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(People Magazine)   Scarlett Johansson engaged to the luckiest damn bastard in the world   (people.com) divider line 79
    More: Sad, Scarlett Johansson, Romain Dauriac, first ladies, Venice Film Festival, Golden Globes!, Getty Images, engagement rings, publicists  
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8762 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 05 Sep 2013 at 8:55 AM (50 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



79 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-09-05 08:57:01 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-09-05 08:58:02 AM
That guy has the spindly upper-body of a prepubescent boy.  You have a chance!
That guy has no beer gut.  You have no chance.
 
2013-09-05 09:01:27 AM
Been there, done that.

/actually I saw her on Broadway a few months back
//from 2nd row
///she wore underwear the whole time
 
2013-09-05 09:06:31 AM
Supposedly her new movie Under The Skin she goes full monty and we get the full frontal. So rest well you Cheetos stuffed mountain dew fueled basement dwellers, you'll have plenty of spank material here soon.
 
2013-09-05 09:14:52 AM
This gets greened, and my headline doesn't. Oh, well. C'est la Fark. Also:

Scarlett is a peach. Like when you eat a peach that is so ripe you can push your thumb through the skin. The juice runs down your chin and drips onto your chest, and the place in between your fingers gets so sticky you have trouble separating them. The next day, even after you wash your hands, you can still smell the sweet juice on your skin and, if no one is watching, you lick your fingers and the memory of that sweet fruit on your tongue floods back. Scarlett is like that.
 
2013-09-05 09:15:58 AM
www.divinity.es
 
2013-09-05 09:23:08 AM
Until he gets tired of her shiat.  And no, I'm not Ryan Reynolds.
 
2013-09-05 09:24:23 AM

PizzaJedi81: Scarlett is a peach. Like when you eat a peach that is so ripe you can push your thumb through the skin. The juice runs down your chin and drips onto your chest, and the place in between your fingers gets so sticky you have trouble separating them. The next day, even after you wash your hands, you can still smell the sweet juice on your skin and, if no one is watching, you lick your fingers and the memory of that sweet fruit on your tongue floods back. Scarlett is like that.


Fark is not your peach-fondling erotica site

but do go on....
 
2013-09-05 09:24:31 AM

Wellon Dowd: [i.imgur.com image 550x794]


Good luck to you, bro. I got a two day ban for posting that once.

/I'd ban her for two days, if ya know what I mean, and I think you do.
 
2013-09-05 09:31:26 AM

PizzaJedi81: Wellon Dowd: [i.imgur.com image 550x794]

Good luck to you, bro. I got a two day ban for posting that once.

/I'd ban her for two days, if ya know what I mean, and I think you do.


So have I. And I've seen it posted afterwards without incident. Fark modministrators move in random, incomprehensible ways.
 
2013-09-05 09:33:33 AM
Sean Penn tore that up.

/No thanks.
 
2013-09-05 09:33:51 AM
Saw this pic on reddit yesterday and I really really liked it.

i.imgur.com
 
2013-09-05 09:35:07 AM

Wellon Dowd: So have I. And I've seen it posted afterwards without incident. Fark modministrators move in random, incomprehensible ways.


Guess it just depends on how hungover they are on a given day, I guess. I've been on benders where, the next day, I'm the grumpiest ass in the world, and others when I come out of it as Mr. Happy-pants.

Also:

I'd post her incident afterwards, if ya know what I mean, and I think you do.

I'd move her in random, incomprehensible ways, if ya know what I mean, and I think you do.
 
2013-09-05 09:35:53 AM

browntimmy: Saw this pic on reddit yesterday and I really really liked it.

[i.imgur.com image 850x1254]


As I said in the Sofia Vergara thread yesterday:

I believe the right sound is: AHHHHpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbpbp.

Come up for breathe as needed.
 
2013-09-05 09:37:55 AM

PizzaJedi81: Wellon Dowd: So have I. And I've seen it posted afterwards without incident. Fark modministrators move in random, incomprehensible ways.

Guess it just depends on how hungover they are on a given day, I guess. I've been on benders where, the next day, I'm the grumpiest ass in the world, and others when I come out of it as Mr. Happy-pants.

Also:

I'd post her incident afterwards, if ya know what I mean, and I think you do.

I'd move her in random, incomprehensible ways, if ya know what I mean, and I think you do.


it goes with headlines greening too. (though I think that may just be which admin is on duty)

most mornings I can get 6-8 headlines greened. Last week, I was lucky to get more than 3. Tuesday, yesterday and today, I had 14, 5 and 15, respectively.

/it's only happened once that >90% of a tab are my headlines for half of the day.
//today is the second time that's happened
///I am so sorry Politics Tab people
 
2013-09-05 09:38:29 AM

PizzaJedi81: Guess it just depends on how hungover they are on a given day, I guess. I've been on benders where, the next day, I'm the grumpiest ass in the world, and others when I come out of it as Mr. Happy-pants.


They look at recent behavior as well. I've gotten on their pissed off side for crossing them a third time even though the first two were truly accidental. That third one though, ohhh yeah I earned that time out.

Anyway, enough of that...so yeah like I said full frontal here soon.
 
2013-09-05 09:40:45 AM

IdBeCrazyIf: I earned that time out.


I'd make Scarlett earn a time out, if ya know what I mean, and I think you do.
 
2013-09-05 09:41:07 AM
Dude looks like a cockbag. Why Scarlett, WHY!?
 
2013-09-05 09:41:38 AM

IdBeCrazyIf: That third one though, ohhh yeah I earned that time out.


yeah, Amanda Bynes headline attempt got me banned until I explained myself

/felt dirty afterward
//I did deserve it
 
2013-09-05 09:43:33 AM

somedude210: yeah, Amanda Bynes headline attempt got me banned until I explained myself


What was it, out of curiosity?

You can email me if you don't wanna post it in thread.
 
2013-09-05 09:49:25 AM

PizzaJedi81: What was it, out of curiosity?

You can email me if you don't wanna post it in thread.


lets just say it was a tasteless joke involving the color of car and her preference in men to mate with. (at least i think it was a car)

it was a few months ago. I've had many redlit headlines since then
 
2013-09-05 09:50:00 AM

PizzaJedi81: Wellon Dowd: [i.imgur.com image 550x794]

Good luck to you, bro. I got a two day ban for posting that once.

/I'd ban her for two days, if ya know what I mean, and I think you do.


Really?  Fark would be an empty place if they banned everyone who posted titillating photos.

/always looking for a chance to say ' titillating'.
 
2013-09-05 09:50:05 AM

blacksharpiemarker: Dude looks like a cockbag. Why Scarlett, WHY!?


She dated Sean Penn for a while. So, I guess that's her norm (Ryan must have been the anomaly in the group).
 
2013-09-05 09:51:34 AM

somedude210: PizzaJedi81: Wellon Dowd: So have I. And I've seen it posted afterwards without incident. Fark modministrators move in random, incomprehensible ways.

Guess it just depends on how hungover they are on a given day, I guess. I've been on benders where, the next day, I'm the grumpiest ass in the world, and others when I come out of it as Mr. Happy-pants.

Also:

I'd post her incident afterwards, if ya know what I mean, and I think you do.

I'd move her in random, incomprehensible ways, if ya know what I mean, and I think you do.

it goes with headlines greening too. (though I think that may just be which admin is on duty)

most mornings I can get 6-8 headlines greened. Last week, I was lucky to get more than 3. Tuesday, yesterday and today, I had 14, 5 and 15, respectively.

/it's only happened once that >90% of a tab are my headlines for half of the day.
//today is the second time that's happened
///I am so sorry Politics Tab people


So, YOU'RE the reason fark is no longer funny ...
 
2013-09-05 09:52:21 AM
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-09-05 09:54:38 AM

GRCooper: So, YOU'RE the reason fark is no longer funny ...


hey that's not fair. I bring the unique funny
 
2013-09-05 09:55:20 AM

somedude210: PizzaJedi81: What was it, out of curiosity?

You can email me if you don't wanna post it in thread.

lets just say it was a tasteless joke involving the color of car and her preference in men to mate with. (at least i think it was a car)

it was a few months ago. I've had many redlit headlines since then


Did it involve some mention of Drake and the murdering of a body part?
 
2013-09-05 09:59:11 AM

redmid17: Did it involve some mention of Drake and the murdering of a body part?


.......noooo?
 
2013-09-05 10:09:26 AM

somedude210: redmid17: Did it involve some mention of Drake and the murdering of a body part?

.......noooo?


Wow...my BS alarm went off and exploded.
 
2013-09-05 10:09:40 AM
Jimmy Durante schnozz.
 
2013-09-05 10:20:53 AM

HotIgneous Intruder: Sean Penn tore that up.

/No thanks.


She has the taint of Penn on her, yuck
 
2013-09-05 10:21:58 AM

PizzaJedi81: somedude210: redmid17: Did it involve some mention of Drake and the murdering of a body part?

.......noooo?

Wow...my BS alarm went off and exploded.


Yeah if it wasn't, then he missed a golden opportunity. However I have to agree with you.
 
2013-09-05 10:23:19 AM

blacksharpiemarker: Dude looks like a cockbag. Why Scarlett, WHY!?


The more attractive a woman is, the more likely she is to hook up with a jerk.
 
2013-09-05 10:25:28 AM

Rapmaster2000: That guy has the spindly upper-body of a prepubescent boy.  You have a chance!
That guy has no beer gut.  You have no chance.


Given her poor taste in men, Sean Penn, Ryan Reynolds and now some French dude, it would look like anybody has a chance.
 
2013-09-05 10:27:14 AM
www.thebeerdrifter.com
Thread need moar scarlett
 
2013-09-05 10:28:42 AM

Tyrone Slothrop: blacksharpiemarker: Dude looks like a cockbag. Why Scarlett, WHY!?

The more attractive a woman is, the more likely she is to hook up with a jerk.


Well then where are all these attractive women?  I should have a line outside my house.
 
2013-09-05 10:30:45 AM
bigspott.files.wordpress.com
because cleavage
 
2013-09-05 10:31:22 AM

redmid17: Yeah if it wasn't, then he missed a golden opportunity. However I have to agree with you.


I must've missed something
 
2013-09-05 10:35:12 AM

hasty ambush: HotIgneous Intruder: Sean Penn tore that up.

/No thanks.

She has the taint of Penn on her, yuck



You guys need to know more women (both literally and in the Biblical sense); you do know nothing gets "torn up" and I'm sure she's showered multiple times since Penn was with her.

/unless you two are into virgins, it's a safe bet every woman you've been with has been "torn up" by someone else before you
 
2013-09-05 10:52:11 AM

Bendal: hasty ambush: HotIgneous Intruder: Sean Penn tore that up.

/No thanks.

She has the taint of Penn on her, yuck


You guys need to know more women (both literally and in the Biblical sense); you do know nothing gets "torn up" and I'm sure she's showered multiple times since Penn was with her.

/unless you two are into virgins, it's a safe bet every woman you've been with has been "torn up" by someone else before you


And they're usually much more douchetastic and likely scuzzier too. And in the extremely unlikely event that Scarlett Johansson came up to you and offered herself up sexually I somehow doubt you'd turn her down unless you were gay or married or in a serious relationship.
 
2013-09-05 11:04:47 AM

IdBeCrazyIf: Supposedly her new movie Under The Skin she goes full monty and we get the full frontal. So rest well you Cheetos stuffed mountain dew fueled basement dwellers, you'll have plenty of spank material here soon.


Do you have a source for that bit of info?
 
2013-09-05 11:05:08 AM

Bendal: hasty ambush: HotIgneous Intruder: Sean Penn tore that up.

/No thanks.

She has the taint of Penn on her, yuck


You guys need to know more women (both literally and in the Biblical sense); you do know nothing gets "torn up" and I'm sure she's showered multiple times since Penn was with her.

/unless you two are into virgins, it's a safe bet every woman you've been with has been "torn up" by someone else before you


Yeah, unless she was with a guy that's hung like a newborn baby (about 10 pounds and 20 inches) she ain't torn up. And would hit in a second.
 
2013-09-05 11:08:15 AM

somedude210: redmid17: Yeah if it wasn't, then he missed a golden opportunity. However I have to agree with you.

I must've missed something


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/21/amanda-bynes-drake-vagina_n _2 929248.html
 
2013-09-05 11:35:02 AM
How fast will it take before he can't take her shiat anymore?

I give it 3 years.
 
2013-09-05 11:40:55 AM
I know I'm supposed to be jealous, but I'm happy for her. She's actually a very nice person in real life, from what I can tell through my IR-boosted 40x100 binoculars, and she deserves to be happy.

Do you know that before every supper, she makes a point of saying something nice about everyone at the table? She says it's something her parents did, and she wants to keep up the tradition. Or at least she used to do that--I don't know for sure anymore because her security guy noticed the laser microphone beam I'd pointed at her dining room window.

Anyway, this "bastard" certainly is lucky, but I think he's a good guy. When I see them making love on the days that I can afford the $400 her housekeeper charges me to leave her blinds open, I see two people who genuinely care for one another. She's not into him for the wrong reasons: frame-by-frame computer analysis of the video suggests that his penis is about 6.2" ±0.3" (uncircumcised, interestingly enough) and his credit reports show that he's living quite comfortably without needing a sugar mama.

Really, if I'm being honest with myself, my only problem with him is that he doesn't strike me as the sort of guy who'd be very understanding if he caught me going through their trash, looking for strands of her hair. (Reynolds was cool about that--said he'd been there.) But I can't really blame him too much for that, and in any event that's what chloroform is for.
 
2013-09-05 12:00:35 PM
semiotix:

*golf clap*
 
2013-09-05 12:58:38 PM

PizzaJedi81: /I'd ban her for two days, if ya know what I mean, and I think you do.

...I'd post her incident afterwards, if ya know what I mean, and I think you do.

...I'd move her in random, incomprehensible ways, if ya know what I mean, and I think you do.

...I'd make Scarlett earn a time out, if ya know what I mean, and I think you do.



Don't ever change. Your posts always make me happy.
 
2013-09-05 01:29:20 PM
I think ScarJo is pretty, but a little over-rated.
 
2013-09-05 01:46:41 PM

phaseolus: PizzaJedi81: /I'd ban her for two days, if ya know what I mean, and I think you do.

...I'd post her incident afterwards, if ya know what I mean, and I think you do.

...I'd move her in random, incomprehensible ways, if ya know what I mean, and I think you do.

...I'd make Scarlett earn a time out, if ya know what I mean, and I think you do.


Don't ever change. Your posts always make me happy.


I think I can guess PizzaJedi's response to this post....
 
2013-09-05 01:51:11 PM

jmr61: Been there, done that.

/actually I saw her on Broadway a few months back
//from 2nd row
///she wore underwear the whole time


go on.
 
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