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(Fark)   Time for another round of Whose Fark Is It Anyway, the game where everyone's drunk and nothing matters. Tonight's topic: Things not to do in bed   (fark.com) divider line 250
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3899 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Sep 2013 at 9:38 PM (44 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-09-03 10:33:57 PM

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Sensei Can You See: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: rev. dave: Have sex with crazy friends:  We were friends for years, she got drunk at a bar and we went to my house.   She came onto me and she initiated sex.
Once we were done she squatted and pissed the bed.
The whole time I am watching in slow motion ...wut ... oh.. a performance..!......  wait ... oh fark... noo...noooo..WTFOMG...dammit.....

Can... can I get her #?

Number 1.

/thank you! I'm here all week!

I would say try the veal, but I think rev. dave already tried it...


Sadly, we are no longer friends, reasons I don't understand.
It happened after this,  I kept wanting a second and third round since I am turned on by crazy.
Some point of me knew that the next time it would not end so well.
 
2013-09-03 10:34:03 PM
"Trust me, the points don't matter..."
 
2013-09-03 10:34:13 PM

pissedoffmick: libranoelrose: Touch your boyfriend/husband with those cold ass feet, ladies

pussy


No, that's usually pretty warm.

/If you're doing it right
 
2013-09-03 10:35:09 PM

msupf: Wipe a shart


No! You have to wipe and wash after a shart. It is just common decency.
 
2013-09-03 10:35:28 PM
I imagine that attempting a jigsaw puzzle would be an exercise in frustration.
 
2013-09-03 10:36:50 PM

ericpbert: This thread should have been a Photoshop!


i.imgur.com
 
2013-09-03 10:38:05 PM
Use an icepack to freeze your hands, then touch the clitoris.

It hurts the jaw.
 
2013-09-03 10:40:49 PM

Smeggy Smurf: MrHappyRotter: Twenty three year olds

36/2+5=23.  Twenty three year olds are ok.


See, I thought it was half your age plus 7 years, not 5 years. But what do I know?
That would still make mine a 33. And I would take a 33 any day.
 
2013-09-03 10:42:42 PM

Lonestar: Use an icepack to freeze your hands, then touch the clitoris.

It hurts the jaw.


So don't let her punch you out then...
 
2013-09-03 10:45:28 PM
Chew through the straps.
 
2013-09-03 10:45:46 PM
Cut your toe nails.
 
2013-09-03 10:45:57 PM

Sensei Can You See: frostus: ekdikeo4: Surprise buttsex

No, it's should NOT do.

Look, once she's facedown  and the handcuffs and ballgag are on nice and tight, nothing that happens should be a surprise.


And that's why you don't take the toys out until well after the surprise has been sprung.
 
2013-09-03 10:47:54 PM

Dellirium: Molavian: shifty lookin bleeder: cousins

I'll tell you this is bullshiat.  I did cousins in bed and it was the most erotic experience of my life.

That is, they weren't my cousins.  They were cousins to each other.  Red-headed female teenagers.

Go on...


It started with drinking, and morphed into a game of strip poker.  I was a 28-year-old college freshman, and was dating the taller one.  She was 18 and a freshman at UW Oshkosh, model thin and tall, taller by me by more than 6 inches.
 
2013-09-03 10:49:29 PM
Sharpen your chainsaw.
 
2013-09-03 10:49:52 PM

Dellirium: Smeggy Smurf: MrHappyRotter: Twenty three year olds

36/2+5=23.  Twenty three year olds are ok.

See, I thought it was half your age plus 7 years, not 5 years. But what do I know?
That would still make mine a 33. And I would take a 33 any day.


For you it's 7 years.  For me and my van it's 5.
 
2013-09-03 10:51:46 PM
Forget to Febreeze your sex furniture
 
2013-09-03 10:54:17 PM

cman: Sleep with your finger in your girlfriends vagina the whole night


How is that something NOT to do?
 
2013-09-03 10:54:50 PM
F5F5F5
 
2013-09-03 10:59:58 PM
 
2013-09-03 11:01:11 PM
Giggle at Fark comments while getting a blowie
 
2013-09-03 11:03:30 PM
forget the safe word.

"fluggaenkdechioebolsen"
 
2013-09-03 11:04:10 PM

rev. dave: This! My ex-gf called me once after she spent the night, ( was still GF at the time) said she was eating crackers in my bed after I said no food in the bedroom. Points to ex-gf as part of the reason why we did not last.


So you're saying she's used to crumbs in bed?
 
2013-09-03 11:06:24 PM
forget a wipe.
 
2013-09-03 11:06:28 PM
Twist a testicle during sex in bed and call a nurse at the ER to get advice.

Or

Call 911 while having sex because a bat is flying around the room and you don't want to get rabies.

Or

Get high without your partner partaking, then getting asked questions when you are so high, you forget how to lie.
 
2013-09-03 11:10:11 PM
Good idea: Breakfast in bed
Bad idea: including a waffle bar and omelet station.
 
2013-09-03 11:10:49 PM
Start going on about my moms custard pie. My god the look. I will never live that down.
 
2013-09-03 11:17:12 PM
Have sex every time, there are so many more interesting places to do it. I can't believe how many people have whitebread sex lives where it's always in bed with the lights off.
 
2013-09-03 11:17:50 PM

TommyDeuce: pissedoffmick: libranoelrose: Touch your boyfriend/husband with those cold ass feet, ladies

pussy

No, that's usually pretty warm.

/If you're doing it right


Avoid corpses is what I get from this
 
2013-09-03 11:18:42 PM
Arc welding.
 
2013-09-03 11:18:52 PM

robodog: Have sex every time, there are so many more interesting places to do it. I can't believe how many people have whitebread sex lives where it's always in bed with the lights off.


Sometimes we use whole wheat and use a night light.
 
2013-09-03 11:19:50 PM

robodog: Have sex every time, there are so many more interesting places to do it. I can't believe how many people have whitebread sex lives where it's always in bed with the lights off.


If you need to find different locations in order to avoid a "white bread sex life"... Well, lets just say good for you :)
 
2013-09-03 11:22:32 PM
Have the pastor over for drinks.
 
2013-09-03 11:23:05 PM

macsavageg4: Arc welding.


I disagree.
 
2013-09-03 11:23:37 PM
Do body shots off of the pastor.
 
2013-09-03 11:23:59 PM

TinyFist: Do body shots off of the pastor.


I disagree with this, too.
 
2013-09-03 11:25:12 PM
Use an arc welder while doing body shots off of the pastor.
 
2013-09-03 11:27:39 PM
Open a fortune cookie.
 
2013-09-03 11:27:45 PM

megarian: macsavageg4: Arc welding.

I disagree.


MIG and TIG are okay. Too much slag with arc welding.

/British slang joke goes here.
 
2013-09-03 11:27:48 PM
Point out that the Dalai Lama is not really a big hitter.

Oh, I thought this was Things You Should Never Do In Tibet. Nevermind.
 
2013-09-03 11:28:05 PM

TinyFist: Use an arc welder while doing body shots off of the pastor.


I'll be in my bunk.
 
2013-09-03 11:28:30 PM

cyberspacedout: Open a fortune cookie.


In bed.
 
2013-09-03 11:29:08 PM

Mr. Ekshun: megarian: macsavageg4: Arc welding.

I disagree.

MIG and TIG are okay. Too much slag with arc welding.

/British slang joke goes here.


It depends on the bed, I guess.
 
2013-09-03 11:30:07 PM
Blumpkins.....
 
2013-09-03 11:30:50 PM

robodog: Have sex every time, there are so many more interesting places to do it. I can't believe how many people have whitebread sex lives where it's always in bed with the lights off.


Hey, it's usually in the shower for me.

//But only if masturbation counts...
 
2013-09-03 11:32:53 PM
It's usually in the white bread for me.

//But only if masturbation counts...
 
2013-09-03 11:35:06 PM

cyberspacedout: Open a fortune cookie.



i63.photobucket.com
 
2013-09-03 11:36:05 PM

megarian: Mr. Ekshun: megarian: macsavageg4: Arc welding.

I disagree.

MIG and TIG are okay. Too much slag with arc welding.

/British slang joke goes here.

It depends on the bed, I guess.


Depends on the bed? I like the way you party.

/Oldsex.jpg
 
2013-09-03 11:36:52 PM
Yell "I'm king Sh*t of F*ck Island."
 
2013-09-03 11:36:55 PM

TinyFist: Use an arc welder while doing body shots off of the pastor.


Ding Ding Ding.... we have a winner!
 
2013-09-03 11:41:30 PM

megarian: Yell "I'm king Sh*t of F*ck Island."


But what if I am.
 
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