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(Smithsonian Magazine)   Nuclear missile base in Montana under sustained attack by squirrel intruders. Researchers' initial tests that involved peanut butter, cantaloupe and cheese didn't work, so they went to metal sheets and trenches filled with gravel   (blogs.smithsonianmag.com) divider line 60
    More: Strange, ground squirrels, intercontinental ballistic missiles, Malmstrom Air Force Base, missile silos, tunnels, squirrels, cantaloupes, polycarbonate  
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4409 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Sep 2013 at 9:13 AM (32 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-09-02 08:08:22 AM
I would like to have seen Montana....

*gack*
 
2013-09-02 09:15:43 AM
Fifteen second pause after reading TFH. New Fark record for me.
 
2013-09-02 09:18:04 AM
Squirrel vs. tech trifecta in play.
 
2013-09-02 09:21:13 AM
Moose has launch codes!
 
2013-09-02 09:28:10 AM

Mad Scientist: Squirrel vs. tech trifecta in play.


img.fark.net
 
2013-09-02 09:29:57 AM
Who would Obama nuke?
 
2013-09-02 09:36:21 AM
I would suggest the Rodenator.
 
2013-09-02 09:39:49 AM
I watched my dad wage war against squirrels for the better part of the 80's, trying to keep them out of his birdfeeder. He bought bag after bag of field corn...they ate a couple ears a day and went right for the seed. He put the feeder on a 6 foot smooth metal pole...they dropped down on it from the trees. He moved it away from the tree....they leaped a good 10 feet from the tree to the feeder. He put a big concave piece of sheet metal above the feeder so they couldn't get a foothold when they jumped...they just jumped anyway and somehow caught themselves on the nut on the top, or just flat made the 6 foot jump up from the ground, we never did figure out how they managed that feat.

There was some kind of wooden contraption around the pole at one point too (maybe before he realized they were coming down from the tree), along with modifications to the feeder itself to supposedly only allow things that weighed as much as a bird to land on it. By the time he gave up the feeder really did look like some kind of fortified bunker. Meanwhile there was my younger sister, rooting for the squirrel at every turn. She even named him "Snitcher".
 
2013-09-02 09:48:41 AM
My neighbor would feed them all winter, then come spring he would set out fake owls to keep them away from his veggie garden.
/ the little farkers would dig up our potted bulbs and replace them with nut that arsehole gave them
 
2013-09-02 09:53:22 AM
upload.wikimedia.org

Sorry, can't take them anywhere!
 
2013-09-02 10:05:58 AM
The silos are scattered over some 23,000 square miles, so in some cases, simply traveling out to check out a false intruder alarm took an hour or two each way.

In other news, there's nuclear missile silos where if you have an hour or two to do whatever you want after you breach the security fence.
 
2013-09-02 10:20:12 AM

Meatsim1: The silos are scattered over some 23,000 square miles, so in some cases, simply traveling out to check out a false intruder alarm took an hour or two each way.

In other news, there's nuclear missile silos where if you have an hour or two to do whatever you want after you breach the security fence.


Good to know. Thanks, news guys!
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-09-02 10:32:20 AM
the little farkers would dig up our potted bulbs and replace them with nut that arsehole gave them

I saw tulips growing in the woods in Massachusetts a few hundred feet away from a house with a nice lawn.
 
2013-09-02 10:33:24 AM

Peter von Nostrand: I would like to have seen Montana....

*gack*


Damn you!

www.geocities.ws

"Sorry, I spilled raspberry jelly over my shirt Captain... *urk* *gack!*"
 
2013-09-02 10:35:40 AM

Meatsim1: The silos are scattered over some 23,000 square miles, so in some cases, simply traveling out to check out a false intruder alarm took an hour or two each way.

In other news, there's nuclear missile silos where if you have an hour or two to do whatever you want after you breach the security fence.


Pro tip:
If it's an active silo, I.e one with a rocket with explody thing on top, there will be men with guns, and expressed permission to shoot first, even if you are unarmed, guarding it.
 
2013-09-02 10:35:51 AM

Meatsim1: The silos are scattered over some 23,000 square miles, so in some cases, simply traveling out to check out a false intruder alarm took an hour or two each way.

In other news, there's nuclear missile silos where if you have an hour or two to do whatever you want after you breach the security fence.


See that big steel and concrete door in the picture? You could give a guy more time than that and they're not going to get anywhere close to the important parts before some very angry, burly dudes with M-16s show up.
 
2013-09-02 10:38:35 AM

Meatsim1: The silos are scattered over some 23,000 square miles, so in some cases, simply traveling out to check out a false intruder alarm took an hour or two each way.

In other news, there's nuclear missile silos where if you have an hour or two to do whatever you want after you breach the security fence.


No, notice the "false intruder alarm" part. A real intruder would be greeted by local police that the AF would call. Also, a real intruder wouldn't be able to get inside the facility. Very thick blast doors that only open from the inside tend to keep the unwanted out. Breaching the above ground entrance could also expect a response, in accordance with the "Use of deadly force authorized" signs, from the crew inside.
 
2013-09-02 10:44:33 AM

dforkus: Meatsim1: The silos are scattered over some 23,000 square miles, so in some cases, simply traveling out to check out a false intruder alarm took an hour or two each way.

In other news, there's nuclear missile silos where if you have an hour or two to do whatever you want after you breach the security fence.

Pro tip:
If it's an active silo, I.e one with a rocket with explody thing on top, there will be men with guns, and expressed permission to shoot first, even if you are unarmed, guarding it.


There is only 2 silo crew members there except for shift change. That's all that's needed to stop any intrusion attempt till security or local cops get there.
 
2013-09-02 10:45:46 AM
www.dvdizzy.com

Get this guy on contract.
 
2013-09-02 10:46:01 AM

MarkEC: Meatsim1: The silos are scattered over some 23,000 square miles, so in some cases, simply traveling out to check out a false intruder alarm took an hour or two each way.

In other news, there's nuclear missile silos where if you have an hour or two to do whatever you want after you breach the security fence.

No, notice the "false intruder alarm" part. A real intruder would be greeted by local police that the AF would call. Also, a real intruder wouldn't be able to get inside the facility. Very thick blast doors that only open from the inside tend to keep the unwanted out. Breaching the above ground entrance could also expect a response, in accordance with the "Use of deadly force authorized" signs, from the crew inside.


The actual silos themselves don't usually have anybody there. 10 are controlled from one alert facility that's located a few miles away, the security guys are in the topside building at the alert facility most of the time. But again, you don't need guys on site all of the time, there are really big farking doors that nobody is going to get though very easily before somebody does show up.
 
2013-09-02 10:54:52 AM

buzzcut73: MarkEC: Meatsim1: The silos are scattered over some 23,000 square miles, so in some cases, simply traveling out to check out a false intruder alarm took an hour or two each way.

In other news, there's nuclear missile silos where if you have an hour or two to do whatever you want after you breach the security fence.

No, notice the "false intruder alarm" part. A real intruder would be greeted by local police that the AF would call. Also, a real intruder wouldn't be able to get inside the facility. Very thick blast doors that only open from the inside tend to keep the unwanted out. Breaching the above ground entrance could also expect a response, in accordance with the "Use of deadly force authorized" signs, from the crew inside.

The actual silos themselves don't usually have anybody there. 10 are controlled from one alert facility that's located a few miles away, the security guys are in the topside building at the alert facility most of the time. But again, you don't need guys on site all of the time, there are really big farking doors that nobody is going to get though very easily before somebody does show up.


Do the Minuteman III silos work differently than the Titan II silos? The titans had a crew of 2 onsite 24/7.
 
2013-09-02 10:56:15 AM

sendtodave: Meatsim1: The silos are scattered over some 23,000 square miles, so in some cases, simply traveling out to check out a false intruder alarm took an hour or two each way.

In other news, there's nuclear missile silos where if you have an hour or two to do whatever you want after you breach the security fence.

Good to know. Thanks, news guys!


Heh.
Army Times used to run a half-page map of the world showing where the Army divisions were located and when they were scheduled to deploy.
The map was sponsored by AT&T, too.
 
2013-09-02 10:58:52 AM

dforkus: Meatsim1: The silos are scattered over some 23,000 square miles, so in some cases, simply traveling out to check out a false intruder alarm took an hour or two each way.

In other news, there's nuclear missile silos where if you have an hour or two to do whatever you want after you breach the security fence.

Pro tip:
If it's an active silo, I.e one with a rocket with explody thing on top, there will be men with guns, and expressed permission to shoot first, even if you are unarmed, guarding it.


The receive their permission by FedEx?
 
2013-09-02 11:01:35 AM
MarkEC:

Do the Minuteman III silos work differently than the Titan II silos? The titans had a crew of 2 onsite 24/7.

Yes. Minuteman in all of its variations has been remotely controlled by a remote facility, with 10 missiles per launch capsule, and one capsule can control a second flight of missiles if need be. Spreads things out a lot more and offers some redundancy. I grew up in the missile fields and know a lot of guys that have worked around them (launch officers, missile maintainers, equipment maintainers, and security guards). I've also spooked rabbits while out hunting that went under the fence and got to talk to the nice gentlemen that showed up.

There are maps out there on Google earth that show where each silo is and you can find the LF pretty easily...it's an air force beige ranch house with a bigassed fence around it.
 
2013-09-02 11:02:17 AM

dforkus: Meatsim1: The silos are scattered over some 23,000 square miles, so in some cases, simply traveling out to check out a false intruder alarm took an hour or two each way.

In other news, there's nuclear missile silos where if you have an hour or two to do whatever you want after you breach the security fence.

Pro tip:
If it's an active silo, I.e one with a rocket with explody thing on top, there will be men with guns, and expressed permission to shoot first, even if you are unarmed, guarding it.


Why would I be guarding it unarmed?
 
2013-09-02 11:12:06 AM

buzzcut73: MarkEC:

Do the Minuteman III silos work differently than the Titan II silos? The titans had a crew of 2 onsite 24/7.

Yes. Minuteman in all of its variations has been remotely controlled by a remote facility, with 10 missiles per launch capsule, and one capsule can control a second flight of missiles if need be. Spreads things out a lot more and offers some redundancy. I grew up in the missile fields and know a lot of guys that have worked around them (launch officers, missile maintainers, equipment maintainers, and security guards). I've also spooked rabbits while out hunting that went under the fence and got to talk to the nice gentlemen that showed up.

There are maps out there on Google earth that show where each silo is and you can find the LF pretty easily...it's an air force beige ranch house with a bigassed fence around it.


I just read up on the differences. The Titans, which I was familiar with, had the crew at the missile site. I got to tour one of them when I was in the Air Force in the 80's.
 
2013-09-02 12:12:12 PM

State_College_Arsonist: I would suggest the Rodenator.


Ground squirrels were a problem at Vandenberg AFB, CA as well (another missile base).  It was fun watching the guys use it.
 
2013-09-02 12:12:24 PM
... I keep *warning* people about Squirrel-Qaeda, but does anyone *listen*?
 
2013-09-02 12:13:23 PM

PizzaJedi81: Sorry, can't take them anywhere!


This is why we need the Registration act.
 
2013-09-02 12:20:49 PM
I was talking to my sister as she was driving to Minot last week and she thought she was being pulled over but it was actually a number of security vehicles trying to get by. She later saw them at a nearby silo.

Wonder now if it was squirrels.
 
2013-09-02 12:30:05 PM

foo monkey: dforkus: Meatsim1: The silos are scattered over some 23,000 square miles, so in some cases, simply traveling out to check out a false intruder alarm took an hour or two each way.

In other news, there's nuclear missile silos where if you have an hour or two to do whatever you want after you breach the security fence.

Pro tip:
If it's an active silo, I.e one with a rocket with explody thing on top, there will be men with guns, and expressed permission to shoot first, even if you are unarmed, guarding it.

Why would I be guarding it unarmed?


Hahahahaha
 
2013-09-02 12:30:26 PM
blogs.smithsonianmag.com

"ROCKEY ACKBAR!!!"
 
2013-09-02 12:37:31 PM
2.bp.blogspot.com
Moose und Squirrel defected?
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-09-02 12:57:55 PM
If you're in Dakota (either one) you can visit a Minuteman launch facility. If you have any interest in the Cold War, it's worth a couple hours. As noted above, there is a small, isolated building where the guys with keys live with some support staff. Under the building is the hardened bunker. They lock themselves behind thick doors for 24 hours and wait for the signal to play a game. The above ground building is not hardened and is not all that well defended. The soldiers (airmen?) could stop a few guys with rifles. A tank platoon would wipe them out. A rental truck packed with ANFO would wipe them out. Neither could stop a launch, if a launch was ordered. The bunker will last until the Army repels the attack or the war is over.

Cables or radios connect the launch facility to the unattended silos.
 
2013-09-02 01:05:08 PM

ZAZ: If you're in Dakota (either one) you can visit a Minuteman launch facility. If you have any interest in the Cold War, it's worth a couple hours. As noted above, there is a small, isolated building where the guys with keys live with some support staff. Under the building is the hardened bunker. They lock themselves behind thick doors for 24 hours and wait for the signal to play a game. The above ground building is not hardened and is not all that well defended. The soldiers (airmen?) could stop a few guys with rifles. A tank platoon would wipe them out. A rental truck packed with ANFO would wipe them out. Neither could stop a launch, if a launch was ordered. The bunker will last until the Army repels the attack or the war is over.

Cables or radios connect the launch facility to the unattended silos.


That reminded me, one of those houses at Minot AFB burned to the ground a few years back. Everybody got out OK, and the guys downstairs just kept on doing what they do down there (which is a lot of nothing from what I understand) until they were able to get them out. They just ran with one less launch facility until they got the support building rebuilt, since they have everything set up to turn that capsule's missiles over to another one.
 
2013-09-02 01:27:57 PM

Meatsim1: The silos are scattered over some 23,000 square miles, so in some cases, simply traveling out to check out a false intruder alarm took an hour or two each way.

In other news, there's nuclear missile silos where if you have an hour or two to do whatever you want after you breach the security fence.


We dig dinosaurs right in the middle of Echo Field. Those things look deserted, but Security Forces in their turreted uparmored humvees make frequent trips through the area. Anytime they have to open a silo, there's helicopter air cover. Good luck even walking up to the gate without getting a visit right quick.
 
2013-09-02 01:29:07 PM
That's the USAF's fault for making missile silos hard to get into. That attracts squirrels.
 
2013-09-02 01:54:46 PM
Funny, but here in Montana we call them little guys prairie dogs. They act more like gophers then squirrels. Back when we were kids, we use to go out and shoot them with .22s. They can be quite a nuisance to farmer and apparently nuclear silos.
 
2013-09-02 02:17:20 PM
www.toplessrobot.com
 
2013-09-02 02:22:05 PM
Rocketracoon.gif
 
2013-09-02 03:08:48 PM

ZAZ: If you're in Dakota (either one) you can visit a Minuteman launch facility. If you have any interest in the Cold War, it's worth a couple hours. As noted above, there is a small, isolated building where the guys with keys live with some support staff. Under the building is the hardened bunker. They lock themselves behind thick doors for 24 hours and wait for the signal to play a game. The above ground building is not hardened and is not all that well defended. The soldiers (airmen?) could stop a few guys with rifles. A tank platoon would wipe them out. A rental truck packed with ANFO would wipe them out. Neither could stop a launch, if a launch was ordered. The bunker will last until the Army repels the attack or the war is over.

Cables or radios connect the launch facility to the unattended silos.


If you're in Best Dakota, the trip to Oscar Zero missile alert facility is well worth it. They keep it in fantastic shape and the guy who is the manager is a former missileer.

The November 33 launch facility is also preserved (topside only) a few miles down the road. Fantastic stuff if you're a Cold-War buff. Great scenery, too.
 
2013-09-02 03:10:51 PM
I drove by a nuclear missile base in northeast Wyoming and it was surrounded by 3 foot high square wire fencing with unlocked gates and a 4"x8" sign every so often that you couldn't read from the road. I got curious and pulled over to pee and when I was done I walked over to read it. It had a very simple message along the lines of this is a nuclear weapons facility and use of deadly force to protect it has been authorized. No air force, DoD or DoE insignia on it, just the words. I figured they weren't kidding and after not seeing anything man made I decided to drive on. It was about an hour away from the Big Thunder mine.
 
2013-09-02 03:26:42 PM

OscarTamerz: I drove by a nuclear missile base in northeast Wyoming and it was surrounded by 3 foot high square wire fencing with unlocked gates and a 4"x8" sign every so often that you couldn't read from the road. I got curious and pulled over to pee and when I was done I walked over to read it. It had a very simple message along the lines of this is a nuclear weapons facility and use of deadly force to protect it has been authorized. No air force, DoD or DoE insignia on it, just the words. I figured they weren't kidding and after not seeing anything man made I decided to drive on. It was about an hour away from the Big Thunder mine.


That had to have been in SD or southeast WY. Some of the old abandoned facilities of the (decommissioned) 44th SMW out of Ellsworth are within miles of the SD/WY border near the Black Hills, but none are actually in WY.

BTW, hi NSA!
 
2013-09-02 03:59:19 PM

State_College_Arsonist: I would suggest the Rodenator.


Wouldn't that fark up any fenceline sensors in the process?
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-09-02 04:00:50 PM
If you're in Best Dakota, the trip to Oscar Zero missile alert facility is well worth it. They keep it in fantastic shape and the guy who is the manager is a former missileer.

That's the one I visited. The tour guide was a college student too young to remember Reagan and the Cold War, but he did answer all the questions I had.
 
2013-09-02 04:08:26 PM
Or they could have made some dogs very happy:
"Did somebody say SKWERL?"
www.weruletheinternet.com
 
2013-09-02 04:24:10 PM

jayhawk88: I watched my dad wage war against squirrels for the better part of the 80's, trying to keep them out of his birdfeeder.


Daylight Robbery
 
2013-09-02 04:47:18 PM

wildcardjack: State_College_Arsonist: I would suggest the Rodenator.

Wouldn't that fark up any fenceline sensors in the process?


Probably less than having animals gnaw on the wires.
 
2013-09-02 04:59:50 PM

tjsands1118: Funny, but here in Montana we call them little guys prairie dogs. They act more like gophers then squirrels. Back when we were kids, we use to go out and shoot them with .22s. They can be quite a nuisance to farmer and apparently nuclear silos.


Prairie Dogs (Montana's are typically  Cynomys ludovicianus, or the blacktail) and Richardson Ground squirrels (Urocitellus richardsonii) are a completely different animal.
 
2013-09-02 05:19:43 PM
greatlakesavengersrepresent.gif
 
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