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(Jezebel)   Guys, grab a cup of coffee and read what the perfect Craigslist personal ad looks like. Rule #1: Use lots of "quotation" marks. Rule #2: Have an FAQ section   (jezebel.com) divider line 224
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18756 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Aug 2013 at 9:56 AM (33 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-08-30 10:27:23 AM
'I have my own house (not apartment)..."

Now there's a basement/crawlspace that needs checking.
 
2013-08-30 10:27:57 AM
And let's all watch as the jezzies ignore their apartment full of cats for an hour or two to rip this guy to shreds.
 
2013-08-30 10:28:23 AM
It's more like it reads like he would prefer a "pay for play" rather than an honest relationship. Everything has to do with reciprocation, if he deems you worthy enough. Plus he sounds super controlling.
 
2013-08-30 10:28:41 AM
"an FAQ"?  Who the hell says "F-A-Q" and not "fack"?
 
2013-08-30 10:28:45 AM
10) Question ("Comment"): You sound or seem rude, aggressive, controlling or cocky. Just like my asshole ex-boyfriend or husband.

Answer: And you sound ignorant just like my XXXXX ex-girlfriend.

LOL
 
2013-08-30 10:29:38 AM
Is he hot?


I totally want to get my face punched in by this fine specimen!
 
2013-08-30 10:30:42 AM

Infernalist: mike_d85: Infernalist: The big give-away for me was the fact that the guy is looking for a girl 18-27 and he's in his late 30s, if not 40s.

He's a control freak and looking for a woman that he can intimidate and browbeat and emotionally dominate.

Yeah.  Persian.

Every ethnic group has the those types.  So, not going to judge, but I 'will' say that the whole 'ad' reeks of "You're going to spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week trying and failing to live up to my expectations.  And you'll be humiliated and possibly beaten for that failing, culminating in rough sex that you may or may not enjoy."


The "ad" reeks of the phrase "Hey Steve, you got the email to that feminazi writer you know?  You know what would be hilarious?" followed by an hour of coming up with stuff to put in the ad.  The middle-eastern descent was just something someone threw in for the racist hilarity.
 
2013-08-30 10:30:48 AM
Well, if he's looking to start a family, the age thing makes sense because you want some still relatively fertile for a wife. Plus, the no pregnant women thing is pretty valid in that case, too. Who wants to spend their time and money raising someone other guy's kid?
 
2013-08-30 10:31:54 AM
He also seems like the type after you've gone through all his hoops, that if it turned out YOU weren't interested in him, he would get all stalky fedora on you.
 
2013-08-30 10:31:56 AM

mike_d85: Infernalist: mike_d85: Infernalist: The big give-away for me was the fact that the guy is looking for a girl 18-27 and he's in his late 30s, if not 40s.

He's a control freak and looking for a woman that he can intimidate and browbeat and emotionally dominate.

Yeah.  Persian.

Every ethnic group has the those types.  So, not going to judge, but I 'will' say that the whole 'ad' reeks of "You're going to spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week trying and failing to live up to my expectations.  And you'll be humiliated and possibly beaten for that failing, culminating in rough sex that you may or may not enjoy."

The "ad" reeks of the phrase "Hey Steve, you got the email to that feminazi writer you know?  You know what would be hilarious?" followed by an hour of coming up with stuff to put in the ad.  The middle-eastern descent was just something someone threw in for the racist hilarity.


I would actually prefer this to be reality over the possibility that a guy like this actually exists out there.  Less chance of some naive girl ending up married to this guy and getting beaten for the next 30 years of her life.
 
2013-08-30 10:33:27 AM

Infernalist: Less chance of some naive girl ending up married to this guy and getting beaten for the next 30 years of her life.


Read the height/piercing/tattoo question.  I bet he's about 5'4".  He'll be the one getting beaten.
 
2013-08-30 10:33:54 AM
I sorta skimmed but this made me laugh:

16) Question: I like to be "spoiled" and I want to know how much you are going to spend on me. How much?

Answer: You sound like a gold-digger or prostitute. My headline says "Gentleman" or "Professional" it doesn't say $ATM$ Machine. If you are looking for an ATM Machine to finance and "spoil" yourself look somewhere else.
 
2013-08-30 10:34:57 AM

The Muthaship: Infernalist: Less chance of some naive girl ending up married to this guy and getting beaten for the next 30 years of her life.

Read the height/piercing/tattoo question.  I bet he's about 5'4".  He'll be the one getting beaten.


Not by the type of woman that he'd snare with that ad.  Any woman willing to go out with 'that' guy already lacks any sense of self-esteem and fighting instincts.
 
2013-08-30 10:35:21 AM

BlueDuckFarker: Not trolling.. I don't see that this guy is such a horrible person?

He's pretty uptight about his criteria, and uses quotation marks like a mofo, but he spells well enough, which is better than 80% of the folks on Craigslist personal ads.

But he's just particular about the kind of woman he wants to meet, and it doesn't sound like the kind is anything crazy-impossible to be, either.. he wants to meet a smart, nice woman who's serious about finding a life partner.

I think what he's asking for are pretty much the things many guys look for in a woman, they just don't lay it all out explicitly.  But why waste your time when you know what you're looking for?

I dunno... I think he's fine.  Uptight, but I know lots of uptight guys who have wives/husbands and are very happy.

Is there something super-objectionable about him?  Or is it just the deliberate way he's doing it, and the quotation marks?


Is this just standard contrarian attention seeking or do you actually believe that?
 
2013-08-30 10:36:29 AM

mike_d85: Yeah.  Persian.


Sold my first ex-wife to a Persian.
Never heard from her again.
 
2013-08-30 10:36:36 AM

Infernalist: Not by the type of woman that he'd snare with that ad.  Any woman willing to go out with 'that' guy already lacks any sense of self-esteem and fighting instincts.


Please cease and desist from destroying my hopes in this matter.

Thank you.
 
2013-08-30 10:36:37 AM

bigskank: I would have never, NEVER in a million years have guessed that this ad was by a Persian. It's just so out of character from virtually every Persian male I have ever met.

bp3.blogger.com
 
2013-08-30 10:36:57 AM

ChaosStar: Archae hippy: The dude loves "quotation" marks.

Came to say this.
My favorite was:
4) Question: I'm not in California. I currently live in Dallas, Texas. Is that OK?

Answer: No. If you live "outside" of Southern California it will be very difficult or impossible for a real friendship or relationship requiring an "airplane" for traveling and meeting.

Is he trying to say those flying things people use for travel are not airplanes?
All this time, I've been living a lie...


How is "currently living in Dallas" different from "living in Dallas" ??
 
2013-08-30 10:36:59 AM
Really hoping someone poses as a potential suitor and emails him and then posts the exchange here.
 
2013-08-30 10:37:51 AM
Does he look like this then?

historeviews.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-08-30 10:38:19 AM

Inflatable Rhetoric: ChaosStar: Archae hippy: The dude loves "quotation" marks.

Came to say this.
My favorite was:
4) Question: I'm not in California. I currently live in Dallas, Texas. Is that OK?

Answer: No. If you live "outside" of Southern California it will be very difficult or impossible for a real friendship or relationship requiring an "airplane" for traveling and meeting.

Is he trying to say those flying things people use for travel are not airplanes?
All this time, I've been living a lie...

How is "currently living in Dallas" different from "living in Dallas" ??


The Muthaship: Infernalist: Not by the type of woman that he'd snare with that ad.  Any woman willing to go out with 'that' guy already lacks any sense of self-esteem and fighting instincts.

Please cease and desist from destroying my hopes in this matter.

Thank you.


Sorry, old habit, I used to be married.
 
2013-08-30 10:38:56 AM
Does anyone remember the old internet classic, Mary Romantic?

These two should get together.

http://web.archive.org/web/20020213042919/http://www.maryromantic.co m/ index.htm
 
2013-08-30 10:39:03 AM

ChaosStar: Archae hippy: The dude loves "quotation" marks.

Came to say this.
My favorite was:
4) Question: I'm not in California. I currently live in Dallas, Texas. Is that OK?

Answer: No. If you live "outside" of Southern California it will be very difficult or impossible for a real friendship or relationship requiring an "airplane" for traveling and meeting.

Is he trying to say those flying things people use for travel are not airplanes?
All this time, I've been living a lie...


He's Persian. Flying carpets are okay.
 
2013-08-30 10:39:38 AM
He seems to think very highly of himself, but from a pragmatic standpoint, he knows what he is looking for and maybe, just maybe he'll find it. There's no use being unhappy, even if you are a very demanding and exacting person.

There's a lid for every pot.
 
2013-08-30 10:40:46 AM

The Muthaship: Infernalist: The big give-away for me was the fact that the guy is looking for a girl 18-27 and he's in his late 30s, if not 40s.

He's a control freak and looking for a woman that he can intimidate and browbeat and emotionally dominate.

Or maybe one that doesn't have a sh*tload of baggage.


Good luck with that.  Didn't read the whole FA (gym 26 etc.), but that was probably the funniest thing I'll probably read, all day.

/are we sure it's not a spoof?
 
2013-08-30 10:40:54 AM

BlueDuckFarker: Not trolling.. I don't see that this guy is such a horrible person?

He's pretty uptight about his criteria, and uses quotation marks like a mofo, but he spells well enough, which is better than 80% of the folks on Craigslist personal ads.

But he's just particular about the kind of woman he wants to meet, and it doesn't sound like the kind is anything crazy-impossible to be, either.. he wants to meet a smart, nice woman who's serious about finding a life partner.

I think what he's asking for are pretty much the things many guys look for in a woman, they just don't lay it all out explicitly.  But why waste your time when you know what you're looking for?

I dunno... I think he's fine.  Uptight, but I know lots of uptight guys who have wives/husbands and are very happy.

Is there something super-objectionable about him?  Or is it just the deliberate way he's doing it, and the quotation marks?


People are just upset because it is normally the woman's role to be impossibly choosy. He's screwing up the game by having a standard higher than 'DTF', and it is frightening to some women that they may actually need to have more depth to their character to attract a man in the modern age. Ain't equality a biatch?
 
2013-08-30 10:42:42 AM
Looks like John Fitzgerald Page has finally met his match.
 
2013-08-30 10:43:03 AM

Infernalist: The big give-away for me was the fact that the guy is looking for a girl 18-27 and he's in his late 30s, if not 40s.

He's a control freak and looking for a woman that he can intimidate and browbeat and emotionally dominate.


Nothing gets past you, huh? :)
 
2013-08-30 10:43:15 AM
Sounds like he's going to attract the type of women he deserves.
 
2013-08-30 10:45:05 AM

fiddlehead: Sounds like he's going to attract the type of women he deserves.


Someone with some very old fashioned values? That isn't a terrible thing, it's just not what most people are looking for.
 
2013-08-30 10:45:31 AM

MagicPlasticTreeFrog: BlueDuckFarker: Not trolling.. I don't see that this guy is such a horrible person?

He's pretty uptight about his criteria, and uses quotation marks like a mofo, but he spells well enough, which is better than 80% of the folks on Craigslist personal ads.

But he's just particular about the kind of woman he wants to meet, and it doesn't sound like the kind is anything crazy-impossible to be, either.. he wants to meet a smart, nice woman who's serious about finding a life partner.

I think what he's asking for are pretty much the things many guys look for in a woman, they just don't lay it all out explicitly.  But why waste your time when you know what you're looking for?

I dunno... I think he's fine.  Uptight, but I know lots of uptight guys who have wives/husbands and are very happy.

Is there something super-objectionable about him?  Or is it just the deliberate way he's doing it, and the quotation marks?

People are just upset because it is normally the woman's role to be impossibly choosy. He's screwing up the game by having a standard higher than 'DTF', and it is frightening to some women that they may actually need to have more depth to their character to attract a man in the modern age. Ain't equality a biatch?


Nope, lol, and you sound insecure.

His ad is basically a flashing neon-green sign that screams "I have self-esteem issues due to my height and/or penis size and should you choose to get connected to me, you WILL pay the price for that.  Hell, I can't even get through this ad without belittling those who might sincerely respond.  Should we end up in a relationship, you will suffer for that mistake, but I'm rich and old and might die soon, so rolls your dice and takes your chances, doormats."
 
2013-08-30 10:46:03 AM
This guy sounds like a "keeper".

His "inbox" is probably "overflowing" with "serious" women who "want" to be "bossed" around.

Q: What about women with "sharp" knees?
A: He would "Hit That".
 
2013-08-30 10:46:16 AM

RickN99: Why's the article hating on the fact he doesn't want to date a pregnant woman or a woman who already has children?  It seems like an honest admission, but they refer to it as 'not respecting' those women.

Oh, wait.  It's Jezebel writing about a man.  Never mind.


Because the single scene is so overwhelmed with pregnant woman.
 
2013-08-30 10:46:43 AM
I was actually hugely relieved to read this and all the comments.  I had thought I was the only person who felt this way about persian (or whatever the hell steretype fits the bill) douchebags.  But being a decent person I have kept those thoughts to myself rather than be a bigot, at least now I know it's not just me that finds them appalling. (I told my sister that if she dated a middle eastern guy like this and he took her to his country to live that horrible life, I would not come over and save her ass.  The truth is I would come get her and enjoy kicking his ass into dust.)
 
2013-08-30 10:47:13 AM

Infernalist: MagicPlasticTreeFrog: BlueDuckFarker: Not trolling.. I don't see that this guy is such a horrible person?

He's pretty uptight about his criteria, and uses quotation marks like a mofo, but he spells well enough, which is better than 80% of the folks on Craigslist personal ads.

But he's just particular about the kind of woman he wants to meet, and it doesn't sound like the kind is anything crazy-impossible to be, either.. he wants to meet a smart, nice woman who's serious about finding a life partner.

I think what he's asking for are pretty much the things many guys look for in a woman, they just don't lay it all out explicitly.  But why waste your time when you know what you're looking for?

I dunno... I think he's fine.  Uptight, but I know lots of uptight guys who have wives/husbands and are very happy.

Is there something super-objectionable about him?  Or is it just the deliberate way he's doing it, and the quotation marks?

People are just upset because it is normally the woman's role to be impossibly choosy. He's screwing up the game by having a standard higher than 'DTF', and it is frightening to some women that they may actually need to have more depth to their character to attract a man in the modern age. Ain't equality a biatch?

Nope, lol, and you sound insecure.

His ad is basically a flashing neon-green sign that screams "I have self-esteem issues due to my height and/or penis size and should you choose to get connected to me, you WILL pay the price for that.  Hell, I can't even get through this ad without belittling those who might sincerely respond.  Should we end up in a relationship, you will suffer for that mistake, but I'm rich and old and might die soon, so rolls your dice and takes your chances, doormats."


And you're implying HE is judgemental? Sheesh. He's obtuse and demanding, not a serial killer.
 
2013-08-30 10:47:21 AM

cookiefleck: He also seems like the type after you've gone through all his hoops, that if it turned out YOU weren't interested in him, he would get all stalky fedora on you.


lol at "stalky fedora"

/is that his Fark handle?
 
2013-08-30 10:47:47 AM

cookiefleck: It's more like it reads like he would prefer a "pay for play" rather than an honest relationship. Everything has to do with reciprocation, if he deems you worthy enough.


Yeah, what really put me off his schtick was that he wasn't willing to take the first step. It's fine if you have a crazy list of demands for a potential partner, but you've got to be the one taking the first step. None of this "I get to judge your worthiness" crap. My sister and her hubby go so far as to have a relationship contract and a marriage mission statement that helps them resolve conflict, but it's a willing thing by both parties, and despite the names they're both more a mutual statement of values.

Can you imagine what a breakup with this guy is like? "Sorry honey, but I have concluded that we're breaking up pursuant to requirement #7 subsection 2 part A. You failed to demonstrate emotional maturity."
 
2013-08-30 10:48:06 AM

R.A.Danny: fiddlehead: Sounds like he's going to attract the type of women he deserves.

Someone with some very old fashioned values? That isn't a terrible thing, it's just not what most people are looking for.


OK this is farking priceless. I love fark for the fact that you can always find someone who will defend the indefensible.
 
2013-08-30 10:48:57 AM

R.A.Danny: Infernalist: MagicPlasticTreeFrog: BlueDuckFarker: Not trolling.. I don't see that this guy is such a horrible person?

He's pretty uptight about his criteria, and uses quotation marks like a mofo, but he spells well enough, which is better than 80% of the folks on Craigslist personal ads.

But he's just particular about the kind of woman he wants to meet, and it doesn't sound like the kind is anything crazy-impossible to be, either.. he wants to meet a smart, nice woman who's serious about finding a life partner.

I think what he's asking for are pretty much the things many guys look for in a woman, they just don't lay it all out explicitly.  But why waste your time when you know what you're looking for?

I dunno... I think he's fine.  Uptight, but I know lots of uptight guys who have wives/husbands and are very happy.

Is there something super-objectionable about him?  Or is it just the deliberate way he's doing it, and the quotation marks?

People are just upset because it is normally the woman's role to be impossibly choosy. He's screwing up the game by having a standard higher than 'DTF', and it is frightening to some women that they may actually need to have more depth to their character to attract a man in the modern age. Ain't equality a biatch?

Nope, lol, and you sound insecure.

His ad is basically a flashing neon-green sign that screams "I have self-esteem issues due to my height and/or penis size and should you choose to get connected to me, you WILL pay the price for that.  Hell, I can't even get through this ad without belittling those who might sincerely respond.  Should we end up in a relationship, you will suffer for that mistake, but I'm rich and old and might die soon, so rolls your dice and takes your chances, doormats."

And you're implying HE is judgemental? Sheesh. He's obtuse and demanding, not a serial killer.


Nope, not a killer.  Probably.  Emotional abuse coupled with possible physical abuse?  Oh definitely.  Without a doubt.
 
2013-08-30 10:50:08 AM

Tigger: R.A.Danny: fiddlehead: Sounds like he's going to attract the type of women he deserves.

Someone with some very old fashioned values? That isn't a terrible thing, it's just not what most people are looking for.

OK this is farking priceless. I love fark for the fact that you can always find someone who will defend the indefensible.


Who is he harming? If you wrote out an ad and really worked on attracting the perfect mate you would most likely look like a douchebag too. Don't spend a minute trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole.
 
2013-08-30 10:53:04 AM
"I'm from Persia/Iran."
www.mbird.com
 
2013-08-30 10:53:14 AM

ChaosStar: Answer: No. If you live "outside" of Southern California it will be very difficult or impossible for a real friendship or relationship requiring an "airplane" for traveling and meeting.

Is he trying to say those flying things people use for travel are not airplanes?
All this time, I've been living a lie...


i guess someone could take a train from Dallas to SoCal.  Yeah, that one jumped out at me too.

I am still 40% believing this is fake.  I would prefer it is fake to the alternative of having a guy like this out there.

And yes, I do think if this guy is real, he would beat his wife.
 
2013-08-30 10:53:37 AM

Fubini: cookiefleck: It's more like it reads like he would prefer a "pay for play" rather than an honest relationship. Everything has to do with reciprocation, if he deems you worthy enough.

Yeah, what really put me off his schtick was that he wasn't willing to take the first step. It's fine if you have a crazy list of demands for a potential partner, but you've got to be the one taking the first step. None of this "I get to judge your worthiness" crap. My sister and her hubby go so far as to have a relationship contract and a marriage mission statement that helps them resolve conflict, but it's a willing thing by both parties, and despite the names they're both more a mutual statement of values.

Can you imagine what a breakup with this guy is like? "Sorry honey, but I have concluded that we're breaking up pursuant to requirement #7 subsection 2 part A. You failed to demonstrate emotional maturity."


*zip* Now tell me about the appendixes you're filing with your complaint.
 
2013-08-30 10:54:05 AM

SlothB77: RickN99: Why's the article hating on the fact he doesn't want to date a pregnant woman or a woman who already has children?  It seems like an honest admission, but they refer to it as 'not respecting' those women.

Oh, wait.  It's Jezebel writing about a man.  Never mind.

Because the single scene is so overwhelmed with pregnant woman.


I believe single moms have been known to date and there are lots of them.  He's not interested in kids and is up-front about it.  What's 'disrespectful' about that?
 
2013-08-30 10:54:13 AM

R.A.Danny: fiddlehead: Sounds like he's going to attract the type of women he deserves.

Someone with some very old fashioned values? That isn't a terrible thing, it's just not what most people are looking for.


He's not old-fashioned, he has a huge chip on his shoulder when it comes to women. Sane women won't have anything to do with guys like him.

Also, his comment about how girls reach puberty at age 9-10 is a huge warning flag.

/Wouldn't surprise me if the whole thing was fake, though.
 
2013-08-30 10:55:06 AM
Corn will also be served.
 
2013-08-30 10:55:55 AM

fiddlehead: Sane women won't have anything to do with guys like him.


Crazy is awesome.

fiddlehead: Also, his comment about how girls reach puberty at age 9-10 is a huge warning flag.


That IS pretty creepy. I was just trying to give the guy the benefit of the doubt.
 
2013-08-30 10:56:01 AM

Tigger: R.A.Danny: fiddlehead: Sounds like he's going to attract the type of women he deserves.

Someone with some very old fashioned values? That isn't a terrible thing, it's just not what most people are looking for.

OK this is farking priceless. I love fark for the fact that you can always find someone who will defend the indefensible.


Defend the indefensible?  The guy didn't drive a bus full of kittens over a cliff - he wrote an unattractive internet dating ad.
 
2013-08-30 10:58:50 AM

R.A.Danny: Who is he harming? If you wrote out an ad and really worked on attracting the perfect mate you would most likely look like a douchebag too. Don't spend a minute trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole.


The key there is "attracting"

There is nothing attractive about this ad, because he's fishing with an unbaited hook.

He wants the perfect mate?  Grand.  So do many women.  But there is literally nothing in this ad about why he'd be perfect for ANYONE.  He's demanding and yet has shown nothing that would make him worthy of being demanding.  There's absolutely nothing about what he looks like (which is kinda farking important in dating) and nothing showing that he has anything that would overcome a lack of looks.  He says he has a job, but made it clear that none of that money would be spent on a significant other, so money isn't a selling point.  That leaves personality, and the ad makes it clear he lacks that too.  Hell, it doesn't even bother to describe any hobbies he might have so he might at least have SOMETHING in common with another human.

So you can be demanding, sure.  But when you're demanding but have nothing to offer in return?  You're a toddler throwing a hissy fit because you want candy.
 
2013-08-30 11:01:27 AM

bigskank: I would have never, NEVER in a million years have guessed that this ad was by a Persian. It's just so out of character from virtually every Persian male I have ever met.


Sadly, this was the first thing I thought. And KEE_RIST, the women are just as bad.
 
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