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(Metro)   That's a bummer   (metro.co.uk) divider line 61
    More: Asinine, Hawkins County  
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10968 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Aug 2013 at 6:38 PM (50 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



61 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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433 [TotalFark]
2013-08-31 05:16:47 PM
Next time, she'll try putting her money where her mouth is.
 
2013-08-31 05:29:28 PM
damn near killed er.
 
2013-08-31 06:33:02 PM
Was it all in pennies?
 
2013-08-31 06:39:42 PM
A toilet brush? What kind of tongs?
 
2013-08-31 06:41:31 PM
If she was smart, she'd have gotten a check.
 
433 [TotalFark]
2013-08-31 06:42:26 PM
Hell of a deposit.
 
2013-08-31 06:44:10 PM
He said he left the medicine bag on a foosball table and went to bed. When he woke up he found the money was missing and Black was still awake.

Mr Gulley confronted his girlfriend who allegedly vomited up a bag of slightly dissolved pills and confessed to wrapping up the cash and sticking it in her rectum.



This woman has got to be the dumbest criminal in Tennessee. Why didn't she just grab the cash and leave while he was asleep?
 
2013-08-31 06:44:41 PM
Why choose to put in her rectum over her vagina if she absolutely had to put it inside her? The vagina at least isn't all that deep.
 
2013-08-31 06:47:01 PM
I love rich butts and I cannot lie!

/Baby got cash
 
2013-08-31 06:54:07 PM
Remarkable
 
2013-08-31 06:56:15 PM

FloydA: He said he left the medicine bag on a foosball table and went to bed. When he woke up he found the money was missing and Black was still awake.

Mr Gulley confronted his girlfriend who allegedly vomited up a bag of slightly dissolved pills and confessed to wrapping up the cash and sticking it in her rectum.


This woman has got to be the dumbest criminal in Tennessee. Why didn't she just grab the cash and leave while he was asleep?


First, it was a bogus story - it's not like she hadn't stolen from him before, hence his 'trap'. Second, even if it wasn't a bogus story, fleeing would've rung warning bells - she was probably hoping that he wouldn't notice until after he bounced her skeevy ass out the door, whereupon she could taunt him with the "I got yer cash!" bit.

Doesn't matter. Reprehensible, inept thief, who now owes a small fortune to the emergency room to deal with her bleeding, swag-filled ass. The rest of the world knows her for what she is, which means prison would be a blessing as she's never getting a friggin' job, house, boyfriend, friends, whatever, because who wants an inept thief in their workplace or home?
 
2013-08-31 06:57:04 PM
I there were a book written about this I would SO read it. There are so many details I dying to know. The more I think about what kind of events had to have led up to a woman trying to remove 5 grand from her a** with a toilet brush, the more fascinated I am. Imagine what transpired during the trip to the ER! Why was she vomiting up a bag of pills? At what point did they give up on the tongs?

So many questions!!!
 
2013-08-31 06:57:10 PM
It was a million to one shot doc.
 
2013-08-31 06:59:35 PM
shiat happens.
 
2013-08-31 07:00:23 PM
i1190.photobucket.com

Not impressed.
 
2013-08-31 07:01:07 PM
'Black admitted to taking the money and medication because Mr Gulley was going to kick her out and she needed money for a place to live.'

That explains taking the money. She needed to swallow all the pills because....er....why? Were they for constipation?
 
2013-08-31 07:02:01 PM
Behold, the first person capable of actually pulling money out of her ass!
 
2013-08-31 07:03:00 PM
What!? What!?  In the butt?
 
2013-08-31 07:28:01 PM

TinyFist: I there were a book written about this I would SO read it. There are so many details I dying to know. The more I think about what kind of events had to have led up to a woman trying to remove 5 grand from her a** with a toilet brush, the more fascinated I am. Imagine what transpired during the trip to the ER! Why was she vomiting up a bag of pills? At what point did they give up on the tongs?

So many questions!!!


Your username explains your interest, methinks.
 
2013-08-31 07:28:43 PM

Fluid: Behold, the first person woman capable of actually pulling money out of her ass!
ftfy

 
2013-08-31 07:30:34 PM
I know a an EMS tech, who once went on a call to a local low security "boot camp" sort of a prison. Some dude had stuffed a box pack of Marlboros up his arse and ripped himself. He actually told my buddy that he usually did soft packs but his customers complained over the cigs being crushed. Somehow, he made the logical leap to putting something rigid up his bum.
 
2013-08-31 07:33:58 PM
JohnAnnArbor:

Your username explains your interest, methinks.

I could have volunteered my services, but, mmmnnnn..... no. I'm gonna go with hell no.

*shudders*
 
2013-08-31 07:36:29 PM
At least we now know what happens when the five grand hits the anus.
 
2013-08-31 07:51:25 PM

insertsnarkyusername: Why choose to put in her rectum over her vagina if she absolutely had to put it inside her? The vagina at least isn't all that deep.


I was going to post this. Maybe she's on her period?
 
2013-08-31 07:55:29 PM
Someone cue up that Eddie Murphy song...
 
2013-08-31 07:56:38 PM

insertsnarkyusername: Why choose to put in her rectum over her vagina if she absolutely had to put it inside her? The vagina at least isn't all that deep.


Probably like trying to stuff marbles into an overhead exhaust vent.
 
2013-08-31 07:56:39 PM
Say what you will.

Now, no one will every ask her to break a $20 again.
 
2013-08-31 08:03:28 PM

RedPhoenix122: Was it all in pennies?


I had to go to my back up drive to find "Ass Pennies", thanks for reminding me.
 
2013-08-31 08:06:39 PM
I'm sure there is a joke in here somewhere involving Tywin and the entire shiatting gold thing.
 
2013-08-31 08:06:55 PM

insertsnarkyusername: Why choose to put in her rectum over her vagina if she absolutely had to put it inside her? The vagina at least isn't all that deep.


/How do you know? Judging from the pic, i'd say it was as wide as a fishing galosh.
 
2013-08-31 08:13:26 PM
A buddy of mine went to his doctor because of chronic rectal discomfort.
During a routine exam, the doctor extracted a roll of 19 $100 bills wrapped up in a rubber band, from my friends ass.
He remarked: "Ooooh... I guess that's why I haven't felt too grand, lately."

/Try the veal
 
2013-08-31 08:19:48 PM
i.imgur.com

The problem with coming up with a quote which is actually obscure is that it marks one as some sort of nutjob for having remembered it.
 
2013-08-31 08:20:58 PM
What about the stolen goods?  Did she wreck them trying to remove them?
 
2013-08-31 08:26:38 PM
The 43-year-old reportedly used a toilet brush and tongs to try to pry out the stolen goods,

What? The?

You've not stuck many things up your rectum, I'm guessing. Or even read about it in "Fifty Shades of Turquoise."
 
2013-08-31 08:30:19 PM
The sad part is that if she ever has kids, she will be the only mother on the block who can't use the phrase "does my ass look like an ATM?"
 
2013-08-31 08:45:18 PM
This story is interesting, but I can't get past the "standing in a room with $5000 and looking for a place to hide it. I know, I'll use my ass!" part.

Clearly this woman is not rocking 3 digits up top, but still... She could have put it literally anywhere else and not had to worry. Even if the guy decided to search the room (?), it would have been less obvious than her standing funny and not being able to walk standing straight.

And how long did it take her to shove that $5k up her ass, anyhow? This doesn't seem like the stealthiest undertaking...
 
2013-08-31 08:52:15 PM
photos1.blogger.com
 
2013-08-31 09:01:29 PM

bojon: RedPhoenix122: Was it all in pennies?

I had to go to my back up drive to find "Ass Pennies", thanks for reminding me.


Youtube has it, had to watch it again.
 
2013-08-31 09:03:46 PM
Think about how much more awkward it would have been if the boyfriend had wanted to put it up her pooped that night.
 
2013-08-31 09:04:57 PM

stuffy: Think about how much more awkward it would have been if the boyfriend had wanted to put it up her pooped that night.


The papercuts...the horror.
 
2013-08-31 09:20:28 PM
From the mugshot it looks like they had to pull really hard to get the money out.
 
2013-08-31 09:30:40 PM

The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves: From the mugshot it looks like they had to pull really hard to get the money out.


Looks like she went in there herself.

metrouk2.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-08-31 09:31:54 PM
dvdmedia.ign.com
 
2013-08-31 10:15:14 PM
At what point do you decide, "I know! A toilet brush will surely remove this large wad of cash from my anus!"

/I'll never look at a toilet brush the same way again.
/Where was the Tidy Bowl man?
 
2013-08-31 10:23:49 PM
I'd like to see the look on Ben Franklin's face.
 
2013-08-31 10:28:47 PM
If you're going to leave out some cash as a trap to see if someone will take it, you leave out a couple bucks. Not $5,000. I could see an point of wanting them to steal enough to make it a felony, but it's his girlfriend and it seems like it would have just ended up in a "see I told you you were a farking thief, biatch" conversation and be the end of it.
 
2013-08-31 10:52:52 PM
This story is still driving me nuts. There are so many unanswered questions. It's like 3 hours later and I'm still trying to piece it together.

Tongs? I mean, the toilet brush I get, but.....
 
2013-08-31 11:16:35 PM

TinyFist: This story is still driving me nuts. There are so many unanswered questions. It's like 3 hours later and I'm still trying to piece it together.

Tongs? I mean, the toilet brush I get, but.....


How would the brush work? The tongs would at least go around the money, except for the local flesh not handling contact with metal well. The toilet brush would push the money farther in, and then you couldn't pull it out again without reversing the direction of the bristles.

/i can't believe I thought this through this far
 
2013-08-31 11:21:48 PM

Satan's Dumptruck Driver: insertsnarkyusername: Why choose to put in her rectum over her vagina if she absolutely had to put it inside her? The vagina at least isn't all that deep.

Probably like trying to stuff marbles into an overhead exhaust vent.


I work in a kitchen, that's a wonderful image.
 
2013-08-31 11:45:51 PM

insertsnarkyusername: Why choose to put in her rectum over her vagina if she absolutely had to put it inside her? The vagina at least isn't all that deep.


If you can fit five thousand up your hoo ha it'll likely just fall out. At least your asshole can keep your purse closed.
 
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