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(Time)   Evangelicals believe the crisis in Syria could be a biblical prophecy in the making   (swampland.time.com) divider line 132
    More: Unlikely  
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5159 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Sep 2013 at 9:54 PM (46 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-09-01 06:04:06 PM
Yes, like they have done many times in different scenarios.  Yet they still do it.

"The church in Antioch of Syria... "

Shall we take out the:

Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch
 
2013-09-01 06:20:49 PM
Of course they also believe that an invisible man who has the ability to create entire universes really, really cares where I put my dick.
Evangelicals believe a lot of stupid s**t.
 
2013-09-01 06:25:35 PM
"Sure we've been wrong dozens and dozens of times in the past, but we're going to show you non-believers THIS TIME!!!"

This shiat is so tiresome...
 
2013-09-01 06:42:04 PM
Evangelicals thinking something is Biblical prophecy?  The hell you say.
 
2013-09-01 06:44:32 PM
You know, I would like to have them drag out a specific prophecy.  Just once.  Not a "Oh, NOW we see what it REALLY meant, in hindsight..."

No.  NO, motherf*ckers.  Show me a specific prophecy.  Details.  Unmistakable.  Until then, you can take your post-mortem analysis to suit your own superstitions, and shove them up your collective ass.
 
2013-09-01 07:47:37 PM
I'd pay real money if evangelicals would just stfu.
 
2013-09-01 08:45:40 PM
Good luck with that...
 
2013-09-01 08:50:58 PM
I felt a biblical prophecy this morning. Turns out I just had to drop a big deuce
 
2013-09-01 09:00:55 PM
"If we are going to contemporize it with such an easy connection then we have to learn to read the text against the United States as well because the United States now plays the role of Babylon and all those ancient superpowers. "

I and I keep telling you that, mon.
 
2013-09-01 09:05:08 PM
I though Megida was in Jordan...
 
2013-09-01 09:13:35 PM
They should go there.

We could all chip in for the airfare.
 
2013-09-01 09:17:51 PM

Peter von Nostrand: I felt a biblical prophecy this morning. Turns out I just had to drop a big deuce


"I cast thee out, foul demon!"
 
2013-09-01 09:22:54 PM

FrancoFile: I though Megida was in Jordan...


Close, Megiddo's in Israel.
 
2013-09-01 09:27:06 PM

Marcus Aurelius: They should go there.

We could all chip in for the airfare.


Put me down for my family members, it will be expensive but money well spent.
 
2013-09-01 09:38:09 PM

Paris1127: FrancoFile: I though Megida was in Jordan...

Close, Megiddo's in Israel.


I imagine it depends on whom you ask.
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-09-01 09:39:27 PM
Well, what isn't really?
 
2013-09-01 09:48:40 PM
Some evangelicals call it a miracle when they drop their toast and it lands jelly side up.

They are not an intelligent bunch.
 
2013-09-01 09:53:05 PM

WordyGrrl: Peter von Nostrand: I felt a biblical prophecy this morning. Turns out I just had to drop a big deuce

"I cast thee out, foul demon!"


A demon that consisted of a batch of hot snakes
 
2013-09-01 09:56:31 PM
Religious people believe a lot of stupid things. Otherwise, they wouldn't be religious.
 
2013-09-01 09:58:52 PM
So, they saw the image of Asaad in a pice of toast?
 
2013-09-01 09:58:52 PM
Have evangelicals ever been right about anything before, ever?
 
2013-09-01 10:00:23 PM
thedogpaddler.com
 
2013-09-01 10:01:40 PM
oh no, not again
 
2013-09-01 10:02:58 PM
As soon as Israel launches its nukes at countries who will instantly retaliate in random directions, then its the end time.

/Hopefully the hardware and firmware in every country's nuke arsenals is not running Israel versions that came in via a multi party route.
//Stuxnet was just an example.
///Calling all Teabaggers: Collect your weapons and your flight is ready to participate in the end times by being airdropped into Syria.
////Don't forget your boot-straps.
 
2013-09-01 10:03:21 PM
Today's lesson in Headline Trolling 101:

Fark Headline: "Evangelicals believe..."
TFA Headline: "Some Evangelicals believe..."
TFA: a few fundamentalist bloggers (who were immediately told to STFU by actual biblical scholars) believe...
 
2013-09-01 10:03:30 PM
Interesting, considering I assumed most of them believe Syria is something you pour milk on and eat for breakfast.
 
2013-09-01 10:03:56 PM
Actual Headline:  "Some Evangelicals see biblical prophesy in Syrian Crises"
Fark Headline: "Evangelicals believe crisis in in Syria could be a biblical prophecy"

There is a key word missing in the fark version.

I'm a Christian minister and while I don't consider myself to be "Evangelical" I know A LOT of people that are and the majority of them are not crazy enough to call out end times prophesies every time a Middle Eastern country has a conflict.  I mean, they are mostly crazy, but not THAT crazy.

Just because a few blogs are jumping on this doesn't mean that the entire span of Evangelical Christians (who can't agree on anything to begin with) are embracing this idea.
 
2013-09-01 10:05:07 PM
THE END IS NEAR!
 
2013-09-01 10:05:17 PM
It's because they WANT their little prophecy to be true. They're a doomsday cult..
A bunch of death fetishists. They should be rounded up and institutionalized and no I don't care how that might make me sound.
 
2013-09-01 10:07:05 PM
Instead of saying "Stop drinking the Kool-Aid" maybe we should use "Stop drinking the Fool-Aid."  It seems much more appropriate.
 
2013-09-01 10:07:56 PM

sheep snorter: As soon as Israel launches its nukes at countries who will instantly retaliate in random directions, then its the end time.

/Hopefully the hardware and firmware in every country's nuke arsenals is not running Israel versions that came in via a multi party route.
//Stuxnet was just an example.
///Calling all Teabaggers: Collect your weapons and your flight is ready to participate in the end times by being airdropped into Syria.
////Don't forget your boot-straps.


Actually, the end times only happen when the Temple gets rebuilt. My mother took a religious trip to Israel a few years back (when they were infected with a temporary peace). She visited the Temple grounds and swiped a rock from the area because she's very devout and it feels special to her to have a piece of Israel in her home.

If the end time is contingent upon me giving back that rock so the Temple can be rebuilt (after it, it logically can't be considered rebuilt if pieces are still missing), the Zionists are SOL.
 
2013-09-01 10:08:07 PM

NannerPuss: Actual Headline:  "Some Evangelicals see biblical prophesy in Syrian Crises"
Fark Headline: "Evangelicals believe crisis in in Syria could be a biblical prophecy"

There is a key word missing in the fark version.

I'm a Christian minister and while I don't consider myself to be "Evangelical" I know A LOT of people that are and the majority of them are not crazy enough to call out end times prophesies every time a Middle Eastern country has a conflict.  I mean, they are mostly crazy, but not THAT crazy.

Just because a few blogs are jumping on this doesn't mean that the entire span of Evangelical Christians (who can't agree on anything to begin with) are embracing this idea.


Hush now. You're interrupting their Two Minutes Hate.
 
2013-09-01 10:08:07 PM
Uhhhh no. No evangelicals actually believe this. None. It' just Barry O showing what a big man his is - how he actually doesn't have a  teensy tiny peener at all. See, this new war in the Middle East over WMD - where they've been caught lying already - has nothing to do with compensating for a tiny widdle peener.
 
2013-09-01 10:08:30 PM
These are the same retarded motherfarkers who see Jesus in toast and water stains on old concrete.

They see and believe what they want to see and believe.  There's nothing rational or reasonable about people who fixate on religion and take as if it's got a basis in reality.
 
2013-09-01 10:08:33 PM

NannerPuss: Actual Headline:  "Some Evangelicals see biblical prophesy in Syrian Crises"
Fark Headline: "Evangelicals believe crisis in in Syria could be a biblical prophecy"

There is a key word missing in the fark version.

I'm a Christian minister and while I don't consider myself to be "Evangelical" I know A LOT of people that are and the majority of them are not crazy enough to call out end times prophesies every time a Middle Eastern country has a conflict.  I mean, they are mostly crazy, but not THAT crazy.

Just because a few blogs are jumping on this doesn't mean that the entire span of Evangelical Christians (who can't agree on anything to begin with) are embracing this idea.


So, professional calligrapher, guitarist, and now minister?  You get around.
 
2013-09-01 10:08:49 PM

NannerPuss: Actual Headline:  "Some Evangelicals see biblical prophesy in Syrian Crises"
Fark Headline: "Evangelicals believe crisis in in Syria could be a biblical prophecy"

There is a key word missing in the fark version.

I'm a Christian minister and while I don't consider myself to be "Evangelical" I know A LOT of people that are and the majority of them are not crazy enough to call out end times prophesies every time a Middle Eastern country has a conflict.  I mean, they are mostly crazy, but not THAT crazy.

Just because a few blogs are jumping on this doesn't mean that the entire span of Evangelical Christians (who can't agree on anything to begin with) are embracing this idea.


If they consider themselves Evangelical, they do tend to believe this crap in my experience. If they didn't they'd just be run-of-the-mill Christians.
 
2013-09-01 10:08:58 PM

SacriliciousBeerSwiller: It's because they WANT their little prophecy to be true. They're a doomsday cult..
A bunch of death fetishists. They should be rounded up and institutionalized and no I don't care how that might make me sound.


LEAVE OUR MILITARY OUT OF THIS!!!
 
2013-09-01 10:09:02 PM
Not this again. The dispensationalists think that every major world event is fulfillment of end times prophesy. When I was little, it was cold war events playing out prophesy, then the Iran Iraq war, then Gulf War 1, then I stopped keeping track but I'm sure they thought Gulf War 2: Electric Boogaloo was prophesy being fulfilled too.
 
2013-09-01 10:10:02 PM
So what?

I once left a cruciform skidmark in my undies, but I'm not saying Jesus did it...
 
2013-09-01 10:10:36 PM

Son of Thunder: NannerPuss: Actual Headline:  "Some Evangelicals see biblical prophesy in Syrian Crises"
Fark Headline: "Evangelicals believe crisis in in Syria could be a biblical prophecy"

There is a key word missing in the fark version.

I'm a Christian minister and while I don't consider myself to be "Evangelical" I know A LOT of people that are and the majority of them are not crazy enough to call out end times prophesies every time a Middle Eastern country has a conflict.  I mean, they are mostly crazy, but not THAT crazy.

Just because a few blogs are jumping on this doesn't mean that the entire span of Evangelical Christians (who can't agree on anything to begin with) are embracing this idea.

Hush now. You're interrupting their Two Minutes Hate.


Ironic, as Orwell would not be on your side of this.
 
2013-09-01 10:11:50 PM
I don't know why anyone would care about prophecy in the first place.  Let's consider the possibilities:

1)  Prophecy is real.  Nothing you say or do matters, all actions are fixed, event X or Y will come to pass no matter what.  Ultimately there is no need for concern.

2)  Prophecy is false in which case there is no need for concern to begin with.
 
2013-09-01 10:12:32 PM
2000 years of any day now, he ain't coming back.
 
2013-09-01 10:16:07 PM
lh3.googleusercontent.com
 
2013-09-01 10:16:26 PM

Gergesa: I don't know why anyone would care about prophecy in the first place.  Let's consider the possibilities:

1)  Prophecy is real.  Nothing you say or do matters, all actions are fixed, event X or Y will come to pass no matter what.  Ultimately there is no need for concern.

2)  Prophecy is false in which case there is no need for concern to begin with.


Or 3) Prophecy is just a way to convince the rubes to give all their money to Copeland's church before they get ill, suffer and get called back to God.
 
2013-09-01 10:16:42 PM

WhoopAssWayne: Uhhhh no. No evangelicals actually believe this. None. It' just Barry O showing what a big man his is - how he actually doesn't have a  teensy tiny peener at all. See, this new war in the Middle East over WMD - where they've been caught lying already - has nothing to do with compensating for a tiny widdle peener.


There's not reading TFA...then there's not even being on the same planet as TFA.
 
2013-09-01 10:17:52 PM

SacriliciousBeerSwiller: It's because they WANT their little prophecy to be true. They're a doomsday cult..
A bunch of death fetishists. They should be rounded up and institutionalized and no I don't care how that might make me sound.


No, you're right. Especially the "Zionist Christians", the only reason those arseholes support Israel is because they want a big nuclear World War Three in order to "bring Jesus back faster", as if their idea of G-d (if correct, I doubt it) would immediately come and say "Well, I was going to wait another few billion years when the sun expanded to cook this rock, but ok, you destroyed it and that's good enough for me. Everyone who said the *Magic Salvation Words* (TradeMarked) goes to heaven, even you pedophile preachers and murdering prisoners. Everyone who hasn't, goes to hell. Sorry but 'good works' just doesn't cut it, I don't care if you helped one person or one billion people, it just doesn't work that way because the preachers made it out that way too, no matter what the Old Testament says. I don't even know why you left that part of the book in there!"
 
2013-09-01 10:17:58 PM

HighZoolander: Have evangelicals ever been right about anything before, ever?


They managed to con millions of dollars every year out of people and still not in jail, so they are still doing better then Bernie Madoff.
 
2013-09-01 10:18:14 PM

Son of Thunder: Today's lesson in Headline Trolling 101:

Fark Headline: "Evangelicals believe..."
TFA Headline: "Some Evangelicals believe..."
TFA: a few fundamentalist bloggers (who were immediately told to STFU by actual biblical scholars) believe...


So, if I understand you correctly, you are complaining that stupid, superstitious people who believe in gods and magic are being misrepresented as slightly stupider people who believe in slightly more improbable gods and magic?
Wow. How horribly unjust.
 
2013-09-01 10:19:59 PM
When someone is wrong every time they open their mouth, normally you quit listening to them. Apparently the media never got this memo.
 
2013-09-01 10:21:27 PM

SacriliciousBeerSwiller: NannerPuss: Actual Headline:  "Some Evangelicals see biblical prophesy in Syrian Crises"
Fark Headline: "Evangelicals believe crisis in in Syria could be a biblical prophecy"

There is a key word missing in the fark version.

I'm a Christian minister and while I don't consider myself to be "Evangelical" I know A LOT of people that are and the majority of them are not crazy enough to call out end times prophesies every time a Middle Eastern country has a conflict.  I mean, they are mostly crazy, but not THAT crazy.

Just because a few blogs are jumping on this doesn't mean that the entire span of Evangelical Christians (who can't agree on anything to begin with) are embracing this idea.

If they consider themselves Evangelical, they do tend to believe this crap in my experience. If they didn't they'd just be run-of-the-mill Christians.


Then your experience of Evangelicals has been limited. Did you miss the part where TFA provided an extended set of quotes from a prominent Evangelical professor (who is also a pastor) who said that these fundy bloggers were being silly and need to knock it off?
 
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