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(Fark)   Let's play, "Whose Fark is it Anyways" The game where the participants are silly and the power rankings mean nothing. Today's topic: Things not to say on a first date   (fark.com ) divider line
    More: Silly  
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3561 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Aug 2013 at 4:47 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



595 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2013-08-29 07:53:46 PM  
"Oh, THAT smell. Didn't I tell you about my ferret kingdom? They revere me"
 
2013-08-29 07:54:39 PM  
Make me a sammich.

It's not going to suck itself.

No, I can't take you there due to a restraining order.

Are Trojans ok or do you prefer a different brand?
 
2013-08-29 07:56:09 PM  
Do the noises in my head bother you?
 
2013-08-29 08:00:38 PM  
My Name is Gorgor.  Would you like to see my photo library?
 
2013-08-29 08:03:27 PM  

Uglybarnacle: My Name is Gorgor.  Would you like to see my photo library?


\o
 
2013-08-29 08:03:29 PM  
Mind hiding under the table for a minute?  I'm getting ready to rob this place.
 
2013-08-29 08:05:14 PM  
"Alright, let's get this shiat started!"
 
2013-08-29 08:06:05 PM  
Enough about you, I'm a Total Farker.
 
2013-08-29 08:12:16 PM  
You'll do.
 
2013-08-29 08:13:38 PM  
Not sure if anyone's mentioned it, because I don't feel like sifting through

BUT WHEN THE fark DID "anyways" BECOME A WORD?!  You sound stupid when you say it, and you look stupid when you type it.

Love you.
 
2013-08-29 08:14:53 PM  
Is it just me or am I ridiculously hot?
 
2013-08-29 08:18:43 PM  

lesliessexxy: Not sure if anyone's mentioned it, because I don't feel like sifting through

BUT WHEN THE fark DID "anyways" BECOME A WORD?!  You sound stupid when you say it, and you look stupid when you type it.

Love you.


Remember. Silence is Golden,But Duct Tape is Silver.

/anyway,I Love you too
 
2013-08-29 08:18:48 PM  
Is it in yet?
 
2013-08-29 08:19:38 PM  
Y'know, I've been looking forward to this night ever since I got your mother pregnant.
 
2013-08-29 08:21:02 PM  
I can only orgasm if somebody is standing on my penis.

/happened to me once.
 
2013-08-29 08:22:01 PM  
Ever have your navel tickled? From the inside?
 
2013-08-29 08:22:12 PM  
I'm Jesus Christ!

/also happend to me.
 
2013-08-29 08:23:27 PM  
You photograph taller.

/thanks alot asshole.
 
2013-08-29 08:24:22 PM  
eight inch girth when calm
 
2013-08-29 08:24:52 PM  
What's your name honey? Any idea?
 
2013-08-29 08:26:20 PM  

Witness99: My toes? Oh that black stuff isn't dirt. The black threads from my cheap Walmart socks kind of work their way in there throughout the day. They're a biatch to remove, and I've found that shrimpers enjoy the extra fiber anyway.


Want to do lunch sometime?
 
2013-08-29 08:27:21 PM  
Long story short, it took two doctors and a nurse to get the tube of Bengay back out!
 
2013-08-29 08:28:05 PM  
I took these pictures of you at the beach when you weren't looking and they didn't turn out that great - you look kinda fat. I don't really want them so you can have them.

/this is why I don't date any more.
 
2013-08-29 08:31:19 PM  

Witness99: Let me kiss you, so I can prove its not contagious!


Um, possibly. Where?
 
2013-08-29 08:36:54 PM  
I'm kind of married.
 
2013-08-29 08:37:06 PM  

GreenSun: "My doctor said my HIV miraculously healed."


"People don't really worry about that AIDs stuff anymore, do they?"
 
Skr
2013-08-29 08:40:48 PM  
Let's go back to my place and watch some anime
 
2013-08-29 08:53:02 PM  
I don't see the problem with what Paula Dean did. Hell, I've dressed like that on Halloween once.
 
2013-08-29 08:53:57 PM  
"Thank god! I started my period, I was afraid I was pregnant. I can order a drink now."

...Yes, this was actually said to me, upon her returning from the restroom on a first date.
 
2013-08-29 08:57:45 PM  

sweet-daddy-2: CapeFearCadaver: "Hi, my name is Moderator."

And you just killed all the fun I was having in this thread. That's gotta be the worst, most despicable thing anyone could say in any circumstance.


Well the greenlit instructions were pretty clear: what's the date killer?
 
2013-08-29 08:58:43 PM  
I don't want to go all fame whore on you, but Hilter was my great uncle. Want to go back to my place and see pictures of him with my dad when he was a baby?
 
2013-08-29 09:03:06 PM  
Yo Mom! I told you! Bring me down the fifty bucks and some Mountain Dw
 
2013-08-29 09:08:12 PM  
"Have you ever heard of a man named Albert Fish?"
 
2013-08-29 09:10:46 PM  
the doctor said the scabs should be gone in a week or so

(nice INXS reference shostie)
 
2013-08-29 09:14:24 PM  

guy_smiley: "Thank god! I started my period, I was afraid I was pregnant. I can order a drink now."

...Yes, this was actually said to me, upon her returning from the restroom on a first date.


At least she wasn't going to drink if she was pregnant.  Partial credit for that.
 
2013-08-29 09:16:50 PM  
"Now.... I'm not a racist... buuuuut........."
 
2013-08-29 09:16:54 PM  
To access my v-giny, you must answer me these questions 3:

1) What is your name?
2) What is your quest?
3) In what way do you like your women the way you like your coffee?
 
2013-08-29 09:20:05 PM  
"I like my women how I like my coffee.............. covered in bees"
 
2013-08-29 09:21:53 PM  
Sorry I am late. I was just getting my results from the clinic.
 
2013-08-29 09:30:50 PM  

Current Resident: Wanna go half-sies on a lap dance?


Girl told me that once.
She lied and made me pay
Didn't care.
 
2013-08-29 09:31:12 PM  
"Hey, I think I'm feeling a bit stuffed up. If I give you the money, will you buy me some Sudafed?"
 
2013-08-29 09:46:04 PM  

Witness99: I don't know if you've done any "Internet sleuthing", haha, uh, but there's this other girl with my name...I get blamed for her shiat all the time.


Does this "other girl" have your toes? You have already given enough info to help Farkers decide. Time to put up.
 
2013-08-29 09:53:11 PM  
How come Match.com and AdultfriendFinder took you to collections? It doesn't look anything like your Fark profile either.
 
2013-08-29 10:08:30 PM  
So, my mother died recently, and I inherited her sex toys. *wink*
 
2013-08-29 10:16:28 PM  
My boyfriend likes to watch but my husband doesn't.

Can't wait to read this thread!
 
2013-08-29 10:20:12 PM  
"This is my date, Sue!"

/"Jan!", said my date...
 
2013-08-29 10:25:29 PM  
So. You.... wanna get out of here and catch a Channing Tatum movie?
 
2013-08-29 10:26:20 PM  
"So the whole purpose of this date is to turn me straight. You might be hot enough; we'll have to see."
 
2013-08-29 10:31:52 PM  
"Let's not turn this rape into a murder."
 
2013-08-29 10:34:39 PM  
*nod of approval* "You look fit to bear my children."
 
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