour and a half of their lives watching a nonsense film below:


not that it's a great movie, but for what it cost to make, it's quite an accomplishment.
 
2013-09-06 01:16:33 PM  
For me to write off a movie, out has to hint at some payoff that never comes.

Tree of life is slow and challenging, but there is substance there, even if you can't find it. It's movies like Forrest Gump and Shawshank Redemption and the entire filmography of Ron Howard that I can't stand. They pretend to be artsy, and there's just nothing there.
 
2013-09-06 01:18:11 PM  

udhq: the entire filmography of Ron Howard that I can't stand.


What you got against Apollo 13?
 
2013-09-06 01:22:11 PM  
There is nothing about a Ron Howard film that I don't classify as completely commercial and mainstream. That's not an insult, all his films are very well done. But there is absolutely nothing pretentious about him.
 
2013-09-06 01:37:41 PM  

Crewmannumber6: There is nothing about a Ron Howard film that I don't classify as completely commercial and mainstream. That's not an insult, all his films are very well done. But there is absolutely nothing pretentious about him.


He makes superficial and insubstantial movies that pretend to be films.

He's Michael Bay without the fun.
 
2013-09-06 01:38:12 PM  
You've never really plumbed the depths of pretentious cinephilia until you've spent time on a Criterion collector forum. Indie hipsterism gone mad. "You can't really understand film until you've explored the cinema of Mongolia in the 1930s."  That said, most of these films are actually pretty good, Werckmeister Harmonies is a particular favorite, and the score is achingly beautiful. "Pretentious" is used inaccurately in this instance, since the author is clearly using it to mean "Where's the chase scenes and 'splosions?"

It would be more precise to call films "pretentious" that are pretending to have a depth of meaning to hide the muddled incoherence. The works of David Lynch would be a prime example.
 
2013-09-06 01:41:31 PM  

Hebalo: I watched "The Master" last night. I'm a big fan of PT Anderson, but good lord that was a big stinky piece of bland nothing.


Oh god. At least it ends with him drilling that fat chick and trying to be the Sorcerer's Apprentice.

Both it and Boogie Nights needed 45 minutes cut out, but damned if I know where.

PSH was stellar in it but the Master was a pretentious waste. I wanted to like the movie, but it just wouldn't let me, by being one big pricktease. Want to see the biography of "Ron All Huddard?" Tough shiat. It isn't about that at all.
 
2013-09-06 01:46:34 PM  
 
2013-09-06 01:47:19 PM  

The All-Powerful Atheismo: GungFu: Not only that, it's trying to be a film with a limited script, acting, etc etc. If someone told me it was a student film that ran out of budget after a day's filming and decided to leave it after a lunch break, I would believe them.

you do realize it only had a $7000 budget?


Absolutely. That's why it's utter shiat masquerading as a film. But then, why does it matter when it's such a great film?
 
2013-09-06 01:52:11 PM  

GungFu: Absolutely. That's why it's utter shiat masquerading as a film.


This is bafflingly bizarre.
 
2013-09-06 01:54:49 PM  

GungFu: The All-Powerful Atheismo: GungFu: Not only that, it's trying to be a film with a limited script, acting, etc etc. If someone told me it was a student film that ran out of budget after a day's filming and decided to leave it after a lunch break, I would believe them.

you do realize it only had a $7000 budget?

Absolutely. That's why it's utter shiat masquerading as a film. But then, why does it matter when it's such a great film?


Primer doesn't deserve that kind of flack for one simple reason: It creates a response. I saw it, I was intrigued, and it made me think, and keep coming back to thinking about it. That's an essential aim in art, for me.

The bigger crime is not being memorable, interesting, or though provoking in any way,
 
2013-09-06 01:55:10 PM  
What no hate for Korine Harmony films?


Gummo is a must watch.

Personally I think the entire matrix trilogy is pretentious garbage.
 
2013-09-06 01:55:49 PM  

uknowzit: What no hate for Korine Harmony films?


Gummo is a must watch.

Personally I think the entire matrix trilogy is pretentious garbage.


uh  Harmony Korine.
 
2013-09-06 01:55:57 PM  
This, or pretty much anything else directed by Cameron Crowe.
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-09-06 01:57:42 PM  

udhq: For me to write off a movie, out has to hint at some payoff that never comes.

Tree of life is slow and challenging, but there is substance there, even if you can't find it. It's movies like Forrest Gump and Shawshank Redemption and the entire filmography of Ron Howard that I can't stand. They pretend to be artsy, and there's just nothing there.


You can write Forrest Gump off for many reasons, but it does what it sets out to do: It tells a story. You can call it cliche, or grating, or hate that story, but saying it has no substance is dumb. Shawshank is less problematic, and a good film. I suspect you're just trolling, or that you might not understand what the fark you're talking about.
 
2013-09-06 01:59:57 PM  

T.rex: This, or pretty much anything else directed by Cameron Crowe.
[upload.wikimedia.org image 215x319]


So we've moved from discussing pretentious films to just films people don't like? Because I'm not sure how things "Say Anything" or "Jerry McGuire" are pretentious in any way.
 
2013-09-06 02:05:16 PM  

Hebalo: might not understand what the fark you're talking about.


I'm going to go with this for him since Shawshank was a masterful film from the score to the cinematography and to the acting. I'm no fan of Tim Robbins but he was just perfectly fit for that role as Andy, and plus it had this hard ass who is always fun to watch on screen no matter what role he's in.
 
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