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(Fark)   Let's play, "Whose Fark is it Anyways" The game where the participants are silly and the power rankings mean nothing. Today's topic: Things not to say on a first date   ( divider line
    More: Silly  
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3571 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Aug 2013 at 4:47 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2013-08-29 05:10:55 PM  
"I'll be having two double shots of Wild Turkey and two Icehouses; the lady with have a Michelob Lite."
2013-08-29 05:11:51 PM  

offmymeds: (To be used after sex, if you get it on the first date) "So, if I told you - and this is just a hypothetical - if I told you I might have herpes, what would you say?"

wrong wrong wrong. As you are walking out of your one night stand, just before you shut the door, you call out to your lover...

"By the way, you should probably get yourself checked."
2013-08-29 05:12:11 PM  
What's your fark or reddit handle?
2013-08-29 05:12:25 PM  
"I've got an Alex Jones book you should borrow.  It'll change your life."
2013-08-29 05:12:58 PM  
"Valtrex has given me my life back"
2013-08-29 05:13:22 PM  

GreenSun: "My doctor said my HIV miraculously healed."

"Can I become your blood brother, Mr. Johnson? Or should I call you Magic?"
2013-08-29 05:13:43 PM  
You probably won't mother my children, but dammit, we'll make it fun!
2013-08-29 05:13:46 PM  
Stop looking at me!
2013-08-29 05:13:52 PM  
Hey, Ma! Can we get some meatloaf?
Hey, Ma! The meatloaf!
2013-08-29 05:14:02 PM  
 Girl you're juicier than a barrel full of fresh corn squeezuns.
2013-08-29 05:14:35 PM  
"Have you read 'Dianetics' by L. Ron Hubbard?"
2013-08-29 05:14:42 PM  
"Got any meth?"
2013-08-29 05:14:46 PM  
I follow the British Heirarchy...And tomorrow I'm gonna be The Queen.
2013-08-29 05:14:59 PM  
"I have an idea for a light-up Ted Bundy dashboard doll!"

///actually spoken on a first date
//not by me
/kind of killed the whole deal right there
2013-08-29 05:15:41 PM  
"Do you like to play marco polo, where's waldo, or duck duck goose?"
2013-08-29 05:15:49 PM  
What the doctors don't tell you is how much priapism hurts.  Still, I knew this was our first date, so I came anyway.  I just wish there was something I could do about it.
2013-08-29 05:16:20 PM  
Look, this hard on isn't going to take care of itself.
2013-08-29 05:17:00 PM  
Can I have my Valtrex pen back?  It's a family heirloom.  My mom gave it to me, well, kind of.  

You probably shouldn't chew on the lid anyway.
2013-08-29 05:17:38 PM  
"Can you get me my roofies?"
2013-08-29 05:18:09 PM  
"I eat anti-depressants like they're candy"
2013-08-29 05:18:52 PM  
Say, did you used to be a man?
2013-08-29 05:19:11 PM  

HoratioGates: What the doctors don't tell you is how much priapism hurts.  Still, I knew this was our first date, so I came anyway.  I just wish there was something I could do about it.

"I've been hard for 4 hours, and my doctor said to call you."
2013-08-29 05:19:50 PM  
*at Chez Paris fine dining*

My family has been in the salt water taffy business for years but I'm a method actor preparing for my role in the Miracle Worker.

What do you do.  Oh garcon?  Could you refill our Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!  Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhtaaaaaahhhhh!  Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
2013-08-29 05:20:45 PM  
"You can have anything you'd like on the menu as long as it's on the dollar menu."
2013-08-29 05:21:13 PM  
So Ann, I used to be homeless, but I'm in public housing now.  It's a good thing we live in a welfare state.  I read your bio online, well skimmed it.  You are pretty famous!  So, how do you pronounce your last name Culture, Cold Tear, Coulter.

My what big hands you have.  Um, you're choking me.  You're cho cho...
2013-08-29 05:21:38 PM  
"Have we met before?.... HOLY shiat! I know who you are! You're Fat Claire from high school! BWahahahahaa! Oh god, FAT F*CKING CLAIRE! HAHA, can't wait until I tell the guys about this!"
*pulls out smartphone*
2013-08-29 05:21:40 PM
2013-08-29 05:22:10 PM  
I don't often have sex on the first date, but when I do...
2013-08-29 05:23:22 PM  
So should I get the hotel room for the full hour?
2013-08-29 05:24:29 PM  
just a bookmark for later when I can use these lines, carry on
2013-08-29 05:24:53 PM  
I am unemployed.
2013-08-29 05:25:05 PM  
Shaved, waxed, or au natural?
2013-08-29 05:26:00 PM said your got herpes from your brother, but your mom said that wasn't entirely true.
2013-08-29 05:26:36 PM  

robbrie: Shaved, waxed, or au natural?

"Do the carpets match the drapes?"
2013-08-29 05:27:14 PM  
"Ben Affleck will be the best Batman ever!"
2013-08-29 05:28:30 PM  
you know that movie 40 Year Old Virgin?
2013-08-29 05:29:37 PM  

robbrie: Shaved, waxed, or au natural?

How is it down there? Do you have the Yul Brynner,Clitler or Don King?
2013-08-29 05:29:52 PM  
daywin: "just a bookmark for later" when I can use these lines, carry on

/carry on
2013-08-29 05:30:23 PM  
Hi - my name's Lorena Bobbitt
2013-08-29 05:32:59 PM  
"Sorry, I have to take this, it's my wife."
2013-08-29 05:35:11 PM  
I love to hunt. Do you like to hide?
2013-08-29 05:35:13 PM  
I am SOOO glad I'm not in the middle of an outbreak right now.
2013-08-29 05:37:01 PM  
Wanna go watch my DVD of Geppetto?
2013-08-29 05:37:25 PM  
As far as you know, this is a it?
2013-08-29 05:38:07 PM  
"What do you mean your cat sprays when it gets excited? I thought you didn't have any pets."
2013-08-29 05:38:14 PM  
"Hi, my name is Moderator."
2013-08-29 05:38:27 PM  
[turns on radio] "Oh, man, I love this song. I relate to it so much. Don't stand, don't stand so, don't stand so close to me."
2013-08-29 05:38:33 PM  
You bloated today, or is this your normal look?
2013-08-29 05:39:01 PM
2013-08-29 05:41:52 PM  
"Just in case anyone should happen to ask you, just say that we were together the whole night, and that I wasn't anywhere near Main Street at 1am tonight. Just in case."
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