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(Jezebel)   Guys, grab a cup of coffee and read what the perfect Craigslist personal ad looks like. Rule #1: Use lots of "quotation" marks. Rule #2: Have an FAQ section   (jezebel.com) divider line 224
    More: Amusing  
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18801 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Aug 2013 at 9:56 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-08-30 11:01:47 AM  
I think it was a joke. If not, need to know the Reddit ID of this monkey.
 
2013-08-30 11:02:06 AM  
What a dick.
 
2013-08-30 11:02:07 AM  
He seems like an "intelligent" person. A "man" that "understands" women, and also "knows" that quotation marks "never" denote sarcasm. Which is why I'd be "happy" if this "man" were to "date" my "sister."
 
2013-08-30 11:03:28 AM  

Infernalist: mike_d85: Infernalist: The big give-away for me was the fact that the guy is looking for a girl 18-27 and he's in his late 30s, if not 40s.

He's a control freak and looking for a woman that he can intimidate and browbeat and emotionally dominate.

Yeah.  Persian.

Every ethnic group has the those types.   So, not going to judge, but I 'will' say that the whole 'ad' reeks of "You're going to spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week trying and failing to live up to my expectations.  And you'll be humiliated and possibly beaten for that failing, culminating in rough sex that you may or may not enjoy."


InigoMontoya.gif
 
2013-08-30 11:03:44 AM  
Ahh yes, Jezebel. Full of 300 lb sea mammald with 40 cats who demand their guy look like Brad Pitt and any criticism of her is the work of a sexist patriarch pig
 
2013-08-30 11:05:03 AM  
What an "asshole".
 
2013-08-30 11:05:19 AM  

mike_d85: OK, I'll admit it: I started liking this guy at this point.


He's great at making straw man arguments, I will give him that.
 
2013-08-30 11:06:04 AM  

Carousel Beast: Infernalist: mike_d85: Infernalist: The big give-away for me was the fact that the guy is looking for a girl 18-27 and he's in his late 30s, if not 40s.

He's a control freak and looking for a woman that he can intimidate and browbeat and emotionally dominate.

Yeah.  Persian.

Every ethnic group has the those types.   So, not going to judge, but I 'will' say that the whole 'ad' reeks of "You're going to spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week trying and failing to live up to my expectations.  And you'll be humiliated and possibly beaten for that failing, culminating in rough sex that you may or may not enjoy."

InigoMontoya.gif


Oh, I'll judge a person by his actions, but I won't prejudge an ethnic group based on the actions of one man.

The first is kinda dick-ish.  The second one is being bigoted and racist.  I'll cop to the first, thank you.
 
2013-08-30 11:06:14 AM  
Good points have been made in this thread about why public opinion is against intervening, even though the case is stronger against Syria than Iraq.

One thing overlooked is Saddam.  While as far as I can tell, he wasn't doing much to warrant our going into Iraq (other than generally just being a bad guy,) he was a very visible dictator who we had fought in the past, and was widely known as a villain all over America.

What percent of the country knows who Assad is?  It's gotta be a much, MUCH lower percentage than those who knew who Saddam was.
 
2013-08-30 11:06:44 AM  

ferretman: "I'm from Persia/Iran."
[www.mbird.com image 591x883]


I've seen this picture a few times and just realized his shoes are more douchey than his face.

bigskank: I would have never, NEVER in a million years have guessed that this ad was by a Persian. It's just so out of character from virtually every Persian male I have ever met.


You too!? He was NOTHING like the two I had to teach last spring.
 
2013-08-30 11:07:56 AM  

Fubini: cookiefleck: It's more like it reads like he would prefer a "pay for play" rather than an honest relationship. Everything has to do with reciprocation, if he deems you worthy enough.

Yeah, what really put me off his schtick was that he wasn't willing to take the first step. It's fine if you have a crazy list of demands for a potential partner, but you've got to be the one taking the first step. None of this "I get to judge your worthiness" crap. My sister and her hubby go so far as to have a relationship contract and a marriage mission statement that helps them resolve conflict, but it's a willing thing by both parties, and despite the names they're both more a mutual statement of values.

Can you imagine what a breakup with this guy is like? "Sorry honey, but I have concluded that we're breaking up pursuant to requirement #7 subsection 2 part A. You failed to demonstrate emotional maturity."


content9.flixster.com

/was young and reckless
//technically correct, the best kind of correct
 
2013-08-30 11:08:10 AM  

Dafatone: Good points have been made in this thread about why public opinion is against intervening, even though the case is stronger against Syria than Iraq.

One thing overlooked is Saddam.  While as far as I can tell, he wasn't doing much to warrant our going into Iraq (other than generally just being a bad guy,) he was a very visible dictator who we had fought in the past, and was widely known as a villain all over America.

What percent of the country knows who Assad is?  It's gotta be a much, MUCH lower percentage than those who knew who Saddam was.


heh. It's nuanced, I like it.
 
2013-08-30 11:08:31 AM  
double post fail
 
2013-08-30 11:10:45 AM  

Dafatone: Good points have been made in this thread about why public opinion is against intervening, even though the case is stronger against Syria than Iraq.


Are you suggesting that Assad is an incredibly picky date? But he doesn't even live in Los Angeles!
 
2013-08-30 11:11:10 AM  

bigskank: I would have never, NEVER in a million years have guessed that this ad was by a Persian. It's just so out of character from virtually every Persian male I have ever met.


That's funny, as soon as I started reading it, the FIRST thing I guessed was Persian.
 
2013-08-30 11:11:44 AM  

R.A.Danny: fiddlehead: Sane women won't have anything to do with guys like him.

Crazy is awesome.


I dunno if it's worth it though. I've seen men date crazy women for the crazy sex and then they turn into bitter women-haters when said crazy woman gets pregnant or takes all his money or lights his car on fire. And then they're condemned to shiatty relationships for the rest of their lives because rational women don't like bitter women-haters.
 
Skr
2013-08-30 11:13:43 AM  
39volunteers.files.wordpress.com
for a "good time"
 
2013-08-30 11:14:00 AM  

Infernalist: MagicPlasticTreeFrog: BlueDuckFarker: Not trolling.. I don't see that this guy is such a horrible person?

He's pretty uptight about his criteria, and uses quotation marks like a mofo, but he spells well enough, which is better than 80% of the folks on Craigslist personal ads.

But he's just particular about the kind of woman he wants to meet, and it doesn't sound like the kind is anything crazy-impossible to be, either.. he wants to meet a smart, nice woman who's serious about finding a life partner.

I think what he's asking for are pretty much the things many guys look for in a woman, they just don't lay it all out explicitly.  But why waste your time when you know what you're looking for?

I dunno... I think he's fine.  Uptight, but I know lots of uptight guys who have wives/husbands and are very happy.

Is there something super-objectionable about him?  Or is it just the deliberate way he's doing it, and the quotation marks?

People are just upset because it is normally the woman's role to be impossibly choosy. He's screwing up the game by having a standard higher than 'DTF', and it is frightening to some women that they may actually need to have more depth to their character to attract a man in the modern age. Ain't equality a biatch?

Nope, lol, and you sound insecure.

His ad is basically a flashing neon-green sign that screams "I have self-esteem issues due to my height and/or penis size and should you choose to get connected to me, you WILL pay the price for that.  Hell, I can't even get through this ad without belittling those who might sincerely respond.  Should we end up in a relationship, you will suffer for that mistake, but I'm rich and old and might die soon, so rolls your dice and takes your chances, doormats."


If you have the time, read a couple dozen craigslist ads written by women looking for men. They mostly read like this guy, except without the ludicrous use of quotation marks and FAQ.
 
2013-08-30 11:19:00 AM  

Molavian: I dunno, a buddy of mine ended up marrying a woman who had posted a similar list of what she was looking for in a guy.  They've been happily married for 15 years because she was up front about what she was looking for and so was he.


They've been married 15 years?  Did she post it to a light pole or something like geocities?
 
hej
2013-08-30 11:19:54 AM  

mrshowrules: Pic of guy who placed ad:


img.fark.net


This needs to be worked into that sharp knees meme.
/I'm useless with Photoshop or I'd do it myself.
 
2013-08-30 11:20:09 AM  

R.A.Danny: He seems to think very highly of himself, but from a pragmatic standpoint, he knows what he is looking for and maybe, just maybe he'll find it. There's no use being unhappy, even if you are a very demanding and exacting person.

There's a lid for every pot.


But he wants his lid to be foil so he can mold it to fit over whatever kooky kind of pot he is.
/also he said $ATM$ machine.....I'll add in another "machine" to that because three is a lucky number. Hey, with quotes, just like him!
 
2013-08-30 11:20:20 AM  

mike_d85: FTFA:
13) Question: I am super cute and have a great body. Are you good enough for me?

Answer: Tell me something about yourself that I or other men cannot $$ PURCHASE $$ for a few dollars off the street and you will have my attention.

OK, I'll admit it:  I started liking this guy at this point.


That was my exact reaction as well when I read that part. Sure, he's an arrogant bastard, but he DOES have a point.
 
2013-08-30 11:20:30 AM  

Tigger: Is this just standard contrarian attention seeking or do you actually believe that?


   How come posting a snarky or raciest general agreement with the rest of the participants in the thread is not attention-seeking, but posting a question asking why all the snarky and racist comments is?

R.A.Danny: And you're implying HE is judgemental? Sheesh. He's obtuse and demanding, not a serial killer.


   This is what I felt, too.

Infernalist:
His ad is basically a flashing neon-green sign that screams "I have self-esteem issues due to my height and/or penis size and should you choose to get connected to me, you WILL pay the price for that. Hell, I can't even get through this ad without belittling those who might sincerely respond. Should we end up in a relationship, you will suffer for that mistake, but I'm rich and old and might die soon, so rolls your dice and takes your chances, doormats."

     I won't say I don't agree that the tone of his writing suggests some failure to find happiness in the past and general disillusionment with the dating pool, but who's posting an online personal who ISN'T in that place?  His personality (as divined through his writing) you aren't attracted to, I can dig.  I also don't think he sounds like the kind of guy I'd like to hang out with, but I really do think he seems to be just honest about his situation.

     LeroyB: His "inbox" is probably "overflowing" with "serious" women who "want" to be "bossed" around.


     See, that's exactly the point... he doesn't WANT his inbox to be overflowing.  He wants to just hear from women in the class he's interested in.  How is this different from going to a bar or a party and not talking to / asking out the people you don't find attractive or interesting?

     Uptight people of both genders are fun to pick on, but there's some consensus from the Farkiverse that there's something malevolent or awful about him... I just don't actually see it.
 
2013-08-30 11:22:49 AM  

BlueDuckFarker: Uptight people of both genders are fun to pick on, but there's some consensus from the Farkiverse that there's something malevolent or awful about him... I just don't actually see it.


Maybe it's because I'm older than many farkers, but I know women that find comfort in being controlled somewhat, and find arrogance to be very sexy. It ain't my thing, but guys in prison find women that will marry them, why wouldn't this guy?
 
2013-08-30 11:23:06 AM  
" If you are looking for an ATM Machine to ...."


Yeah.....he's a "gentleman" and a "professional" that's also an idiot.
 
2013-08-30 11:23:57 AM  

sno man: 30.) Does your mother still iron your underwear?


I emailed him and he says no. It becomes inexplicably crusted with semen at the sight of a woman so his mother just goes out and buys him a new ten-pack every couple of days.
 
2013-08-30 11:26:29 AM  

Satan's Bunny Slippers: " If you are looking for an ATM Machine to ...."


Yeah.....he's a "gentleman" and a "professional" that's also an idiot.


Everyone needs an Asynchronous Transfer Mode machine.
 
2013-08-30 11:28:01 AM  

Infernalist: Carousel Beast: Infernalist: mike_d85: Infernalist: The big give-away for me was the fact that the guy is looking for a girl 18-27 and he's in his late 30s, if not 40s.

He's a control freak and looking for a woman that he can intimidate and browbeat and emotionally dominate.

Yeah.  Persian.

Every ethnic group has the those types.   So, not going to judge, but I 'will' say that the whole 'ad' reeks of "You're going to spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week trying and failing to live up to my expectations.  And you'll be humiliated and possibly beaten for that failing, culminating in rough sex that you may or may not enjoy."

InigoMontoya.gif

Oh, I'll judge a person by his actions, but I won't prejudge an ethnic group based on the actions of one man.

The first is kinda dick-ish.  The second one is being bigoted and racist.  I'll cop to the first, thank you.


Which actions are you judging him by? All he's done is posted a want on Craigslist. I can see ridiculing him for that, but you've made quite the jump in your posts.
 
2013-08-30 11:29:33 AM  
I wont give Jezebel my traffic. Anyone mind posting the whole thing?
 
2013-08-30 11:30:06 AM  
i.imm.io

Artist's conception of what his dream girl would actually look like when reading this ad.
 
2013-08-30 11:30:25 AM  

hailin: Ha this guy sounds like a gem. Why are you all hating on every girls fantasy?

Though I thought the comments on the article about how he was a douche for not dating anyone currently pregnant or who had kids was odd. I flat out refused to date anyone with kids because I didn't want to be a stepmom. I don't think that makes anyone an asshole to realize they just don't want to be parents yet and to look for a partner who is childless.


RickN99: Why's the article hating on the fact he doesn't want to date a pregnant woman or a woman who already has children?  It seems like an honest admission, but they refer to it as 'not respecting' those women.

Oh, wait.  It's Jezebel writing about a man.  Never mind.



Me too.  I don't get how that is disrespectful to women.  I also didn't date men with children (unless they were grown and out on their own) because I didn't want to deal with it.  I don't see that as an issue.

The rest of it?  Douchebaggery of the highest order.
 
2013-08-30 11:34:39 AM  

Carousel Beast: Infernalist: Carousel Beast: Infernalist: mike_d85: Infernalist: The big give-away for me was the fact that the guy is looking for a girl 18-27 and he's in his late 30s, if not 40s.

He's a control freak and looking for a woman that he can intimidate and browbeat and emotionally dominate.

Yeah.  Persian.

Every ethnic group has the those types.   So, not going to judge, but I 'will' say that the whole 'ad' reeks of "You're going to spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week trying and failing to live up to my expectations.  And you'll be humiliated and possibly beaten for that failing, culminating in rough sex that you may or may not enjoy."

InigoMontoya.gif

Oh, I'll judge a person by his actions, but I won't prejudge an ethnic group based on the actions of one man.

The first is kinda dick-ish.  The second one is being bigoted and racist.  I'll cop to the first, thank you.

Which actions are you judging him by? All he's done is posted a want on Craigslist. I can see ridiculing him for that, but you've made quite the jump in your posts.


Well, just a couple of things jump out at me that sealed that judgement.  He actually set up a FAQ which indicates that he needs to be in control of BOTH sides of the conversation, lest he be caught by a question asked in a way that won't let him appear controlling and righteous.  He had to phrase his questions in a light that allowed him to step on those questions and the imagined questioning women with proper scorn and disdain.

Secondly, he clearly states that he only wants young women within a certain age range, while completely glossing over his own age for most of the thing until he cops to being in his late 30s(though he's probably closer to 45.)

Combine the two and you get a man who's never been married...and probably for good reason...and is undoubtedly bitter about it and isn't likely to stop being bitter once he's snared some stupidly naive girl with no self esteem.

Maybe I'm wrong.  I'm probably not, though.
 
2013-08-30 11:41:03 AM  
haha wow, some things about the ad are ridiculous like the quotation marks, capitalization, and Q&A section... but the message is spot on for someone looking for a serious relationship and is tired of wasting time on women that don't fulfill expectations. in that regard i'd only fault him for being overly thorough for craigslist or any online dating ad. but shiat if any women aren't outright offended and make it through his screening process, he'll be a lucky guy
 
2013-08-30 11:41:27 AM  

Snarfangel: Satan's Bunny Slippers: " If you are looking for an ATM Machine to ...."


Yeah.....he's a "gentleman" and a "professional" that's also an idiot.

Everyone needs an Asynchronous Transfer Mode machine.


my life is incomplete....can I get one on Amazon?  I have Prime!
 
2013-08-30 11:44:45 AM  

mrshowrules: Pic of guy who placed ad:

[upload.wikimedia.org image 220x330]


More like this amirite? Needs more gold chains.

i1202.photobucket.com
 
2013-08-30 11:51:53 AM  
Successful troll is successful.

That is one hell of a FAQ list.  Ridiculous thing is I bet there is someone out there who just loves this shiat.
 
2013-08-30 12:00:23 PM  

ChaosStar: Archae hippy: The dude loves "quotation" marks.

Came to say this.
My favorite was:
4) Question: I'm not in California. I currently live in Dallas, Texas. Is that OK?

Answer: No. If you live "outside" of Southern California it will be very difficult or impossible for a real friendship or relationship requiring an "airplane" for traveling and meeting.

Is he trying to say those flying things people use for travel are not airplanes?
All this time, I've been living a lie...


He's probably on the "no-fly" list
 
2013-08-30 12:06:12 PM  
LOL! This could be an epic thread.  I will check back later.
 
2013-08-30 12:06:15 PM  
But I thought confidence was sexy.
 
2013-08-30 12:09:11 PM  

dustygrimp: But I thought confidence was sexy.


So is cologne.  In the right amount.
 
2013-08-30 12:09:30 PM  

Satan's Bunny Slippers: " If you are looking for an ATM Machine to ...."


Yeah.....he's a "gentleman" and a "professional" that's also an idiot.


Everytime someone makes this "mistake" i just imagine they are talking about a "machine" that creates and/or dispenses "ATMs".  Which is like an "ATM", but more "valuable".

/I like the way he uses quotes.
 
2013-08-30 12:09:55 PM  
Hm. The ad's been pulled.

You know, I imagine there's a woman out there - maybe she's Persian too, in her mid-20s, is making it professionally, is not too interested in deep emotions and doesn't do snark - who might appreciate what this guy is bringing to the table. I can't imagine too many twentysomething white girls would put up with him though. He wants someone who is serious and has no attitude. That exists, but it's not that common anymore.

I guess he's not going to expect 100 responses in his inbox. He'd only need one. But, what happens if the one woman he meets this way doesn't like *him*? For all that he wrote about himself, that still doesn't say much about what she'd expect a relationship with him to be like on an emotional level, if that would exist at all.
 
2013-08-30 12:11:16 PM  
Really need to track this guy down so he get the full internet treatment he so richly deserves.
 
2013-08-30 12:15:15 PM  
Looks like someone has been reading dating advice online and is taking the whole "act like an asshole and women will respect you" thing a little too far.
 
2013-08-30 12:17:08 PM  
I read the whole thing in this guy's voice:

24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-08-30 12:17:17 PM  

furterfan: Q) Why do you ask yourself questions?

a) Good Question. You're obviously a smart individual.


Any guy that answers his own questions with the words, "Good Question" is just too much for me I'm afraid.  I'm not worthy.
 
2013-08-30 12:23:39 PM  

Hella Fark: in that regard i'd only fault him for being overly thorough for craigslist or any online dating ad. but shiat if any women aren't outright offended ...



I'm not a chick but I'd hazard a guess that the Jezebel readers (and probably most adult women in the U.S.) aren't offended by the pickiness so much as they find it ridiculous. Worthy of ridicule.

But his pickiness is only half the story.

The other issue is his clarity about his expectations for the balance of power in a relationship -- i.e. he has it all, the woman gets absolutely none. Yeah, maybe there are women out there who are perfectly fine with that, maybe even comforted by it (à la R.A.Danny's comment above), but it's the 21st Century and that sort of thing is really ... Old World, pre-Modern. I would expect the overwhelming majority of women in the U.S., if presented with a specimen like him, would have an opinion ranging from 'hell with that guy' to taking offense, depending on how easily rankled she is.
 
2013-08-30 12:25:47 PM  
Unavailable for comment
i0.kym-cdn.com
 
2013-08-30 12:26:15 PM  
FTFA's comments:

I will admit that I could not make it all of the way to the end of his FAQ's but I will say that this reads as an excellent mansplanation of why he's single and why I'm a happily partnered gay lady.

Seriously? "Mansplanation"?! Are you farking serious? You hate men THAT much, than you have to make up words to insinuate a lack of intelligence based on gender?

What an asshole.

I'm a friend to the LGBT community, but this proves that every group has its bigoted shiatheads.
 
2013-08-30 12:29:12 PM  

phaseolus: Hella Fark: in that regard i'd only fault him for being overly thorough for craigslist or any online dating ad. but shiat if any women aren't outright offended ...


I'm not a chick but I'd hazard a guess that the Jezebel readers (and probably most adult women in the U.S.) aren't offended by the pickiness so much as they find it ridiculous. Worthy of ridicule.

But his pickiness is only half the story.

The other issue is his clarity about his expectations for the balance of power in a relationship -- i.e. he has it all, the woman gets absolutely none. Yeah, maybe there are women out there who are perfectly fine with that, maybe even comforted by it (à la R.A.Danny's comment above), but it's the 21st Century and that sort of thing is really ... Old World, pre-Modern. I would expect the overwhelming majority of women in the U.S., if presented with a specimen like him, would have an opinion ranging from 'hell with that guy' to taking offense, depending on how easily rankled she is.


What part of "Iranian/Persian man" did you miss? Persian men who respect their female partner as an equal are the exception, not the rule. Women are property in their culture; I've known too many Persian women and men to give him the benefit of the doubt, especially after his rather obnoxious list of demands.
 
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