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(Gawker)   TSA: 'Pay $85 to skip our security checks and get back the dignity and the rights that we stole from you'   (gawker.com) divider line 201
    More: Dumbass, TSA, Shutterstock, security  
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12616 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Sep 2013 at 1:38 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



201 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-09-05 12:05:12 PM  
Ok, so I join Al Qaeda. I live in the US doing US things with US stuff and eating US food. I pay my $85 for a 5 year exemption. TSA gets my finger prints. After a few months (year, whatever) I am 'activated' and tasked with taking over a plane and slamming it into Graceland (because, hey, f*ck Elvis). You mean to tell me I can now bring my bad ass self and highjack the plane with the weapons I've hidden inside my laptop or laptop case? Or my shoes? Or my water bottle?

Brilliant.
 
2013-09-05 12:19:20 PM  
They let Delvonte Tisdale skip the security checks for free
 
2013-09-05 12:21:07 PM  
Sneaky way to fingerprint the greater populace.  Shouldn't the "no national ID database" people be freaking out about now?
 
2013-09-05 12:35:35 PM  

Nadie_AZ: Ok, so I join Al Qaeda. I live in the US doing US things with US stuff and eating US food. I pay my $85 for a 5 year exemption. TSA gets my finger prints. After a few months (year, whatever) I am 'activated' and tasked with taking over a plane and slamming it into Graceland (because, hey, f*ck Elvis). You mean to tell me I can now bring my bad ass self and highjack the plane with the weapons I've hidden inside my laptop or laptop case? Or my shoes? Or my water bottle?

Brilliant.


You are now on a watch list
 
2013-09-05 12:45:36 PM  

Nadie_AZ: Ok, so I join Al Qaeda. I live in the US doing US things with US stuff and eating US food. I pay my $85 for a 5 year exemption. TSA gets my finger prints. After a few months (year, whatever) I am 'activated' and tasked with taking over a plane and slamming it into Graceland (because, hey, f*ck Elvis). You mean to tell me I can now bring my bad ass self and highjack the plane with the weapons I've hidden inside my laptop or laptop case? Or my shoes? Or my water bottle?

Brilliant.


No, because they locked the cockpit doors right after 9/11. which made sense. Taking off your shoes, buying a wee toothpaste, and letting a TSA agent get to second base are all security theater.
 
2013-09-05 01:04:00 PM  
Ive been through TSA security a least a dozen times in the last 5 years and I've never once had a problem.

I'm pleasant and patient and follow the rules.
 
2013-09-05 01:07:41 PM  
I'll slap down that goddamn 85 smackers no sweat if it means I'm not provoked into wishing very deeply to bite their damn grabby hands off.
 
2013-09-05 01:14:34 PM  

vernonFL: Ive been through TSA security a least a dozen times in the last 5 years and I've never once had a problem.

I'm pleasant and patient and follow the rules.


Like a good little citizen.

About 3 days a month, I have to visit a client somewhere that requires me to fly.  Just because I know the rules and how to act doesn't make it any less of a pain in the ass.  Especially when it's all entirely a joke, anyway.

/Signed up for this program 6 months ago.  Still a pain in the ass, but just a little less so.
 
2013-09-05 01:41:11 PM  
FREEDOM ISN'T FREE


It cost $85.
 
2013-09-05 01:41:52 PM  

what_now: Nadie_AZ: Ok, so I join Al Qaeda. I live in the US doing US things with US stuff and eating US food. I pay my $85 for a 5 year exemption. TSA gets my finger prints. After a few months (year, whatever) I am 'activated' and tasked with taking over a plane and slamming it into Graceland (because, hey, f*ck Elvis). You mean to tell me I can now bring my bad ass self and highjack the plane with the weapons I've hidden inside my laptop or laptop case? Or my shoes? Or my water bottle?

Brilliant.

No, because they locked the cockpit doors right after 9/11. which made sense. Taking off your shoes, buying a wee toothpaste, and letting a TSA agent get to second base are all security theater.


This, although they're also now a source of farming money and continuing to show privilege to the wealthy
 
2013-09-05 01:43:01 PM  
How about we disband this jobs program that is the TSA?
 
2013-09-05 01:43:02 PM  
Thank Allah that terrorists are penniless and cannot spring for an extra $85
 
2013-09-05 01:43:12 PM  

what_now: No, because they locked the cockpit doors right after 9/11. which made sense. Taking off your shoes, buying a wee toothpaste, and letting a TSA agent get to second base are all security theater.


Locking the cockpit door and the fact that the passengers on the plane will (as has already been proven) neutralize any threat to the plane and their lives.

The problem has been solved as much as it can be by those two things, the TSA is only-- ONLY-- about money and control.

They are the people I wish there was a hell for.

Fu*king brownshirt sh*t weasels.
 
2013-09-05 01:43:34 PM  
FARK THE TSA!!!
 
2013-09-05 01:43:55 PM  
Wat
 
2013-09-05 01:44:19 PM  

vernonFL: Ive been through TSA security a least a dozen times in the last 5 years and I've never once had a problem.

I'm pleasant and patient and follow the rules.


You sound white.
 
2013-09-05 01:44:35 PM  
Sounds legit. I'm sure no one will find a way to abuse this.
 
2013-09-05 01:45:08 PM  
Sorry vudu, that was not directed at you. Just unfortunate timing.

WTF TSA you SUK
 
2013-09-05 01:45:27 PM  

Elandriel: Sneaky way to fingerprint the greater populace.  Shouldn't the "no national ID database" people be freaking out about now?


As it's entirely voluntary, no.

vernonFL: Ive been through TSA security a least a dozen times in the last 5 years and I've never once had a problem.

I'm pleasant and patient and follow the rules.


You say "If you've done nothing wrong, you have nothing to worry about" a lot, don't you?
 
2013-09-05 01:45:34 PM  

what_now: Nadie_AZ: Ok, so I join Al Qaeda. I live in the US doing US things with US stuff and eating US food. I pay my $85 for a 5 year exemption. TSA gets my finger prints. After a few months (year, whatever) I am 'activated' and tasked with taking over a plane and slamming it into Graceland (because, hey, f*ck Elvis). You mean to tell me I can now bring my bad ass self and highjack the plane with the weapons I've hidden inside my laptop or laptop case? Or my shoes? Or my water bottle?

Brilliant.

No, because they locked the cockpit doors right after 9/11. which made sense. Taking off your shoes, buying a wee toothpaste, and letting a TSA agent get to second base are all security theater.


Indeed.  Instead, you'll have to bring a bomb on board instead and take it down the old fashioned way.

But, after you've taken down the plane and killed yourself, they'll have your fingerprints on file to catch you if you plan to commit any more crimes in the future, so good luck trying to blow yourself up a second time.
 
2013-09-05 01:45:43 PM  
How else did we expect to fund the ground war with Sirya?
 
2013-09-05 01:45:45 PM  

Nadie_AZ: Ok, so I join Al Qaeda. I live in the US doing US things with US stuff and eating US food. I pay my $85 for a 5 year exemption. TSA gets my finger prints. After a few months (year, whatever) I am 'activated' and tasked with taking over a plane and slamming it into Graceland (because, hey, f*ck Elvis). You mean to tell me I can now bring my bad ass self and highjack the plane with the weapons I've hidden inside my laptop or laptop case? Or my shoes? Or my water bottle?

Brilliant.


To be fair, Jailhouse Rock is annoying as fark.
 
2013-09-05 01:45:48 PM  

vernonFL: Ive been through TSA security a least a dozen times in the last 5 years and I've never once had a problem.



You are the problem.
 
2013-09-05 01:46:06 PM  
So what? Murder is legal, too, if you have enough $$$


upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-09-05 01:46:14 PM  

Kittypie070: I'll slap down that goddamn 85 smackers no sweat if it means I'm not provoked into wishing very deeply to bite their damn grabby hands off.


The last time I went through DIA, I saw a cute chick in a TSA uniform. I thought to myself; why did I have to get frisked by some dude in his 40's, when there's a little hottie running around in B terminal?

/ maybe we should outsource the frisking to strippers or something; that make some people want to go through security twice
 
2013-09-05 01:46:17 PM  
I'm guessing that some Congressman has a brother or cousin or something that owns the company that processes the payments, and takes an "administrative fee" or some such nonsense. It always seems to boil down to something simple like that...
 
2013-09-05 01:46:26 PM  
basic search = "dignity and the rights that we stole from you" LOL??? thanks 0bummer, ovomit, barry!
 
2013-09-05 01:47:12 PM  
I don't mind the TSA check in so much if you get agents that are competent, and you're ready to be checked in. It's bad when you have people in line and they still haven't emptied their pockets or put any metal objects in the bins or taken out any electronics tablet sized or larger.
 
2013-09-05 01:47:42 PM  
I have Pre✔ access because of my GlobalEntry access.  I don't care about civil liberties.  I don't care about the risk of terrorism.  I only care that I can show up at the front door of any Pre✔ airport in America 35 minutes prior to my flight and still make it.  The longest queue I've seen in the Pre✔ line for screening was 6 people (and three minutes) on a busy afternoon at ORD.  Most morning at DCA, there is nobody in the line while the cattle-class line is 35 or 40 minutes deep.  It has saved me probably six hours of waiting in line this year alone.

It isn't so much that they've given me my rights back, it's that most people aren't opting for it so the lines move faster.

LOVE.  IT.
 
2013-09-05 01:48:03 PM  

Calmamity: what_now: No, because they locked the cockpit doors right after 9/11. which made sense. Taking off your shoes, buying a wee toothpaste, and letting a TSA agent get to second base are all security theater.

Locking the cockpit door and the fact that the passengers on the plane will (as has already been proven) neutralize any threat to the plane and their lives.

The problem has been solved as much as it can be by those two things, the TSA is only-- ONLY-- about money and control.

They are the people I wish there was a hell for.

Fu*king brownshirt sh*t weasels.


Brownshirt shiat weasel? I'm going to make it a point to use that in a conversation with someone this afternoon.
 
2013-09-05 01:48:18 PM  

Nadie_AZ: Ok, so I join Al Qaeda. I live in the US doing US things with US stuff and eating US food. I pay my $85 for a 5 year exemption. TSA gets my finger prints. After a few months (year, whatever) I am 'activated' and tasked with taking over a plane and slamming it into Graceland (because, hey, f*ck Elvis). You mean to tell me I can now bring my bad ass self and highjack the plane with the weapons I've hidden inside my laptop or laptop case? Or my shoes? Or my water bottle?

Brilliant.


The PreCheck program does not exempt you from security, merely from the theatre parts of it. You are still screened nearly the same as you would have been pre-9/11, save for the silly rules that apply to everyone.

I've got PreCheck by virtue of being in the Global Entry program. Now there's a program that is worth its weight in gold that has saved me hours and hours of waiting in passport control and customs lines. Nothing like arriving at JFK and walking past hundreds of people - literally 15 minutes from the plane to the curb including picking up my bag. (Business class so the bags are supposed to come out first)

csb - I've been to probably 15 countries in the last 18 months and of all the places I've been the Dutch have been the most vigorous in regards to security. They asked why I was visiting and for how long at passport control then were supremely interested when I was leaving to come back to the US because I had been in Beirut and Cairo in the previous four days - right after they blew up that Hizbollah guy a few weeks ago.
 
2013-09-05 01:48:51 PM  

tbhouston: basic search = "dignity and the rights that we stole from you" LOL??? thanks 0bummer, ovomit, barry!


Groping someone's genitals is not part of a "basic search" by any reasonable metric.

Don't get me started on the reversal of the reversal on the idiotic ban on small pocket knives.

Bunch of simpering pussies.
 
2013-09-05 01:49:19 PM  
Reminds me of "Jeans Day" at work.

We used to have Casual Fridays, but now we get to "donate" $5 to wear jeans on Friday.

They just take away our freedoms and sell them back to us.

Until they dont.
 
2013-09-05 01:49:22 PM  

uknesvuinng: But, after you've taken down the plane and killed yourself, they'll have your fingerprints on file to catch you if you plan to commit any more crimes in the future, so good luck trying to blow yourself up a second time.


More importantly, they'll know more about you so that they can start digging through your metadata to find your terrorist buds.

Screw this.  I'm not paying 85USD just so they can work less.  I'm going to be in the line for the same length of time, and if they want my fingerprints, photo, and other identifying data they'll just have to subpoena it.
 
2013-09-05 01:51:43 PM  

Warthog: I have Pre✔ access because of my GlobalEntry access.  I don't care about civil liberties.  I don't care about the risk of terrorism.  I only care that I can show up at the front door of any Pre✔ airport in America 35 minutes prior to my flight and still make it.  The longest queue I've seen in the Pre✔ line for screening was 6 people (and three minutes) on a busy afternoon at ORD.  Most morning at DCA, there is nobody in the line while the cattle-class line is 35 or 40 minutes deep.  It has saved me probably six hours of waiting in line this year alone.

It isn't so much that they've given me my rights back, it's that most people aren't opting for it so the lines move faster.

LOVE.  IT.


Me too. Although I'm pissed I had to pay $100 for 5 years and these newbies only have to pay $85. Never a line at Pre✔  when I use it at Dulles. Metal detector only too, so no nudie photos for you TSA pervs. I still have to take off my belt because it sets off the metal detector. Nice being able to leave on shoes and avoid the underground Disney-like winding line down in the dungeon of Dulles.
 
2013-09-05 01:55:17 PM  

Walker: Warthog: I have Pre✔ access because of my GlobalEntry access.  I don't care about civil liberties.  I don't care about the risk of terrorism.  I only care that I can show up at the front door of any Pre✔ airport in America 35 minutes prior to my flight and still make it.  The longest queue I've seen in the Pre✔ line for screening was 6 people (and three minutes) on a busy afternoon at ORD.  Most morning at DCA, there is nobody in the line while the cattle-class line is 35 or 40 minutes deep.  It has saved me probably six hours of waiting in line this year alone.

It isn't so much that they've given me my rights back, it's that most people aren't opting for it so the lines move faster.

LOVE.  IT.

Me too. Although I'm pissed I had to pay $100 for 5 years and these newbies only have to pay $85. Never a line at Pre✔  when I use it at Dulles. Metal detector only too, so no nudie photos for you TSA pervs. I still have to take off my belt because it sets off the metal detector. Nice being able to leave on shoes and avoid the underground Disney-like winding line down in the dungeon of Dulles.


My favorite part is leaving my co-worker on the long-ass line while I skip off to Pre-check.  "See you at the bar!"
 
2013-09-05 01:56:02 PM  
Bullshiat article is bullshiat. This does not let you skip security. What it does is allow frequent travelers to go through a faster process, and not have to be stuck behind morons who still don't know that you can't bring liquids on the plane.

TSA Pre✓™ allows select frequent flyers of participating airlines and members of U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) Trusted Traveler programs who are flying on participating airlines, to receive expedited screening benefits. Eligible participants use dedicated screening lanes for screening benefits which include leaving on shoes, light outerwear and belts, as well as leaving laptops and 3-1-1 compliant liquids in carry-on bags.
 
2013-09-05 01:56:37 PM  

Walker: Although I'm pissed I had to pay $100 for 5 years and these newbies only have to pay $85.


Next time just get Global Entry. It's $100, if you actually pay for it. Amex paid for mine and some other credit card and frequent flyer programs offer to pay for it as a benefit too.
 
2013-09-05 01:57:55 PM  
Only $50 for 5 years for Canadians - sign up for NEXUS and get Pre-Check for free!

Best $50 I ever spent. You get to skip customs lines too, and skip to the front of security lines at airports that don't have pre-check.
 
2013-09-05 01:58:04 PM  

vernonFL: Ive been through TSA security a least a dozen times in the last 5 years and I've never once had a problem.

I'm pleasant and patient and follow the rules.


i44.tinypic.com
 
2013-09-05 01:58:06 PM  

iheartscotch: Kittypie070: I'll slap down that goddamn 85 smackers no sweat if it means I'm not provoked into wishing very deeply to bite their damn grabby hands off.

The last time I went through DIA, I saw a cute chick in a TSA uniform. I thought to myself; why did I have to get frisked by some dude in his 40's, when there's a little hottie running around in B terminal?

/ maybe we should outsource the frisking to strippers or something; that make some people want to go through security twice


At last!  A TSA idea I can get behind!

i.imgur.com
 
2013-09-05 01:58:38 PM  
VernonFL:

Ive been through TSA security a least a dozen times in the last 5 years and I've never once had a problem.

I'm pleasant and patient and follow the rules.


I can best you on your current figures and am also pleasant and patient and pack accordingly. That really isn't the POINT

1 - Most people were thus BEFORE the TSA - in fact? quite a few actually dressed up to travel - if being nice means you don't have a problem with TSA, there is a problem - or can bad people not be charming?

2 - We, the American people, are spending many millions of dollars to fund the TSA on the premise they are a needed burden (time spent in transit) for security - if you can BUY your way out of this, then that is a lie (see above)

3 - Why should anyone have to pay four times (ticket, luggage, tax for TSA, TSA waiver fees) in order to travel interstate - which is not only a constitutional right other nations envy but - given this trend - will be something only the top 30-50% can afford? (ie - no more travel for you, ever)

Get back to me when you are okay with "its is no problem for me because I am nice" when the "constitutional right" to carry a fire arm requires 1) a background check (show your ID three times before boarding/buying); 2) a pat down and delay anytime you want to go to a gun range or use your weapon in any form other than immediate emergencies; 3) you are okay with someone who just wants to by-pass checks, permits, or felony convictions by sending someone a check

the TSA is a lie and a sucking black hole of cash
 
2013-09-05 01:58:41 PM  

Calmamity: tbhouston: basic search = "dignity and the rights that we stole from you" LOL??? thanks 0bummer, ovomit, barry!

Groping someone's genitals is not part of a "basic search" by any reasonable metric.

Don't get me started on the reversal of the reversal on the idiotic ban on small pocket knives.

Bunch of simpering pussies.


Dude.  The genital grope is the  best part.  Opt out every time, and be sure to scold the otherwise-unemployable assclown if he does an inadequate job of cupping your balls.
 
2013-09-05 02:00:07 PM  
Don't worry guys. The TSA is just a temporary fix that will go away once the airlines are able to transition back into handling their own security effectively. It should be gone any day now.
 
2013-09-05 02:02:03 PM  
Fark them and the idiots who caused this.
 
2013-09-05 02:04:01 PM  
it is really too bad the airlines can't run their own security - then we'd be fleeced - but at least it might translate into better service
 
2013-09-05 02:04:34 PM  

Calmamity: Groping someone's genitals is not part of a "basic search" by any reasonable metric.


Good thing they don't do that.

Look, I'm not a huge fan of the TSA's security theater myself, but making shiat up and cranking they hyperbole up to 11 isn't farking helping. At best it does nothing, at worst it makes things worse. If you convince someone they're going to either get irradiated to the point of growing tumors on the flight or get a handy and a UFIA and then they get to the security line and hear the spiel on how little radiation is used in the scanners and see the not that invasive* pat downs, do you think they'll continue to listen to a damn thing you say?

/*Yes, they are uncomfortable, more invasive than necessary and more or less useless, but let's not pretend they are strip searching everyone who doesn't go through the scanners.
 
2013-09-05 02:04:42 PM  
Are we safe yet?
 
2013-09-05 02:04:55 PM  
I'm so sick of SECURITY to save me from myself. Grow a set, America!
 
2013-09-05 02:05:13 PM  

Calmamity: what_now: No, because they locked the cockpit doors right after 9/11. which made sense. Taking off your shoes, buying a wee toothpaste, and letting a TSA agent get to second base are all security theater.

Locking the cockpit door and the fact that the passengers on the plane will (as has already been proven) neutralize any threat to the plane and their lives.

The problem has been solved as much as it can be by those two things, the TSA is only-- ONLY-- about money and control.

They are the people I wish there was a hell for.

Fu*king brownshirt sh*t weasels.


So are you saying that it is unlikely that we will see another 9/11 style attack, or airline hijackings?
 
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