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(Jezebel)   Guys, grab a cup of coffee and read what the perfect Craigslist personal ad looks like. Rule #1: Use lots of "quotation" marks. Rule #2: Have an FAQ section   (jezebel.com) divider line 52
    More: Amusing  
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18792 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Aug 2013 at 9:56 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-08-30 10:03:18 AM  
12 votes:
I would have never, NEVER in a million years have guessed that this ad was by a Persian. It's just so out of character from virtually every Persian male I have ever met.
2013-08-30 10:15:21 AM  
7 votes:
Pic of guy who placed ad:

upload.wikimedia.org
2013-08-30 03:02:04 PM  
4 votes:

Zombalupagus: [i.imm.io image 630x592]

Artist's conception of what his dream girl would actually look like when reading this ad.

i.imgur.com
2013-08-30 10:03:19 AM  
4 votes:
I am of Middle-Eastern descent (Iranian/Persian).

Oh man, I bet he's got a sweet BMW E46 M3.
2013-08-30 09:09:31 AM  
4 votes:
John Fitzgerald Page has met his match.
2013-08-30 11:10:45 AM  
3 votes:

Dafatone: Good points have been made in this thread about why public opinion is against intervening, even though the case is stronger against Syria than Iraq.


Are you suggesting that Assad is an incredibly picky date? But he doesn't even live in Los Angeles!
2013-08-30 11:05:03 AM  
3 votes:
What an "asshole".
2013-08-30 10:27:23 AM  
3 votes:
'I have my own house (not apartment)..."

Now there's a basement/crawlspace that needs checking.
2013-08-30 10:21:01 AM  
3 votes:
Q) Why do you ask yourself questions?

a) Good Question. You're obviously a smart individual.
2013-08-30 10:09:19 AM  
3 votes:

sno man: 29.) What's your Fark handle?


I'm more thinking reddit
2013-08-30 10:07:13 AM  
3 votes:
Doesn't he have to be at the gym soon?
2013-08-30 12:17:08 PM  
2 votes:
I read the whole thing in this guy's voice:

24.media.tumblr.com
2013-08-30 11:30:06 AM  
2 votes:
i.imm.io

Artist's conception of what his dream girl would actually look like when reading this ad.
2013-08-30 11:02:07 AM  
2 votes:
He seems like an "intelligent" person. A "man" that "understands" women, and also "knows" that quotation marks "never" denote sarcasm. Which is why I'd be "happy" if this "man" were to "date" my "sister."
2013-08-30 10:33:27 AM  
2 votes:

Infernalist: Less chance of some naive girl ending up married to this guy and getting beaten for the next 30 years of her life.


Read the height/piercing/tattoo question.  I bet he's about 5'4".  He'll be the one getting beaten.
2013-08-30 10:09:26 AM  
2 votes:
I bet his inbox is blowing up.

/seriously
hej
2013-08-30 10:04:20 AM  
2 votes:
I wonder if he makes his dates sign an arbitration agreement before they start having dinner.
2013-08-30 09:22:15 AM  
2 votes:
29.) What's your Fark handle?
2013-08-30 08:51:28 AM  
2 votes:
18) Question: Do you have any children? Do you have a wife or ever been married?

Answer: NO.



Hard to believe.
2013-08-30 03:33:03 PM  
1 votes:

hailin: Though I thought the comments on the article about how he was a douche for not dating anyone currently pregnant or who had kids was odd. I flat out refused to date anyone with kids because I didn't want to be a stepmom. I don't think that makes anyone an asshole to realize they just don't want to be parents yet and to look for a partner who is childless.


A lot of the Jezebel crowd seems to think that not wanting to date a single mother is somehow disrespectful. Personally, a woman with kids is a SERIOUS cons list item. It's almost a no go. Not quite, but I'll tell you, if I dated a woman who had kids, she better swallow more wang than a Chinese shipwreck. I'm not raising some other guy's kid without some serious compensation.
2013-08-30 02:50:41 PM  
1 votes:
I once created a CL ad in the CE section and I described myself in the most disgusting way I could think of.  I pulled a George Costanza, if you recall that scene in Seinfeld "I'm short, bald, unemployed and I live with my parents"  -girl at counter "Hi!"

Well I went even further, describing myself as obese, greasy, pimply, small penis etc.  Then I went on to spell out what I wanted in a girl.  Someone who would do the most disgusting things some of which are illegal in all 50 states.  I said only young hot girls need respond.

So I get about 100 responses from hookers as does anyone who submits an ad, I got two or three legit women who were really ugly but there was ONE GIRL who was actually really hot and seemed legit.  We exchanged emails for a few days. She had a huge humiliation fetish and was willing to do all the sick twisted things I mentioned in the ad.  I even asked her to verify herself by sending me pictures holding up hand written messages to me in the photo.  Sure enough she did.  Eventually she messaged me that she was about 30 minutes away visiting a friend and wanted to get together and do some of the stuff I mentioned.

Thing is.. I don't actually look like I described and I am not into any of the things I suggested. I am attractive, married andmonogamous   The entire thing was just an experiment I conducted while bored at work one day. I wanted to see if anyone legit would actually respond and I wanted to see how far I could take it.  When it got to the point where I had nowhere else to go in theconversation without meeting up, I had to stop communicating with her.

TLDR:  The thing about needles in a haystack is if you use a high powered magnet like the kind dangling from a crane to pick up cars you will find that needle.

P.S. I still have the photos she sent on my flickr account :)
2013-08-30 02:36:36 PM  
1 votes:

ZeroCorpse: FTFA's comments:

I will admit that I could not make it all of the way to the end of his FAQ's but I will say that this reads as an excellent mansplanation of why he's single and why I'm a happily partnered gay lady.

Seriously? "Mansplanation"?! Are you farking serious? You hate men THAT much, than you have to make up words to insinuate a lack of intelligence based on gender?

What an asshole.

I'm a friend to the LGBT community, but this proves that every group has its bigoted shiatheads.


Hey, Outrage Bro, 'mansplain' is a real word.

/And where did you get that she hated men?
2013-08-30 02:26:28 PM  
1 votes:
Some of it is common sense, and what guys think, and would want in a potential partner.

But he was dumb enough to say it out loud.
2013-08-30 01:37:00 PM  
1 votes:
What a catch.
2013-08-30 12:41:18 PM  
1 votes:
I've been accused of being unreasonable because of my overly strict demands.  "Not fat".
2013-08-30 12:30:37 PM  
1 votes:

sno man: 30.) Does your mother still iron your underwear?


A) No, that will be your job once we are together.
2013-08-30 12:09:11 PM  
1 votes:

dustygrimp: But I thought confidence was sexy.


So is cologne.  In the right amount.
2013-08-30 11:41:27 AM  
1 votes:

Snarfangel: Satan's Bunny Slippers: " If you are looking for an ATM Machine to ...."


Yeah.....he's a "gentleman" and a "professional" that's also an idiot.

Everyone needs an Asynchronous Transfer Mode machine.


my life is incomplete....can I get one on Amazon?  I have Prime!
2013-08-30 11:23:57 AM  
1 votes:

sno man: 30.) Does your mother still iron your underwear?


I emailed him and he says no. It becomes inexplicably crusted with semen at the sight of a woman so his mother just goes out and buys him a new ten-pack every couple of days.
Skr
2013-08-30 11:13:43 AM  
1 votes:
39volunteers.files.wordpress.com
for a "good time"
2013-08-30 11:11:10 AM  
1 votes:

bigskank: I would have never, NEVER in a million years have guessed that this ad was by a Persian. It's just so out of character from virtually every Persian male I have ever met.


That's funny, as soon as I started reading it, the FIRST thing I guessed was Persian.
2013-08-30 10:55:06 AM  
1 votes:
Corn will also be served.
2013-08-30 10:48:06 AM  
1 votes:

R.A.Danny: fiddlehead: Sounds like he's going to attract the type of women he deserves.

Someone with some very old fashioned values? That isn't a terrible thing, it's just not what most people are looking for.


OK this is farking priceless. I love fark for the fact that you can always find someone who will defend the indefensible.
2013-08-30 10:47:47 AM  
1 votes:

cookiefleck: It's more like it reads like he would prefer a "pay for play" rather than an honest relationship. Everything has to do with reciprocation, if he deems you worthy enough.


Yeah, what really put me off his schtick was that he wasn't willing to take the first step. It's fine if you have a crazy list of demands for a potential partner, but you've got to be the one taking the first step. None of this "I get to judge your worthiness" crap. My sister and her hubby go so far as to have a relationship contract and a marriage mission statement that helps them resolve conflict, but it's a willing thing by both parties, and despite the names they're both more a mutual statement of values.

Can you imagine what a breakup with this guy is like? "Sorry honey, but I have concluded that we're breaking up pursuant to requirement #7 subsection 2 part A. You failed to demonstrate emotional maturity."
2013-08-30 10:46:03 AM  
1 votes:
This guy sounds like a "keeper".

His "inbox" is probably "overflowing" with "serious" women who "want" to be "bossed" around.

Q: What about women with "sharp" knees?
A: He would "Hit That".
2013-08-30 10:36:59 AM  
1 votes:
Really hoping someone poses as a potential suitor and emails him and then posts the exchange here.
2013-08-30 10:36:37 AM  
1 votes:

bigskank: I would have never, NEVER in a million years have guessed that this ad was by a Persian. It's just so out of character from virtually every Persian male I have ever met.

bp3.blogger.com
2013-08-30 10:36:29 AM  
1 votes:

mike_d85: Yeah.  Persian.


Sold my first ex-wife to a Persian.
Never heard from her again.
2013-08-30 10:31:54 AM  
1 votes:
He also seems like the type after you've gone through all his hoops, that if it turned out YOU weren't interested in him, he would get all stalky fedora on you.
2013-08-30 10:29:38 AM  
1 votes:
Is he hot?


I totally want to get my face punched in by this fine specimen!
2013-08-30 10:27:57 AM  
1 votes:
And let's all watch as the jezzies ignore their apartment full of cats for an hour or two to rip this guy to shreds.
2013-08-30 10:22:37 AM  
1 votes:

Infernalist: The big give-away for me was the fact that the guy is looking for a girl 18-27 and he's in his late 30s, if not 40s.

He's a control freak and looking for a woman that he can intimidate and browbeat and emotionally dominate.


Yeah.  Persian.
2013-08-30 10:21:39 AM  
1 votes:

bigskank: I would have never, NEVER in a million years have guessed that this ad was by a Persian. It's just so out of character from virtually every Persian male I have ever met.


I'm a hetero dude and can confirm this... About a thousand times over.
2013-08-30 10:19:23 AM  
1 votes:
IdBeCrazyIf:
I knew a guy once in college that would sign up for internet dating sites use a fake guy pic to get girl pics and then use those girl pics to get even more guy pics nudes which he would then sell to amateur porn sites.

"I knew a guy once" huh?  Yeah, I bet your the reason why my giant wang is on image fap.

/Giant.
//No, you can't check.
///because f*ck you, that's why.
2013-08-30 10:14:37 AM  
1 votes:
I thought the local "place of worship" was the place for demanding guys to obedient women?
2013-08-30 10:13:20 AM  
1 votes:

Cybernetic: tricycleracer: I am of Middle-Eastern descent (Iranian/Persian).

Oh man, I bet he's got a sweet BMW E46 M3.

In white. It's always white.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZrrTUsccjE
2013-08-30 10:13:06 AM  
1 votes:
Is this an example of what you call a "douchebag"?
2013-08-30 10:11:03 AM  
1 votes:

Archae hippy: The dude loves "quotation" marks.


Came to say this.
My favorite was:
4) Question: I'm not in California. I currently live in Dallas, Texas. Is that OK?

Answer: No. If you live "outside" of Southern California it will be very difficult or impossible for a real friendship or relationship requiring an "airplane" for traveling and meeting.

Is he trying to say those flying things people use for travel are not airplanes?
All this time, I've been living a lie...
2013-08-30 10:08:52 AM  
1 votes:

tricycleracer: I am of Middle-Eastern descent (Iranian/Persian).

Oh man, I bet he's got a sweet BMW E46 M3.


In white. It's always white.
2013-08-30 10:06:59 AM  
1 votes:
FTFA:
13) Question: I am super cute and have a great body. Are you good enough for me?

Answer: Tell me something about yourself that I or other men cannot $$ PURCHASE $$ for a few dollars off the street and you will have my attention.


OK, I'll admit it:  I started liking this guy at this point.
2013-08-30 10:02:52 AM  
1 votes:

Tom_Slick: Somewhere there is a woman who will read that and contact the guy.  She's been dating guys with no jobs and who can't stay out of jail.


I think we found the guy who posted that ad.
2013-08-30 09:25:18 AM  
1 votes:
30.) Does your mother still iron your underwear?
 
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