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(Jezebel)   Guys, grab a cup of coffee and read what the perfect Craigslist personal ad looks like. Rule #1: Use lots of "quotation" marks. Rule #2: Have an FAQ section   (jezebel.com) divider line 224
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18780 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Aug 2013 at 9:56 AM (47 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



224 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-08-30 08:51:28 AM
18) Question: Do you have any children? Do you have a wife or ever been married?

Answer: NO.



Hard to believe.
 
2013-08-30 09:09:31 AM
John Fitzgerald Page has met his match.
 
2013-08-30 09:22:15 AM
29.) What's your Fark handle?
 
2013-08-30 09:25:18 AM
30.) Does your mother still iron your underwear?
 
2013-08-30 09:58:31 AM
Somewhere there is a woman who will read that and contact the guy.  She's been dating guys with no jobs and who can't stay out of jail.
 
2013-08-30 09:59:25 AM
Just copy and paste a random passage from Literotica into a Casual Encounters ad and watch the soccer mom emails roll in.
 
2013-08-30 10:02:52 AM

Tom_Slick: Somewhere there is a woman who will read that and contact the guy.  She's been dating guys with no jobs and who can't stay out of jail.


I think we found the guy who posted that ad.
 
2013-08-30 10:03:18 AM
I would have never, NEVER in a million years have guessed that this ad was by a Persian. It's just so out of character from virtually every Persian male I have ever met.
 
2013-08-30 10:03:19 AM
I am of Middle-Eastern descent (Iranian/Persian).

Oh man, I bet he's got a sweet BMW E46 M3.
 
hej
2013-08-30 10:04:20 AM
I wonder if he makes his dates sign an arbitration agreement before they start having dinner.
 
2013-08-30 10:06:59 AM
FTFA:
13) Question: I am super cute and have a great body. Are you good enough for me?

Answer: Tell me something about yourself that I or other men cannot $$ PURCHASE $$ for a few dollars off the street and you will have my attention.


OK, I'll admit it:  I started liking this guy at this point.
 
2013-08-30 10:07:13 AM
Doesn't he have to be at the gym soon?
 
2013-08-30 10:08:22 AM
The dude loves "quotation" marks.
 
2013-08-30 10:08:52 AM

tricycleracer: I am of Middle-Eastern descent (Iranian/Persian).

Oh man, I bet he's got a sweet BMW E46 M3.


In white. It's always white.
 
2013-08-30 10:09:11 AM
<I>John Fitzgerald Page has met his match.Doesn't he have to be at the gym soon?</I>

This.
 
2013-08-30 10:09:19 AM

sno man: 29.) What's your Fark handle?


I'm more thinking reddit
 
2013-08-30 10:09:26 AM
I bet his inbox is blowing up.

/seriously
 
2013-08-30 10:09:52 AM

bigskank: I would have never, NEVER in a million years have guessed that this ad was by a Persian. It's just so out of character from virtually every Persian male I have ever met.


Ha!

Nice one!
 
2013-08-30 10:11:03 AM

Archae hippy: The dude loves "quotation" marks.


Came to say this.
My favorite was:
4) Question: I'm not in California. I currently live in Dallas, Texas. Is that OK?

Answer: No. If you live "outside" of Southern California it will be very difficult or impossible for a real friendship or relationship requiring an "airplane" for traveling and meeting.

Is he trying to say those flying things people use for travel are not airplanes?
All this time, I've been living a lie...
 
2013-08-30 10:11:46 AM
There's something fishy about the fact that he wants all of this personal information about his potential partners, plus pics and then he'll maybe disclose some info, if the chick is "worthy"? Sounds like he either wants to steal identities or wants to fill his spank bank.
 
2013-08-30 10:12:39 AM

Cybernetic: tricycleracer: I am of Middle-Eastern descent (Iranian/Persian).

Oh man, I bet he's got a sweet BMW E46 M3.

In white. It's always white.


Nah. I'm thinking forest green with a beige leather interior.
 
2013-08-30 10:13:01 AM

Freudian_slipknot: Tom_Slick: Somewhere there is a woman who will read that and contact the guy.  She's been dating guys with no jobs and who can't stay out of jail.

I think we found the guy who posted that ad.


Nope, I'm lazy that ad took too much time to create.
 
2013-08-30 10:13:06 AM
Is this an example of what you call a "douchebag"?
 
2013-08-30 10:13:20 AM

Cybernetic: tricycleracer: I am of Middle-Eastern descent (Iranian/Persian).

Oh man, I bet he's got a sweet BMW E46 M3.

In white. It's always white.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZrrTUsccjE
 
2013-08-30 10:13:27 AM

cookiefleck: There's something fishy about the fact that he wants all of this personal information about his potential partners, plus pics and then he'll maybe disclose some info, if the chick is "worthy"? Sounds like he either wants to steal identities or wants to fill his spank bank.


I knew a guy once in college that would sign up for internet dating sites use a fake guy pic to get girl pics and then use those girl pics to get even more guy pics nudes which he would then sell to amateur porn sites.
 
2013-08-30 10:13:41 AM

INeedAName: Cybernetic: tricycleracer: I am of Middle-Eastern descent (Iranian/Persian).

Oh man, I bet he's got a sweet BMW E46 M3.

In white. It's always white.

Nah. I'm thinking forest green with a beige leather interior.


P-Magnet Yellow
 
2013-08-30 10:14:04 AM
I so dearly hope that everything on that FAQ list came from a compilation of his actual experiences, and that he wasn't just sitting there thinking up scenarios for reasons why women might have some kind of issue with his ad or with him.

Especially the one that reads, "I don't date men off the internet." and then he says "So why are you on the internet reading this?!"

How sad would it be if that had never actually happened to him, and he just visualized it as a reason why a woman might not pass his test.

I guess what I'm saying is, there's no way any of that has ever actually come up, and he just spent 3 hours making it all up in his had and writing it down to justify his insane expectations. How extraordinary.
 
2013-08-30 10:14:37 AM
I thought the local "place of worship" was the place for demanding guys to obedient women?
 
2013-08-30 10:15:21 AM
Pic of guy who placed ad:

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-08-30 10:17:09 AM

tricycleracer: I am of Middle-Eastern descent (Iranian/Persian).

Oh man, I bet he's got a sweet BMW E46 M3.


and one of those sweet portable RPG's...
 
2013-08-30 10:17:37 AM

Galactica Actual: I so dearly hope that everything on that FAQ list came from a compilation of his actual experiences, and that he wasn't just sitting there thinking up scenarios for reasons why women might have some kind of issue with his ad or with him.

Especially the one that reads, "I don't date men off the internet." and then he says "So why are you on the internet reading this?!"

How sad would it be if that had never actually happened to him, and he just visualized it as a reason why a woman might not pass his test.

I guess what I'm saying is, there's no way any of that has ever actually come up, and he just spent 3 hours making it all up in his had and writing it down to justify his insane expectations. How extraordinary.


I'm 100% sure the FAQ' s are things he plucked from the sky and none of those things ever happened to him.
 
2013-08-30 10:18:28 AM

Inflatable Rhetoric: Doesn't he have to be at the gym soon?


In 26 minutes.
 
2013-08-30 10:18:59 AM
The author seems to have a large fanbase.
 
2013-08-30 10:19:23 AM
IdBeCrazyIf:
I knew a guy once in college that would sign up for internet dating sites use a fake guy pic to get girl pics and then use those girl pics to get even more guy pics nudes which he would then sell to amateur porn sites.

"I knew a guy once" huh?  Yeah, I bet your the reason why my giant wang is on image fap.

/Giant.
//No, you can't check.
///because f*ck you, that's why.
 
2013-08-30 10:20:11 AM
So I will guess no "pregnant" Jews?
 
2013-08-30 10:20:57 AM
The big give-away for me was the fact that the guy is looking for a girl 18-27 and he's in his late 30s, if not 40s.

He's a control freak and looking for a woman that he can intimidate and browbeat and emotionally dominate.
 
2013-08-30 10:21:01 AM
Q) Why do you ask yourself questions?

a) Good Question. You're obviously a smart individual.
 
2013-08-30 10:21:14 AM
Ha this guy sounds like a gem. Why are you all hating on every girls fantasy?

Though I thought the comments on the article about how he was a douche for not dating anyone currently pregnant or who had kids was odd. I flat out refused to date anyone with kids because I didn't want to be a stepmom. I don't think that makes anyone an asshole to realize they just don't want to be parents yet and to look for a partner who is childless.
 
2013-08-30 10:21:31 AM
Why's the article hating on the fact he doesn't want to date a pregnant woman or a woman who already has children?  It seems like an honest admission, but they refer to it as 'not respecting' those women.

Oh, wait.  It's Jezebel writing about a man.  Never mind.
 
2013-08-30 10:21:39 AM

bigskank: I would have never, NEVER in a million years have guessed that this ad was by a Persian. It's just so out of character from virtually every Persian male I have ever met.


I'm a hetero dude and can confirm this... About a thousand times over.
 
2013-08-30 10:22:08 AM

tricycleracer: I am of Middle-Eastern descent (Iranian/Persian).

Oh man, I bet he's got a sweet BMW E46 M3.


I found a screen cap of the guy. Not a BMW but close enough I guess.

www.gtspirit.com
 
2013-08-30 10:22:12 AM

Infernalist: The big give-away for me was the fact that the guy is looking for a girl 18-27 and he's in his late 30s, if not 40s.

He's a control freak and looking for a woman that he can intimidate and browbeat and emotionally dominate.


Sounds middle eastern.
 
2013-08-30 10:22:25 AM

Infernalist: The big give-away for me was the fact that the guy is looking for a girl 18-27 and he's in his late 30s, if not 40s.

He's a control freak and looking for a woman that he can intimidate and browbeat and emotionally dominate.


Or maybe one that doesn't have a sh*tload of baggage.
 
2013-08-30 10:22:37 AM

Infernalist: The big give-away for me was the fact that the guy is looking for a girl 18-27 and he's in his late 30s, if not 40s.

He's a control freak and looking for a woman that he can intimidate and browbeat and emotionally dominate.


Yeah.  Persian.
 
2013-08-30 10:22:52 AM

IdBeCrazyIf: sno man: 29.) What's your Fark handle?

I'm more thinking reddit


ha, actually had that typed, and baled for the lower fruit.
 
2013-08-30 10:23:51 AM
Not trolling.. I don't see that this guy is such a horrible person?

He's pretty uptight about his criteria, and uses quotation marks like a mofo, but he spells well enough, which is better than 80% of the folks on Craigslist personal ads.

But he's just particular about the kind of woman he wants to meet, and it doesn't sound like the kind is anything crazy-impossible to be, either.. he wants to meet a smart, nice woman who's serious about finding a life partner.

I think what he's asking for are pretty much the things many guys look for in a woman, they just don't lay it all out explicitly.  But why waste your time when you know what you're looking for?

I dunno... I think he's fine.  Uptight, but I know lots of uptight guys who have wives/husbands and are very happy.

Is there something super-objectionable about him?  Or is it just the deliberate way he's doing it, and the quotation marks?
 
2013-08-30 10:24:08 AM
This guy makes me feel all stabby.
 
2013-08-30 10:24:21 AM

mike_d85: Infernalist: The big give-away for me was the fact that the guy is looking for a girl 18-27 and he's in his late 30s, if not 40s.

He's a control freak and looking for a woman that he can intimidate and browbeat and emotionally dominate.

Yeah.  Persian.


Every ethnic group has the those types.  So, not going to judge, but I 'will' say that the whole 'ad' reeks of "You're going to spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week trying and failing to live up to my expectations.  And you'll be humiliated and possibly beaten for that failing, culminating in rough sex that you may or may not enjoy."
 
2013-08-30 10:24:23 AM
I dunno, a buddy of mine ended up marrying a woman who had posted a similar list of what she was looking for in a guy.  They've been happily married for 15 years because she was up front about what she was looking for and so was he.
 
2013-08-30 10:27:06 AM

BlueDuckFarker: Is there something super-objectionable about him?


If you've ever wondered how to tell if a guy beats his wife, this article is an example of that kind of guy.
 
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