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(Mother Jones)   Of course an end-times nutcase that thinks Syria is really the one this time would get the ear of Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, and the Heritage Foundation   (motherjones.com) divider line 84
    More: Dumbass, Heritage Foundation, end times, Rick Santorum, Book of Revelation, Islamic Caliphate, Nostradamus, Sam Brownback, ears  
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1498 clicks; posted to Politics » on 05 Sep 2013 at 12:15 PM (44 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-09-05 11:57:25 AM
I kept a journal in 1991. Why? Many reasons, least of which was my religious beliefs in keeping one. I still think journaling has merit and occasionally will do so to this day. Anyways, in the journal I described how the war with Saddam and Iraq in 1991 was going to be the beginning of the End of Days leading to the return of Jesus. I was firm in this belief.

Eventually I got better.

So yeah, I'm not surprised.
 
2013-09-05 12:12:06 PM
So Assad is ?

I thought Obama was the anti-christ from his glowing eyes.

3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-09-05 12:13:27 PM
Predicting war will happen in the middle east isn't prophecy, it's a news headline. I'm starting to think evangelicals should be barred from holding public office. If your religious cult thinks an apocalyptic war is a great way to honor your gods, then you shouldn't be making foreign policy decisions for the rest of us who don't follow your bloody handed deity of choice.
 
2013-09-05 12:18:33 PM
This is just what this debacle needs....Evangelical nonsense based on Revelations and a deathwish for global war in the mistaken belief that this is what God wants.
 
2013-09-05 12:18:51 PM
I predict autumn Sundays in America will bring forth a rise in personal debt that will cause millions of Americans to fall into a deep financial decline.
 
2013-09-05 12:20:36 PM

Infernalist: This is just what this debacle needs....Evangelical nonsense based on Revelations and a deathwish for global war in the mistaken belief that this is what God wants.


Evangelical Christians make me very nervous sometimes.
 
2013-09-05 12:20:40 PM
Why do people believe nonsense like this?  I'm seriously asking...it just doesn't make sense to me.
 
2013-09-05 12:20:55 PM

Infernalist: This is just what this debacle needs....Evangelical nonsense based on Revelations and a deathwish for global war in the mistaken belief that this is what God wants.


You forgot the most important part... they have an inside track so although it will suck for all of us THEY will get raptured up and get a free pony. You just have to know the secret handshake, or wear the magic underwear, or clap your hands and stomp your feet, or something like that.

The important thing is that are better than us and will be spared.
 
2013-09-05 12:21:47 PM

eraser8: Why do people believe nonsense like this?  I'm seriously asking...it just doesn't make sense to me.


Because Jesus.
 
2013-09-05 12:22:41 PM
If you rearrange the letters in Sarah Palin, you get "Ah, sarin pal".
 
2013-09-05 12:23:04 PM

WTF Indeed: I predict autumn Sundays in America will bring forth a rise in personal debt that will cause millions of Americans to fall into a deep financial decline.


That many people bet on football?
 
2013-09-05 12:23:12 PM

SpectroBoy: Infernalist: This is just what this debacle needs....Evangelical nonsense based on Revelations and a deathwish for global war in the mistaken belief that this is what God wants.

You forgot the most important part... they have an inside track so although it will suck for all of us THEY will get raptured up and get a free pony. You just have to know the secret handshake, or wear the magic underwear, or clap your hands and stomp your feet, or something like that.

The important thing is that are better than us and will be spared.


They're all gonna be REAL surprised when Ra shows up and smites their asses into next Tuesday...
 
2013-09-05 12:24:36 PM

eraser8: Why do people believe nonsense like this?  I'm seriously asking...it just doesn't make sense to me.


It feels good to believe it. (if you can).

* The end is coming and this life doesn't matter.  (aka, so what if you are a fark up. This life doesn't count and you get a do-over)

* We True Believers (TM) are special so are you as long as you are with us! We have a magic sky wizard and for us the end times is a BLESSING!

* You don't have to work your ass off or try to make the world better, just pray really hard and don't bother your pretty little head about reality.

It's a pretty sweat belief if you can swallow it. Lack of responsibility, no burden to succeed or think critically. Just "believe" and carry on and everything will be awesome for you.
 
2013-09-05 12:25:39 PM

Mrtraveler01: WTF Indeed: I predict autumn Sundays in America will bring forth a rise in personal debt that will cause millions of Americans to fall into a deep financial decline.

That many people bet on football?


Well that, and wives who spend Sunday at the mall.
 
2013-09-05 12:26:25 PM

Weaver95: SpectroBoy: Infernalist: This is just what this debacle needs....Evangelical nonsense based on Revelations and a deathwish for global war in the mistaken belief that this is what God wants.

You forgot the most important part... they have an inside track so although it will suck for all of us THEY will get raptured up and get a free pony. You just have to know the secret handshake, or wear the magic underwear, or clap your hands and stomp your feet, or something like that.

The important thing is that are better than us and will be spared.

They're all gonna be REAL surprised when Ra shows up and smites their asses into next Tuesday...


You know, I realize that in that situation, I'd be damned as much as them, but fark me if I wouldn't be cackling all the way down to say hi to Anubis and Set.
 
2013-09-05 12:26:53 PM
The only end your people shall know is the quiet surcease of death by exhaustion in the cold clutches of a salt mine far below the cratered surface of Jovian moons!
 
2013-09-05 12:28:17 PM

SpectroBoy: It's a pretty sweat belief if you can swallow it. Lack of responsibility, no burden to succeed or think critically. Just "believe" and carry on and everything will be awesome for you.


Other sweat beliefs include believing you have to mow the lawn this afternoon, believing you're going to be moving to a new house in Arizona this July, and pron.
 
2013-09-05 12:29:14 PM

Weaver95: SpectroBoy: Infernalist: This is just what this debacle needs....Evangelical nonsense based on Revelations and a deathwish for global war in the mistaken belief that this is what God wants.

You forgot the most important part... they have an inside track so although it will suck for all of us THEY will get raptured up and get a free pony. You just have to know the secret handshake, or wear the magic underwear, or clap your hands and stomp your feet, or something like that.

The important thing is that are better than us and will be spared.

They're all gonna be REAL surprised when Ra shows up and smites their asses into next Tuesday...


My money is on Thor and I see a hammering in their future.
 
2013-09-05 12:29:41 PM
Joel Rosenberg, lol, bestselling author of Jewish FearFic. Propaganda comes in all shapes and sizes.
 
2013-09-05 12:30:37 PM

Apik0r0s: Joel Rosenberg, lol, bestselling author of Jewish FearFic. Propaganda comes in all shapes and sizes.


You 'really' need to go find yourself a nice gay jewish boy and get it over with, man.  I swear to Christ.
 
2013-09-05 12:31:02 PM

eraser8: Why do people believe nonsense like this?  I'm seriously asking...it just doesn't make sense to me.


I was taught from before I remember that the end of days was coming and that I was living in the last days. No one knew the hour, we were taught, of His arrival. Everyone had their opinion, but everyone agreed it was going to happen. When you believe it is going to happen, you can't be convinced otherwise. This is why beliefs suck. They don't bend to logic or evidence.

So they are convinced it is coming. They are just making their guesses as to which event will kick it off.

The strange thing to me is that if Jesus return is supposed to purge earth of all evil- and they are not evil- why would they worry about the anti-christ and all that other stuff? If I knew I was going to be rescued, I'd be excited for it.
 
2013-09-05 12:31:34 PM

Infernalist: Weaver95: SpectroBoy: Infernalist: This is just what this debacle needs....Evangelical nonsense based on Revelations and a deathwish for global war in the mistaken belief that this is what God wants.

You forgot the most important part... they have an inside track so although it will suck for all of us THEY will get raptured up and get a free pony. You just have to know the secret handshake, or wear the magic underwear, or clap your hands and stomp your feet, or something like that.

The important thing is that are better than us and will be spared.

They're all gonna be REAL surprised when Ra shows up and smites their asses into next Tuesday...

You know, I realize that in that situation, I'd be damned as much as them, but fark me if I wouldn't be cackling all the way down to say hi to Anubis and Set.


What happens if the evangelicals hold their nuclear bonfire human sacrifice and...the pagan gods show up instead? Hmm...I think I've got a story idea forming in my head....
 
2013-09-05 12:31:55 PM

Weaver95: Predicting war will happen in the middle east isn't prophecy, it's a news headline. I'm starting to think evangelicals should be barred from holding public office. If your religious cult thinks an apocalyptic war is a great way to honor your gods, then you shouldn't be making foreign policy decisions for the rest of us who don't follow your bloody handed deity of choice.


Do the news agencies still use the "Crisis in the Middle East" tag on everything?  I started filtering it out at around the second decade into its use.
 
2013-09-05 12:34:19 PM

Infernalist: This is just what this debacle needs....Evangelical nonsense based on Revelations and a deathwish for global war in the mistaken belief that this is what God wants.


All fueled by a Messianic Jew.

Rosenberg ... At the age of 17, he became a born-again Christian and now identifies as a Jewish believer in Jesus.
 
2013-09-05 12:34:20 PM
Maybe it's this cold, but I can't even read the article with all that god stuff in there.  I mean, what is this shiat?

"[A]ccording to Bible prophecy, Iran survives the Israeli strike and plays a major role in the coming Russian-led Gog-Magog Alliance foretold by the Prophet Ezekiel," he wrote. "Israel also survives, since the Gog-Magog Alliance eventually marches against it."

I can't even make sense of that.
 
2013-09-05 12:35:07 PM

Infernalist: Apik0r0s: Joel Rosenberg, lol, bestselling author of Jewish FearFic. Propaganda comes in all shapes and sizes.

You 'really' need to go find yourself a nice gay jewish boy and get it over with, man.  I swear to Christ.


+1. Lol'd, would lol again.
 
2013-09-05 12:36:12 PM

Weaver95: Predicting war will happen in the middle east isn't prophecy, it's a news headline.


Really, it's barely even a headline.
 
2013-09-05 12:37:01 PM

Soup4Bonnie: Maybe it's this cold, but I can't even read the article with all that god stuff in there.  I mean, what is this shiat?

"[A]ccording to Bible prophecy, Iran survives the Israeli strike and plays a major role in the coming Russian-led Gog-Magog Alliance foretold by the Prophet Ezekiel," he wrote. "Israel also survives, since the Gog-Magog Alliance eventually marches against it."

I can't even make sense of that.


Team a fights team b. team b is supposed to take a dive in round three because the Christian god rigged the fight in order to maximize pain and suffering among humans everywhere. Why? Because love, that's why.
 
2013-09-05 12:38:46 PM

PanicMan: Weaver95: Predicting war will happen in the middle east isn't prophecy, it's a news headline.

Really, it's barely even a headline.


War will happen in the middle east! Rain will fall in the rainy season! On the fields of trenzalore the silence must fall!
 
2013-09-05 12:39:41 PM
FTFA: "I believe we're there. People on the street are talking about what all of these things mean. Folks that wouldn't go darken the door of a church or pick up a Bible are now very curious. This may be our greatest opportunity-maybe even our last opportunity-to share the gospel of Jesus Christ before we're silenced by political correctness."

Act now! Supplies are running out! Why haven't you made up your mind yet?? THIS OFFER WON'T BE AROUND FOREVER! PICK UP THAT MOTHERF*#%ING PHONE, YOU SLACK-JAWED LAYABOUT!!1!

/gotta love the hard sell
 
2013-09-05 12:39:55 PM
It's the end of days for the people that will be killed by bombs.
It was the end of days for over 100K Syrians already.
It's the end of days.
Today will end too.
Next.
Suck Magog.
 
2013-09-05 12:40:04 PM
Another way to relieve the very poor of their money and their freedom.

Why not take out that 400% pay day or car title loan? The world will end soon. Profits of Doom Jesus Santorum and Jesus Left Behind said so.

Not that the Torah says it could be a death sentence to practice televangelist authors' arts.

"You shall not practice divination or soothsaying." (Leviticus 19:26)

"When you enter the land that the LORD your God is giving you, you shall not learn to imitate the abhorrent practices of the nations. Let no one be found among you who...is an auger, a soothsayer, a diviner, a sorceror, one casts spells.....For anyone who does these things is abhorrent to the LORD..." (Deuteronomy 18:9-12)
 
2013-09-05 12:41:41 PM
How exactly that will happen is a bit less clear. "The honest answer is that the Bible does not say," Rosenberg on his blog last June.

The Bible? Unclear about something? The hell you say!
 
2013-09-05 12:42:00 PM
I wish I had more experience in the financial industry so I could help people who believe in the end of days to invest in the "next life", i.e. take their money.
 
2013-09-05 12:43:24 PM

BitwiseShift: Another way to relieve the very poor of their money and their freedom.

Why not take out that 400% pay day or car title loan? The world will end soon. Profits of Doom Jesus Santorum and Jesus Left Behind said so.

Not that the Torah says it could be a death sentence to practice televangelist authors' arts.

"You shall not practice divination or soothsaying." (Leviticus 19:26)

"When you enter the land that the LORD your God is giving you, you shall not learn to imitate the abhorrent practices of the nations. Let no one be found among you who...is an auger, a soothsayer, a diviner, a sorceror, one casts spells.....For anyone who does these things is abhorrent to the LORD..." (Deuteronomy 18:9-12)


You know I've always wondered about that verse. A lot of Christian and Jewish figures were clearly sorcerers and spell workers of various sorts. I think that was intended to keep the commoners out of the wizarding business.
 
2013-09-05 12:43:58 PM

Weaver95: PanicMan: Weaver95: Predicting war will happen in the middle east isn't prophecy, it's a news headline.

Really, it's barely even a headline.

War will happen in the middle east! Rain will fall in the rainy season! On the fields of trenzalore the silence must fall!


If Armageddon does happen, and the Final Judgment comes, I'll shiat bricks if Jesus shows up in a TARDIS.
 
2013-09-05 12:44:52 PM
Meanwhile, in China,,
www.historyforkids.org
'End Times?' no, lunch is in two hours
 
2013-09-05 12:47:45 PM

WTF Indeed: I predict autumn Sundays in America will bring forth a rise in personal debt that will cause millions of Americans to fall into a deep financial decline.


Bucs fan?
 
2013-09-05 12:47:47 PM
So, I take it this prophet is going to stop asking his followers for donations, right? Right?
 
2013-09-05 12:48:32 PM

Triple Oak: I wish I had more experience in the financial industry so I could help people who believe in the end of days to invest in the "next life", i.e. take their money.


Is there a mega church near you?
 
2013-09-05 12:49:06 PM

eraser8: Why do people believe nonsense like this?  I'm seriously asking...it just doesn't make sense to me.


My 2 cents: consumption.
If you 'know' the world is going to end in your life-time, you can go out and buy all the Duck Commander branded crap you want and eat all the Hate Chicken in the world and not feel bad about it.

Also, and this may be the most important part, if you 'know' you're just about to be raptured, what does it matter if and oil company destroys the environment?

Polution? Climate Change? Burning water? Doesn't matter, if you're not going to be here much longer.

Do seminary colleges disclose funding? I would not be surprised to see all manners of energy companies paying big money to them.
 
2013-09-05 12:49:18 PM
It's too bad that the United States doesn't provide better mental health treatment for people who believe stupid shiat like this and try to get us all killed in the process.
 
2013-09-05 12:49:44 PM

Weaver95: Infernalist: Weaver95: SpectroBoy: Infernalist: This is just what this debacle needs....Evangelical nonsense based on Revelations and a deathwish for global war in the mistaken belief that this is what God wants.

You forgot the most important part... they have an inside track so although it will suck for all of us THEY will get raptured up and get a free pony. You just have to know the secret handshake, or wear the magic underwear, or clap your hands and stomp your feet, or something like that.

The important thing is that are better than us and will be spared.

They're all gonna be REAL surprised when Ra shows up and smites their asses into next Tuesday...

You know, I realize that in that situation, I'd be damned as much as them, but fark me if I wouldn't be cackling all the way down to say hi to Anubis and Set.

What happens if the evangelicals hold their nuclear bonfire human sacrifice and...the pagan gods show up instead? Hmm...I think I've got a story idea forming in my head....


Go for it! It can't be any worse than those horrible D&D paperbacks-you know the ones I'm talking about...
 
2013-09-05 12:50:38 PM

xanadian: Weaver95: PanicMan: Weaver95: Predicting war will happen in the middle east isn't prophecy, it's a news headline.

Really, it's barely even a headline.

War will happen in the middle east! Rain will fall in the rainy season! On the fields of trenzalore the silence must fall!

If Armageddon does happen, and the Final Judgment comes, I'll shiat bricks if Jesus shows up in a TARDIS.


If the Final Judgement comes, is there a line we get into? Does it happen all at once in an instant, 'cause I don't want to stand around waiting like I was in line for concert tickets to a show that will sell out.
Is there time to get a couple of BJs or something?
Do I have time to at least go get a cup of coffee and take a dump?

There should be some guidelines for this thing.
 
2013-09-05 12:51:10 PM
Twenty years ago when i traveled in Charismatic circles I heard that this prophesy about Syria was the last one that had to be fulfilled for the "End times" to begin. I can easily imagine that the evangelicals are hepped up on the idea.
 
2013-09-05 12:52:26 PM
It makes you wonder what would happen if terrorists dumped Abilify or some other antipsychotic into the Austin city water supply. Would Rick Perry suddenly say "Holy shiat! What am I doing? Sorry folks, I resign, Elect a Democrat for chrissake"?

(I know, the answer is "no.")
 
2013-09-05 12:53:45 PM

Pinner: If the Final Judgement comes, is there a line we get into? Does it happen all at once in an instant, 'cause I don't want to stand around waiting like I was in line for concert tickets to a show that will sell out.


Have you ever stood in line at a concert? Especially a popular one, like, I donno, Bieber or something.  And did you ever say, "This is hell."

Well.  Now you know.  Hell is like standing in a very very long line for a Bieber concert.  And Bieber is the one who's gonna Judge ya.

man.  Now *I'm* scared.  Time to get me some Bieber in my life. I mean. Jesus.  Jesus in my life.
 
2013-09-05 12:54:06 PM
No jizzy ass foam jokes? Disappointed!
 
2013-09-05 12:55:59 PM

Weaver95: They're all gonna be REAL surprised when Ra shows up and smites their asses into next Tuesday...


There will be no smiting,

www.venganza.org
His noodly appendages dry out in the desert.
 
2013-09-05 12:57:24 PM

eraser8: Why do people believe nonsense like this?  I'm seriously asking...it just doesn't make sense to me.


Because Jesus said love your neighbor and what they really want is for him to get all brimstone on their ass.  And, they get want to get front row seats to the beat down.
 
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