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(Fark)   Let's play, "Whose Fark is it Anyways" The game where the participants are silly and the power rankings mean nothing. Today's topic: Things not to say on a first date   (fark.com ) divider line
    More: Silly  
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3548 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Aug 2013 at 4:47 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-08-29 03:43:07 PM  
4 votes:
Hello, I'm Drew Curtis.
2013-08-29 03:46:25 PM  
3 votes:
I love you!
2013-08-29 04:41:11 PM  
2 votes:
"Have you always been a woman?"
2013-08-29 04:19:17 PM  
2 votes:
You know, the Y chromosome is really an incomplete X chromosome. So men are really just damaged women.
2013-08-29 03:46:38 PM  
2 votes:
"Most girls with a skirt that short just look like a huge whore. But you pull it off."
2013-08-29 03:42:53 PM  
2 votes:
I like your perfume.  You smell just like my mom!
2013-08-29 03:42:41 PM  
2 votes:
Oh, I thought you were the other one in your profile picture...
2013-08-30 10:34:39 AM  
1 vote:
Can I cook you for breakfast?
2013-08-29 08:13:38 PM  
1 vote:
Not sure if anyone's mentioned it, because I don't feel like sifting through

BUT WHEN THE fark DID "anyways" BECOME A WORD?!  You sound stupid when you say it, and you look stupid when you type it.

Love you.
2013-08-29 08:00:38 PM  
1 vote:
My Name is Gorgor.  Would you like to see my photo library?
2013-08-29 07:39:29 PM  
1 vote:

Honest Bender: "I'm an engineer who has a prominently displayed star wars/star trek collection."


Just FYI, that would TOTALLY work one.
2013-08-29 07:06:00 PM  
1 vote:
"Are those real?"
2013-08-29 06:32:59 PM  
1 vote:
"I never finished my college degree, but I have the college loans, so that's something, right?"

CSB:
I went AFROTC and got most of my college tuition paid for.  In exchange, I was on the hook for four years of my life and an exceptionally small chance of injury or death on duty because I wasn't a flyer.  I had a job right out of college and got to travel all over Europe.  I learned to eat, drink, work and sleep with people of many cultures.  At the end of six years (I did two more than I owed), I didn't even have a car loan I owed.
2013-08-29 06:31:36 PM  
1 vote:
Lets see those cankles
2013-08-29 06:06:22 PM  
1 vote:
CSB/

I had a roommate come home from a first date. He said she was totally normal while they were at a movie and went back to her place. She apparently liked beta fish. She STAPLED the dead ones around her bed. He said it created an arch around her bed like a headboard.

She also liked anime. A lot.

He still slept with her. Because sex.

/CSB
2013-08-29 06:05:14 PM  
1 vote:

CapeFearCadaver: "Hi, my name is Moderator."


And you just killed all the fun I was having in this thread. That's gotta be the worst, most despicable thing anyone could say in any circumstance.
2013-08-29 05:51:18 PM  
1 vote:
"Hey, wanna see how close I can steer this cruise ship to that coastline?"
2013-08-29 05:50:47 PM  
1 vote:
So, let's see... about me... my exes were all real harpies.  I wouldn't say it made me hate women, but I need to know up front you aren't going to by a b**** and complain to the police just because I'm cooking in the trailer.  I ain't rich enough to have a RV like those guys on TV.  It's all part of the package.  Look, I'm not some sort of loser.  I pulled down 5 figures 3 of the last 6 years and when this workers comp thing comes through I'm buying an '83 Trans Am my neighbor is selling.  Imagine seeing that sitting out in front of the trailer?  Wooey, that will look sweet.  It will be like an extra bedroom, so we'll be able to screw even when Momma has her men over.  I don't begrudge her that.  She's 58 and she didn't put much money away for retirement, so she's got to work while the men will still pay.  That's why I got her the breast lift last year.

---

What, hooker?  No...

No.  My Momma's not a hooker.  She's a stripper.  aaaa... that reminds me of a story, but that's not really a dinner time story, well, okay, you see this one time, before she lost the weight, my and my cousin put up a pole in her bedroom.  She said she could make more money that way, anyway, my cousin, well he was always a practical joker.  He put the vaseline on there.  Man, that cat never so it coming.  You just hear this meooooooooo... splat.  Waiter, yeah, yeah, I forgot to mention, can we spit the check now, or do we have to do it up at the register?

She ain't never let anyone touch her except my dear departed dad, unless it was a threesome.  (Shudder)  I boy shouldn't have to watch that.  I mean, I know he was a porn star, but seeing that just reminded me that he wasn't my real dad, that I could never measure up.

Say, how about you?  I hear you graduated high school.  Don't think that makes you better than me.

Sure... yeah, I should hit the head too.  No sneaking out the back window.  No seriously.  I'm not losing another one that way.  Momma's out back in the pickup with a shotgun and a box of bonbons.  You don't want to cross her when her sugar is up, and she want's some grandkids, ASAP.  Don't bother with the cellphone either.  She's got a jammer she got from Mexico.

Now, names, I'm negotiable.  As long as one gets named Billy Ray and one gets named Miley, you can name the rest.

Wow.  This is a great night.  Imagine, I come all this way to meet my half-sister I never met, and instead... or should I say, in addition... I meet future wife number 6!  Can't get to lucky 7 without going through 6 first!  Say, what's your social security number anyway?
2013-08-29 05:47:27 PM  
1 vote:
"Tits of GTFO."
2013-08-29 05:43:49 PM  
1 vote:
Do you like movies about gladiators?
2013-08-29 05:38:07 PM  
1 vote:
"What do you mean your cat sprays when it gets excited? I thought you didn't have any pets."
2013-08-29 05:29:37 PM  
1 vote:

robbrie: Shaved, waxed, or au natural?


How is it down there? Do you have the Yul Brynner,Clitler or Don King?
2013-08-29 05:21:40 PM  
1 vote:
i39.tinypic.com
2013-08-29 04:58:31 PM  
1 vote:
This is CapeFearCadaver.  She's our chaperone, just like on Love Connection.  Act up and b*tch will cut you in two and two.
2013-08-29 04:56:35 PM  
1 vote:
Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?
2013-08-29 04:56:00 PM  
1 vote:
Nice shoes. Let's fark.
2013-08-29 04:35:52 PM  
1 vote:
Are you really going to wear that?
2013-08-29 04:30:52 PM  
1 vote:
/At end of meal

What's 5 percent of 16.43?
2013-08-29 04:26:19 PM  
1 vote:
[redacted]

Christ, I can be a sicko!
2013-08-29 04:22:22 PM  
1 vote:
"I've got a speculum with your name written alllll over it"!
2013-08-29 04:13:57 PM  
1 vote:
I think yoru roommate has a great sense of humor
2013-08-29 04:12:56 PM  
1 vote:
Do you smell fish?
2013-08-29 04:08:54 PM  
1 vote:

CapeFearCadaver: EviLincoln: "I know where there's a really nice Long John Silvers"

SPOONY!


LOL
2013-08-29 04:08:20 PM  
1 vote:
"In accordance with Megan's Law, I am required to tell you..."
2013-08-29 04:05:56 PM  
1 vote:

Ponzholio: EviLincoln: "I don't have coupons for this restaurant"

"Tell them you're under 12 to eat off the kids menu... oh, you really are under 12? SWEET!"


"The lady will have the corndog"
2013-08-29 03:59:29 PM  
1 vote:
I don't believe in tipping.
2013-08-29 03:56:20 PM  
1 vote:

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: I really enjoy the erotic subtext of the Smurfs.


I am soooo stealing this line
2013-08-29 03:53:07 PM  
1 vote:

LlamaGirl: Current Resident: Oh my God! I have that same dress!

*shrug* that wouldn't bother me.


Oh my God!  My wife has that same dress!
2013-08-29 03:52:12 PM  
1 vote:

Current Resident: Oh my God! I have that same dress!


*shrug* that wouldn't bother me.
2013-08-29 03:50:59 PM  
1 vote:

DonWrite: EviLincoln: "Does anyone else know you're here?"

Does this rag smell like chloroform?


"You can't out run me in those shoes, so don't try"
2013-08-29 03:50:19 PM  
1 vote:

jadeblue: [wicmblog.files.wordpress.com image 610x468]


FAKE.

All 4 of them would be on their phones.
2013-08-29 03:49:51 PM  
1 vote:
Ugh, that's it? Alright, let's get this over with.
2013-08-29 03:47:47 PM  
1 vote:
"I love you."
2013-08-29 03:46:58 PM  
1 vote:
I wonder what our children would look like?
2013-08-29 03:46:21 PM  
1 vote:
I've decided to go ahead and get pregnant if I'm not married by this time next year.
2013-08-29 03:46:20 PM  
1 vote:
I've been google searching you all week in anticipation.
2013-08-29 03:44:58 PM  
1 vote:
don't worry, i'm not going to rape you.
2013-08-29 03:43:33 PM  
1 vote:
I've never dated down before.
2013-08-29 03:43:27 PM  
1 vote:
And I was lost for words
In your arms
Attempting to make sense
Of my aching heart
If I could just be
Everything and everyone to you
This life would just be so easy
Not enough time for all
That I want for you
Not enough time for every kiss
And every touch and all the nights
I wanna be inside you
We will make time stop
For the two of us
Make time stop
And listen for our sighs
Not enough time for all
That I want for you
Not enough time for every kiss
And every touch and all the nights
I wanna be inside you
In our fight against the end
Making love we are immortal
We are the last two left on earth
And I was lost for words
In your arms
Attempting to make sense of
My aching heart
If I could just be everything
And everyone to you
Not enough time for all
That I want for you
Not enough time for every kiss
Not enough time for all my love
Not enough time for every touch
Not enough time for all
That I want for you
Not enough time for every kiss
And every touch and all the nights
I wanna be inside you
2013-08-29 03:43:11 PM  
1 vote:
Any pictures of your mom?  Let's see the mileage, I wanna know if you're gonna get fatter.
2013-08-29 03:43:09 PM  
1 vote:
I live in my parents basement.
2013-08-29 03:42:32 PM  
1 vote:
Do you like my hair up or like Hitler's?
2013-08-29 03:42:24 PM  
1 vote:
Do you want a keybump to get the party started?  I'm doing one.
2013-08-29 03:42:21 PM  
1 vote:
So is that a wonder bra or are those puppies the real deal?
2013-08-29 03:42:19 PM  
1 vote:
"Can I see a photo of your mother?"
2013-08-29 03:42:19 PM  
1 vote:
I only smoke crack every other day. There rest of the week is black tar heroin. Do you know how to play Canasta? Love that game.
2013-08-29 03:41:54 PM  
1 vote:
You remind me of my sister
2013-08-29 03:41:50 PM  
1 vote:
My ex was a real coont. You better not be too.
2013-08-29 03:41:35 PM  
1 vote:
Man, I can smell my swamp-ass through my shorts & underpants!

Um, what was the thread topic again?
2013-08-29 03:41:05 PM  
1 vote:
"Tell me all about your dead ex-girlfriend."
2013-08-29 03:40:22 PM  
1 vote:
"I'm an engineer who has a prominently displayed star wars/star trek collection."
2013-08-29 03:40:05 PM  
1 vote:
Say, do you have a mini bottle of talcum powder in your purse?
 
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