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(DFW.com)   Actual headline: DFW poised to be mecca for Christian film industry   (dfw.com) divider line 20
    More: Fail, Christian film industry, University of Texas at Arlington, The Devil Wears, Black in America, Bishop T.D. Jakes, mainstream hollywood, North Texas  
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5044 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Aug 2013 at 7:52 PM (50 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-08-29 06:25:23 PM
8 votes:
Allah it?
2013-08-29 08:07:32 PM
5 votes:
images4.wikia.nocookie.net

You aren't making Christianity better, you are making movies worse.
2013-08-29 07:54:11 PM
4 votes:
1.bp.blogspot.com
2013-08-29 10:32:59 PM
2 votes:

kendelrio: Fuggin Bizzy: Christian porn industry!?!

Here ya go.... Enjoy!


That christianmingle escort service is a bunch of bullshiat.  The chick kept blabbering on about a "father" and a "ghost" and calling it a Trinity or something. 

I just wanted a three-way.
2013-08-29 09:13:44 PM
2 votes:

phrawgh: Possible remakes/reboots.


The Escape From Hell tag line should have been "you will believe... a man can fry"
2013-08-29 08:32:28 PM
2 votes:
I'll bet the Dallas Craigslist M4M section is just blowing up right now.

/Heh. "Blowing."
2013-08-29 08:31:22 PM
2 votes:
Cerebral Knievel: ...movies where Valarie BertonalieBertandernie gets into...

Sorry, pet peeve.
2013-08-29 08:26:56 PM
2 votes:
A christian bible belt film*
i.imgur.com
*as per their internet searches and viewing habits
2013-08-30 12:58:26 AM
1 votes:
Got no problem with this. They already deal in fiction.
2013-08-29 11:36:53 PM
1 votes:
Are all the actors required to wear condoms?
2013-08-29 11:27:43 PM
1 votes:

Cerebral Knievel: So, these Christian movies... My familiarity with them tells me that they are a lot like those lifetime movie network  made for TeeVee movies where Valarie Bertonalie gets into an abuse relationship and has the crap beat out of her and she finally gathers the strength to leave the abusive alcoholic douche bag because JESUS! and her sassy chick friends and everyone lives happily ever after, but in the christian movies, its follows the abusive douche-bag who eventually discovers that he is an abusive douche-bag, finds Christ and accepts his love and stops being and abusive douche-bag because JESUS!!!! and everyone lives happily ever after.


That's my general observation at least... how far off am I?


You certainly can't stop watching them half-way and come away with the right impression.

One night I was channel surfing and came across some professional looking movie on TV, but there was an 800 number at the bottom of the screen so I figured something was up. So, this young husband and wife apparently are part of the Oklahoma land grab, and the movie starts with them arriving at their plot of land in the prairie schooner and marveling at the beauty. They then share a very long (at least a minute) passionate kiss, but turns out the wife has to make camp while the husband rides off to get some food. It starts to rain.

While the husband is out riding around, he falls off the horse and bangs his head on the rocks. Meanwhile, the wife is getting worried. It's nearly nightfall when some older man in a black coat carries her husband back to her camp, and obviously she's all OMG and they wrap him up in a blanket and tend to his wounds. Now, you'd think Jesus was going to save him, but he dies within a few days. The older man is part of some larger community, so naturally his family, some other people, and a preacher come by for a proper burial. Well, right there at the graveside the older man explains he was recently widowed, and seeing how the young woman was out here all alone she'd be needing a husband and all... so he proposes and she accepts.

The older man starts telling her about his faith in God against the background of her losing her husband and receiving a new one, blah blah blah. That 800 number was some 24-hour prayer hotline so viewers could be rescued from their hardship by the Gospel.

So, God will send a man of faith to propose to you at your husband's funeral, then you'll have faith and God will provide lots of babies or something.

Hope that clears up the genre for you!
2013-08-29 10:41:30 PM
1 votes:

Jim_Callahan: Both these definitions are literally in the dictionary, if not necessarily in exactly those words.  Welcome to English, half our words are reference and the other half are loan-words used for metaphor.


Is that the literal literal or the figurative literal?  Both are literally in the dictionary now as well, in a literal sense.
2013-08-29 10:37:31 PM
1 votes:

jmayson:

Okay, I'm tired and cranky right now.  But I think the point here isn't so much there is a Christian film industry or that they finally found a home in the buckle of the Bible Belt.  It's the fact the report said it would be the "mecca" of the industry.

/Yes, I know Capt. Obvious
//And we have never been seen together

Yeah...  I KNEW something about that title wasn't Kosher.
2013-08-29 10:07:31 PM
1 votes:
 But it's in the subgenre of faith-based and family films that Dallas and Fort Worth may be poised to make their biggest mark.

Well, duh.  If you include "and Fort Worth" in the area you're talking about, then literally  any category you could name is going to have a 90% incidence of it coming with a free 10-foot statue of a crucified Jesus spray-painted gold with rhinestones studded on it at randomly on the side.

Like, I'm pretty sure that's the standard happy-meal toy, and any car without a 2-foot cross made of glued-on rhinestones on each door is automatically ticketed as abandoned junk and towed.

They have a little too much Jesus going on even for the average Jesus nut, is what I'm getting at here.  They're considered uncomfortably new-age protestant by  the rest of North Texas, that's kind of like if the Grand High Wizard of the North Carolina legislature was uncomfortable around you because you're "a bit racist".

//Dallas in itself is pretty much fine, they make the rhinestones for the little old ladies in Fort Worth but they don't actually apply them.
2013-08-29 09:59:26 PM
1 votes:

Fuggin Bizzy: Christian porn industry!?!


Do you buh-LIEVE in the power of the penis?
2013-08-29 09:42:59 PM
1 votes:

King Something: Cerebral Knievel: So, these Christian movies... My familiarity with them tells me that they are a lot like those lifetime movie network  made for TeeVee movies where Valarie Bertonalie gets into an abuse relationship and has the crap beat out of her and she finally gathers the strength to leave the abusive alcoholic douche bag because JESUS! and her sassy chick friends and everyone lives happily ever after, but in the christian movies, its follows the abusive douche-bag who eventually discovers that he is an abusive douche-bag, finds Christ and accepts his love and stops being and abusive douche-bag because JESUS!!!! and everyone lives happily ever after.


That's my general observation at least... how far off am I?

It sounds like the description to pretty much every Tyler Perry movie, only without all of the Tyler Perry.

In other words, you seem to be fairly spot-on.

/Tyler Perry


Good idea - let's pitch it: Tyler Perry's "Passion of Christ", by Tyler Perry, starring Tyler Perry, produced and directed by Tyler Perry.
Tyler Perry.
2013-08-29 09:14:02 PM
1 votes:

FlippityFlap: "It's an entirely different kind of flying, altogether...."


"IT'S AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT KIND OF FLYING."
2013-08-29 08:17:51 PM
1 votes:
Wanted: Faith-based dolly grip
2013-08-29 07:58:21 PM
1 votes:
So it will also be a gay porn mecca?
2013-08-29 07:56:45 PM
1 votes:
DFW didn't want to be left behind.
 
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