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(Fark)   Let's play, "Whose Fark is it Anyways" The game where the participants are silly and the power rankings mean nothing. Today's topic: Things not to say on a first date   (fark.com) divider line 607
    More: Silly  
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3530 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Aug 2013 at 4:47 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



607 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-08-29 07:31:39 PM
"Ruprecht, NO! That is not mother."
 
2013-08-29 07:32:50 PM
you can call me daddy if you like
 
2013-08-29 07:35:23 PM
"Can we got to McDonald's? I'm a little strapped for cash this month because of my child support payments."
 
2013-08-29 07:39:29 PM

Honest Bender: "I'm an engineer who has a prominently displayed star wars/star trek collection."


Just FYI, that would TOTALLY work one.
 
2013-08-29 07:53:46 PM
"Oh, THAT smell. Didn't I tell you about my ferret kingdom? They revere me"
 
2013-08-29 07:54:39 PM
Make me a sammich.

It's not going to suck itself.

No, I can't take you there due to a restraining order.

Are Trojans ok or do you prefer a different brand?
 
2013-08-29 07:56:09 PM
Do the noises in my head bother you?
 
2013-08-29 08:00:38 PM
My Name is Gorgor.  Would you like to see my photo library?
 
2013-08-29 08:02:19 PM
This huge red, oozing burn on my lip is not a herpe...I overheated my microwave dinner while trashed on vodka, then mixed the boiling mashed potatoes with some gooey cheese. I missed my mouth with the spoon, hit my bottom lip instead, and didn't feel the searing pain until it was too late. Let me kiss you, so I can prove its not contagious!
 
2013-08-29 08:03:27 PM

Uglybarnacle: My Name is Gorgor.  Would you like to see my photo library?


\o
 
2013-08-29 08:03:29 PM
Mind hiding under the table for a minute?  I'm getting ready to rob this place.
 
2013-08-29 08:05:14 PM
"Alright, let's get this shiat started!"
 
2013-08-29 08:06:05 PM
Enough about you, I'm a Total Farker.
 
2013-08-29 08:08:03 PM
I hope you don't have a hot tubiatchanges my vaginal pH and that's no fun for ANYONE.
 
2013-08-29 08:12:16 PM
You'll do.
 
2013-08-29 08:13:38 PM
Not sure if anyone's mentioned it, because I don't feel like sifting through

BUT WHEN THE fark DID "anyways" BECOME A WORD?!  You sound stupid when you say it, and you look stupid when you type it.

Love you.
 
2013-08-29 08:14:35 PM
My toes? Oh that black stuff isn't dirt. The black threads from my cheap Walmart socks kind of work their way in there throughout the day. They're a biatch to remove, and I've found that shrimpers enjoy the extra fiber anyway.
 
2013-08-29 08:14:53 PM
Is it just me or am I ridiculously hot?
 
2013-08-29 08:18:43 PM

lesliessexxy: Not sure if anyone's mentioned it, because I don't feel like sifting through

BUT WHEN THE fark DID "anyways" BECOME A WORD?!  You sound stupid when you say it, and you look stupid when you type it.

Love you.


Remember. Silence is Golden,But Duct Tape is Silver.

/anyway,I Love you too
 
2013-08-29 08:18:48 PM
Is it in yet?
 
2013-08-29 08:19:38 PM
Y'know, I've been looking forward to this night ever since I got your mother pregnant.
 
2013-08-29 08:20:28 PM
My mom gave me a Ped Egg for Christmas and I had to empty that biatch three times!
 
2013-08-29 08:21:02 PM
I can only orgasm if somebody is standing on my penis.

/happened to me once.
 
2013-08-29 08:22:01 PM
Ever have your navel tickled? From the inside?
 
2013-08-29 08:22:12 PM
I'm Jesus Christ!

/also happend to me.
 
2013-08-29 08:23:27 PM
You photograph taller.

/thanks alot asshole.
 
2013-08-29 08:24:22 PM
eight inch girth when calm
 
2013-08-29 08:24:52 PM
What's your name honey? Any idea?
 
2013-08-29 08:26:20 PM

Witness99: My toes? Oh that black stuff isn't dirt. The black threads from my cheap Walmart socks kind of work their way in there throughout the day. They're a biatch to remove, and I've found that shrimpers enjoy the extra fiber anyway.


Want to do lunch sometime?
 
2013-08-29 08:27:21 PM
Long story short, it took two doctors and a nurse to get the tube of Bengay back out!
 
2013-08-29 08:28:05 PM
I took these pictures of you at the beach when you weren't looking and they didn't turn out that great - you look kinda fat. I don't really want them so you can have them.

/this is why I don't date any more.
 
2013-08-29 08:31:19 PM

Witness99: Let me kiss you, so I can prove its not contagious!


Um, possibly. Where?
 
2013-08-29 08:36:54 PM
I'm kind of married.
 
2013-08-29 08:37:06 PM

GreenSun: "My doctor said my HIV miraculously healed."


"People don't really worry about that AIDs stuff anymore, do they?"
 
Skr
2013-08-29 08:40:48 PM
Let's go back to my place and watch some anime
 
2013-08-29 08:53:02 PM
I don't see the problem with what Paula Dean did. Hell, I've dressed like that on Halloween once.
 
2013-08-29 08:53:57 PM
"Thank god! I started my period, I was afraid I was pregnant. I can order a drink now."

...Yes, this was actually said to me, upon her returning from the restroom on a first date.
 
2013-08-29 08:57:45 PM

sweet-daddy-2: CapeFearCadaver: "Hi, my name is Moderator."

And you just killed all the fun I was having in this thread. That's gotta be the worst, most despicable thing anyone could say in any circumstance.


Well the greenlit instructions were pretty clear: what's the date killer?
 
2013-08-29 08:58:43 PM
I don't want to go all fame whore on you, but Hilter was my great uncle. Want to go back to my place and see pictures of him with my dad when he was a baby?
 
2013-08-29 09:03:06 PM
Yo Mom! I told you! Bring me down the fifty bucks and some Mountain Dw
 
2013-08-29 09:08:12 PM
"Have you ever heard of a man named Albert Fish?"
 
2013-08-29 09:10:46 PM
the doctor said the scabs should be gone in a week or so

(nice INXS reference shostie)
 
2013-08-29 09:14:24 PM

guy_smiley: "Thank god! I started my period, I was afraid I was pregnant. I can order a drink now."

...Yes, this was actually said to me, upon her returning from the restroom on a first date.


At least she wasn't going to drink if she was pregnant.  Partial credit for that.
 
2013-08-29 09:16:50 PM
"Now.... I'm not a racist... buuuuut........."
 
2013-08-29 09:16:54 PM
To access my v-giny, you must answer me these questions 3:

1) What is your name?
2) What is your quest?
3) In what way do you like your women the way you like your coffee?
 
2013-08-29 09:20:05 PM
"I like my women how I like my coffee.............. covered in bees"
 
2013-08-29 09:21:53 PM
Sorry I am late. I was just getting my results from the clinic.
 
2013-08-29 09:25:37 PM
I don't know if you've done any "Internet sleuthing", haha, uh, but there's this other girl with my name...I get blamed for her shiat all the time.
 
2013-08-29 09:28:06 PM
What did you do! No, those aren't shots, I keep my pregnancy back up plan in the freezer and you just downed $400 of prime donor!
 
2013-08-29 09:30:50 PM

Current Resident: Wanna go half-sies on a lap dance?


Girl told me that once.
She lied and made me pay
Didn't care.
 
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