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(Jezebel)   Guys, grab a cup of coffee and read what the perfect Craigslist personal ad looks like. Rule #1: Use lots of "quotation" marks. Rule #2: Have an FAQ section   (jezebel.com) divider line 224
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18756 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Aug 2013 at 9:56 AM (33 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-08-30 03:36:14 PM

Freudian_slipknot: R.A.Danny: Who is he harming? If you wrote out an ad and really worked on attracting the perfect mate you would most likely look like a douchebag too. Don't spend a minute trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole.

The key there is "attracting"

There is nothing attractive about this ad, because he's fishing with an unbaited hook.

He wants the perfect mate?  Grand.  So do many women.  But there is literally nothing in this ad about why he'd be perfect for ANYONE.  He's demanding and yet has shown nothing that would make him worthy of being demanding.  There's absolutely nothing about what he looks like (which is kinda farking important in dating) and nothing showing that he has anything that would overcome a lack of looks.  He says he has a job, but made it clear that none of that money would be spent on a significant other, so money isn't a selling point.  That leaves personality, and the ad makes it clear he lacks that too.  Hell, it doesn't even bother to describe any hobbies he might have so he might at least have SOMETHING in common with another human.

So you can be demanding, sure.  But when you're demanding but have nothing to offer in return?  You're a toddler throwing a hissy fit because you want candy.


Excellent points.
 
2013-08-30 03:40:07 PM

Magnanimous_J: hailin: Though I thought the comments on the article about how he was a douche for not dating anyone currently pregnant or who had kids was odd. I flat out refused to date anyone with kids because I didn't want to be a stepmom. I don't think that makes anyone an asshole to realize they just don't want to be parents yet and to look for a partner who is childless.

A lot of the Jezebel crowd seems to think that not wanting to date a single mother is somehow disrespectful. Personally, a woman with kids is a SERIOUS cons list item. It's almost a no go. Not quite, but I'll tell you, if I dated a woman who had kids, she better swallow more wang than a Chinese shipwreck. I'm not raising some other guy's kid without some serious compensation.


I have dated single moms.  I married one.  That didn't turn out all that great.  The other time I dated a single mom it was too much of a hassle.  She could never find time away from her kid.  I actually didn't mind a trip to the ice cream parlor.  It was fun.  But make adult only time, please, because I'm not taking a seven year old to a fancy restaurant.  It was also obvious the kid was acting up whenever I was around. Typically by refusing to go to bed at her regular hour and insisting that she was scared and wanted to sleep with mommy.  Which tends to put a damper on the adult activities.
 
2013-08-30 03:42:14 PM

Bolognious Monk: Unavailable for comment
[i0.kym-cdn.com image 400x400]


What.

The fark.

Is that?
 
2013-08-30 04:17:34 PM
GET IT??

I can just imagine this guy aggressively screaming this at some poor woman for the rest of her life. ugh.
 
2013-08-30 05:25:05 PM
Is it racist that I guessed middle-eastern the moment I started seeing the details of said personal?
 
2013-08-30 05:29:46 PM

PsiChick: Hey, Outrage Bro, 'mansplain' is a real word.

/And where did you get that she hated men?


Oh look, it's you again. Doesn't your type usually get all 'OMG you can't judge their culture!' about these sorts of things?

Magnanimous_J: A lot of the Jezebel crowd seems to think that not wanting to date a single mother is somehow disrespectful. Personally, a woman with kids is a SERIOUS cons list item. It's almost a no go. Not quite, but I'll tell you, if I dated a woman who had kids, she better swallow more wang than a Chinese shipwreck. I'm not raising some other guy's kid without some serious compensation.


fark, you're more tolerant than I am. A guy with a kid is an absolute no-go entirely for me, I don't care if pink taco is his favorite food and he's hungry every 10 minutes. If he's got a kid, he's not getting me. That's too much baggage and bullshiat for me to be dealing with. If I wanted to structure my life around a kid, I wouldn't have gotten fixed.

OgreMagi: The other time I dated a single mom it was too much of a hassle.


How could it not be? Everything that you do is dictated around the kid. Wake up one morning and decide to go spend a couple days just farking off somewhere? Can't. Kid. Want to go out to a movie without planning ahead? Can't. Kid. Go straight from work to a show? Can't. Kid. Spend all day screwing all over the house? Can't. Kid.

A kid is just a giant ball of nope.
 
2013-08-30 05:37:29 PM

fiddlehead: I missed this "gem":

"Men, in general, are TURNED-OFF by aggressive or argumentative woman BECAUSE it is characteristic of a traditional "masculine" person and NOT someone feminine."

This sentiment is common in MRA circles and almost always translates to "Women have no right to question or challenge a man's opinion."


MRA? I know of the mountain rescue association, but I doubt that's what you mean.
 
2013-08-30 05:38:28 PM

heili skrimsli: PsiChick: Hey, Outrage Bro, 'mansplain' is a real word.

/And where did you get that she hated men?

Oh look, it's you again. Doesn't your type usually get all 'OMG you can't judge their culture!' about these sorts of things?


Persian-American is a non-American culture now?
 
2013-08-30 05:57:47 PM

PsiChick: ZeroCorpse: FTFA's comments:

I will admit that I could not make it all of the way to the end of his FAQ's but I will say that this reads as an excellent mansplanation of why he's single and why I'm a happily partnered gay lady.

Seriously? "Mansplanation"?! Are you farking serious? You hate men THAT much, than you have to make up words to insinuate a lack of intelligence based on gender?

What an asshole.

I'm a friend to the LGBT community, but this proves that every group has its bigoted shiatheads.

Hey, Outrage Bro, 'mansplain' is a real word.

/And where did you get that she hated men?


Ummm.. Urban Dictionary is not a real dictionary. Please do not use it to justify a loaded gender-tag. She used "mansplain" to indicate that the writer was OBVIOUSLY stupid BECAUSE he's a man. That equates to bigotry. If she weren't pointing out his male stupidity, she would have used the real word "explain" instead of the bullshiat word "mansplain."
 
2013-08-30 06:01:25 PM

100 Watt Walrus: PsiChick: ZeroCorpse: FTFA's comments:

I will admit that I could not make it all of the way to the end of his FAQ's but I will say that this reads as an excellent mansplanation of why he's single and why I'm a happily partnered gay lady.

Seriously? "Mansplanation"?! Are you farking serious? You hate men THAT much, than you have to make up words to insinuate a lack of intelligence based on gender?

What an asshole.

I'm a friend to the LGBT community, but this proves that every group has its bigoted shiatheads.

Hey, Outrage Bro, 'mansplain' is a real word.

/And where did you get that she hated men?

It's presence on Urban Dictionary doesn't make it a "real word," but come on Zero, I know you're on Fark all the time, but if you haven't heard "mansplain" before now, you really haven't been paying attention to the rest of the internet.


I've heard it before, and that's why I dislike it and am in a state of disbelief that someone would use it and then in the very next breath mention her own sexuality's superior status.

If I said "I'm glad she biatchsplained that" the womyn at Jezebel would never shut up about it, but "mansplain" is okay because hey, there's no problem with disparaging men the same way because feminism.
 
2013-08-30 06:07:41 PM

ZeroCorpse: PsiChick: ZeroCorpse: FTFA's comments:

I will admit that I could not make it all of the way to the end of his FAQ's but I will say that this reads as an excellent mansplanation of why he's single and why I'm a happily partnered gay lady.

Seriously? "Mansplanation"?! Are you farking serious? You hate men THAT much, than you have to make up words to insinuate a lack of intelligence based on gender?

What an asshole.

I'm a friend to the LGBT community, but this proves that every group has its bigoted shiatheads.

Hey, Outrage Bro, 'mansplain' is a real word.

/And where did you get that she hated men?

Ummm.. Urban Dictionary is not a real dictionary. Please do not use it to justify a loaded gender-tag. She used "mansplain" to indicate that the writer was OBVIOUSLY stupid BECAUSE he's a man. That equates to bigotry. If she weren't pointing out his male stupidity, she would have used the real word "explain" instead of the bullshiat word "mansplain."


'Mansplain' originated as a term to describe a situation where men felt the need to condescend to women. It became gender-neutral later. You'd know that if you'd read more than the top of the page I linked you to. It is currently a gender-neutral term in the same way 'coont' is--yes, it has sexist undertones, but it is not currently as black-and-white sexist as you'd think.
 
2013-08-30 06:24:49 PM

ZeroCorpse: Ummm.. Urban Dictionary is not a real dictionary. Please do not use it to justify a loaded gender-tag. She used "mansplain" to indicate that the writer was OBVIOUSLY stupid BECAUSE he's a man. That equates to bigotry. If she weren't pointing out his male stupidity, she would have used the real word "explain" instead of the bullshiat word "mansplain."


I can't speak for everyone or all fields, but in my field "manslain"ing is real. It's a male dominated field (historically and now) and some guys really do explain things differently to women and to me. They oversimplify and leave off the hard parts for the woman. I didn't notice it (being a man) until a friend pointed it out. So it's a real thing even if the word is stupid, and I can't figure out how it applies in this case, and you're probably right about how the poster used it.

/Apparently I don't do it. I asked.
 
2013-08-30 06:46:49 PM
BlueDuckFarker:
The more y'all hate on it, the more I think this is how every personal ad should be constructed.


I am in agreement with BlueDuckFarker here. I read through this guys post and kept thinking "where is the really bad stuff?" and never got to it. The guy came off a little arrogant, maybe he has a short man complex, but he sounds like he has some education and a job. At least his spelling wasn't atrocious however his over use of quotations and his guarantees was a bit over the top, I get that, but I have seen far worse douche nozzles! He sounds like he knows exactly the type of woman he wants to date and wants to narrow the playing field.

I went through a divorce a few years ago and when I was dating I went through a list of exactly what I was looking for in a mate and I wasn't going to settle for anything less. Of course my dating profile wasn't quite as, narrow, as this guys but ya know maybe he is just tired of dating the wrong women. Personally I would go to a better dating service than Craigslist but I found just as many great dates on the free services as I did on the paid ones. Just a luck of the draw that the right person is looking at the right time.
 
2013-08-30 06:52:24 PM
I am "guessing" that his "higher college degree" was not from an "institution" that admitted "women" or "english teachers".
 
2013-08-30 06:53:17 PM
Us Canadians can get pretty demanding too, fyi.:

Must be able to fetch me a beer! you know, once in a while eh, if you're feeling like it, and I'll open it I don't want you to crack a nail...ahhh..you're a doll! Muaaah, luv ya babe!
 
2013-08-30 06:54:35 PM

heili skrimsli: OgreMagi: The other time I dated a single mom it was too much of a hassle.

How could it not be? Everything that you do is dictated around the kid. Wake up one morning and decide to go spend a couple days just farking off somewhere? Can't. Kid. Want to go out to a movie without planning ahead? Can't. Kid. Go straight from work to a show? Can't. Kid. Spend all day screwing all over the house? Can't. Kid.

A kid is just a giant ball of nope.


I knew that spontaneity would be unlikely, but I didn't think I was unreasonable to expect her to at least try to make grown-up time.  What I have to say to single moms everywhere is, "if you make your kid your entire reason for existence, stop complaining that men aren't interested in dating single moms."
 
2013-08-30 07:28:06 PM
The thing is, he's not just being really specific about what he wants ... That wouldn't invite so much scorn. He's disgusted and disappointed with past failures in online dating, and aiming that firepower at people who have no reason at all to give him the time of day.  You guys saying he's just being specific can't see the anger-baggage?  The most obvious is the "Don't tell me anybody else has an influence on you."  Clearly, this 40 year old wants all the influence over his "mature" 19 year old life partner.

But I could make a list of 10 different types of women who have made him angry.  And he hasn't given a single reason to want to impress him.  So right up front, any woman would know it's gonna be all about not doing any of the things on the "bad" list.  And anyone who doesn't see that ... I gotta think they've met some ATM-grubbing Biatches and "I'm hot, why do you deserve me" types, and are projecting like a MoFo.
 
2013-08-30 07:59:31 PM

mpfjr: I once created a CL ad in the CE section and I described myself in the most disgusting way I could think of.  I pulled a George Costanza, if you recall that scene in Seinfeld "I'm short, bald, unemployed and I live with my parents"  -girl at counter "Hi!"

Well I went even further, describing myself as obese, greasy, pimply, small penis etc.  Then I went on to spell out what I wanted in a girl.  Someone who would do the most disgusting things some of which are illegal in all 50 states.  I said only young hot girls need respond.

So I get about 100 responses from hookers as does anyone who submits an ad, I got two or three legit women who were really ugly but there was ONE GIRL who was actually really hot and seemed legit.  We exchanged emails for a few days. She had a huge humiliation fetish and was willing to do all the sick twisted things I mentioned in the ad.  I even asked her to verify herself by sending me pictures holding up hand written messages to me in the photo.  Sure enough she did.  Eventually she messaged me that she was about 30 minutes away visiting a friend and wanted to get together and do some of the stuff I mentioned.

Thing is.. I don't actually look like I described and I am not into any of the things I suggested. I am attractive, married andmonogamous   The entire thing was just an experiment I conducted while bored at work one day. I wanted to see if anyone legit would actually respond and I wanted to see how far I could take it.  When it got to the point where I had nowhere else to go in theconversation without meeting up, I had to stop communicating with her.

TLDR:  The thing about needles in a haystack is if you use a high powered magnet like the kind dangling from a crane to pick up cars you will find that needle.

P.S. I still have the photos she sent on my flickr account :)


I knew a guy that would take out ads in newspapers for a wife. He was honest about what he was looking for, not over 50 and no kids, but would have to put up with him. During the interviews he would have them look over a 25 page prenup and that would weed out most of them. It was amazing how many responded. He loved his first wife, but was widowed and wasn't into playing games. He was one of these rich boring guys that didn't want to spend time traveling and spending money - just wanted to work his business. I mean, he would take trips, but didn't strike me as being romantic in any way. (This was all spelled out before hand.) His "wife" would get a new car every two years and he would set her up in her own business of her choice that she could run and keep profits from, but would revert back to him if she left. One clause was she could not leave overnight over anger.

I knew one wife that he had a commercial building built for and she had some business she ran that probably didn't make much if anything from. She was a nice lady and they seemed to get along, but I think she finally got tired of him just not changing the way she wanted and "went home to mother" one friday night to get him to think about what she meant to him. The divorce happened on monday and her stuff was shipped to her. A new ad was in the paper the next day, with the interview process starting up again - remarried two weeks later.

I thought he was kind of a jerk at the time, but none of the women really took advantage of the business clause and went for it, always choosing some low profit home knitting business or work at home thing. I think if he would have found an equal an attachment could have been formed. So many marriages are a competition anyway; love, attention, power - he just found a way to cut to the chase and was able to start things where most get to at the 8 year point. I lost track of the guy and I hope he died happy.
 
2013-08-30 10:31:04 PM
Enjoy your single life "Persian/Iranian" dude. Me thinks you will have plenty of time to decide between "Handgela" or "Palmela"

Wow/just wow!
 
2013-08-31 01:09:12 AM

tricycleracer: I am of Middle-Eastern descent (Iranian/Persian).

Oh man, I bet he's got a sweet BMW E46 M3.


I just about sharted when I read that.
 
2013-08-31 02:19:26 AM
Hrm, middle-eastern descent?

I see those Taken guys have upped their game.
 
2013-08-31 02:48:15 AM
Nope.  Nope. Nope.  Do not want.  I like not being abused and manipulated.  Most of the time.  Unless I ask for it.
 
2013-08-31 09:07:22 PM
FYI: It has been added to the Best of Craigslist:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/4031578917.html
 
2013-08-31 09:42:54 PM

OgreMagi: Magnanimous_J: hailin: Though I thought the comments on the article about how he was a douche for not dating anyone currently pregnant or who had kids was odd. I flat out refused to date anyone with kids because I didn't want to be a stepmom. I don't think that makes anyone an asshole to realize they just don't want to be parents yet and to look for a partner who is childless.

A lot of the Jezebel crowd seems to think that not wanting to date a single mother is somehow disrespectful. Personally, a woman with kids is a SERIOUS cons list item. It's almost a no go. Not quite, but I'll tell you, if I dated a woman who had kids, she better swallow more wang than a Chinese shipwreck. I'm not raising some other guy's kid without some serious compensation.

I have dated single moms.  I married one.  That didn't turn out all that great.  The other time I dated a single mom it was too much of a hassle.  She could never find time away from her kid.  I actually didn't mind a trip to the ice cream parlor.  It was fun.  But make adult only time, please, because I'm not taking a seven year old to a fancy restaurant.  It was also obvious the kid was acting up whenever I was around. Typically by refusing to go to bed at her regular hour and insisting that she was scared and wanted to sleep with mommy.  Which tends to put a damper on the adult activities.


She didn't want you farking her mom, motherfarker!
 
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